A Never ending Love
by DragonGrl0701
Summary: After her parent's death, Rin's life worstens and she is forced to deal with it on her own. Until one day, Sesshomaru enters her life and changes everything. How much pain could a heart take before it gives up after losing all that mattered to it? SessRin
1. Chapter 1

Hello my beloved fans ,

No worries, I've not given up on any of my stories. I've just had too much going on lately and haven't had a chance to continue writing. Although as you've noticed, I'm re-posting some of my chapters again, well they just needed some MAJOR editing. So I won't be posting any new chapters until I finish going over the ones that are already done. I did major surgery on these chapters, cleaned them up a lot and added a few things but it's still the same story. In my opinion, it just sounds better now. I know it's been a long time and most probably already forgot about the story sorry but hey, this way you'll enjoy these new and improved chapters better Well, I hope you enjoy these improved chapters and THANK YOU for everyone's continued support despite my not updating. HUGS

Enjoy and thank you again….

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Neither do I own Starbucks, although I wish I did .

'' Thought Expressions

"_Italic"_ Whisper expressions

I was staring out the window again, daydreaming or "zoning", as my sister liked to call it. As far as I could remember I was always a daydreamer and my daydreaming always angered my mother a lot. She hated it when I would shut out the world around me and keep to myself. Although I don't hear her furious calls of my name anymore, she's no longer around to break me away because ever since my parents' death, the zoning became more frequent. I guess it was my way of coping with the loss and pain of knowing that I was never going to see them again. They died in a plane crash when I was 16 and my sister was 18.

My father was a successful businessman; he had partnerships with many enormous companies and owned some stocks. Thanks to him, we lived and still live a good and happy life. We don't live in a huge mansion; we live in a 4-bedroom house in an ordinary neighborhood. I'm not sure why we never moved from there but I loved that house. All my memories are there: of my parents, my childhood, and others.

After my fathers' death, his business was left in his partner's hands but we maintained sole ownership, all of his pensions and stocks were left to my sister and I. That alone was more than enough money to raise us both for the rest of our lives. I'm sure everyone thought that I was lucky, being left with all that but I surely didn't feel lucky at all. I didn't care about the money; I would've given it all upon request just as long as I had my parents with me again. Since my sister was a couple of months away from turning 19, I was allowed to stay under her care but we still had to be supervised.

My uncle Ichi and aunt Yuki took "care" of us after the accident. Selfish Bastards! They never really cared; all they wanted was to spend my fathers' money. Although, they DID for about 2 years but when my sister turned 21, she was fed up from all the bullshit and kicked them out of our house. She also took over the financial responsibility and with a little help from me we survived. We've lived on our own since then.

My life has been a roller coaster of events. I was never able to predict what's going to happen for me because it always ended up being the opposite of what I expected. Especially when it came down to my personal life, I went through so many emotional changes at my young age that I'm pretty sure a normal person wouldn't go through. But I won't get too into that now; I'll explain more of it later. Even though I always had my sister with me, I still felt alone and no one was able to take that feeling away from me. None except one person, Sesshoumaru Kitazawa. He's the one that made a major impact in my life. He's the one that helped me get over the pain that haunted me for so long. But instead, let me start off by telling you how it came to be that Sesshomaru entered my life.

Love is a foolish thing, especially if that love is not shared amongst the pair. If someone acts solely upon love, the aftermath ends up hurting one or even both. But who knows what love really is? Most people confuse attraction and obsession with love and even that "love" they claim to have can become a very dangerous thing. Koga was definitely one of those people.

Kagome always complained about me not going out. I just didn't like to, it wasn't my thing. If it were up to me, I would've preferred to stay home and read than go out with her friends to a bar or whatever they did. But to stop her from bitching at me - yes bitching - I agreed to let her take me out where ever she wanted but I never knew EXACTLY what she'd planned for me until that torturing evening.

The sun was setting outside as I sat there with my eyes closed, I kept hearing someone calling my name but I didn't pay much attention to it. "RIN", then I heard it again, a little louder the next time. "RIN IMAMURA, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!"

Suddenly, I awoke from my daydream realizing that it was my sister calling. Quickly I stood off the chair, grabbed my purse and walked out to the living room, finding her sitting on the sofa with an irritated look on her face. 'Oh shit now I'm going to get it.'

Turning to face me, "Damn Rin, how long does it take you to get ready?"

Pulling my purse over my shoulder, "Oh, I've been ready."

Standing from the sofa, "Then what the hell was taking you so long?" I was about to respond but she interrupted, "No, never mind don't tell me," swaying her hand back and forth.

Smiling as she turned to walk towards the door, "Well then don't ask, slim."

She turned back to me and yelled, "How many times have I told you not to call me that?"

"Apparently not enough." Giggling as I walked past her to get out. As I walked away, I was still able to hear her huffing while she closed the door.

"My name is Kagome not slim, got that?"

"Yeah, whatever," waiting for her to unlock the car doors. She shot me an angry glare as she kept walking towards the car and I just laughed. She removed the alarm and locks so we could step into the car. Once I fastened my seatbelt, I turned to her, "So, where are we going?"

Her eyes slightly widened, "You forgot already? We're going to meet the gang up at Starbucks for coffee and then I'm not sure maybe go to a club or something."

Turning to look outside, "Oh, who's going to be there?"

"Well you know Sango, Miroku, Kohaku and … _Koga,_" as she began to drive away. The last name she said as low as a whisper, thinking that I must not have heard her.

My eyes widened and quickly turned, "KOGA… you said Koga didn't you? You know I can't stand being around him." Sighing as I sat back on the seat and crossed my arms.

"Oh come on Rin, give the guy a chance. You know he likes you."

I leaned my head on the window and shook it, "I knew this outing had a catch. Kagome, take me back home I don't want to go anymore."

She glanced at me and turned her attention back to the road, "Rin, I'm not going to drive all the way back."

Lifting my head off the window, "Fine then, drop me off here and I'll walk." I tried to open the door but she stopped me by putting the locks back on before I opened it.

"I'm not going to do that. Come on, I promised you that I was going to take you out and I'm going to keep my promise."

Finally giving up, I sat back on the seat and continued looking out the window, "Fine but I'm not promising that I will hang out with him."

She turned back to me and smiled, "Great, look don't worry we'll have a blast."

"We'll see," resting my head on the window once more.

During the rest of the drive we said nothing to each other, the Starbucks wasn't very far away from the house but the chilling silence between us made it feel like it was hours away. When we finally arrived, a big smile grew on Kagome's face. That's when she finally broke the silence, "Awesome, looks like everyone's here already and they've got a table too."

Sarcastically, "Grreat". Once parked, she shut off the engine and pulled the keys out of the starter but didn't make a move to get out of the car. I turned towards her and noticed that her smile had faded away, replaced by a serious expression. Concerned, "Kagome, are you all right?"

She lowered her head and nodded, lightly, "Yeah, I was just thinking about the times when we would come here with mom and dad."

I looked back at the coffee shop and suddenly pictured us sitting there with our parents, laughing, chatting and having coffee. The memory brought a smile to my face, "Those were some good times."

She lifted her head up and looked up at me for a bit. Then a smile started to appear on her lips, "Yeah, they were… Well, we should be heading out now before they think something's wrong."

Giggling, "Well, talk about having mood swings." She turned and shot me another angry glare before I laughed, "I bet you're just saying that cause Kohaku is walking this way aren't you?" pointing to the young man walking towards us. She turned and put on a grin that spread from cheek to cheek as we finally got out.

Kohaku walked up to Kagome and smiled, "Hey ladies, how are you?" Kagome reached out to give him a hug, I, on the other hand, just waved at him. We answered simultaneously "Good and you?" then looked at each other and giggled.

He chuckled, "I'm great. Thanks. Shall we? Everyone's waiting for you two."

We started heading towards the coffee shop, the couple walking in front of me, talking. They walked together, arm in arm and I decided to stay a little behind, just to observe them.

Kohaku was a very handsome guy. He was tall, dark haired and his tanned skin went well with his hazel eyes. He definitely was a looker but Kohaku was also the sweetest guy you could ever meet. I always thought that he and Kagome made a cute couple but they didn't date very long before Kagome decided to end it. She said that he was too "nice" for her. I never really understood why she broke it off and I didn't bother to ask her either. I've always let her handle her own personal life.

We arrived to the table where it appeared that we were the only ones they were waiting for.

Kagome waved at everyone, "Hey guys what's up?"

Sango stood and reached out to wrap her arms around Kagome, "Hey Kagome."

Sango was Kagome's best friend. They met when they were in high school and became inseparable. Sango was always there for Kagome especially after the accident. She would call everyday or come by just to check on us. I liked Sango; she was a sweet girl. Also, she was always cool to be around with. Although, Sango didn't look her age, she looked a bit older than Kagome even though they're both the same age, 23. I guess it was her hair that made her look older, it reached to about mid back and her bangs were cut neatly away from her face.

The young man that was sitting next to her was Miroku, her boyfriend; he was also an attractive guy. His brown eyes fitted nicely with his light skin and dark hair. They started going out since their senior year in high school. I was surprised at how they had been able to stay together for so long. Although, they did have their good share of arguments like any normal couple would. But during those times, Sango always ended up having a crying marathon with Kagome by her side.

Sango walked up, smiling and wrapped her arms around me, "Hey Rin, how are you?"

Returning her embrace and smiling, "I'm doing ok, I guess."

"Good, I'm glad to hear that." She released me and turned to sit down as I made my way towards my seat.

When we were all finally sitting down, I looked around and noticed that someone was still missing. Koga hadn't arrived yet. 'Oh I hope he doesn't show up.' So I sat quietly with my purse and hands on my lap, silently hoping he wouldn't.

Kagome turned to Sango, "Hey, wasn't Koga going to be here too?"

"Yeah, but he called a while ago saying that he's going to be running a bit late." I kept looking at them but noticed that as Sango responded, Kagome turned to look at me with her eyes. I felt my blood start to race and returned her look with an angry glare. She just smiled and turned back to look at Sango.

I hated it when she did that. As if it wasn't enough of her luring me there under a false pretense, then she planned on sticking me the guy I couldn't even stand being next to.

So I lowered my head and slightly shook it, trying to avoid a confrontation with her. "I'm going to buy a coffee," standing and walking inside the shop. As I was waiting for my order, I turned around and noticed that as the group was talking, they were turning to look at me at the same time. Raising an eyebrow, I turned away from them. 'Talk about me all you want, like if I care.' Once my order was done, I picked up my drink and began to walk out the door.

Kagome asked, curious, "Ooooo, what did you get?" as I was taking a sip.

"I got an iced caramel macchiatto," taking my seat again at the opposite end of the table.

"Hmmm… that sounds good."

Kagome moved back to stand but then Kohaku stopped her, "Here let me get it for you."

Smiling, "Oh thanks Kohaku how sweet of you."

"No problem… Can I get you guys anything?" Kohaku turned towards Sango and Miroku.

"No thanks man I still have some in mine," answered Miroku. Then he turned towards Sango, "Would you like anything else my dear?"

Sango blushed, "Umm… water please."

"Coming right up." Miroku stood up and walked with Kohaku to get the drinks. I started to giggle as I watched the interaction between Sango and Miroku.

Turning over to Kagome, "So… when are you going to stop giving the poor guy signs when you know it's not going anywhere beyond friends anymore?"

She turns to me, shocked, "What are you talking about?"

Raising an eyebrow, "Oh don't pretend you don't know. The walking together arm in arm, him still buying you things…"

"You know she's right Kagome, it's not fair for him to be trying so hard when you know he doesn't have a chance." Sango added on as Kagome sat back on the chair.

Slightly shaking her head, "It's not like I tell him to buy me things, he does it on his own will. As for the arm in arm, I've always walked with him like that, even before we started dating."

The guys came back and we ended our conversation, we didn't want them to ask questions as to what we were talking about. It would've put us in a bad situation. Kohaku walked over to Kagome and handed her, her drink sipping his own.

Smiling, "Thanks" She took the drink from his hand and started to shake it before she sipped it.

Miroku walked over to Sango, handing her a water bottle before he sat back down; "Here you go."

"Thanks Miroku."

"No problem." He kissed her cheek causing her to cheeks to turn rosy once again.

An hour passed by as we continued to chat and laugh at Miroku's jokes. I just loved his sense of humor. By then, the sun had almost set and it was beginning to get darken. All of a sudden, a black Escalade drove up and parked in a spot that was near us. I quickly glanced at it since hearing it caught my attention but didn't pay much attention to it and turned back towards the group.

Suddenly, Sango turned and waved at someone, "Oh look, Koga's here." My eyes widened and turned towards Kagome. She smiled and nudged her head in the same direction as to tell me to look.

I slowly turned over and caught sight of the young man getting off the vehicle. His handsome features caught my attention immediately. His brown hair reflected the light from the shop. It was cut about medium length and moved swiftly with each of his movements. Once he got closer, I noticed the huge smile that appeared on his face.

"Hey Koga, how are you?" Kagome asked as he was giving Sango a short hug and then walked over to shake Miroku's hand.

"I'm well, thanks." He walked over to Kagome and wrapped his arms around her. "How are you, Kagome?"

"I'm great, you know me always cheery." He chuckled at her comment as I rolled my eyes and looked back at them.

She pulled away to face him, "So how was your trip?"

He moved over and shook Kohaku's hand then turned back to Kagome. "Well, it was ok, it wasn't much of a pleasure trip but I really can't complain."

Kagome smiled and turned towards me, "Oh Koga, you do remember my sister Rin right?" He then looked at me and smiled as he began to walk in my direction. I kept my sight on him as he walked up to me and suddenly felt myself unable to look away from those ice blue eyes of his. His smile didn't fade at all, as I sat there unable to move until he reached down, took my hand and slowly lifted it up to his lips not letting go of my gaze. Yet I noticed that as he kissed the backside of my hand, he ever so slightly closed his eyes, feeling his eyelashes lightly brush against my hand before he looked back up.

"Hey, Rin. It's been a long time. How are you?" still not letting go of my hand.

It HAD been a long time. This is NOT the Koga I used to know. Back then he was rude, arrogant and extremely annoying. I don't mean to sound cynical but he wasn't much to look at either. All I ever liked about him were his eyes. I guess this new Koga had always been inside of him but he never let him out. He was gone for a little over a year on business with his father. I think that might have been the reason for such a drastic change.

I pulled my hand away from his and held onto his gaze, "Yes it has". Suddenly, I felt a heavy gaze upon me and turned my head slightly towards the group causing me to break the link I had with Koga. They all had HUGE smiles on their faces most likely because of the little scene they'd just witnessed between Koga and I. As I questioningly looked at them, Koga made his way to sit on the empty chair that HAD to be the one next to mine.

Miroku broke the silence amongst the group and directed his question to Koga, "So I see you got yourself a new toy?"

Chuckling, "Yeah, I just got it about a week ago, it's awesome."

"Oh really, well how about taking us for a drive then?" Kagome winked at him.

He laughs, "Sure, I'd love to. But where do you guys want to go?"

"Oh I don't know. Have any ideas Sango?" Kagome turned to Sango.

Sango rested her head on her chin, thinking, "Hmm… I'm not sure. How about the beach? It's a beautiful night and the moon is in full view."

Kagome's face filled with joy, "Hey that's a great idea. But which beach? I don't want one that's packed with people."

Kohaku added, "Well, it might be hard to find one that doesn't have people in it since it's still quite early or at least a public one. Does anyone know of a private one?" They all looked at each other, waiting for one to answer. All just shook their heads and sighed.

Kagome slumped her shoulders, "Well that's it for the beach, then where else?" Kagome's disappointment was very obvious by the look on her face.

As I was listening to them, I started to think back of a spot I went once with a friend of mine. It was almost completely hidden and didn't have many people, sometimes any at all. "I know a spot," interrupting them.

Kagome asked, "You do?"

"Yeah, I went there a couple of times and it looked pretty secluded to me, at least back then it did."

Koga asked, "Where is it at? Do you remember?"

Looking up at him, "I don't remember the name of it but I'm sure that if I see it I'll recognize it, I still remember how to get there. It's a little far from here but it will help kill time."

Koga turned to the rest of the group, "Well, what do you guys think? It beats being here and thinking of what to do and doing nothing in the mean time."

Miroku answered, "Yeah, that's true."

Sango turned to Kagome, "What do you think?"

Kagome shrugged her shoulders, "Yeah let's go why not?"

"All right, then it's settled." We stood from our chairs and started walking towards Koga's SUV. Although, he stayed behind and let the others pass him. Once I reached to where he was at, he started walking next to me, "Since you're the one guiding us, you get to sit in the front seat." He winked as he opened the door for me.

My eyes slightly widened and just stared at him, 'Wow, this really isn't the Koga I used to know,' before I walked up to the truck to jumped into the passenger seat.

By the time I was seated, Kagome and Kohaku had taken the last seats; Sango and Miroku sat in the middle.

Koga walked around the truck and opened his door as I turned towards the back; "Now you guys better behave back there. I don't want to hear any weird noises, especially from you Kagome." Trying to hold back from laughing.

The group laughed and Kagome's head suddenly appeared from behind the seat, "Hey I always behave you know that."

"Ha Ha, yeah right."

Koga hopped in and shut his door. He started the engine and turned towards me, smiling, "Ok, lead the way" I curled my lips up to a smile and began to guide him towards the beach.

During the drive, Koga talked about his trip and described to us what he did and what he saw. He was beginning to get a little irritating though. Throughout the drive, he kept trying to hold my hand even though I kept pulling it away from him.

When we entered the residential area that was close to the beach, Kagome asked from the back, "Are you sure we're not lost?"

Nodding, "Yes I'm sure we're not lost. It's just that since it's a private residential beach we have to go through here."

She sighed and sat back on her seat, "Okay, then."

A few turns later we finally arrived to the place. At first view all you were able to see were houses all over and the horizon line.

"Koga, pull up right here." Pointing to a spot that was next to what seemed like having just a driveway to some houses that were under.

Koga asked before he stopped the car, "Are you sure it's here?"

Nodding, "It's here."

As Sango was looking out the window, she said, "I don't see where we could go into the beach."

"I'm positive it's here. There is a staircase under there and a ramp that is going to lead us down," reaching over to remove my seatbelt.

Koga finally parked the truck and shut off the engine. "Well let's go," removing the locks from the doors and stepping out. He walked around and opened the door for me again.

'Ok, this is getting a little creepy.' Climbing off the truck, I turned towards him, smiling, "Oh thank you."

He smiled, "You're welcome."

I stood, looking out as I waited for everyone to get down before I started heading towards the stairs. Suddenly, Kagome looked up and pointed to the sky, "Wow, look how many stars there are." We stopped and looked up to the dark sky, seeing it covered with stars.

Smiling, I looked back at everyone, "You guys ready?"

Kohaku answered, "Yeah, let's go."

"Ok just follow me but be really quiet we don't want to disturb the residents." They all nodded and began to follow behind me.

I started to lead them down some stairs that ended up in the driveway of the houses that were there. So we crossed it and started to go down the ramp. "Be careful it's going to get really steep, I would hold on to the rail" As we got further down the ramp, the viewpoint started to become visible. "There it is," pointing towards it.

Kagome asked, "That's it?"

"No, you'll see the best part right now." When we arrived to the bottom, everyone stopped and stayed by the ramp as I walked up towards the rails. I leaned over and looked down to the rocks below, seeing many waves crash into them.

Smiling, "Come, look down there," pointing down and waving at them so they could walk closer. They quickly walked up to the rails and it was funny to see their mouths open in awe.

Kagome sighed, "Wow that's so beautiful."

Sango, "Yeah, that's so cool." Then Sango and Kagome turned towards me, "Where did you learn of this place?"

"I came here a couple of times with a friend of mine."

Kagome interrupted, "What friend?"

I looked towards her and quirked an eyebrow, "A friend."

"Uh huh," turning back to look at the ocean.

I slightly shook my head before I turned towards the rocks on the bottom; "You can also walk down to where the rocks are."

Kohaku looked up; "You can walk all the way down?"

Nodding, "Yeah, that ramp leads all the way to the bottom," pointing towards the ramp that was near by.

Miroku turned to Sango, "You want to go down there, Sango?"

She nodded, "Ok, let's go."

Miroku asked, "So just go down the ramp right?"

Nodding as I fully stood, "Yeah."

Kagome, "Come on Kohaku, let's go see what's down there," as she pulled Kohaku with her.

I started to giggle at the sight and then looked up at the moon, "Poor guy."

I heard Koga take a few steps and stood next to me, "Yeah, she's something alright." He kept looking at me but remained silent; all the noise that was heard was of the waves crashing underneath us.

I felt his stare and turned to look at him, "What's the matter?"

Shaking his head, "Nothing, I was just noticing how much you've changed in such a short time. You've grown up a lot." Then I noticed him looking me down from head to toe.

"Of course I have Koga, I'm 21 now. But I haven't changed as much as you, what made you change so much?"

"Well, my father always kept insisting me that I should take care of myself. 'Be clean and proper' he always said but I never wanted to do it. So I decided that it was time for a change especially since I knew I was going to come back here."

I turned my attention back towards the ocean and leaned on the rail in front of me, "What is 'here' that would make you decide to change? -If- you don't mind me asking."

He chuckled as he leaned on the rail with his back towards the ocean, "No, not at all. Actually there's someone I'm trying to impress. Well, a girl."

Turning my head to look towards him; "Do I know who it is?"

"I hope so," he laughed but then his tone became serious, "But now she's not a girl anymore, she's turned to a woman. I'm not sure if she'll like the new me." He slowly leaned down towards me, stopping when his face was merely inches from mine.

"Oh," I felt his warm breath hit my face, his hair blowing around in the breeze tickling my forehead.

He reached up and held my face in his hands, "_Rin, you know that I care about you right._" Yet, it felt like it really wasn't a question but more of a statement.

"_You do?"_

"_Yeah since before I left but I never had the guts to tell you."_ I was able to tell from his eyes that he was observing me, trying to see what kind of reaction I would get. I tried to remain calm, not because I was excited of him telling me that but because I was nervous at having him so close to me. I was about to say something, when he leaned closer towards me and started to lightly brush his lips against my own.

I closed my eyes, praying, 'Oh God, please don't let this happen.' Hoping that something, somehow would happen to make him stop. Luckily, the sound of steps coming close reached my ears. So I opened my eyes and grabbed hold of his hands, slowly peeling them away from my face, whispering, "_Koga, someone's coming."_

He looked towards the ramp and also noticed that the others were coming back. I was able to see the disappointment that appeared in his face as he smiled and released his hold on me, moving back to lean on the rail.

A faint sigh of relief escaped my lips, as I stood up, turning towards the others, "Ready to go?"

Kagome answered as they continued to walk up the ramp, "Yeah, it's getting late and a lot colder too."

"_We should be heading up also,"_ walking towards the ramp.

"Wait, Rin." Suddenly, he reached out and gently grabbed onto my arm, stopping me. He walked up and stood in front of me. Looking into my eyes, "I want to ask you something."

"What is it?"

"I wanted to know if I could take you out to dinner tomorrow night. I leave again in a couple of days and want to be able to spend more time with you if it's all right."

I was shocked by his request and left speechless for a couple of seconds, "I… I'm not sure. I would have to check if there isn't anything else Kagome had planned. I promised her that this was her weekend to take me out where ever she wanted. I would need to ask her first."

"Oh," he reached into his jacket and pulled out his wallet, taking out a card from inside it and handing it to me, "Well, ask her and give me a call tomorrow. My number is on there and then we can set something up."

I looked down at the card and then back up at him with a slight smile, "Alright, will do."

Smiling, "Ok good. Let's go." We started heading back up the ramp and met the others at the truck.

Koga opened the door for me again and I stepped in. Once he shut the door and started walking around the truck, I slightly turned my head towards the back, "Nothing happened, so don't ask." Knowing Kagome would ask something.

He opened his door and jumped in, turning towards the others, "Are you guys ready?"

Miroku answered, "Yeah, I think we are."

"Ok." Koga finally started the engine and drove off.

The drive back was silent. Everyone seemed to be falling asleep, as it was about 2 am. I was sleepy myself but I didn't fall asleep, I didn't want to, at least not there. We finally arrived back to the shop and our cars were still there.

"Hey guys, we're here," turning around to yell at the others to wake them.

Koga parked near my car and dropped everyone off. I started getting off his truck when he said, "Hey don't forget about tomorrow ok?"

I turned back towards him and shook my head, "No, I won't," shutting the door afterwards. When everyone was unloaded, he waved bye to the group and took off. Everyone else started heading towards their cars and waved goodbye on their way.

On the way back home, I fell asleep. I was extremely tired. When we finally arrived home, Kagome shook me a bit to wake me up, "Rin, wake up. We're home."

I lifted my head, feeling a bit groggy, "Huh, oh ok."

We entered the house and I headed towards my room. Kagome going into hers, not discussing anything of what happened that moment. But I knew it wasn't going to last long, knowing her. I was sure that most likely the next morning she definitely would not hesitate to ask about it.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

'' Thought Expressions

"_Italic_" Whisper Expression

I knew it wasn't going to be easy avoiding a discussion with Kagome about what happened. Even if I avoided the conversation entirely, she would always find a way of getting it out of me. Yet I still couldn't believe how easy it was for her to talk me into doing things. It was really irritating but I was also to blame for listening to her in the first place.

Later that morning, I awoke to the smell of pancakes cooking. I figured that Kagome was already up. So I got up from the bed and walked towards the kitchen. Kagome was standing by the stove. Yawning, "Good Morning."

She turned over and smiled, "Hey, good morning. Breakfast is almost ready."

I made my way over to take a seat on the table. Since Kagome had taken the pitcher out from the fridge, I served myself some OJ and started to drink it. She removed the last pancake from the skillet, placed it on a plate and walked towards the table with two plates in her hands. She bent slightly and set one down in front of me, "There you go, eat up."

"Thanks," smiling as she sat next to me and we began to eat.

She cut a piece and picked it up as she turned towards me, "I had fun last night, what about you?" Since my mouth was full, all I did was nod as I was chewing.

I always loved Kagome's cooking. She was a great cook. When she was younger, she would always be with mom in the kitchen helping her cook. She just happened to learn from the best.

I was taking a sip of my OJ when she suddenly asked, "So what did you think about Koga's new look? He looked absolutely HOT didn't he?" Her sudden remark nearly made me choke. I turned to look at her as I started to cough. She laughed and lifted her hands defensively; "Hey it's true isn't it?"

Trying to regain my breath, "Where did THAT come from?"

She placed her hands on the table and leaned towards me a bit, "Oh come on, you're gonna sit there and tell me that you didn't notice?"

By then, I had stopped coughing and continued to eat. So I picked up a piece and brought it up. Looking at it, "Oh I noticed alright," putting the bite in my mouth afterwards.

"AND what did you think?"

Turning towards her, "He cleans up nicely."

She raised an eyebrow, disbelieving, "That's it? I don't believe you. I'm sure you must of though of him in some other way."

Raising an eyebrow, "Think of him in WHAT other way?"

She sat back on her chair, "Well, WE all saw the way you two were looking at each other."

Shaking my head, "That didn't mean anything, at least not from my perspective."

She leaned on the table again and grinned; "It didn't look like that from mine." I looked at her as she leaned back on her chair once more. "Plus I saw you two at the beach. You guys kissed didn't you?"

My eyes widened, 'Oh no, she saw us. Damn it, how embarrassing.' Lowering my head, I held onto the top of my nose as I shook it, "No we didn't. He tried but that was when you guys came back to leave." Lifting my head up again to look at her again.

She smiled, "Oh really, man talk about bad timing. But it's still great. Although, why do you act as if you didn't want it to happen?"

Raising my voice, "Because I DIDN"T want it to. I wanted something to happen so he could stop."

Kagome's smile faded and was replaced with a concerned expression, "But why though, I don't get it. Koga's a good guy. He's nice…"

"And annoying." I interrupted her with an irritated tone of voice. "Look, he's just not my type."

Then she leaned towards me again, "Then what IS your type?"

I opened my mouth to answer but nothing ever came out. So I turned away from her to look out the window and sighed as I rested my elbow on the table and placed my chin on my hand.

I really didn't know the answer to that myself. Most of the guys that tried to get close to me were always Kagome's dates. I don't know why, I just happened to attract the wrong kind of man. It really frustrated me and caused many arguments between us because of it. At that time, the one that could I fully open my heart to had not entered my life yet.

She leaned back on her chair, "Rin, what is it?"

Slightly shaking my head, "I'm not sure. But I DO know that it's definitely not Koga." Not looking at her.

"Rin, you can't say that because you don't know him well. Just the small conversations you've had in the past but that's not enough to set such a big conclusion. Come on, give him a chance and who knows he may end up being your 'type'."

Shaking my head, I rolled my eyes as I turned back towards her, _"When did this get so complicated?"_ "Well, he did ask me to have dinner with him tonight but I told him that I'd call him back later to let him know my answer."

"AND are you going to accept?"

"I wasn't going to…" She began to raise an eyebrow and giving me her "look". "But I think I will."

She smiled, cheery, "Great. Look don't worry about our plans, we can reschedule. I'll just kick it here at home most likely log on the Internet and chat."

As I was cutting another piece, "Aren't you going out with Kohaku?" Taking in the other bite.

"Nah, he has some other things he has to do." Sipping some of her milk.

"What about Sango?"

Shaking her head slightly, "Hmm… nope she has a date with Miroku."

"Oh, then I guess you're stuck at home tonight." Giggling at the fact of how much she hated being at home.

She stuck her tongue out at me and we continued eating. Once we finished, I stood and picked up my plate, taking it to the sink. "I'll wash the dishes since you cooked." Kagome stood and brought all the dirty dishes to the sink as I was washing my plate.

"Thanks, I'll be in the study using the computer," as she walked away towards the hall.

"OK."

Once I was finished, I headed back to my room. I jumped on my bed and looked out the window, blanking out as I stared outside. Until I started to think back to what Kagome had said. 'Maybe she's right. I should just give him a chance. He might not be so bad; he's changed a lot since the last time I saw him… Agh… what the hell? What do I have to lose?' So I reached over and grabbed my purse from the nightstand. I dug through it until I found Koga's card. Then I reached back in and pulled out my cell. Taking a deep breath, I dialed his number.

After a couple of rings, Koga answered.

"_Araki Enterprises, Koga speaking._

Hey Koga. What's up?

_Nothing much. Who's this?_

Oh, you forgot already? It's Rin.

_Rin oh shit, sorry about that. It's just that this damn phone hasn't stopped ringing all morning._

-Giggling- it's ok. So you work weekends too?

_Sometimes, it depends on how much needs to be done. So did you ask Kagome about tonight?_

Yeah, I did. She said it was ok. Although, she's stuck staying at home tonight.

-Laughing- _e HehhhhShe'll survive. Awesome, so you'll join me for dinner then?_

Yes, I will. Just let me know what time so I can be ready.

_Great, be ready by 7. I'll stop by your house to pick you up, is that ok?_

Yes, it's fine. I'll be ready by then.

_Well, I've got to get back to work so I'll see you tonight, ok?_

All right, talk to you later.

_Bye_

Bye."

Shaking my head as I closed my phone, 'What have I gotten myself into?' I got up and walked out of my room, heading towards the study to join Kagome. I entered and found her already on the computer, typing away.

She stopped typing and looked up at me, "What happened? Did you call him?"

I walked over to the bookshelf, looked through the book and grabbed one. Then I turned and walked to sit on the sofa, "Yeah, I did. It's set. He's going to pick me up at 7."

"Cool, do you know where he's going to take you?"

I started flipping through the pages and shook my head, "No, he didn't tell me and I didn't have a chance to ask him because he was busy at work."

"Oh, do you know what you're going to wear?"

I started to read something that caught my attention but was getting distracted by Kagome so I waved my hand at her, signaling her to stop talking to me. "I'll find something."

"Well, you can borrow something of mine if you want."

By then, she annoyed me and I looked up from the book, "Kagome, It doesn't matter. Now can I get back to my reading?" She lifted an eyebrow and looked back to the computer, not saying anything else.

After a couple of hours, I looked up to the clock and noticed that it was about 5:30pm. I closed the book and walked up to the shelf. "I'm going to take a shower and get ready."

"Oh ok." Kagome responded but didn't look away from the monitor.

I walked towards her, somewhat curious as to what she was doing, "What are you doing?" and stood by the desk.

"Just chatting."

I chuckled and turned to start walking away, "Must be someone really interesting then, for you not to even blink your eyes." Laughing as I exited the study, not giving her a chance to respond.

After my shower, I toweled off and walked back to my room. As I was brushing my hair, I made my way over to the closet. "Now what shall I wear? Not that I'm trying to make an impression. Hmm… Let's see."

So I began to dig through my clothes until I pulled out a short black dress. It was very simple; plain with spaghetti straps although the bottom was cut in an abnormal zigzag.

"I think this should be fine."

I turned and placed it on the bed. Then I reached back into the closet and pulled out some black strappy heels. I slipped the dress on then walked up to the mirror to inspect it. It reached a little above my knees fitting pretty snug on my body defining its curves. Pleased with the look of my dress, I walked back to the dresser, opened a drawer and pulled out a pair of chopsticks and a little makeup bag. I rolled up my hair up to a French twist and inserted the sticks to keep it in place then moved on to apply the makeup. Applying it lightly, trying to keep the look natural. I've never been a fan of packing on makeup to look like some circus clown. I turned around and sat on the bed. Suddenly I looked at the clock, it was about 6:45 by then.

'Oh shit, he's going to be here pretty soon.' So I quickly slipped on the shoes, walked over to the dresser and opened another drawer. I pulled out a black shawl to wear over the dress. I sprayed some perfume, grabbed my purse and headed out to the living room.

As I was entering the living room, I heard Kagome yell, "Come here, I want to see you."

I shook my head a bit, _"Jeez, what now?"_

Before I entered the study, I placed the shawl over my back and wrapped the ends around my arms. Once I walked in, Kagome moved away from the computer and a huge smile appeared on her face, "Wow, you look great. So I see you're going for the 'classy but not yet a slut' look?"

"Well, that's all that's left since you took over the 'total slut' one." Trying to hold back my laughter with no success.

She sat back on the chair, "Ha ha, very funny." Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

Kagome looked in the direction of the door and stood, "Oh that must be Koga, wait here I'll open." Seeing her walk out of the study as my hands turned ice cold.

The more she and Koga spoke, the more nervous I got. So I started pacing around the room, 'Is this really a good idea?'

Suddenly, Kagome peeked in, "Rin, Koga's here. Come on out." I turned to her and nodded before she disappeared back to the living room.

So I took a deep breath and whispered, _"Well, here I go,"_ before I made my way to walk out of the study.

The moment I entered the living room, Koga stood from the sofa with a huge grin on his face and Kagome walked back into the study.

I noticed him looking at me, starting from the top going all the way to the bottom then back up again. I felt my cheeks heat up a bit from embarrassment and from the look that was apparent in his eyes. He continued looking at me as I walked and stood in front of him, "Wow, you look amazing."

I slightly bowed my head in appreciation and smiled, "Thank you, you look really handsome yourself."

He really did. The black slacks, light blue shirt and leather jacket he was wearing made him look handsome. Especially, the shirt because it brought out the color of his eyes.

Suddenly he reached into his jacket pocket, "Oh, I brought you something."

Shaking my head slightly, "You didn't have to."

He grinned, "I wanted to." He pulled out a small box and handed it to me. I accepted the box from him but looked up at him, still unsure of whether I should open it or not. He smiled, "Go ahead, open it."

So I began to open it, slowly until I was able to see its contents. I gasped, "Oh my god, it's beautiful. Thank you."

He walked around and stood right behind me, leaning in to whisper in my ear "_It reminded me of you._" He reached around and took the necklace from the box. Carefully, he opened it and placed it around my neck, fastening it. I have to admit it was a pretty necklace. It was a thin silver chain that had a rose pendant; in the center of the rose was a tiny diamond.

I looked down to look at the necklace as he fastened it when suddenly I heard him breathe in deeply, it weirded me out and I slightly turned to look at him.

"_You smell wonderful,"_ he whispered in my ear as he placed a small kiss on my neck. Then he walked around and stood in front of me, "Ready to go?"

Nodding, "Yeah, I'm ready."

He smiled and extended his hand out to me. I held on to it as we began to walk towards the door. He stopped and peeked into the study, "Bye Kagome, see you later."

We continued walking as she yelled back, "Oh ok, bye guys have a good time."

So Koga and I headed out on our "date". We went to a really nice restaurant but by the time we'd finished our meal, I REALLY wanted the torture to end. After dinner, he insisted on talking a walk. So we walked around a park that was close to the restaurant but I was already beginning to get tired and luckily, he decided to end it early. At about 10, he finally dropped me off home.

When we arrived to the house, he stopped in the driveway. "Here we are." I remained silent and smiled. He smiled and shut off the engine before he stepped out of the car.

Sighing, 'Finally.' He walked around and opened the door for me, extending his hand to me.

Since his truck was pretty high, I took hold of his hand and stepped off the truck. Although, immediately pulling it away from his once I was on the ground. I started walking towards the door and he walked next to me until we arrived to the front porch. I walked up to the door and stopped right before it. Then I turned around to face him and smiled, "Thanks for everything Koga, I had a good time." Knowing in my mind that it was all a big lie.

He smiled, "You're welcome, it was great."

With that being said, all I wanted was to go inside and get rid of him. So I turned to open the door when he gently held onto my arm, "Rin."

Slightly surprised at his action, I turned towards him again, "What is it?"

"I wanted to ask you something before I leave again."

Confused, "Again? What do you mean?"

At that moment, I could see his eyes sadden, "I leave on another business trip tomorrow morning."

"Oh, for how long?" But in an evil way, I was glad.

Suddenly, he started to walk up to me, keeping his eyes locked on mine, "4 months." Then he slowly started to slide his hands up my arms, the light sensation sending chills up my spine.

"_Oh." _All of a sudden, he wrapped his arms around and held me tightly to him. In that position, I felt him lean down and heard when he breathed in deeply again.

I began to feel a bit uncomfortable and lightly push him back, hoping he would let go of me. _"Koga, I have to go now."_ Thankfully, I felt him slowly release me.

He looked at me, "Oh, all right. Would you mind if I called you while I'm away?"

Honestly, I didn't know what to say to him. I mean I really didn't want him to call me but I had to give him SOME credit for at least trying to change. I'm not sure what it was but I convinced myself of at least letting him call me once in a while. Although, I wasn't going to give him my cell number, I was not that stupid. I'm sure that if I did, he would call nonstop just to keep a check on me. I wasn't going to put myself in such a position with someone I only considered a friend and nothing else.

"Umm… you have the house number right?"

"I think I do. Let me see" He pulled out his cell phone and checked, "Oh yeah, I have it right here."

I was so relived that I sighed faintly, hoping he didn't hear it. "Ok, call me at home."

He burrowed his eyebrows; "Don't you have a cell phone?"

"Yeah, but I don't use it. I don't even carry it with me, see." I opened my purse and let him peek inside. Luckily I forgot to put it back in after I'd called him.

"Oh, ok. Well, take care of yourself Rin."

"You too, Koga." That was when I realized that he began lowering his head towards me. 'Oh shit, he better not be trying to do what I think he's going to do.' Then I noticed his lips getting really close to mine. So as fast as I could, I turned my face away from him and felt his lips press on my cheek. He backed away from me with disappointment clearly showing in his eyes.

I curled my lips up to a smile, "Bye, Koga," before I reached behind me and turned the knob to open the door.

"Good night, Rin."

Finally, I took a step inside and responded, "Good night," before I slowly shut the door.

Once it was closed, I leaned back against it and took a deep breath, "Well, THAT'S finally over." But then I noticed that a light was still on in the study and turned towards it. I looked over at the clock, it was about 11:00pm. "Weird, Kagome's usually not up at this hour when she has nothing to do." So I headed towards the study and peeked in. To my surprise, she was still on the computer typing away, "Hey, I'm back."

Kagome looked up and smiled, "Hey Rin," quickly turning back to look at the monitor.

I walked in and sat on the sofa, "I'm surprised you're still up and STILL on the computer. I thought you hated it."

Not turning away from the computer, "I never said I hated it. I decided on having a long night that's why I'm still up."

I looked away from her and stared at the coffee table, "Oh, so you're still chatting?" Looking back at her.

Kagome looked towards me and smiled, "Yeah, I met a guy that's really interesting."

Smiling, "Really? What chat room did you meet him at?"

"Some room I found as I was surfing the web."

"Where does he live?"

Kagome looked back to the monitor and typed something, "I'm not sure, I just started talking to him. Well, anyway so how was your date?"

My smile faded at the change of subject and it was the subject that I definitely didn't want to touch. But I had to tell her anyway so I looked towards the window of the study, "It started out ok. He took me to a really nice restaurant. I'm not sure of the name but I don't think we've been there before. He was being a perfect gentleman at first…"

"Oooo… ok go on," Kagome interrupted.

As I kept thinking back, I felt my body start to tense up as I continued, "But when we were at the table he really began to tick me off."

"Why?"

I turned to look at her and raised my voice a little, "Because I've never known such a self-centered guy before. All he talked about was him. I think his motto is 'It's all about me' or something cause that's how he made it seem."

Shocked, "What? Really? That sounds so unlike him."

"Well, that's how it was and to make it even worse, he's extremely vain. I noticed that at every chance he got, he always had to stop and look at himself."

Shaking her head, "Whoa that IS so unlike Koga."

"Kagome, he even had the fucking nerve to look at himself in the damn silverware at the restaurant. COME ON the silverware for God's sakes. WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THAT?" By then, I was nearly shouting, I just needed to release the frustration that had built up during the date. Kagome still had the shocked look on her face and stayed quiet just shaking her head slightly. "Could you believe he also had the damn nerve to raise his voice at me while IN the restaurant AND in front of everyone else because I looked away for a moment. I thought I saw someone that I recognized and it pissed him off because he said that I wasn't 'paying attention' to him."

Kagomes' jaw dropped; "He got jealous? Damn but that does sounds like him though. He's the jealous type."

I lowered my voice back to normal and turned to look at the table again, "Well, that doesn't matter anymore. When he brought me home, you won't believe how RELIEVED I was that it was finally over. But before he left, he told me that he was leaving on another business trip tomorrow morning and he wants to call me while he's away."

"And what did you say to him?"

Shaking my head a bit, "I didn't know what to say to him at first but I had to give him some credit for at least TRYING to change so I told him to call me at home."

"What about your cell phone?"

I looked back at her and raised my voice again; "DO YOU THINK FUCKING STUPID TO GIVE HIM MY CELL NUMBER? Hell No, I'm sure he would be calling me non-stop to keep a check on me and interrogate me on what I'm doing. I don't want to have to go through that. If he calls me here, I have the advantage of cutting him short when he calls."

Kagome shook her head, "Now that's mean Rin but you do have a point though. I don't blame you for doing that, I would've too if a guy was like that with me." Suddenly, she turned to look at the monitor again and typed something in. I, on the other hand, took a deep breath still trying to calm myself down and remained silent. "Well, we should be going to bed. Plus I'm sure you're tired. You've had quite a day." So she shut off the computer and walked up to me, extending her hand.

I looked up at her as she nudged her head towards the door and smiled, "Come on." So I held onto her hand and stood from the sofa. She stood next to me and wrapped her arm around me, walking next to me as she held me. As she was caressing my head, "Rin, get some sleep. Don't worry, it will all be ok." She walked me to my door and then wrapped her arms around me, "_Good night"_ and placed a kiss my cheek.

"Thanks, Kagome. Good night." She walked into her room when I closed my door. I quickly changed into my pajamas and jumped into bed, trying to forget the terrible nightmare I had gone through.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

'' Thought expressions.

'_Italic_' Whisper expressions

Well, 4 months passed since Kouga left on his business trip. He sure kept his word on calling me while he was away though. It was a continuous block of calls. All day, mostly everyday and sometimes even late at night. It was SO pissing me off but I had to go through with it because I'd agreed for him to call. But every time he did, I would always find an excuse to keep the calls short. In the end though, my plan ended backfiring on me because it would make him call more often. The conversations didn't really change much through time; he would still talk about himself and what he was doing most of the time. Instead of asking me how I was or what I was up to but it didn't matter to me. He really didn't mean that much to me anyway.

As for Kagome, she kept talking to that mystery guy of hers. The Internet conversations began to get more frequent and longer as the days passed. She seemed to really like the guy because she started staying home more often than usual and for Kagome to give up going out for someone really meant something. At the beginning, she wouldn't tell me anything about him or who he was but just like her, I had my ways of getting it out of her. What I was able to find out was that his name was Sesshomaru. I don't think she knew his last name or she just didn't tell me. Also, that he was 24 and lived overseas in Japan. I'm sure she knew how he looked like but didn't want to tell me either. Otherwise, she wouldn't have talked to him for as long as she did. I'm not sure why she kept him a secret for so long but only she knew her reasons and I respected her decisions.

Although just by coincidence, I had a little run in with Sesshomaru once online as I was surfing the web.

I was looking at an online catalog when suddenly an instant message popped up on my screen:

**DemonLord: Hey there beautiful.**

The message caught me entirely by surprise and my eyes widened at the sight of it. Since I didn't recognize the screen name, I wasn't sure as to who it was so I kept going on with the conversation wanting to find out.

_Ice Princess: Hi_

**DemonLord: How are you? Miss me already?**

_Ice Princess: I'm fine. Umm… who's this?_

**DemonLord: You forgot about me! L It's me, Sesshomaru.**

'Oh shit.' At that moment, my mouth hung-open and eyes fully widened when I saw who it really was. -

_Ice Princess: You must be looking for Kagome. She's not home right now._

**DemonLord: Oh sorry, yeah I was. I thought it was her I was talking to. Sorry, may I ask who this is?**

_Ice Princess: It's ok. I'm her sister Rin._

**DemonLord: Hey Rin. How are you? Kagome has told me a lot about you.**

That suddenly sparked my interest. 'Now I HAVE to find out what Kagome has told him.' -

_Ice Princess: I'm ok. Thanks and yourself? Oh she has? What has she said about me?_

**DemonLord: I'm well. Thank You. J Hmmm… Let me see. She told me that you two live together. That you guys have such different personalities that sometimes it's hard to believe you're related.**

_Ice Princess: LOL Well that's true. We are completely opposite to each other but I still love her a lot even though she might get on my last nerve sometimes._

**DemonLord: LOL It's great that you two get along well.**

_Ice Princess: Do you have any brothers or sisters?_

**DemonLord: I do actually. A brother but he went off on his own when he was young and I haven't seen him since.**

_Ice Princess: Oh, I'm sorry._

**DemonLord: Don't be, that's how life is. So how old are you?**

_Ice Princess: I'm 21. Well, just turned not long ago. What about you?_

**DemonLord: Oh, Happy Belated Birthday! 21 huh? So Kagome is 2 years older than you are, interesting. I'm 24.**

Suddenly, I heard a noise outside and turned towards the window. That was when I noticed that Kagome was driving up to the house. 'I need to stop talking to him because she's going to flip if she finds out.' -

_Ice Princess: Yeah, I guess. Hey, I have to go now cause I'm expecting a call._

**DemonLord: Oh ok. Well, it was nice talking to you.**

_Ice Princess: You too. Hey, can I ask you for a favor though?_

**DemonLord: Yeah, sure.**

_Ice Princess: Please don't tell Kagome that you talked to me. She would freak if she found out._

**DemonLord: Why not? Why would she freak?**

_Ice Princess: Trust me. I know her better than anyone else. Let's just let it be our little secret._

**DemonLord: Well, you do have a point. Very well, it's our little secret then. ;-)**

_Ice Princess: Thanks. Well I've got to go now. Take care, bye._

**DemonLord: Thanks you too, bye.**

Luckily, I was able to shut off the computer, walk out of the study and into the kitchen before Kagome entered the house. She never found out of my conversation with Sesshomaru and he kept his word on keeping it a secret too. Also, I was extremely careful not to mention it to her either.

Eventually, they began to talk on the phone. They talked every other day for the next 2 months and for a long time too. There was a time when I decided I was going to time them, just to see how long they lasted. The conversation lasted for about 5 hours straight. I could just imagine the phone bill for an international call about 5 hours long. DAMN! After many long conversations with Sesshomaru, Kagome claimed to REALLY like him. I guess that's why she decided on convincing him to come over to the U.S. so they can meet. I was sure it took many tries to finally persuade him because he kept refusing at first. But she was successful nonetheless. Although, I never knew about her plans until 2 weeks before his arrival, when she decided to consult me.

I was sitting on the sofa reading a magazine when Kagome walked over and sat next to me. Innocently, "Rin, can I ask you something?"

I looked up from the magazine and turned towards her, "Yeah, sure." She looked away and lowered her head, looking down at her hands as she fidgeted them around. I was shocked to see her act that way. It was the first time in my entire life that I'd seen her hesitate to ask me something. She was always so direct; it just seemed amusing to me. So I lowered my head enough to look at her eyes, "What is it Kagome?"

She lifted her head and looked back up at me; "It's about Sesshomaru. He's coming over from Japan in 2 weeks to meet me."

I sat up and turned to face her, smiling, "What? Really? That's great."

"The problem is that he has no where to stay when he comes over."

Leaning back on the sofa, "Well, he can stay with any family members."

She lifted her arm up to the back of the sofa and rested her head on it; "He doesn't have anyone here."

At this point, I slightly began to get the hint as to where the conversation was going but I didn't want to say anything. That and I might've been wrong. So I crossed my arms, "Then, where is he going to stay?"

She picked her head up and smiled, her eyes sparkling, "Well, I was thinking that perhaps he can stay here with us."

I sat up again, placing my hands flat on the sofa. I was shocked and shook my head as my eyes widened, "WHAT? Are you crazy? He can't stay here with us."

Confused, "Why not? He can stay in the spare room, plus it will be good to have a man around just in case."

I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms again, "Kagome, when have we ever needed a man to be around?"

She hesitated for a bit, "Ok well never, but you never know."

"Uh huh, do you know how long he's going to be here?"

Shaking her head, "No, I don't."

I couldn't believe it and looked away as I slapped my hands on my lap, "Well, that's just great."

"But Rin, We don't have anything to worry about. He's a wonderful guy. He's also nice and very respectful. Plus, he's not just coming to meet me; he also wants to expand his business. I really like him too, that's why I agreed to meet him when he comes over. Do you think that if I didn't, I would've let him stay here with us?"

I leaned back on the sofa and lifted my head to stare at the ceiling, 'Man, she really got me with that one.'

Well, she did have a point. I had never seen Kagome act that way before and it seemed to me like she was telling the truth. But she had just met the guy off the net not long ago and letting him stay in our house just didn't feel right. Although, I didn't want to break her enthusiasm so I had to agree.

I turned towards her and found her looking at me with pleading eyes, "Ok Kagome. You win. Although, I don't fully agree with this but he can stay with us."

She smiled and moved over to wrap her arms around me, "Thank you so much. Don't worry everything will be ok." She kissed my cheek before she stood and walked towards the study. Most likely to log on and tell Sesshomaru the news. I just shook my head, grabbed my magazine again and continued to read, snickering.

The big day had finally arrived for Kagome. Throughout the last 2 weeks, she'd been excited to the point where it was beginning to drive me crazy.

I was sound asleep when all of sudden Kagome stormed into my room, practically yelling and pacing around, "Rin, get up. You have to get ready."

I slightly lifted my head and sleepily looked around, "Huh, what are you talking about? Get ready for what?"

I saw her walk up to my closet and look into it, "You're coming with me to the airport to pick up Sesshomaru."

With that statement, I fully woke up. I lifted my head and turned towards her, "Wha… Why do I have to go? He's YOUR boyfriend." Then, I lowered my head against the pillow again and covered myself with my blanket as I closed my eyes.

Suddenly, she pulled off the blanket and threw it on the floor, "Come on, get up. You're coming with me and that's final."

I groaned as I sat up and turned to her, irritated, "Agh… why do I always have to get involved in your affairs?" Surprised, "Well, you look nice. Trying to make an impression I see."

She looked herself over and turned back, "You don't think this outfit is too much, do you?"

I analyzed what she was wearing and shook my head, "No, it looks fine. It screams 'I'm all yours!'"

I started to laugh as Kagome placed her hands on her hips, an annoyed look on her face, "Rin that's not funny. Now come on, go take a shower and get ready. He arrives in 2 hours and I want to be there before he arrives."

"Fine. I'm going." So since I had no other choice, I quickly jumped into the shower and headed back. When I returned to my room and looked towards my bed, I found that Kagome had already picked out an outfit for me. It was actually was a pretty cool outfit but I liked what Kagome was wearing; stretch black slacks that fit snugly against her body and a cream Angora sweater.

I quickly dried off my hair and ran a brush through it, I had decided that I was going to leave it down. My black hair was straight and reached just below my shoulder. I had it cut in many layers and the ends always curled up naturally, which was what I always liked. Then, I walked over towards the bed to change. Once I was done, I walked up to the mirror to inspect myself.

I liked how the outfit looked; the pants were black with white and dark pink pinstripes that fit on my hips and came down fairly low but not too much. They were a bit snug especially around my butt and were slightly flaired at the bottom. Also, I was wearing a burgundy sleeveless silk top with a twist right across the bust, it wasn't too revealing but showed just enough of my cleavage, it also fit pretty snug. Finally to finish it off, I put on a black shrunken corduroy blazer over it, leaving it open. Then, I walked over to the dresser to apply some makeup and lip-gloss. As I was walking back to the bed, I found some burgundy suede boots almost the same shade as the top I was wearing, sitting on the foot of the bed. I slipped them on and walked back to the dresser to spray some perfume and grab my purse before I headed out the room.

When I walked into the kitchen, I found Kagome seated and reading a magazine. She looked up at me and smiled, "Hey that looks great on you. You look very nice."

My cheeks heated up at her comment as I looked myself over and back to her, "Thanks but don't you think this a bit too much for me. I mean he's here to meet you. You should be the one to impress him not me."

She stood and walked to pick up the keys from the counter, "Don't be silly Rin, I know he's here to meet me but that doesn't mean that you can go in sweatpants and a T-shirt does it?" Turning around and walking towards the door.

Following her, "At least I'll be comfortable."

She laughed as she opened the door and stepped aside, "Come on silly or we'll be late." So we stepped into the car and made our way towards the airport.

The airport was about an hour and half away from the house. During the first half of the drive, Kagome was silent, which was odd and a little disturbing. At some point, I just couldn't handle it and had to break the silence between us.

Turning towards her, "Kagome?"

"Yes Rin?"

"What time is Sesshomaru's flight arriving at?"

Thinking for a bit, "He said that it would be at about 1:30."

So I looked at the stereo clock and it was about 1pm. "Do you think we'll make in on time?"

She looked down at her watch, "Yeah, we're almost there."

"Aren't you nervous? I'm sure I would've been if I was in your position."

She turned slightly over to me; "You won't believe how nervous I really am."

Smiling, "Well, you don't look like your are."

Nodding, "Oh believe me, I am."

I reached over and placed my hand gently on her shoulder, giving it a light squeeze, "Don't worry. Everything's going to be ok. You'll see."

She turned back towards me with a smile on her face, "Thanks Rin." I smiled in return and turned back to look at the road.

At about 1:35, we finally arrived to the airport. Panicked Kagome parked and rushed out of the car, "Come on Rin. It's already past 1:30. We're going to be late."

Stepping out the car, I closed the door, "Kagome, relax. It usually takes about 20 minutes after the landing for the passengers to get off the plane."

She stood with her hands on her hips, shaking her head, "Doesn't matter. By the time we find the gate he is going to be at, it's going to be a while."

I just rolled my eyes and started walking towards the airport. Luckily, we found a spot that was close to the entrance so we didn't have to walk very much.

Once we found the flight listings, we walked up to them, "Kagome, what's his flight number?"

She reached into her purse and pulled out a paper; "It's flight 678 on PanAsia."

Since there were so many flights listed, it was becoming really hard to find the one we were looking for. Shaking her head, "I don't see it Rin."

I kept looking until I finally found it. Flight 678 on PanAsia, according to the list it had arrived early at 1:15. 'Oh man, she's not going to like this.' Waving at her, "I found it, come here." She stood next to me and I pointed at it, "Right there, it says that it arrived early at 1:15pm."

Immediately her eyes widened as she yelled, "WHAT?" Then she looked down at her watch; "It's almost 2 now. Shit, we're so late." Suddenly she turned and started to walk in the direction of the gate where he was supposed to arrive at.

When we finally found it, Kagome walked up to the young lady standing by the gate as I sat and waited for her. After talking for a bit, she walked back, "She said that all the passengers of that flight have already been checked out." Looking around, "And I don't see him anywhere."

Quirking an eyebrow, "You know how he looks like?"

She smiled down at me, "Of course I do, otherwise I wouldn't have agreed to meet him now would I?"

I nodded and mouthed the word, "Right."

So she reached into her purse and pulled out her cell, "Let me call him." As she dialed his number, my patience was slowly withering away. Finally she had a brief conversation with him before she hung up.

Crossing my arms, "So? Where is he?"

"He said he's going to come down to meet us here. He went up to the café to wait until we got here."

"Oh." Then, Kagome started to pace around, "Kagome, take a seat. You're getting a little annoying with your pacing." Pointing to the seat next to me.

Stopping in front of me, fidgeting her hands, "I can't. I'm just too nervous." I, on the other hand, sat back with my arms crossed as I shook my head. Suddenly, she turned around and whispered, _"Oh my God, there he is."_

Immediately, I sat up and started to look around, "Where?"

Nudging her head, _"Right there, the one walking straight towards us." _So I turned in the direction she pointed at and was finally able to see the gentleman walking towards us.

He was about 75ft away and some of his features still stood out. He was tall; I'd say about 6ft and looked like he was well built even through his long sleeved shirt. I don't know what came over me at the moment but somehow I wasn't able to look away from this man, even if I tried. As he got closer, his features became much clearer. His handsome face and his hair left me in awe; his hair was cut similar to Koga's but in my opinion, it suited him much better. Its color was silver almost white, straight, smooth and really shiny. It looked to be really soft, making me want to reach out and touch it. His light skin fit well with the color of his hair. I'm guessing that he'd finally seen us because a huge smile appeared on his face, leaving me absolutely breathless. Oh my God, he had the most AMAZING smile I've ever seen. But what I thought left me more awestruck, were his amber colored eyes. They seemed like they could look right into your soul. Yes, he was handsome all right but I say that his eyes were his best features.

Kagome seemed to be as shocked as I was, for she didn't move an inch from where she was standing. At first, she had a shocked look then it faded as a big smile replaced it. He walked up to us and I remained seated, still unable to look away. He looked at Kagome first then turned his eyes towards me.

Kagome reached out and wrapped her arms around him, "Hey Sesshomaru. How are you?"

Wrapping his arms around her, smiling, "Great and you?"

She backed away enough to look at him but didn't release him; "I'm doing great. I'm sorry we're late. I tried to be here before your flight arrived but I couldn't."

Sesshomaru shook his head and unwrapped an arm from her, using his hand it to graze her chin, "Oh no don't worry about it. It's my fault actually. I should've called to let you know my plane had arrived early but I didn't want to bother you, so I decided to wait until you got here."

Shaking her head, "Nonsense, you weren't going to bother me. You should've called, that way you wouldn't have waited so long." He chuckled at her comment.

I just remained silent the entire time, observing the two. However that time, it felt very different. It wasn't the same as the other times when she was with her "friends". I didn't know what it was but it felt like some sort of jealousy flowed through me. But at the time, I didn't really understand what it meant so I held it inside.

Then Kagome turned and pointed my way, "Sesshomaru, I would like you to meet my sister, Rin."

He turned to me and smiled. If it wasn't because I was sitting, I swear I would have fallen because my knees suddenly felt weak.

Releasing Kagome, he extended his hand out towards me, "Sesshomaru Kitazawa, at your service."

Finding the strength to stand, I did and extended my hand to shake his. Although as I was shaking his hand, I caught him looking me up and down but I didn't say anything. "R… Ri... Rin Imamura, nice to meet you." Yet I couldn't believe I was stuttering.

Nodding, "You too, it's a pleasure to finally meet you Rin. Kagome has told me so much about you." Turning his head to the side to wink. I was left so speechless by the sound of his deep voice ringing in my ears that all I did was smile. It really was the only thing I was able to do.

Kagome interrupts, "Well, we should get out of here. Don't you think?" directing the question towards Sesshomaru.

Turning back to her, "Yeah, you're right." He walked over to his luggage, slipped on his coat and picked up his briefcase.

Kagome walked up next to him, "Here, let me help you with something."

He smiled, "Thanks, you can help me with my briefcase," handing her the briefcase.

Both turning my way, Kagome asked, "All right, you ready to go Rin?"

Nodding, "Yeah."

"Ok, Let's go." Kagome wrapped her arm around his and they begin to walk. Although, I followed slightly behind them just like I always did.

During the walk back, Sesshomaru and Kagome kept talking to each other but I remained silently behind. As we were walking, I noticed that he kept looking back as if to check on me. I'm sure he thought I didn't notice because I kept my head down but I did because I kept looking at him from underneath my bangs. Then, I turned away and continued walking. Suddenly, I felt a heavy gaze upon me and looked up, nearly crashing onto his chest.

I never realized when he stopped and turned towards me, "Rin, why do you walk behind us?"

I stopped and stood looking up at him, my cheeks burning up with embarrassment. Immediately I took a step back when Kagome interrupted, "Oh, she always does that."

He glanced at Kagome and then back to me, curious, "Really?"

Nodding as I shrugged my shoulders, my cheeks still heated up, "Yeah, it's a force of habit."

He nodded, "Oh." Then waves his hand for me to move up to where they were, smiling, "Come on. Join us. Don't stay back there by yourself." Just to avoid any further discussion and embarrassment, I did as he said and continued to walk together with them but still remained silent.

When we arrived to the car, he put his luggage in the trunk and walked over to open Kagome's door.

"Thanks, Sesshomaru." Kagome smiled.

He smiled in return, "You're welcome". Since he was there, I decided to sit on the back seat instead so he could sit on the front with Kagome. So I stepped into the car before he came back around.

He stepped in and fastened his seat belt, "All right, let's go."

"Ok." Kagome started the car and began to drive away.

During the drive back, I rested my head on the seat and tried to clear myself of the strange emotions that I was feeling. But it was becoming really hard because I was still able to smell his cologne all the way to the back seat. So in attempt to clear my thoughts, I lowered my head and stared at the floor. I was silent throughout the whole trip too, thinking and zoning off to my own world. Yet I was still able to hear what Kagome and Sesshomaru were discussing amongst them. It seemed that Sesshomaru wanted to be dropped off at a hotel but Kagome kept insisting on him staying with us in the spare room. She spoke of some agreement, since they had already discussed this beforehand but Sesshomaru was changing his mind.

All of a sudden, I heard my name but ignored it, "Rin."

Suddenly Kagome yelled, "RIN, damn it. Don't do that!"

Kagome's scream snapped me out of my daydream and I looked up to see a concerned Sesshomaru looking at me, "Are you ok?"

Nodding, "Yeah, sorry."

Smiling, "I wanted to ask you if it was ok for me to stay at your home? I know I have Kagome's permission but it's your house as well. So I figured I'd ask you too."

Nodding and I curled my lips up to a smile, "Oh yeah, it's fine with me."

Turning towards Kagome, "Since Rin says it's ok, I'll stay with you."

I shook my head, 'How embarrassing,' before I turned to look out the window.

When we arrived to the house, Sesshomaru got his luggage off the car and we walked together to the front porch. Kagome walked up first to the door and opened it.

"Go ahead." Sesshomaru stepped aside, allowing me to go in first.

Smiling, "Thanks." So I stepped inside and he followed behind me.

He walked in and looked around, "Nice place you have, and you two are the only ones that live here?"

Kagome replied, "Yeah, this was my parent's house. We were born and raised here. Here, let me show you to your room."

Kagome lead him over to the hallway that lead to all the rooms. I, on the other hand, walked over to the kitchen, grabbed some chips from the cupboard, a bottle of water from the fridge and walked over to the dining table. I was able to hear Kagome giving him a tour of the house as I munched on the chips. Sesshomaru waked towards the living room and Kagome walked up to me, "Did you want me to make you something to eat or go out to get something?"

"Aren't you going out to lunch?" Putting another chip in my mouth.

She began to walk towards the kitchen, "No, we're staying in tonight. That way Sesshomaru can rest up from his trip and we can get a chance to talk in peace."

"Oh, nah. I'm ok with this." Taking a drink of water.

Yelling from the kitchen, "Rin, you're not eating just chips for lunch."

Suddenly, Sesshomaru walked back in and sat on a chair. Turning towards me, "She's right you know. It's not good for you."

I turned to look at him, grabbed another chip and placed it in my mouth before Kagome walked back in with some sandwiches and plates. I turned towards her and my eyes widened, "Wow that was fast."

She smiled, "Well, with you I had to learn how to speed cook." Sesshomaru and Kagome laughed.

"Ha ha, very funny." So I placed a sandwich on a plate with some chips, "I'm going to be in my room." Picking up my plate, I turned headed towards my room.

"Ok," I heard Kagome before I opened the door.

As I was entering my room, I heard them talking amongst each other and something just made me stop to listen, "Your sister is really quiet isn't she?" Sesshomaru asked.

"Yeah, she's always been like that but it somehow got worse ever since the accident."

"Oh," he said. I just shook my head, stepped into my room and closed the door behind me.

Once inside my room, I turned on my stereo and listened to the radio. I took off the jacket, sat on my bed and started eating my sandwich and chips. Once I'd finished, I put the plate on the nightstand and leaned back on the headboard. Suddenly there was a knock at my door, "What is it?"

Kagome answered, "You have a phone call. It's Koga".

"Shit, now what?" I stepped off the bed and walked out the door. "I'll pick it up in the study," yelling out as I was walking away.

"OK," Kagome yelled.

So I sat on the sofa and picked up the phone:

"Hello

_Hey Rin_

Oh, hey Koga. How are you?

_I'm all right and you?_

I'm ok. So what's new?

_Well, not much. Business is great. Everything else is going good. Oh and we finished a couple of days early so I'm heading back home tomorrow._

'Oh shit, already? Damn, how has time flown by.'

Really? That's great.

_Yeah, so Rin what are you doing tomorrow night?_

Hmmm… nothing, I don't have any plans yet. Why?

_Oh, well I was wondering if you would join me for dinner tomorrow night so we can talk._

Talk about what?

_About us, silly._

Oh ok. What time shall I be ready?

_At 5, oh and dress casually._

Umm… ok. I'll be ready. Hey, I've got to go now.

_What? Already? Ok Well, I'll see you tomorrow then._

Yeah, take care. Bye

_Bye."_

I hung up and took a deep breath before I walked back. As I entered the dining room, Kagome and Sesshomaru looked up at me.

"So what happened?" Kagome asked.

Walking up to the table, I leaned on a chair, "Oh nothing. It was another one of his interrogation calls."

She laughed, "What did he say?"

"He wanted to let me know that he returns tomorrow and asked me to join him for dinner because he wants to 'talk'."

"Did you accept?"

Nodding, "Of course I did. I have some 'talking' that I need to do myself." Sesshomaru just remained quiet the whole time, looking at us.

Shaking her head, "Rin, what are you going to do?"

Straightening up, "Oh nothing, I'm just going to listen to what he has to say first, then I'll give him a piece of my mind." Kagome just shook her head again as I turned to walk back towards my room. "I'm going to be in my room, if you need me." I stepped into the hall and entered my room.

I spent the rest of the day inside just listening to my radio and reading until I fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

'' Thought expressions

"_Italic"_ Whisper expressions

Sesshomaru's arrival caught me entirely by surprise. He wasn't at all what I expected and left me feeling completely confused. He brought out new feelings in me that I'm sure he never intended to, but his presence alone was more than enough to have that effect. Yet these feelings were what had me confused the most and unfortunately I couldn't try to find the answers because they were from someone that was completely out of my grasp.

The next morning I was woken up by some commotion that was coming from the kitchen. So I got up and noticed that I was still wearing what I had on from the night before. 'Damn, I fell asleep in my dress clothes.' I looked myself over in the mirror and fixed my hair a bit. Then I slipped on my slippers and headed out. When I walked into the kitchen, Sesshomaru and Kagome were cooking and laughing together.

As I walked in, I didn't look at either one just headed towards the fridge, "Good Morning."

As I was grabbing some OJ, Kagome replied, "Hey Rin."

Then Sesshomaru, "Good Morning, Rin."

When I turned back, I caught a glimpse of Sesshomaru. I swear my eyes widened at the sight of him, he looked absolutely HOT in what he was wearing; gray dress slacks with a navy-blue sweater. But to my luck, the cupboard where the glasses were was right next to where he was standing. So I stood next to him and reached up to get a glass but his scent immediately hit my nose. My eyes involuntarily closed and I found myself inhaling deeply, trying to take in as much as possible. He smelled so damn GOOD but a slight push from him brought me out of my reverie and I turned towards him.

He smiled, "Sorry."

His amazing smile left me speechless again and made my heart start to thump hard and fast in my chest. I smiled in return since it was all I could do and walked back to the counter next to the fridge. As I was pouring the OJ into a glass, I shook my head slightly trying to clear my mind a bit.

Kagome turned back to me, "So Rin, what were you doing all day yesterday? You went back into your room and didn't come out at all."

I leaned back on the counter and sipped some juice, "Oh I was just listening to some music and reading until I fell asleep." All the while, I tried not to look at Sesshomaru which at the moment it was pretty difficult to do.

"Oh, ok. You must've fallen asleep early then because by the time I went to check on you, you were already asleep."

Shocked, "Well, that's a first. Since when do you ever check on me?"

She giggled, "I've always checked on you but usually you're asleep by then."

She walked over and kissed on my cheek, making them heat up, "Kagome, stop that."

She laughed, "I can't help it. Oh, I was going to ask you. So you ARE going out with Koga tonight right?"

Nodding, "Yeah, I told you last night that I was remember?"

She leaned back on the counter behind her, "Oh yeah. I just needed to know because Sesshomaru and I are going out tonight and I didn't want to leave you alone."

After I took a sip, I tilted my head to one side as I looked at her, "It's not going to be the first time that I'm left alone you know."

She grabbed her cup of coffee and took a sip; "I know that but still wanted to make sure."

Nodding, "Right."

Suddenly, Sesshomaru interrupted, looking towards me, "So Koga's your boyfriend?"

I looked at him and shook my head, "NO WAY, he's just a friend. Although I'm pretty sure he wants to be."

He slightly nodded, "Oh, so you're just dating then?"

'Now this is odd. Why is he so curious about that?' "Well, you can call it that I guess. But it's going to end pretty soon."

That was when he reached over and grabbed his cup, slowly bringing it up to his lips as he held onto my gaze, "Soon? You're ending it today aren't you? That's why you accepted his invitation." Then finally he took a sip, not breaking the link we had.

At that moment, my breath got stuck in my throat when I tried to answer, making it sound almost like a whisper, "Well, that's the plan." He just chuckled at my comment. That's when I turned away from him and took a deep breath, 'What the hell is happening to me?'

Looking back at Kagome, "Anyway, I wanted to ask you. WHY are you using MY screen name?"

Confused, "What screen name?"

"You know, 'Ice Princess'?"

She giggled, "Oh that one, I didn't feel like switching so I just logged on under that one since it was the first one listed."

Nodding, "Uh huh."

Sesshomaru interrupted again and pointed at me, "That's YOUR screen name?"

I looked back at him and nodded, "Yes, it is."

Then he slightly tilted his head to one side, curious, "But why 'Ice Princess'?"

Kagome answered and started to giggle, "Because that's her nickname."

Pointing towards Kagome, "According to her friends."

He started to laugh and shook his head, "Ok, I get it."

When the sound of his laughter reached my ears, it made my skin crawl and I felt goosebumps all over. 'This is the last straw. I need to get away' Turning away from him, "I think I hear my cell phone. I'm going to go check." Walking back towards my room and quickly shutting the door behind me.

Leaning back on the door, I took a deep breath, "Whoa, that was absolutely weird." Pushing myself away, I walked over to sit on top of my bed and stared at the floor. 'I don't know what to do anymore. I'm totally confused. Koga… well, Koga is a handsome guy but his attitude just sucks. I mean, I like him but only as a friend and nothing else. He's definitely not someone I see myself spending the rest of my life with.' Then I lifted my head to look at the door, 'Then, there's Sesshomaru. Ever since he arrived, I've been feeling different, much different. The weird part is that these feelings only happen when I'm around him and most of the times, I can't help it. I barely even know him, only for the ONE conversation we had online and it wasn't very long. I don't even think it's considered a conversation. Then Kagome seems to really like him so because of that, I can't do anything about these feelings because he's with her. I just can't explain why I feel like this. Especially, what should I do about them?' Leaning back on the headboard, I looked up and closed my eyes, whispering to the sky, _"Mom, you were always good at these things. Please help me."_

I didn't leave the room the rest of the day either. I just wasn't prepared and didn't know how to handle the emotions that Sesshomaru would stir in me. So the best thing was to stay as far away from him as possible, hoping that it would eventually stop them. So at about 4pm, I began to get ready. I showered and got dressed. Since Koga mentioned to dress casually, I decided to wear my hipster jeans, a cream turtleneck sweater and black leather high-heeled boots. At about 4:45, I was ready and walked out to the living room. When I got there, Sesshomaru was sitting on the sofa reading the newspaper and Kagome was leaning on him, reading a magazine.

They both turned towards me but Kagome was the only one to speak, "Hey there stranger. You look nice. Do you know where he's taking you?"

Feeling my cheeks heat up, "Oh thanks. No I don't but he said to dress casually." Although as I was responding to Kagome, I noticed Sesshomaru looking me up and down but I didn't pay much attention to him and continued to talk to Kagome. "So, what time are you guys going to dinner?"

"Sesshomaru made the reservation for 7. So a little before then."

I nodded and looked at the clock, "Oh, well Koga should be here pretty soon."

"Are you nervous?" She asked.

"Well to be honest, a little but it's something I have to do." Suddenly the doorbell rang, "Ah, there he is. Right on time." Turning and walking over to the door. When I opened it, I was left in awe. Koga looked so different. I guess it must have been the tan, but he looked GOOD.

Smiling, "Hi Rin", then he pulled a beautiful bouquet of roses from his back and handed them to me. "I brought you these."

I took them from him and looked down at them, "OH MY GOD, they're beautiful Koga. Thank you." Turning back at him, smiling.

Nodding, "No problem."

Suddenly, Kagome walked up next to me, leaning on my shoulder, "Hey Koga. It's been a while."

He chuckled, "Yeah, but you know when business calls."

Kagome giggled, "Yeah. Oh I want you to meet someone." She turned over and waved at Sesshomaru. He stood and walked next to her, sliding his arm around her waist, pulling her towards him. "Koga, I want you to meet Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru, this is Koga. An old friend of mine, we've known each other for years."

They shook hands and greeted each other. Koga; "Nice to meet you" then Sesshomaru; "Likewise."

Koga smiled, "So you're with this one eh? Well, good luck she can get pretty feisty."

Kagome interrupted, frowning, "HEY, that's not true."

They all laughed and Sesshomaru turned to give Kagome a kiss on her temple, "I think we'll be ok." Kagome turned towards him and wrapped her arms around him.

As I stood there, observing them, I began to feel somewhat tense and that same feeling of jealousy start to build up inside me so I had to slightly turn away. 'Oh shit, I need to get out of here. I'm starting to feel weird again.' Turning towards Kagome, "Do me a favor Kagome, could you put these in water please?" Handing the flowers to her.

She turned over and took them, nodding, "Sure."

Then I turned towards Koga and smiled, "Shall we?"

He looked at me and smiled, "Oh, sure." We started to walk out the door but then Koga stopped and turned around, "I'll see you guys later." I just kept walking towards his truck not looking back.

I heard Kagome yell as I reached the SUV, "Bye, have a good time." Once Koga unlocked it, I stepped in and waved goodbye to Kagome before we headed out to our date.

The date actually went pretty well, at the beginning. First, he took me to eat at a local deli that was nearby. The food was really good. Then, we took a drive around the city; showing me new spots that I've never even heard of before even though I've lived here for a while, which was pretty sad. Honestly, I was actually having fun this time. Lastly, he took me to a really nice park that had a huge lake so we could take a walk. Who knew that in that park was where things would get ugly.

The sky was clear and covered with stars. The moon was full that night and it shone brightly down towards the park. Its light reflecting off the lake giving it a light glow. The view was absolutely beautiful. As we were walking around, Koga and I chatted about different things, but mostly it was he telling me about his most recent trip. We walked around the whole park and when we were walking by the side of the lake, he suddenly stopped and moved to stand in front of me. I was a bit shocked at seeing him walk up to me like that and just looked at him.

He reached up and held my face in his hands, caressing my cheek, "Rin, you know that I care about you right?"

Looking straight into his eyes, I nodded, "Yeah, you told me the day we went to the beach remember?"

He chuckled and looked away, "Oh yeah, I remember." Then turned back to me, locking his eyes with mine, "But my feelings are much stronger now. Rin, you are an amazing woman, you really are. I think… I think I might be falling in love with you and I want to be able to see you as more than just a friend."

I lowered my head and shook it slightly. Lifting it, I turned back up to him and reached up to his hands to gently remove them, "Koga, it's really sweet of you to think of me that way but…"

Suddenly, the bright smile on his face faded away and was replaced by a frown, "BUT?" His tone even changed, from being sweet and gentle it changed to stern with a mixture of hostility in it.

Removing his hands from my face, "But I don't feel the same for you. I like you, don't get me wrong but only as a friend." When I peeled his hands away, I took a step back, giving us some distance. That was when I saw his hands beginning to shake and his eyes filled up with anger, making them almost darken.

Tilting his head to one side, his voice and eyes filled up with anger as he took a step closer, "Are you rejecting me?" Fisting his hands at his sides.

I definitely didn't like his tone of voice and quirked an eyebrow, "What?"

Suddenly, he stepped in front of me and grabbed me by my biceps, gripping them firmly and pulling me towards him. A gasp escaped me as he pulled me forward and I slightly closed my eyes at the sharp pain coming from his grip. Then he violently shook me, making me open my eyes to look at him, his eyes burning with rage. Shaking his head, "No one has ever rejected me before and I mean no ONE. I always get what I want, whenever I want it and what I want is you."

He began to tighten his grip and I let out a light groan because of the immense pain coming from it. "Koga, let me go. You're hurting me." I started to struggle, trying to loosen myself but it only made him hold on tighter. The look he had in his eyes that moment frightened me, it made it seem as if his eyes could shoot fire from the intense anger they reflected. I turned away, trying not to look at him but he shook me vigorously again, making me turn back towards him.

"Listen to me, Rin and listen well. If you're not going to be with me, then you're not going to be with anyone else. You got that? I will make sure of it."

That was when I started feeling an intense fear. I was seriously scared because he was extremely angry and his threat didn't make me feel any better either. Although, when his threat finally kicked in, I felt my blood begin to boil because I wasn't going to let myself get manhandled by a creep such as himself. So I gathered up all the courage within me and pushed the fear aside. 'Oh hell no. He did NOT just say that to me' Somehow, I caught him off guard and managed to loosen myself from him. Finally free, I took a step back and fisted my hands at my sides as I yelled, "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? Who the FUCK do you think you are huh? I'm not some damn object you pick up and claim as your own, you know?"

Suddenly, he took a step towards me but it only made me take another step back, his voice low and stern, "Don't curse at me."

Now THAT was made me even angrier. Frowning, "What? Now you're trying to tell me what to do. I can curse at you whenever I feel like it. Plus, I don't give a FUCK if you've never been rejected before, that's not my business and I don't appreciate you threatening me either. My decision has been made and now I can see I made the right one. You've changed all right but I can see not everything changed with you, you're still a selfish creep. Open your eyes Koga, the world doesn't revolve around YOU."

He tightened his fists and suddenly turned around, yelling, "Damn it," as he punched a nearby tree. Then, he pulled back and looked down at his bloody knuckles, lifting his head to look towards me.

I only gave him an angry look and turned away, "I want to leave. Take me home. I've had enough of this." Turning around, I began to walk towards the truck. Turning my head towards him constantly, keeping an eye on him for if he tried something.

During the drive back, we said nothing to each other. Even though he was driving like a maniac and flooring it. I remained quiet even when he took very dangerous turns; even then I still didn't budge. All I did was bite my lip the entire time trying not to talk. I just hung on tight to my seat and silently prayed that I got home safe. When we finally arrived to my house, he stopped. But before he even got a chance to speak, I opened the door, stepped off the truck and slammed the door behind me, making my way towards the porch without saying anything to him. All I heard as I was walking away were his tires screeching as he took off. I stopped and turned in the direction he left, making sure that he truly did leave until he finally disappeared.

Honestly, I felt awful because of all the shit that he'd told me and it shocked me so much that I wanted to cry. But instead, I held it all in. So I lowered my head, crossed my arms and kept walking towards the front door. When I looked up, Kagome was standing at the door. She must have heard the screeching of the tires and gone out to check. Hell, who DIDN'T hear it was the real question.

When I stepped inside, I said nothing to her and noticed that Sesshomaru was looking up at me from the sofa. I just glanced at him and looked back at Kagome as she was closing the door.

"You two are home early, I thought you were going out tonight?"

Kagome walked up and stood by me, "We did but we decided to come home early."

"Oh." Then she started to walk towards the kitchen so I walked over and sat on the recliner, waiting for her to come back. In the meantime, I said nothing just stared at the floor, when suddenly I heard Sesshomaru's voice, startling me.

"Rin, are you all right? You don't look well." Looking concerned.

All I did was nod.

That was when Kagome came back from the kitchen and handed each of us a bottle of water, "He's right. What happened?" making her way to sit next to Sesshomaru.

I took the bottle from her and placed it on my lap, looking at it. Shaking my head, my voice low, "Nothing, I'm all right."

"Rin, you're not very good at telling lies. What happened with Koga?"

Since she kept insisting, I gave up and began to tell them everything. About the dinner, the drive we took, about the places he showed me and described the park we went to. But when it got to the part where he confessed and the argument, my voice threatened to break but I held it back and tried to keep as much control as I could. I didn't want to cry in front of them especially in front of Sesshomaru. Both were left in shock by my story especially Kagome, for she didn't think that he could possibly act that way and she felt bad because it was HER idea for me to go out with him in the first place. When I was done, Kagome began to say something in respect to the subject but instead of listening to her, I looked down and stared at the floor, blocking her out. I didn't hear a word she said but images of what happened kept popping up in my head as she was talking. I was so zoned out that I never realized a tear had fallen from my eye until I felt a tickle on my cheek. Immediately, I wiped it and looked at my fingers, finally realizing that it was a tear.

'Damn, I hope they didn't see that.' But it was too late for when I looked up, I saw Sesshomaru looking at me. I held on to his gaze for a brief moment and as I kept looking into his eyes, something about them made me unable to hold it in anymore. I had to leave or I was going to break down there. Interrupting Kagome, I quickly got up and mumbled, "I'll be in my room" as I walked towards it.

The moment I entered and shut the door, I burst into tears. I walked over to my bed, dropped my things on the floor and sobbed right into my pillow until I couldn't cry anymore. After a while, I turned over to look at the clock, it was about 3am and I had gotten home at around 11pm.

Since it was already late and I was still in my other clothes, I got up and walked over to the closet to change clothes, slipping into my sweatpants and tank top. Once I was done, I turned to walk back to the bed but when I passed by the mirror, I noticed something weird and stopped. I continued looking and noticed what was on my arms, the bruises Koga left. I looked over to them, seeing them there and tried to run my hand over them. Immediately at my touch, I hissed from the sharp pain that emerged and the skin even felt hot there as well. I sighed and turned over to walk back into my bed. I slid under the covers and placed them underneath my arms. Finally settling myself on my left side, I stared blankly out the window until I was startled by a noise that came from the door, sounding as if someone opened it. Immediately, I closed my eyes making it seem that I was asleep. Suddenly, I heard footsteps inside as if the person was walking towards me. I stayed perfectly still and felt someone sit on the bed right by where my arms were. Since I'd loosened my hair, the sudden shifts of the bed made a lock of it fall on my face. That was when I felt a warm hand remove the lock and tucked the hair behind my ear then moved over and started to lightly caress my forehead. At first, I thought it was Kagome since she'd mentioned that she checked on me occasionally. But I got a strange feeling telling me otherwise and the hand felt much different than Kagome's, raising my suspicions on who it could be. As I continued to remain still, the hand started to move down my cheek and stopped at my chin, pulling away. Then I felt warm fingers gently move to my shoulder, down my right arm until they stopped right where the bruises were. I guess they had been noticed even in the faint light coming from outside. Suddenly, I felt those same gentle fingers start to lightly touch them. At the sensation, I tensed a little as I remembered that they'd hurt when I'd touched them but when I felt warm fingertips sliding around them, tracing them as if to soothe them, I relaxed. I was actually surprised when they didn't hurt, on the contrary, the touch made them feel better and the pain wasn't as bad. Then, the same hand started running down my arm until it reached my hand, covering it. As the person stood up, I felt light caresses on the backside of my hand. Suddenly, the hand moved away and I heard footsteps again but they sounded as if the person was walking away. That was when I opened my eyes, turned over and gasped when I saw who it really was.

"_Sesshomaru."_

But by then, the door had been closed.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

'' Thought expressions.

"_Italic_" Whisper expressions

I was absolutely shocked when I saw whom it really was that night. Turning over confirmed my suspicions but I never expected to be right and that was what confused me the most. Between his actions and my feelings, I didn't know what to do anymore. It only proved that I wasn't dreaming and it demonstrated that I wasn't the only one feeling strange either. Although, I knew that whatever decision I took, it was going to end up hurting us all.

A couple of months passed since the day I was on the date from hell.

Koga DID try to get in contact with me afterwards but Kagome wouldn't let him talk to me and I refused to too, of course. He even had the nerve to come to the house looking for me, claiming that he needed to talk about what happened. But both Kagome and Sesshomaru would not let him get near me. Especially Sesshomaru, when Koga tried to walk up to me, he stood right in front of me and shot Koga a look that could almost kill. I was surprised to see such a reaction come from him. It seemed as if he was protecting someone very precious to him. But in the end, Koga finally left me alone or at least I thought he did.

About Sesshomaru's late night visit, well, I never mentioned anything to neither Kagome nor him and he never mentioned anything about it either. Let's just say that I played it off as if I didn't know that anyone came in that night. I decided to keep it as my own little secret, adding more to the collection I already had. After that night, he started to talk to me more often with the excuse that he wanted to get to know me better and in reality, I wanted the same. But I avoided him as much as possible, not because of my feelings towards him but because I wanted to prevent a conflict between Kagome and I.

Throughout the next months, I noticed that Kagome and Sesshomaru started to become more distant. They didn't go out together as much as they used to or even spend time with one another. I'm not sure why but what confirmed my doubts was what I accidentally overheard Kagome telling Sango over the phone.

I was walking towards the kitchen and saw Kagome sitting on the couch, talking on the phone. I don't think Sesshomaru was home that day. When I was just about to enter the kitchen, I stopped when Kagome seemed to be talking about him.

"Well things are ok between us but it doesn't feel the same anymore… I don't know but it's getting pretty boring. I don't think he's my type; he's too quiet and doesn't like going out a lot… Oh you know I love it… I'm not sure. I guess I'll just hang on a while longer and see what happens, I don't think much will change though. If it doesn't, I'll just break it off…"

My eyes widened and my mouth hung open at Kagome's words, 'What? How could she say it just like that? Without even feeling some kind of remorse. I can't believe her.' Yet I remained silent and carried on with what I was doing. I don't think Kagome ever found out that I overheard what she said and I didn't mention it to her either. For my safety, it was good that I didn't.

Although, it seemed that the more distant they became, the more Sesshomaru would approach me. But my dodging him made it difficult and it proved to be very effective at the beginning, until it backfired. One day, he finally managed to catch me off guard and got what he was working so hard for, a conversation.

I was sitting on the steps of the back porch, looking up at the sky. The moon was nearly full and made its presence known by shining brightly down to the yard, giving it a light glow. I was alone; thinking about things that just came into mind, nothing in particular really. When all of a sudden, I turned and saw him sit down on the opposite side, he really wasn't that close because the stairs were pretty wide so we both still had some good distance between us.

Disregarding him, I looked up to the sky again before he turned towards me, "May I ask what you're doing out here by yourself?"

I leaned my head back on the railing and continued to look up, "Nothing. Just looking up at the moon. It always looks amazing no matter in what stage it's in." I heard him move around and turned slightly to see him looking up as well. The moonlight made his hair shine and illuminated his face, giving him an almost angelic look. He always took my breath away, no matter what he was wearing. Believe me, I saw him in not so good-looking attire and he still looked amazing to me.

He lowered his head and looked towards me, locking his eyes with mine, "Yes, it does."

The tone of his voice made my cheeks heat up and I couldn't help curl my lips up to a smile as I looked away from him, "So where's Kagome?"

"She's not home. She went out with some friends."

I tilted my head back up to look at the sky but I kept glancing at him from the corner of my eye, "Oh."

He looked towards me and smiled, "So Rin, do you go to school?"

Shaking my head, "No, I don't actually. I'm done with my studies."

Shocked, "How can you be done if you're barely 21 years old? You still have so much more to go."

Still looking towards the sky, I smiled, "Because I already have a masters degree."

That's when I heard him sit up. I glanced over and giggled when I noticed that his eyes had widened, shocked, "WHAT? How can that be? You're so young. You're just kidding with me, aren't you?"

Turning towards him, I shook my head, "No, not at all. I'm serious. I have a Masters degree in Business."

He sat back and slightly shook his head; "Wow that's amazing. How did you do it? I mean it took a while to get mine."

Shifting around, I brought my knees up to my chest and crossed my arms over them. Then I bent down and leaned my head down on my arms, looking towards the yard, "Well, when my parents died I was absolutely devastated. I didn't want to do anything or go anywhere; I'd lost all hope of living and it lasted for over a year. All I wanted was to be alone; but the more I needed it, the less everyone left me. I stopped talking to all my friends but they would still check on me. I would talk to no one except Kagome; she was the only one that kept me going at the time. Until one day, I decided to do something of myself instead of just being cooped up in my room." I turned towards him and found him looking at me, he seemed really interested in hearing my story.

"How old were you?"

Turning back towards the yard, "I was 16 when they passed away."

"Ah, so you were 17 when you started school again?"

Nodding, still looking at the yard, "Yeah, I told my uncle, since he was the one caring for us at the time and he hired tutors for me. Excellent tutors the best you can find. That was when I met Hojo. He was one of the tutors that inspired me the most and because of him, I progressed very quickly. Also, I had a lot of time on my hands and to me, hitting the books helped a lot to get my mind off the accident."

"You must be a genius then."

I lifted my head up off my arms and giggled. Then, I lowered it and shook it slightly, "No, I'm not a genius. I'm as smart as the next person but I was hurt and desperate to find a solution for a problem that was haunting me and at the time, studying seemed to be the only solution I had."

"Sounds like you've had quite a life."

"Yeah, I guess." Suddenly, I turned towards him and he was looking back up at the sky. He looked so handsome under the moonlight; I could almost see the moon reflecting off his amber eyes. All of a sudden, I found myself unable to take my eyes away from him. I'm guessing he must've felt my gaze on him and turned towards me, his eyes had a kind of softness to them that I couldn't quite understand. We kept looking at each other for a while and it felt as if he was trying to somehow grasp what I had just confided in him. But a noise from the inside of the house broke our bond and we both turned to see.

"Sounds like Kagome's home. I'm going in." I stood and started to walk towards the house but he stopped me by catching my wrist as I passed by him.

"Rin," I turned towards him, waiting for him to say something but instead he remained silent. Although, he really didn't have to say anything because his eyes said more than words ever could.

The look in his eyes that moment made my heart feel as if it was going to burst but I couldn't do anything about it. Even though they were distant, he was still with Kagome and it was the reason why he was there to begin with. All I knew was that I didn't want to stand in-between them. Even though I wanted to, even though my heart wanted to cry out to him, I never responded to him just smiled and whispered, _"I need to go inside,"_ before he released me and I walked back into the house.

After that, we didn't have another private conversation like the one we had. I don't think Kagome knew he was outside with me when she'd gotten home that night, for she didn't say anything. If we had any conversations amongst each other, they would always be in front of her.

Now, some people believe that time heals all wounds. But there are wounds that not even time can heal, no matter how much of it passes by. Those memories may be forgotten but still exist deep within the heart. Most of the time, they cause more pain when they are remembered than when they actually happened, that I learned by experience. No matter how much you try to forget the past, it always finds a way to come back and haunt you, no matter what. Although, I never really believed it myself until it really happened to me.

A couple of weeks later, I was at a café that was not too far from the house. I was sitting outside, reading a magazine and drinking tea. The weather was kind of gloomy that day and it was very cloudy but it didn't seem as if it was going to rain. I was looking at a picture of an outfit when I heard someone call my name,

"Rin?"

Lifting my head up, I started to look around trying to find the source of the voice and noticed a woman walking towards me. At first look, I didn't quite recognize her because she was too far away.

Then she walked up to me, "Rin Imamura, is that you?"

Her voice sounded really familiar but I couldn't quite figure out who it was. So I kept looking at her, thinking back until it finally hit me, "OH MY GOD, Mrs. Ishikawa. It's so nice to see you again." Then I stood and wrapped my arms around her.

"I knew it was you when I saw you," releasing me. She pulled back and looked me up and down, "My, have you grown. You look absolutely beautiful. How are you my dear?"

Looking myself over and then back at her, my cheeks heated up, "Thank you, Mrs. Ishikawa. You look great as well. I didn't quite recognize you at the beginning. Actually, I'm doing well thanks and yourself?"

She waved her hand, "Oh dear, come on stop that. You know you can call me Ayame. I'm doing great."

Smiling, "Oh, ok. Ayame, please take a seat. I was just starting to have some tea. Will you join me?"

She smiled, "Ooooo tea actually sounds great right now. That way we can catch up on our gossip."

Giggling, "Sounds good to me."

I'm pretty sure you're wondering who this woman is by now. Well, she was a very important aspect in my life back when my parents died. Back when Hojo and I would hang out together and pretty much do everything together. She's his mother. Hojo and her were one of the reasons why I continued to live after the accident. Yes and I say it as LIVE, because I felt that death would've been the only way I could stop the pain I felt. Hojo gave me a new reason to live, he taught me many things and I loved him for everything he did for me. You can say that he was my first true love. She was always there for me when I needed her. I loved her and still love her a lot; she's been like a mother to me.

We chatted for quite some time. It was about 5pm and the sky was beginning to darken. We spent the entire day talking about everything: what I have been doing, I even told her about Koga and Sesshomaru. She talked to me about; how the business was doing and what she'd done recently. Her husband still lived but Mr. Ishikawa was always out on business and was hardly ever home. I think she was already used to not having him around.

My cell phone suddenly started to ring, "Oh sorry, it's Kagome. Excuse me for a sec."

"Oh no it's ok, pick it up. Tell her I said hi."

I answered my phone:

"Hello

_Hey Rin, what are you doing?_

I'm still at the café, guess who's here with me?

_Who? A really HOT guy? - _She started to laugh.

_Laughing, _No, you dork. Mrs. Ishikawa. Oh sorry, Ayame. Do you remember her? Hojo's mother? By the way, she says Hi.

_Oh yeah, how's she doing? Tell her I said Hi._

I turned to Ayame, "She says Hi."

She's doing well. We're just drinking some tea and chatting.

_Cool. Oh ok. Well I'll let you get back to chatting. I'll see you later ok_

All right, Bye.

_Bye"_

I set my phone down and smiled, "Sorry, Kagome likes to bug me all the time."

She laughs, "No, it's ok. She's just worried that's all."

"In that case, she's worried non-stop."

Giggling, "So Rin, do you have any plans for later?"

Shaking my head, "No, not that I know of. Why?"

Smiling, "Good because I want to show you something."

Nodding, "Oh ok, Well, I have all day."

Standing up, "Great, well let's go shall we?"

I nodded, "Sure." So I paid the tab, grabbed my things and walked with her to the limousine. Since I was allowed to go in first, I sat by the left window. She stopped and whispered something to the driver before she stepped in.

I kept looking at the inside and then turned towards her, "Wow, I haven't been in one of these in a long time," as the door was closed.

Smiling, "How long has it been?"

Shaking my head, "I can't remember. That's how long it's been. So where are we going?"

She laughed, "Silly girl. You'll see, it's somewhere special."

"Oh ok."

During the drive, we chatted more but she started bringing up Hojo a lot more often. I began to get a weird feeling that this "special place" she was taking me to had something to do with him, but I could've been wrong. After a bit of a long drive, we finally arrived to some buildings that were up on a hill; I looked out the window and read the sign.

Turning towards her, "Hillside Estates. What is this place?"

"Oh, you'll see dear."

The car made a full stop in front of a building and the driver walked over to open the door. It was a really nice area, located on the edge of the city and it wasn't too secluded either. There were also other apartment buildings not far from it as well. We stepped out and she guided me towards the building in front of us. Walking in, we approached the elevators and took one up to the 4th floor. Although the moment when we stepped out of the elevator, I felt a cold chill shoot up my back. I'm not sure what it was but I didn't like the feeling I was getting. Nonetheless, I continued to walk behind her until we arrived to the final hallway that only had 2 doors, one on the very end and another one about 100 feet before the other one. We walked up to the first door and Ayame pulled out a set of keys from her purse and used it to open the door.

"There you go, my dear." She opened the door and stepped aside, allowing me to go in first.

I walked slowly into the loft and looked all around, "Wow, this place is cool." Turning towards her, curious, "But why did you bring me here?"

She walked up to me, her eyes had saddened and they caused another chill to course through my body. Her voice low, "It belonged to Hojo, this was his place. I'm surprised he never brought you here."

When she finished, my blood rushed to the floor, lightly, "Oh." I started looking around again, feeling my hands become ice cold and goosebumps crawled all over my arms as I kept walking. It looked to be a very cozy place. It had many windows, brightening the place up and there was a balcony down the hall To the left and right from where I stood were doors, most likely the bedrooms or bathrooms. Then further in on the left, stood the kitchen. It seemed as if it had not been used in a long time but was still maintained. All the way to the back was the living room and on the left wall was a full-fledged bar.

Seeing the bar there made me lightly chuckle, "That's Hojo for you." He did mention something about it once but I never believed it, I thought he was joking. Obviously, he wasn't. It was funny though for that place hardly had any walls only the ones in the bedrooms and bathroom. I turned and walked out to the balcony; it was really big and had a breathtaking view of the city. I walked back inside and closed the door behind me as I turned to look back at Ayame; "This place is amazing."

She smiled, "Yes it is but I still have one more thing I need to show you."

Surprised, "There's more?" Walking towards the door.

I followed her down to the outside of the building and we entered the area where the garages were. We kept walking down a couple of doors until she finally stopped.

"Here it is." She pulled out another set of keys from her purse with a control hanging on it. She pressed a button and the garage door began to open. Since it was already quite dark, I really couldn't see what was inside the garage until she walked in and turned on a light inside. My eyes widened and I gasped when I saw what was kept in there. "This is It," pointing towards the car.

Shaking my head, "_Oh my god, it can't be._" I couldn't believe it and started to slowly walk up to it and stretched my hand out to touch it.

"Yes it is," as she stepped away, allowing me to pass through.

My hand was shaking, when I touched the car. It was Hojo's beige Mercedes. Closing my eyes, I began to walk around it, feeling it and remembering at the same time.

There were so many memories we shared with that car. In that car, he would take me anywhere I wanted without hesitation. We would sometimes just sit in that car and talk until very late. At that point, I'm not sure if it was because I was shocked but I didn't know what to think or what to do anymore.

I reached the door again and reopened my eyes, looking over at Ayame, my voice low, "I can't believe this is still here. I though you would've gotten rid of it."

Shaking her head, "No, never. I couldn't have been able to if I tried." I couldn't take the feelings revolving inside me anymore and walked out the garage. Ayame closed the door, "Let's go," and we made our way back to the limo. Once inside, she turned towards me "Rin, do you mind if I stop by my house really quick before I drop you home?"

I was staring out the window, still trying to absorb all that I'd just seen but my brain seemed not process it or it was my heart that didn't let it sink in. Snapping out of my reverie, I turned towards her, "Huh, oh it's ok."

During the drive to her house, we said nothing to each other. It wasn't because I didn't want to talk to her but because I really couldn't and I'm sure she knew that. By the time we arrived to her house, it had started to rain. Her house was a HUGE mansion, it was enormous but at that moment I just didn't care.

She gently placed her hand on my shoulder, "I'll be right back ok?"

I nodded and turned to see one of her maids' walk out with an umbrella to escort her inside. It wasn't too long before she came back out and stepped into the limo. As we headed to my house, I remained silent just staring out the window. I felt her place her hand on my shoulder again but I didn't even flinch at her touch. It seemed as if I was a lifeless corpse with a beating heart, not moving or feeling anything.

When we arrived to my house, the car stopped in front of it. We moved to switch seats so I could get out through the right side.

When I was going to open the door she stopped me, "Rin, wait." I turned to her; "I wanted to give you something before you leave."

I couldn't speak; my voice wasn't working properly. But I tried and managed to get something out, "What is it?"

She reached into her purse and pulled out the two sets of keys and an envelope, handing them to me, "Take these."

I took them from her and looked down at them, noticing that they were the keys for the loft and the car. Shaking my head, "But I can't take this. They belonged to Hojo, you should be the one to keep them," giving them back to her.

She shook her head and put her hand up, "No, I'm sure he wanted you to have them." She pointed towards the envelope, "That is a letter that Hojo asked me to give to you before he passed, it should answer all questions you might have."

My blood rushed to my feet again and felt my entire body get ice cold. I continued to look at her and she slightly smiled, her voice as low as a whisper, "Go, it's ok. Just be careful not to get too wet." The driver opened the door and escorted me to the front porch. I saw Ayame wave goodbye and noticed the sad look on her face as her car took off. I held the keys and envelope to my chest with my arms crossed over them.

I knocked at the door, I have no idea why since I had the key but at that moment, I just wasn't functioning right.

Kagome opened the door and gasped, "Oh my god, Rin. What's wrong? You're completely pale." She wrapped her arm around me and walked me over me to the sofa. Sesshomaru quickly stood up to close the door and then kneeled in front of me. Kagome sat beside me, holding me close and started to stroke my hair, "What happened Rin? Why are you like this? You look as if you've seen a ghost."

My voice still wasn't working properly, all I could do then was whisper, _"I did see one."_ Not releasing the contents I had in my hands because my arms suddenly wouldn't move.

Sesshomaru pointed towards them, "What's that you have in your hands?"

I keep looking forward staring at nothing. A blank expression taking over my face, _"It's the keys to Hojo's place and his car. He wrote me a letter before he died, this is it."_

Leaning over and resting her head on mine, "Oh no, are you sure you want to read it?"

Nodding,_ "Yeah, I need to know what he said."_

"Do you want me to open it for you?" she reached over and tried to take the envelope but I flinched away.

Shaking my head, _"NO, I want to read it alone." _

Sesshomaru began to lightly caress my knee; "Do you think you'll be all right?"

"_I have to be. I'm going to go." _I felt Kagome release me and she helped me stand. Once I was up, I started to slowly make my way towards my room.

Once inside, I dropped everything on the bed and picked up the envelope. I turned and sat on the floor, leaning on the side of the bed. My hands were started to shake tremendously as I opened the letter and began to read it:

_Dearest Rin,_

_I've really wanted to see you these past few days but I understand that you have to take care of your affairs about your parents first. I would've hoped to tell you this in person but expressing myself in this letter will have to do. _

_You've been my dearest friend for so long. You are the only person in this world I could fully trust. I bless the day when I was called by your uncle to meet you for your tutoring. We've made so many great memories together since then. Especially, when we shared our hopes and dreams to each other. That's a day I'm never going to forget. But rest assured that I leave this world happy but with a regret that of all those chances I had, I never told you how much I truly loved you. But by writing you this letter it will clear me of this regret I have. You became my life, my fantasy and the lover in my dreams. You are the one person I would've wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But don't worry though, I know you loved me as well because I always saw the love you had for me reflect in your eyes or felt it in the way you held me. At least, I was able to make you happy during the tough times you had. I'm glad I was able to feel your lips against mine once and it's definitely a sensation that I can't and won't try to remove from my lips. _

_I'm just sorry I couldn't tell you all of this in person like I wanted to but life doesn't always give us what we wish for. Rin Imamura, you will always have a special place in my heart. I love you and always will._

_With Love,_

_Hojo Ishikawa_

_P.S. I've let my mother know that I want my place and car left to you. That way you can always have a place to stay and be able to get yourself around, no matter what. I know you well, Rin, I'm sure that you're not going to accept but I want you to have them as another way to remember me. Always keep me in your heart and you will always be in mine. I'm sure you'll make someone extremely happy someday because you are special. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise._

As I was reading the letter, tears started to pool in my eyes until I couldn't hold them back anymore. They fell uncontrollably until the end. When I was done, I pulled my knees up to my chest and held onto them with the letter tightly clenched in my hand. I couldn't hold back from crying out anymore. I lowered my head and started to sob right into my arms. I cried until I couldn't anymore, leaving me where it felt that even if I tried, tears wouldn't come out.

About 2 hours later, I didn't move from my position at all. I remained still with my forehead still resting on my arms, my mind lost to nothingness. Then, I lifted it up a bit to stare at the wall, resting my chin on my knees.

Suddenly, my door opened. "Rin?" I was able to hear Sesshomaru's voice but I didn't bother to turn.

Sinking my head further into my arms, I heard him come in and he closed the door behind him. That's when I heard him lightly gasp and he walked up to me. He kneeled right in front and reached out to caress my head, his voice low, "Are you ok, sweetheart?"

I looked at him, seeing the worry and fear that appeared in his eyes but even then, I still said nothing to him.

He moved up closer to me until I felt his knees touch the tips of my feet, continuing to caress my forehead. He kept his voice low but it had filled with concern, "Come on, speak to me Rin." But for some reason, the sound of his voice felt soothing to me.

So I lifted my head up off my arms and lowered my knees to one side, not feeling anything even as the numbness began to dissipate from the position they had been.

He cupped my cheek in his hand as we looked at each other. Then he noticed the letter clenched in my hand and with his other one, reached over and held on to it, "May I?"

Releasing the letter, _"It doesn't matter anymore."_ I turned away from him as I felt him take it but I started to feel as if I was going to break down again.

He released me and began to read it. When he finished, he reached up and held on to my chin. Slowly turning my face towards him, "Rin, I…"

At that moment, seeing the look in his face and the sadness that filled his eyes, I just couldn't hold it anymore. I burst into tears again but that time I reached out and wrapped my arms around his neck. I'm not sure why I did it, it must have been the need to be comforted that led me to do it and at that point I just didn't care about anything. I buried my face in his shoulder, held on tight and cried out, "Why does this have to happen to me? First, it was my parents then I had to lose him too. The only people that have meant something to me are gone. I'll never see them again." As I kept sobbing uncontrollably into his shoulder.

I felt him wrap his arms tightly around me, holding me close to him. Then he started to lightly rub my back in an effort to comfort me as he whispered in my ear, _"It's ok sweetie. I promise you that everything's going to be all right, you'll see."_ Lightly rocking our bodies, trying to calm me down.

The feeling of being in his arms and listening to his comforting words made me feel safe and at peace, something that I wasn't able to feel in a long time. A feeling that only my parents and Hojo had given me. That was when I finally realized what was missing in my life. LOVE, but it was a love that I could never have and it was tearing me apart. It was a love that was so close but yet so beyond my grasp which caused the tears to reappear. It was a love that no one, absolutely no one but one person could ever give me and it was from the man that was right there with me, holding me in his arms.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

'' Thought expressions

"_Italic"_ Whisper expressions

I continued to cry into the early morning, not letting go of Sesshomaru. On the contrary, the more I cried, the tighter I held onto him. He was my support and deep down, my soul was thankful that he was there. He stayed with me until the very end, holding me until I finally exhausted myself and fell asleep in his arms.

When the sun came out that morning, it peeked through my window and hit my face, waking me up. I was lying on my left side and shifted trying to turn over but I felt something preventing me from doing it. So I opened one eye, lifted my head a bit and noticed that there was an arm wrapped around my waist. Since I was still half-asleep, I didn't pay much attention and lowered my head back down, closing my eye. But once my brain finally processed it, my eyes shot open and I looked up again to see the arm still there. Slowly, I followed the arm to its source until I turned to look over my shoulder. My eyes fully widened and I lightly gasped when I realized who was lying there with me, _"Sesshomaru." _Luckily, he was still asleep and didn't feel when I turned over to face him. I kept looking at him, seeing how peacefully he slept and I just didn't have the heart to wake him. So I remained still and continued to admire him while he slept. He really was amazing, even though he would never know because I just couldn't tell him. In the short time he was there, he did a lot for me despite me pushing him away. He certainly was a sight and deep down in my heart, seeing him sleep so peacefully next to me was the vision I wanted to wake up to everyday but yet deep down, I knew it couldn't happen. But as I kept looking at him, something stirred inside me and I reached out to caress his cheek. Although when I was just about to, something snapped and knocked me out of the reverie I was in. 'What the hell am I doing? I've got to get out of here.' So I pulled my hand back and in an attempt to get away, I reached down and tried to pry his arm from me but it only caused him to move and mumble something before he tightened his grip. Shaking my head slightly, 'Shit. Now what am I going to do? I need to get out of here.' Once he stopped moving, I tried again and managed to remove his arm. So I started slowly backing away, never realizing that I was already near the edge of the bed until I fell off.

THUD

"Ouch. Damn it, What the…" rubbing my bottom in the meantime.

"Rin?"

Still on the ground, my eyes widened at the sound of his voice. Shaking my head, 'Oh I've done it now. I woke him up, now how am I going to get away?'

I kneeled and peeked up, finding Sesshomaru leaning on his arm with a concerned look on his face, sleepily, "Are you ok?"

I placed my arms up on the bed and leaned on them, nodding, "Yeah, I'm ok." He looked so handsome; the sun hitting his face making his eyes brighten up. So I rested my chin on my arms and continued to silently admire him.

Yawning, "That was quite a fall, what happened?" I giggled at the sight of him yawning; he just looked so adorable.

"I was startled to find you still here."

He suddenly looked back at me and frowned, "Was I supposed to leave?"

My eyes widened a bit and I slightly lifted my head, shaking it; "No… I mean… I'm not sure. What if Kagome comes in and finds you here?" Resting my chin back on my arms.

He closed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair, as he spoke, "She's not home. I've already checked." Then looked back at me.

I fully lifted my head from my arms, shocked; "You've been up already? Then why… why are you still here? I figured you would've gone back to your room the moment I fell asleep."

Shaking his head, "No… I came back."

My eyes widened, "W… why?"

He leaned towards me, his eyes locked with mine as he lowered his voice down to a whisper, "Because I didn't WANT to leave you alone. You really frightened me last night, even more when I saw the condition you were in. I knew that if I left, I would be worried about you so I decided to stay and keep an eye on you."

I honestly felt bad for making him worry and couldn't continue to look at him because of it. So I looked away and rested my head back on my arms, looking down, "Oh, I'm sorry."

He reached out and held onto my chin, gently lifting my head up from my arms to look at him again, "Don't look away from me Rin, what are you apologizing for?"

Looking straight into his eyes, "For making you worry about me." Shaking my head, "I didn't think anyone cared."

He shook his head as his eyes widened, "Don't be silly, of course I care and don't be sorry. None of it is your fault, you shouldn't feel that way."

He released me and moved back to lay down again, closing his eyes. I rested my head back on my arms and continued looking at him, "Thank you."

He opened one eye and turned to me, "For what?"

Lifting my head, I rested my chin on my hands and curled my lips into a smile, "For everything."

He smiled, "You're welcome," Although, it faded as a confused look replaced it, "But… there's still one thing I don't understand."

"What is it?"

He turned on his side, resting his weight on his elbow and rested his head on his hand. His eyes saddened, "Last night, it felt… it felt like you released a lot more than just grief. Was it what you'd been building up inside? Am I wrong?"

I looked down at the bed, shaking my head, lightly, "No… I have a tendency to keep things to myself and as you must've noticed, I keep to myself a lot also."

"Why?"

Still not looking at him, "I don't know. No one really listens to me or doesn't want to, I'm not sure. That's why I don't even bother to try anymore, I just keep it to myself."

Shocked, "Not even Kagome? I would've figured that she would listen to you because she's your sister?"

I fully rested my head on my arms again and close my eyes as I sighed, "Especially Kagome, she's always too caught up with her social life that sometimes she forgets I'm even here. I know it may seem to you like she cares but sometimes I think that she really doesn't, like last night for example. Whatever it is, in the end, I'm always left alone even though she's here with me."

"And when she forgets, you don't do anything to remind her either, do you?"

Shaking my head, "No, I just leave her alone." That's when my eyes began to water until a tear escaped but even yet, I remained as I was.

Suddenly, I felt his warm breath hit my face, "Rin, look at me."

I opened my eyes and looked towards him, finding him leaning towards me with his face just mere inches from mine. His eyes soft and yet had a bit of worry mixed in as well; he lowered his voice to a soft tone, "Please don't cry anymore. No more tears, ok?" as he reached up and wiped the tear from my cheek.

I continued to look into his eyes as I nodded and looked away to wipe the tears away from my eyes. I looked back at him, "better?"

He nodded, "Much better but… Rin, could I ask you something?"

Nodding, "Yeah," but I was clueless as to what he would ask.

He kept looking into my eyes, boring into them until he asked, "Look into my eyes. What do you see?"

I looked deeply into his eyes and noticed something in them, something that I couldn't quite figure out at the moment, that and I was still a bit confused at the sudden change of subject. Shaking my head, "I don't understand."

I noticed him studying my face as he raised his hand up to my cheek again but stopped before he touched it, "I…" lowering his hand and head while he released a frustrated groan.

I think he must've stopped himself from saying something but I lowered my head enough to look into his eyes, "Sesshomaru, what is it?" Following him up as he raised his head again.

He looked back up to me and reached out, cupping my cheek and caressing it with his thumb, his eyes looking straight into mine, "You want to know what I see in yours? Your eyes… your eyes look dreary, hidden behind a curtain of pain and even though you try to hide it behind an icy demeanor, it's still there. It's something that's not supposed to be in someone of your age, you're too young to have to go through all this. Also, keeping to yourself won't help you at all either, you need to trust someone and let it out. It's not good for you, emotionally and physically. Now I truly understand why Kagome and her friends call you 'Ice Princess' but they're wrong, VERY wrong. You're not cold at all even though you try to be, just… alone."

I sighed and closed my eyes, removing my cheek from his hand and turned away from him, "I did trust someone." He was absolutely right and it hurt to admit it. Only two people have been able to piece me together in such a short time, something I couldn't even do myself, which were he and Hojo.

He lay back down; "It was Hojo wasn't it?"

I rested my chin back on my arms and shook my head, still not looking at him, "I don't want to talk about it." I felt my head as if it was about to explode of how hard it was pounding.

Sounding slightly frustrated, "See what I mean, you lock yourself out from those who want to help you."

I opened my eyes and raised an eyebrow; 'He wants to help me?' Then I just gave up and sighed, looking up at him, "Yes, it was Hojo. He was the only one I could fully trust and I haven't found another that I can trust as much as I trusted him."

Looking at me, "What happened to him? Why did he pass away?"

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and sighed, "He was ill. He developed leukemia when he was very young. I'm not sure at what age, though. The treatments he was under worked so well at the beginning, that his family at one point thought he was almost cured. He grew up with the disease under total control until when he was about 16, when his body stopped responding to the treatments."

"So when you met him, was he still under treatment?"

I shook my head with my eyes still closed, "No… I met him when I was 17 almost 18, he was 21. By then, it had been quite a while that he'd gone without treatment and it worsened. He kept getting sick on me and I had to take him to the hospital a couple of times, until it got really bad. The doctors couldn't stop the disease from worsening because he wouldn't respond to any of the medication they were giving him."

"How old was he when he died?"

Resting my chin on my arms, "He was 22."

"He mentioned something about your parents in the letter, what was he talking about?"

"Kagome and I had to be in court to settle the changing of responsibility against my aunt and uncle. I went to visit him every day he was at the hospital but I couldn't see him that day because I spent it all at the courthouse. Unfortunately, it ended being the last day of his life and I wasn't there to say goodbye." I sank my head into my arms and rested my forehead on them, hiding my face.

I had a weird feeling run through me at the time, I didn't cry and didn't feel like crying either. That was when I realized what Sesshomaru said was right. All I needed was to talk to someone and it helped lighten the burden I carried and at that moment, that heavy burden seemed lighter than ever.

I felt him caress my head, sounding concerned, "Rin, what's wrong? Are you all right?"

I lifted my head and nodded, looking at him; "It's just that my head is pounding. But I'm all right."

He smiled and tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear, "Good, it's because you were crying and didn't sleep enough. Take a nap and it'll go away." Moving off the bed and sitting on the edge.

Smiling, "Thanks, I'll do that."

His smile widened, "This is the first time I've seen you smile like this, I'm glad. Well, you should rest." Suddenly, he reached out and gently held my head in his hands, lowering it to place a kiss on my forehead.

The feeling of his lips on my skin made it almost tingle. I closed my eyes trying to savor it as long as I could but it didn't take very long before he stood and walked away. When I opened my eyes, he was already standing by the door, "Sesshomaru?"

He stopped and turned towards me, "Yes, Rin?"

Smiling, "Thank you again… for everything."

He smiled, "It's my pleasure. Remember that I'm here whenever you need someone to listen. Have a good rest." He walked out the door and closed it behind him.

Once he walked out of the room, I rested my forehead on the bed and put my hands over my head, "Damn, my head is pounding like crazy." So I stood from the floor and climbed onto the bed to lie on my back, looking up at the ceiling and smiling, 'I found someone that I can trust again and I'm glad it's you, Sesshomaru.' Turning over to my side, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

The reason why Kagome never went in that night was because she couldn't handle seeing me in the condition I was in, according to Sesshomaru. But I think it was because she just didn't care, I mean she never liked Hojo when he was alive anyway. She always kept trying to convince me to stop hanging around with him but I never listened to her. I was in love and I didn't care what she thought. But I was in the same situation again and that time, I cared more about her thoughts than of my feelings and it was frustrating me.

After that night, Sesshomaru grew closer to me but I had set a limit to how close he could get. As for Kagome, she never found out that he spent the night in MY room, with ME, AND in my bed. She would never forgive me if she did, even though it really wasn't my fault. As for Hojo, his death wasn't as painful as it was before; I'd finally learned how to accept it. I kept the keys to his place and started to use his car since Kagome took over the Jaguar we have. But I had to get my license first because I didn't have it; I never really had a use for it at the beginning. I kept myself busy for a couple of weeks, studying and passed the tests with flying colors. I became more independent and stopped relying on Kagome for things. For some reason, we grew apart. We wouldn't talk as much as we used to much less do things together. I believe it was because she began to suspect something going on between Sesshomaru and I, which in reality there was nothing. But previous experiences caused me to lose her full trust when it came to being around any of her "boyfriends". About money, I never had to ask for it since my parents had set up separate accounts for each of us knowing Kagome's need to spend money like crazy. I had all of MY money saved up.

A couple of months passed by and it seemed that things between Kagome and Sesshomaru were improving. They were going out together much more often and doing things on their own like they'd done before. As for me, I know I should've been happy for them but in reality, I wasn't. Many times they took me with them on their "dates," claiming that they were afraid of leaving me alone because of Koga. Those times felt like hell to me, so much that I couldn't bear to even look at them because I felt jealous of Kagome; I wanted to be in the position she was in. What I would end up doing was separating myself from them until it was time to return home. It would infuriate Sesshomaru every time but it was something I just had to do and I couldn't tell him why. Even with the newfound trust I had with him, I just couldn't do it.

But just when things seemed that they couldn't get any better between them, or so I thought, I was surprised to find out that I was SO VERY wrong…

That morning when I got up, I immediately hit the shower and dressed. Since I had nothing else to do, I spent all morning in the study using the computer. I surfed the net and chatted with some friends, believe me I was bored. Kagome had left to take care of some affairs over at the company, leaving Sesshomaru and I all alone. When I was finally tired of sitting around I shut down the computer, stood up and walked out to the living room. I was surprised to see Sesshomaru sitting on the couch reading the newspaper.

He turned towards me and smiled, "Good afternoon, I didn't think you were here."

I stopped and turned towards him, smiling, "Oh yeah, I've been in the study all morning."

He closed the newspaper and placed it down onto the sofa, "Ah, what were you doing?"

"I was using the computer."

He sat back and crossed his arms, still smiling; "Did you find anything interesting?"

Shaking my head a bit, "No… not really… but I was chatting for a while."

At that moment, his smile faded, "Oh, with whom?"

Raising an eyebrow, I tilted my head to the side and placed my hands on my hips, "Why so many questions all of a sudden?"

Suddenly, he stood and started to walk towards me, "Just answer them."

I rolled my eyes and looked back at him, "With my friends. Anything else you'd like to know?"

That's when he walked up to me and stood right in front, looking right at me, "Actually, there is one more thing."

I looked at him and took a step back, trying to keep some distance between us but it only made him take another until I hit the wall. Surprised, "Sesshomaru, what are you doing?"

He extended his arms towards the wall and supported himself by placing one hand on each side just above my shoulders. His eyes filled with determination but still held a soft look to them. My eyes widened and locked with his, I was in absolute shock. I didn't know what to do or how to react but out of instinct, I placed my hands on his chest, pushing him back slightly still trying to keep some distance but failed miserably. He leaned in closer, so close that I felt his hot breath hitting my face. I closed my eyes and felt my heart beating so fast that I thought it was going to burst.

The fact that he was so close made my breathing become erratic and my throat had become dry, making it hard to speak,_ "Sess… what… is… it?"_

My eyes widened and I gasped when I felt him nuzzle my neck with his nose, stroking it lightly. I could almost hear his heartbeat, feeling it beat as fast as mine when he suddenly whispered in my right ear, _"What am I to you?"_ Then he started brushing his lips along my jawbone down to my chin and back up.

The sensation of his lips sent chills throughout my entire body. I gasped again and slightly pushed him back, making him turn to face me, "What are you talking about?"

Looking into my eyes, "I need to know what part I play in your life and don't lie to me."

Shaking my head, "I don't understand. Where is this coming from? Why are you asking me this?"

He leaned in again and started to place feathery kisses along my left cheekbone and whispered in my left ear, _"Just answer me."_

I gasped and pushed him back once more, "Sesshomaru, stop it. This can't happen." It hurt me to say it, but it was the truth. He was still with Kagome and I didn't want be the reason why they would end their relationship.

He looked into my eyes and gripped onto my shoulders, squeezing them gently, his voice stern, "Why not? Why can't it?"

Slightly raising my voice, "Because you're dating my sister remember? I can't betray Kagome like this, not again."

He turned away from me, looking to the side, "Kagome…. Humph…. We haven't exactly been on good terms with her lately." Shaking his head, "I don't understand her sometimes." Then turns back to me, "But you…"

Cutting him off, "I can't do this." I loosened myself from his grip and stepped away, keeping my back towards him. Crossing my arms, I shook my head and looked towards the window, "I can't go through this again."

He grabbed onto my arm and turned me around to face him, holding onto both my biceps and sounding slightly frustrated, "Go through what again?"

Looking straight at him, I pushed him back but he still didn't let go, "This… with you." Shaking my head, "I just don't get it, why does it always have to happen?"

He shook his head, looking confused, "I don't understand."

I raised my voice as my hands fisted at my sides, "Of course you don't. Now let me guess you were going to tell me that you've fallen in love with me, weren't you? I DARE you to tell me that I'm wrong."

His jaw nearly dropped and his amber orbs widened but he said nothing. A few seconds later, I felt him loosen his grip and remained silent, just continued to look at me.

I stood in front of him, locking my eyes with his; "This is NOT the first time I've heard this. It happens everytime Kagome gets a new boyfriend, they end up falling for me. Even though I reject them, they still continue to approach me. Haven't you noticed that she hates me? THAT'S the reason why she does. I'M the reason why she can't stay together with anyone and I'M the reason why she's so unhappy." He stood still, shocked at what I'd just revealed to him. I turned my back to him and crossed my arms again as I sighed, "Maybe it would be better if I just left. Probably all of this wouldn't happen." All of a sudden, he grabbed hold of my arm and quickly turned me towards him. His grip firm on my biceps, as he looked me straight in the eyes.

His eyes were filled with anger and he practically yelled, "So what if I am? What are you going to do about it? Tell me not to and expect me to continue on with my feelings for you? That's not going to happen." He released my right arm and loosened his grip. Then lifted his hand to cup my cheek in his hand, caressing it as his eyes softened, "There's a slight spark of hope in your eyes Rin. I want to be the one to help you uncover that hope, I want to be the one to help you with your problems and I want to be the one you open your heart to."

My eyes widened and I felt my heart almost skip a beat. But I couldn't let it get to me; it wasn't just for my own good but for the good of us all that I had to reject him. I had to reject to his confession and break his heart, which was something he truly didn't deserve.

I removed my face from his hand and moved to walk away from him, "I don't need your pity."

He pulled me towards him, turning us around and cornering me against the wall; I placed my hands on his chest again trying to push him off as he yelled, "I'M NOT PITYING YOU, DAMN IT! I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU. Don't you get it? Nothing you say is going to change how I feel. I know that you feel something for me too. Don't dare to deny it; I can see it in your eyes, in the way you look at me. Now I dare YOU to tell me that I'm wrong."

My eyes widened and I gasped at hearing the words I always desired to hear from him. They left me absolutely shocked and speechless, making my blood run to the floor and my heart almost stop. Nonetheless, I held on to as much control as I could but I was losing fast. Shaking my head slightly,_"I… can't… love… you."_

Nodding and looking down at my lips, as his approached mine _"Yes… you can." _That's when he pressed his lips against mine. I gasped at the feeling of them and was left frozen still. I guess when he felt me not respond to him, he started moving; placing small light kisses around my lips and deepened them as he continued.

Oh his lips felt AMAZING, so warm and so soft. As I closed my eyes, I tried to fight for whatever control I had left but I lost myself in the feeling of him. I wanted it for so long, dreamed about it and now that it was happening, I couldn't hold myself back any longer even though my brain screamed NO.

So I slid one hand up and placed it on his nape, caressing his cheek with my thumb. I heard him almost purr at the movement of my hand and suddenly pulled back. When I felt him stop kissing me, I opened my eyes and stared in his. They'd changed dramatically, now they mirrored all that he'd been hiding all of this time; all the love he'd hidden was being reflected through his amber orbs. He smiled, wrapped his hand around my neck before he pulled me in and captured my lips once more, that time filling his kiss with much passion. He released my arm and wrapped his around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I closed my eyes again and found myself responding to him and no matter if I tried, I wouldn't be able to stop even if I wanted to and I didn't. I lifted my other hand and placed it around his neck, sliding it through his silver locks.

I was right; they WERE smooth and soft to the touch. I felt his tongue brush my lips, begging for them to part. But just as I was about to give him access to the deepest part of my soul, I heard it and I'm sure he heard it too. The voice that broke everything,

"Just what the FUCK is going on here?"

I quickly opened my eyes and looked to the side. There stood Kagome, with her hands at her hips and her eyes burning with rage, mostly at me. I immediately released Sesshomaru and he turned to face her, standing in front of me.

I was afraid. The look Kagome had in her eyes scared me to death. I didn't know how she was going to react to it and most likely it wasn't going to be well. I just stood behind Sesshomaru, using him as a shield against her.

She crossed her arms and raised her voice, "Well, what is it? What's your excuse this time Rin?"

I heard Sesshomaru telling her, "Kagome, calm down."

Hissing at him, "I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU SESSHOMARU." Then turned towards me, "RIN ANSWER ME DAMN IT. YOU FUCKING SLUT, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" Her words piercing my heart like a thousand daggers, it hurt and I looked away from her.

Yelling, "KAGOME, DON'T TALK TO HER THAT WAY!" When I heard him defend me, I looked back and up to him, seeing it his face that he was determined to protect.

Turning towards him, "MIND YOUR DAMN BUSINESS AND I CAN TALK TO HER HOW EVER I FEEL LIKE IT!"

I saw him fist his hands in anger, but didn't make a move. Just as he was going to say something back to her, I placed my hand on his arm and he turned towards me. Shaking my head, "Sesshomaru, don't. You'll only make it worse."

He was about to cover my hand with his when Kagome jumped towards us, "KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF HIM!" She pushed me fiercely to the side, making me nearly slam hard into the wall but I still hit it pretty hard. Suddenly, she walked up to me, "YOU FUCKING WHORE!" and slapped me so hard that it made me lose my balance and almost fall to the ground.

Sesshomaru gasped and pulled Kagome back immediately after she'd slapped me and kept a hold on her but she kept trying to nudge her way out of his grasp.

I regained my balance and turned to her as I covered my injured cheek with my hand. Shaking my head slightly, "Kagome, I'm sorry."

Her eyes widened and filled up with more rage, taking another step closer, "SORRY? YOU'RE SORRY? SORRY DOESN'T CUT IT RIN. THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE DONE THIS TO ME AND IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME THING, THAT YOU'RE SORRY. WELL IT'S NOT GOING TO SAVE YOU THIS TIME."

She was about to lunge at me again but luckily Sesshomaru grabbed a hold of her again and pulled her back, "Kagome, stop this! Calm yourself down. This is not going to get you anywhere."

She struggled against him to loosen herself from his grasp but he'd wrapped his arms around her waist making it difficult, "NO, LET… ME… GO. SHE HAS TO PAY. SHE HAS TO PAY FOR ALL THE TIMES SHE'S DONE THIS TO ME. SHE'S NOTHING TO ME ANYMORE. I HATE HER." Looking towards me, "DID YOU HEAR ME RIN? I HATE YOU. I DON'T WANT YOU HERE ANYMORE. GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS HOUSE, I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN."

"KAGOME!" Sesshomaru screamed.

My heart shattered to pieces at her words, she really didn't care. My eyes widened and filled with tears, I couldn't help it and began to cry. I didn't know what to do so I turned and ran towards my room.

Although as I was running, I heard Sesshomaru call my name but I didn't pay attention and entered my room. Once inside, I leaned against the door and could hear Kagome screaming and then a door slammed. By then, I was sobbing uncontrollably, a river of tears flowing down my cheeks. I pushed myself away from the door and began to get some things together. I grabbed whatever I could get my hands on, stuffed them in a duffel bag, grabbed my purse and keys and walked out the door.

As I was walking past the dining room, I'd calmed down a little but still had tears rolling down my cheeks. I entered the living room and noticed that Kagome wasn't there anymore but Sesshomaru was.

He was standing by the window, leaning with his forehead resting on his hand. He turned up to me, "Rin."

I continued to walk and stopped right before the door. I turned to face him, lightly, "Where is she?"

He started walking towards me; "She's in her room now." Standing in front of me. Then he asked, sounding frustrated, "Rin, why do you let her insult you like that? Why did you stop me from stopping her?"

I shook my head, lightly, "It wouldn't have done any good Sess, it would've only made things worse. Regardless of what happened, I would've ended up leaving anyway. So could you please let her know that I'll be back tomorrow for the rest of my things and that I'm really sorry for everything."

Surprised, "You're really planning to leave?"

Nudging my head towards her room, "You heard her. She doesn't want me here anymore. I can't stay where I'm not wanted."

He shook his head, "But this is your house, you don't have to leave if you don't want to."

Nodding, "I know but remember, it's hers' also. So technically she can and I don't want to make matters worse that what they already are." Lowering my head and looking at the ground.

He reached up and cupped my cheek, lifting my head to look at him. He wiped the tears away with his thumb as he shook his head, _"Rin, don't go."_

I closed my eyes and nudged my head into his hand, savoring his sweet touch and feeling it soothe my sore cheek before I looked up and whispered, shaking my head, "_I'm sorry but I have to,"_ raising my hand to remove his and taking a step back. The look on his face was more that enough to make more tears to appear and they started becoming uncontrollable. So I turned towards the door; opened it and stopped to look at him, saying, "Goodbye," before I stepped out and closed the door behind me.

I quickly walked to my car, biting my lip so I wouldn't cry and threw the bag to the back. I made my way over to the driver's seat and drove off, not looking back. I had tears rolling down the entire time as I headed to the only place I had left, Hojo's apartment. When I arrived to the apartments, I parked in the garage and made my way up to the loft. Entering it, I closed the door behind me and walked up to the living room, dropping the bag and my purse on the sofa. Then, I made my way over to the bathroom. I switched on the light before I entered and closed the door behind me. Leaning on it, I couldn't hold it anymore and began to cry, sliding down slowly until I sat on the floor. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. Then, I lowered my head, resting it on my arms and started sobbing uncontrollably into them.

I remember I cried for the rest of the day, not moving from my position at all even after I'd fallen asleep. Not seeing the light of day until the next morning when I was sure that not even the sun itself was going to be able to warm the cold feeling running through me that moment.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

'' Thought expressions

"_Italic_" Whisper expressions

Pain and anger surged through me that night as I cried myself to sleep, since it was the only thing I could do. I felt pain because I'd lost the love of my sister and pushed her away. She was the only link I had left to my parents and I'd lost it so easily, in just a blink of an eye. Also I was angry, angry at how everything had come to be. But that anger was more towards myself than at anything else. 'Why did I let it get that far?' I kept asking myself. I had many chances to stop and prevent something from happening but I chose not to take them. I couldn't part from Sesshomaru, at that point, I was willing to let him stay with Kagome if he had to but as long as he was near me, I was satisfied. I was also angry at how easily I'd been subdued by him, all it took on his part was a kiss and he had me at his feet. But in reality the love I had for him was to blame for my weakness. I know he was hurt too, I could tell by the look he had in his eyes before I left. Yet all that could be done was to play the hand I'd been dealt and continue to live, alone. But deep down inside, that was what scared me to death, being alone. I'd been alone for too long and now that I knew how it felt to be loved by someone, even for just mere seconds, I didn't want to go back to living in solitude but I was left with no other choice.

That morning I awoke to a pounding headache and every muscle in my body screaming in pain, of the position I'd slept in. Stretching out, I leaned back and placed my head on the door. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, my body slowly waking up. I stayed like that for a couple of minutes, just clearing my head before I opened my eyes again and looked at the ceiling. Once I felt fully awake, I lowered my head and started to stand. I gave myself one good final stretch before I walked up to the sink. I opened the faucet and hoped something would come out of it. When water started rushing out of the spout, I sighed. Thankfully Ayame had kept the utilities on. I leaned over the sink and placed my hands under the running water, splashing some on my face. I straightened up and looked myself in the mirror; my eyes were really red and puffy, I looked horrible. Leaning down again, I splashed more water and stretched my arm out to grab the nearest towel. As I was patting my face dry, I turned towards the door and that's when it finally hit me, I was not at home anymore. Placing the towel on top of the sink, I turned and walked towards the door. Opening it, I closed my eyes and turned away from the bright light that was coming in through the windows. After a couple of seconds, I opened them again and let my eyes adjust to the light in the room. Once they did, I turned back and headed towards the living room. I walked around and sat on the couch, grabbing my purse. Looking through it, I pulled out my cell phone. When I opened the phone, it said that I had 15 missed calls listed and when I checked the number, they were all from Sesshomaru. Turning away, I threw it back in my purse and stood up, making my way towards the kitchen. I started looking around trying to find something edible but found nothing. It was empty; there wasn't anything just all the kitchen utensils. I was hungry considering I hadn't eaten anything since the previous morning. I walked back to the living room, grabbed the bag and headed to the bathroom to clean up. Once I was finished, I headed out to grab a bite.

I ended up at a small café that was not too far. As I was eating, I couldn't help thinking of what happened and remembered that it still wasn't completely over yet. I still had to return and pick up the remainder of my things, which meant I had to see Kagome and Sesshomaru again, deepening the wound in my heart.

About an hour later, I finished eating and sat back in the chair. I looked up at the sky, noticing that there were no clouds present just the sun shining bright. If it would've been any other day, it would've been a beautiful day but at that moment, nothing felt beautiful to me. I couldn't even feel the warmth of the sun just the coolness of the light breeze that was present. I lowered my head and sighed. Taking another a deep breath, _"It's time to go back."_ I paid my tab, stood up and left. Before I headed towards the house, I stopped by a nearby store and picked up a couple of cardboard boxes, big enough to fit in the car. Once I was ready to go, I entered my car and closed my eyes. Taking one final deep breath, _"Here we go,_" before I started the engine and headed back to face my past.

Arriving to the house, I parked in the driveway and noticed that Kagome wasn't home. I stepped off the car, grabbed the boxes from the back and made my way to the front door. Since I'd kept the house key, I didn't need to knock. I opened the door and walked in expecting to see someone, but no one was there or it seemed like there was no one. Somehow I was a bit disappointed not finding anyone but at the same time I was relieved, so I sighed in relief and started walking towards my room. I started to pack everything, my clothes, my books and anything that I had there that belonged to me, I packed and began to take to the car. After a couple of trips, I had almost everything taken out except some little things. So as I was packing them, my mind wandered off somewhere and I was startled when I heard someone come into the room.

"Rin."

I straightened up and my eyes widened when I heard my name being called. I slowly turned over my shoulder and gasped at the sight of him, "Sesshomaru." He looked awful, a bit more than I did. He had circles under his eyes, as if he didn't get a wink of sleep. His hair was all messed up and what immediately caught my attention was that he'd lost the glow I so loved from his eyes and it twisted my insides to see him like that because of me.

He looked around and turned back to me, shaking his head, "What's going on? What happened to you? I called you many times and you didn't pick up. I was worried."

Sighing, I turned back and placed the last books on the bed into a small box. Shaking my head slightly, "Oh really, I didn't hear my phone ring. I'm picking up the rest of my things, remember?"

Sounding surprised, "What? You're really going to leave? Why?"

I picked up the box and turned towards him, frowning; "Do you still have to ask? My sister hates me more than anything in the world, why would I want to be here knowing that she feels that way towards me?"

He remained silent and started to look around the empty room. Shaking his head, his voice low, "This room will never be the same without you." All I did was sigh and walked past him, heading towards the living room. Suddenly, he turned over and stopped me, "Rin, Wait!"

I stopped and turned towards him, placing the box on the floor, "What is it, Sesshomaru?"

He stood in front of me, looking into my eyes, "What if I asked you to stay? Would you stay?"

I was left speechless and my eyes widened at his question but I had made up my mind. Shaking my head, "I'm sorry Sesshomaru… I can't stay," bending down to pick up the box on the floor.

Suddenly, he reached out and held onto my elbow, preventing me from reaching the box. I straightened up and faced him, not saying a word. He reached up and cupped my cheek in his hand, caressing it with his thumb as we locked eyes, "Rin, If you won't stay then where will you go?"

Before I answered, I lifted my hand and removed his from my cheek. Then I pulled my elbow away, my voice slightly stern; "I have a place actually. It's in the outskirts of the city called Hillside Estates." I could tell that he was hurt by my action but I just had to do it. I couldn't let him near me again because I knew… I was sure… that that time, I wasn't going to be able to hold myself back at all, for I would lose all forms of restraint. I was still too vulnerable to his charms, to his presence, to him.

His eyes saddened, shaking his head slightly, "So there isn't a way to convince you to stay is there?"

The expression on his face nearly tore me apart. I hated having to do that to him but I was left with no other choice. I shook my head and couldn't resist the urge to reach up and caress his cheek, in an effort to console him. My voice as low as a whisper, "No… I'm sorry, there isn't. I've made up my mind."

His eyes slightly widened and he grabbed hold of my hand, turning his head over to place a kiss on my palm. Suddenly he reached out and pulled me in, wrapping his arms tightly around me, embracing me. His embrace feeling as if he was never going to see me again and he might've been right.

I was caught completely off guard and even gasped when I felt him gather me in his arms. I didn't know how to react and I was left frozen still but the feeling of his breath tickling the back of my neck and the feel of him just close to me brought me back to reality. A cruel reality of knowing that I loved him dearly and even though we felt the same for each other, it was a love that could never be. Without any thought, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer. I had to feel him close to me again because I knew that it was probably going to be my last chance and I wasn't going to let it pass me by.

I lifted my head and whispered in his right ear, "_I'm going to miss you._"

I felt him start to nuzzle my neck and he lightly brushed his lips up to my ear; _"I'll miss you too."_ He buried his head in my shoulder and I felt him squeeze my upper body as he took a deep breath and sighed, shaking his head, _"Rin, I don't want to lose you like this. I love you and can't bear to see you walk away and disappear. But I have nothing to offer you, absolutely nothing only my heart."_

I felt my heart skip a beat that instant when he said the words I've been longing to hear from his lips for so long, that he loved me. But I was stuck between two worlds and I had to make a choice. I had to choose to live either in the one with the love and support of my only sister or the one with the man that I love and lose my sister forever. I'm pretty sure another person would've chosen to live with the one they love but in my situation, it was much different. I had no one left, no family, no friends just my sister. She was the one who stuck by me all of those years when I was almost at the point of closing myself to the entire world. But instead, I decided to live in a world where neither of them were going to be involved in it. Maybe that way, I could try to forget all that happened and try to forget Sesshomaru, but I knew it was going to be something very difficult to do. I was going to do it in an effort to try and live my own life, alone and separated from everyone else.

I loosened my embrace and pulled back, looking at him and shaking my head, "Sess, please don't do this. Not now, don't make it harder than it already is. Just continue your life as if I never existed."

He pulled me in once more and I could feel him shake his head, "That's impossible. I can't just forget you like that. You mean a lot to me and besides I'm also to blame for Kagome hating you, for making you leave."

His words bringing me to tears but I fought them back. I felt awful, having him pour his heart out to me and was unable to accept it. I couldn't do or even say anything, just stuck to my ground and continued to push him away. Painfully hoping that it will somehow convince him that it wasn't meant to be.

I held onto his arms and closed my eyes, lifting my head up to whisper in his ear, _"Then let me go."_

He pulled back and looked at me, surprised, "What?"

Nodding, still trying to hold back my tears but it was becoming hard to, "Let me go. If you love me like you say you do, you'll let me go. Just like I'll do to you." Releasing him, I looked into his eyes, holding back from crying. I didn't want to cry I wanted to show him that I was serious and crying wasn't going to prove my point.

He remained silent, just continued to look at me. When all of a sudden, I felt him release me and take a step back, not breaking the link we had with our eyes.

The way he looked at me was breaking me apart inside. I couldn't handle it anymore, I had to leave as soon as possible otherwise I was going to change my mind. So I picked up the box and looked at him for one last time, _"Thank You."_ I turned over and walked out the door, biting my lip so I wouldn't cry in front of him. As I stepped out, a tear began to roll down my cheek but then I saw that Kagome had arrived and was walking towards the house.

I put down the box, wiped the tear away and reached into my pocket, pulling out a key. She walked up to me and I held the key up to her, "Here's the key to the house. The room is empty and at your disposal."

Her eyes were still filled with much hatred when she looked at me and it sent chills throughout my entire body. At that moment, I realized that it was going to take a long time before she would forgive me for all the hard times.

Snatching the key from my hand, "Good" and continued to walk.

Turning over, "Kagome."

She stopped and turned towards me, sounding frustrated, "What?"

I looked down at my hands, fidgeting them; "I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry for all the trouble I've caused." Looking up at her, shaking my head, "No matter what, I still love you and will be there for you if you ever need me."

"Humph… Just leave." Waving her hand at me as she turned around and walked into the house.

I was heartbroken to see such a reaction come from her but I deserved it no matter what. For all of those times I betrayed her trust or at least to her it seemed like I did, nothing I could do would help me regain it.

I turned around, picked up the box and finally headed towards the car. Placing the last box into the trunk, I shut it and walked up to the driver's seat, opening the door. I took one last look at the house and suddenly, tears started to roll down my cheeks. I closed my eyes and stepped into the car. Starting it up, I drove off, leaving all my memories of the house behind and went on to live my life alone like it should've been in the first place.

When I arrived to my new home, I parked the car in the garage and immediately started to unload all the boxes. As I was unloading them, I kept thinking of Sesshomaru's confession and kept picturing the way Kagome had looked at me; it felt as if someone was continuously stabbing at my heart. My life had fallen apart the moment I fell in love again and it was the reason why I ended up in the position I was in. Once I finished unloading, I walked into the living room and jumped face down onto the sofa. I immediately started to cry again, mourning the loss of the love of my sister and the unconditional love I had from Sesshomaru. I kept crying painful sobs into the pillow until I heard my cell phone ring. I looked up and stood, walking up to the dining room table where my purse was. Digging through it, I found my cell phone and looked at the caller ID. It was Ayame; I cleared my throat and tried to sound as normal as possible when I picked up the phone.

"Hello.

_Hello Rin, how are you?_

-Sniffling a bit- 'I'm ok and yourself?'

_I'm doing well. Thank you. What's wrong dear? You sound like you've been crying._

-Meanwhile, tears continued to scroll down my cheeks and I was beginning to lose control fast. I couldn't lie to her, she was the only one I could rely on and I felt like I had to tell her the truth- 'I'm not ok actually. I've been crying since last night when I had to leave the house.'

-Sounding surprised- _What? You left the house? You mean that you're not living with Kagome anymore?_

-I lost total control and began to cry on the phone. Speaking in-between sobs, 'No… I don't… live with her… anymore. She… kicked… me out… last night.'

_Oh my god, what happened? No, don't tell me. Where are you now? I'll go over there immediately._

I'm at Hojo's… apartment… I had… no where else… to go… so I came here.

_All right! Don't go anywhere! I'm on my way._

Ok"

Once I hung up with Ayame, I returned to the sofa and continued to cry until she got there. About 15 minutes later, she arrived and stayed with me for the rest of the night. I told her everything about Sesshomaru's confession; my feelings for him explained the past experiences and Kagome's reaction to them. She kept trying to comfort me by telling me that 'everything's going to be ok' but that phrase was becoming hard to believe, no matter from who it came from.

I'm pretty sure you're wondering by now, how many times did it happen before? Well, it happened 3 times, Sesshomaru made it the 4th.

Atsushi was Kagome's first official "boyfriend" and the one who started this awful curse upon me. He claimed that he never really liked Kagome but was just using her to get closer to me. I tried telling her and advising her to think things through about her relationship with him but she kept twisting my words and took my advice the wrong way. She started supposing that I was trying to break them up so I could go out with him. She was wrong and I kept telling her that but she never believed me and obviously still didn't. Although since I didn't comply with Atsushi's requests, he eventually gave up and dumped Kagome for she was of no use to him anymore.

Then, there was Yuki. Losing him was what hurt her the most because he meant the world to her. They met at the end of their junior year in high school. They dated throughout their senior year and were always together. They seemed to be completely inseparable. She claimed that he was the love of her life and they even made plans to marry once they were done with their studies. Until those plans fell apart because of me. It happened slightly after the accident. Yuki was the one that comforted Kagome during those hard times; he helped her with everything despite his busy schedule at school. Thus meaning that he had to help her deal with me. After a couple of months when I started returning to normal, he began coming around when Kagome wasn't home and claimed that he wanted to hang out with me. Since I was completely aware of Kagome's feelings towards him, I constantly rejected him. I pushed him away and even had to get one of my friends to pose as my boyfriend to get him away from me but that still didn't stop him. Until one day, he confessed to me that he'd fallen in love with me and wanted to try things out even if it meant breaking what he had with Kagome. I had a feeling that what he really was, was confused and not in love. I felt that the "love" he claimed to have was most likely pity since he got to see me come out of my worst. Even though I constantly told him that, he kept on insisting until one day Kagome over heard him telling me that he didn't care about her anymore and what he wanted was me. Kagome went ballistic and kicked both of us out. At that time, my aunt and uncle were living with us but they were hardly ever home, they spent most of the time vacationing. Luckily my neighbors heard the commotion and allowed me to stay in their home until my aunt and uncle returned. Plus I was only 17 when it happened, I really didn't have anywhere else I could go. So when they finally arrived, I was allowed to return home and punished Kagome for her actions. I felt awful but she didn't even give me a chance to explain what really happened before she exploded. Ever since then, she's had a bitter bone against me. But I guess she had to accept that because I'm her sister, she couldn't just dump me anywhere. She eventually got over it but never forgot about it.

Believe it or not, the third one was Kohaku. Now with him though, it was much different. When they started dating, he wouldn't even direct a word towards me only to say hi or ask me something, that was it and I wouldn't do anything to get his attention either. Later as they kept dating and things began to get serious; he kept coming to me asking me for advice when things between them got a little rough. So naturally, we began to talk more often. When Kagome noticed it, that was when she decided to end it between them. Claiming, just like I had mentioned before, that he was too "nice" for her. But I knew the truth, it was because she was afraid of the past repeating itself and decided to end it before it could. Kohaku could probably be considered as an exception but in my perspective it still counts. Why? Because I was the reason why Kagome ended her relationship with him, to avoid being hurt again.

Finally we come down to Sesshomaru, the last and latest one on the list. Now with him it was completely different in comparison to all the others. With him, I wanted his attention, longed for it. I needed to be around him or at least know that he was there and towards the end, I wanted him by my side. Also what made it completely different was that I loved him as well. I never felt anything for the others just wanted them to be happy at Kagome's side. But they ended up doing exactly the opposite and I ended paying the price for it.

I've had to carry this burden with me for a long time. These moments scraping through my conscience every time I saw Kagome with someone new. Each of them adding to the pile of awful memories I had of the others and made them worse, making me feel like how she'd called me, a slut. Even though I never had anything to do with them, that's how I felt like sometimes. I deeply regretted all those times and would do anything to make them disappear, just as long as I was able to have Kagome back on my side and not against me. But I guess fate has a strange way of setting peoples lives and sometimes it is necessary to give up something in order to gain another. Even if it's the person you most dearly love, I was more than willing to accept it but only fate knew who the person I was going to gain will be. All I was left to do was wait, wait until fate decided when that day would finally come, when I would no longer be alone.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

'' Thought expressions

"_Italic_" Whisper expression

The next morning once I'd calmed down; Ayame took me to her home. She wouldn't let me stay by myself, claiming that a broken heart could lead someone to do something they might deeply regret later and she wasn't going to risk it. So for the first 3 months of being on my own, I went to live with Ayame instead.

Her house left me in awe when I moved in, it was enormous. I would guess it had about 15 guestrooms and 5 master bedrooms. I got to stay in a master bedroom. It was huge, about the size of 2 guestrooms put together and it had its own bathroom with a tub and walk in closet. The lifestyle in that house was living in the lap of luxury, something I definitely wasn't accustomed to. It had everything: a study/library, a family room, living room, dining room, kitchen and many bathrooms throughout the entire house. It also had a ballroom hall with the most beautiful grand piano I've ever seen. Unfortunately, I couldn't play it because I never learned how to play the piano. I know its architecture sounds unreal but believe me, I didn't believe it either when she first described it to me but now that I got to see it with my own eyes, I do.

What I immediately fell in love with though was with the HUGE garden she had in the back. It was amazing with the beautiful statues she'd adorned it with. It was built as a giant maze, there were many ways to get to the fountain in the center. Also, it had some hidden, what I would call "rooms", throughout the entire maze and the only way to find them was to know exactly what turns to take otherwise it would lead you back to the fountain. There was one "room" in particular that I found where I spent most of my time while I was living there, thinking. It became my hiding spot when I didn't want to be interrupted or disturbed by anyone, which was most of the time. It was very complicated to get to but very entertaining because you had to walk throughout the maze to get there. But before the entrance to the maze garden, Ayame had set up her patio set where she would sit and relax to enjoy the fresh air. She would have a lot of garden parties with her high-class friends also but I never liked being around them. So what I would do in those cases, I would greet them, not trying to be rude to her guests and then excuse myself to hide in my favorite spot. But eventually all had to come to an end, when I finally decided to leave and live on my own in Hojo's studio loft.

Ayame kept insisting that I stay since I served as company to her but I had to stop relying on others and learn to live on my own and leaving was the only way I could. I know she was hurt but it was something I just had to do.

After a while, everyone I knew became total strangers to me. I lost all contact with them after I left. The only person I would constantly talk to was Ayame because she always called to check on me. She was the only one I had to be there for me since I had to turn my back on the rest of the world for my mistake. She was the only one that understood how I felt. She also kept reminding me that I had to accept it and go on, even if it hurt to think back and not be able to do anything about it for it was too late.

Kagome almost completely disappeared from the face of this earth since I lost all contact with her. At the beginning, I tried to get in touch with her but she'd changed the house and even her cell phone number so I was left with no way of being able to talk to her. Luckily, Sango called me about 2 weeks after the incident and agreed to keep me up to date with any news about Kagome. They were the only updates I knew about her, even when they were short and quick because Sango had to call me when Kagome wasn't there. It seemed like she was spending a lot more time around Sango. But it was ok; it didn't matter to me how long they were as long as I knew, I was satisfied. I still cared about Kagome's well being even though she never wanted to know anything about me anymore.

Now there was one thing that I quite couldn't understand though. According to Sango, Sesshomaru remained living in the house afterwards but he and Kagome weren't dating anymore. It seemed that because since he was struggling to expand his business here, she decided to let him live there so he wouldn't have to struggle with trying to find a place to live. I was shocked and hurt when I found out but I remembered what she'd told me before he arrived, he wouldn't have anywhere to go. I'm not sure but I think it was because she still felt something for him that's why she wanted him there. Obviously Kagome isn't as generous as she might seem to be, for she chose to kick out her own sister and let her ex-boyfriend continue to live with her. But I didn't care anymore, things happen for a reason and at that point, I was glad they did.

If I remember correctly, Sesshomaru's business wasn't quite up where he wanted it before I left. I remember that there were times when he would get so stressed out that it seemed like he was going to pull out his hair. But I'm never going to forget the way his expression changed immediately when I would offer to help him with his problems. I could tell that by just having me around would be enough to calm him and towards the end, he always asked for my advice on things, like he HAD to know what I thought about something before he made a decision. He was the only one that made me feel that my opinion was important and valued it for what it was. It became some sort of bond between us and it sprouted after he'd gained my trust. It was when we became "friends", as he liked to call it but I knew that it'd become more than just friendship and I'm sure he knew it as well.

It seemed that his business was still in the process of developing but was already starting to grow very slowly. Many times when I would sit and read the newspaper, I would constantly see small articles in the business section about him and his growing enterprise. My heart would immediately skip a beat every time I saw his picture, for I still loved him but I would immediately change the page because it hurt at the same time.

Now I did have a couple of odd moments after I'd left Ayame's house. There were times as I was walking down the street that I honestly thought I'd seen Koga or a car that looked exactly like his around where I lived. Sometimes it had me thinking that he might be around but since they weren't concrete looks mostly just glances; I would set them aside and forget. I never really paid much attention to it since I really wasn't sure but I did keep an eye out though, just in case.

Nevertheless, I survived the first months of living on my own, they felt like an eternity but I slowly started to get used to it and towards the end, I actually enjoyed the peace and quiet being alone offered. Also, it felt that the wound was slowly beginning to heal and my memories were starting fade with the time, meaning I was finally regaining a life again.

About four months later as I was walking through downtown, I happened to pass by a small newspaper stand as I was walking back to my car from the store and saw something that caught my attention. I immediately stopped and glanced; it was a copy of Entrepreneur Magazine with Sesshomaru on the cover and he was on the front page of every newspaper. To what I quickly read on the cover, it seemed that he'd finally launched the opening of his business, Tenseiga Enterprises. I just turned away and continued walking. When I was waiting to cross the street so I could get to my car, I overheard two businessmen talking amongst each other,

"Did you hear about the new company that just opened up?

I've heard of a couple but I doubt they are going to make it. Which one are you talking about?

Oh really? I was talking about Tenseiga actually. I've heard that even though its just started it's already hitting big against the other larger companies. I think they're trying to partner up with DragonFire Industries. They're really aiming for the top aren't they?

Oh, I've heard of Tenseiga. It seems like Sesshomaru Kitazawa is in a rush to make it big; well I don't blame him. It's hard at the beginning but with the right choices, I think he'll make it.

I agree. I might consider having a lunch meeting with him soon, I'm sure being tied to Tenseiga could give us a bit of a push.

Absolutely."

Suddenly the light changed and I started to cross. I didn't get to hear the rest of their conversation, which most likely the subject was still Sesshomaru. As I kept walking, I kept thinking on how it seemed odd that suddenly everywhere I turned someone or something had to mention Sesshomaru. But those thoughts were beginning to cloud my mind so I pushed them aside and kept walking. Finally arriving to my car, I placed the packages in the trunk and walked in. Once I started the engine, I switched the radio on and started to scan the channels trying to find something to listen to. For some reason it stopped at channel 85.6, which was a business-related channel. I kept it there, as the commercials were playing and started to drive, hoping to hear something about my fathers business. Since I wasn't very far away from home, it didn't take me very long to get there. As I was about to shut off the engine, the host began to speak and a feeling came over me, motioning that I should keep it on,

"Thank you for listening to 85.6 KWZ. Where we talk all business, all the time.

This is Bill Levy, thank you for joining us. We have a special guest with us today, please welcome Sesshomaru Kitazawa. Thank you for joining us today Mr. Kitazawa.

_Thank you Bill. Thank you for inviting me._

Mr. Kitazawa, could you tell us a bit about your company?

_Please, call me Sesshomaru. Of course, Tenseiga Enterprises originated about 5 years ago when my father opened his small business in Japan. It was a small company dealing only with local merchants and small businesses around the area where we lived……_"

My eyes immediately closed when I heard Sesshomaru's voice on the radio. The sound of it alone was enough to bring me chills and goosebumps, just like it'd always done before. I sat there listening to him speak when suddenly, I began to get flashbacks. I imagined all the times when we would chat with all of us involved and when it was only amongst the two of us. Then, the image of THAT day came back to me, hearing him confessing that he'd fallen in love with me and that he wanted to be the one I would open my heart to. Everything was suddenly coming back, all that I'd tried so hard to forget came back with only the sound of his voice. I felt my eyes begin to fill up with tears even though they were closed. When the memory of the day after came into mind, it felt like he was there with me, whispering in my ear that he loved me. That was when I couldn't hold it anymore. The tears pooled in my eyes began to fall and I couldn't stop them. I immediately shut off the car and pulled out the key from the starter. I leaned my head on the steering wheel and started to shake it.

Suddenly, I fisted my hand and hit the wheel, "Damn it, why did it have to be now? I was doing so well without him, without anyone. Why did HE have to reappear?" A sob escaped my lips before I lifted my head and took a deep breath, trying to calm all the emotions running through me at the moment. I remained in the car for another 10 minutes until I finally was able to regain control again. I stepped out of the car, got the packages and made my way up to the loft. Before I arrived to the door, I bumped into Lola, the security guard of the building.

She was a sweet lady, always very cheery. Since she was well aware that I was living on my own, she would monitor the floor I lived in much closer. She was a big help too, especially the times when I would leave my keys locked inside.

She turned towards me with a smile, "Hey sweetheart, How you doing?"

Smiling, "Hi Lola, I'm fine, thanks for asking. So I see it's your turn to do the walk through today?"

Nodding, "Yeah, stupid Brian didn't want to do it so I had to. Well, you went shopping today didn't you?" She winked, "What d'you get?"

I looked down at the bags and then back at her, "Oh yeah, I needed some things for the bathroom and kitchen. They're mostly cleaning supplies though, nothing special."

"Oh and I thought it was going to be something sexy." She lowered her voice, "like some naughty lingerie," then she started to laugh.

Laughing, "NO, Lola. Come on, I wouldn't buy that for myself. Plus I have no one to show it to anyway."

Shaking her head, "That doesn't matter. You never know, you may have a peeper somewhere might as well give'em something for their trouble." She started to laugh again.

Laughing, "Oh please."

She giggled; "Well I'll let you go now and so I can finish the walk. Talk to you later."

"Ok bye, Lola don't work too hard."

By then she'd already walked into the next hall. I walked up to the door, still giggling at Lola's comments and shook my head before I opened the door, "Silly woman." Then I stepped inside, shut the door and walked up to the kitchen counter. Setting down the bags, I turned to walk towards the living room. I picked up the remote from the coffee table and turned on the TV, changing the channels until I arrived to the news broadcast. I walked back to the kitchen and increased the volume loud enough so I could hear it from there, then I moved over to start unpacking the things I'd bought. As I was separating the items, I got the same feeling that I'd gotten earlier so I stopped shuffling the bags and paid attention to the TV.

"We'll now go over to Jane Richardson to give us the latest on the local economy news.

Thank you Diane. It looks like it's been a pretty hectic month for the local dominating companies with the sudden rise of Tenseiga Enterprises. Current statistics show that companies like MoonArrow and Araki enterprises' profits have decreased by 3 and Tenseiga has increased by 4. I'm actually standing right in front of the new Tenseiga building that rises at about 20 stories tall. Here with me is the owner of Tenseiga Enterprises, Sesshomaru Kitazawa. Thank you Mr. Kitazawa for joining us tonight.

_You're welcome. Thank you for having me._

Mr. Kitazawa, how does it feel to be the owner of such an outstanding company that has been so successful in only it's few weeks of opening?

_Definitely proud of the high success rate that Tenseiga has brought upon the local economy. It's opened up about 10,000 new jobs to the community in an effort to decrease the number of unemployment. In addition, we offer training programs for our new employees that have little or no experience in manufacturing or even in slightly higher positions._

Wow, that sounds great. Definitely will be a big help to the community. Now I have here in my notes that you actually started this business over in Japan, is that right?

_Well, I didn't start it exactly; it was my father, Taisho Kitazawa. I was more like his assistant. But over in Japan, Tenseiga isn't as big as it is here. Over there it's more of a small business rather than an enterprise but most likely that is going to change. After seeing the great success we had over in Japan, we decided to try to expand overseas and I was sent here to the U.S. to do it. So I get to run this branch while my father runs the branch in Japan._

Well, we're almost out of time but I want to ask you one last question that I'm sure all the ladies watching would like to know; are you single or is there already someone special in your life?

He laughed, _I'm currently still single. Although, I do have someone special but I'd prefer to keep that on a more personal level…_"

I closed my eyes immediately at the sound of his name. The only thoughts running through my mind during the interview were; it couldn't be, it's impossible and especially WHY? His sudden reappearance had become more than a coincidence for throughout the entire day it was all I heard, about him. When it came to the last question from the reporter, my eyes widened and my arms fell limp to the sides. I remained still, looking towards the kitchen wall waiting for his answer. Once hearing his response, tears began to fall quickly down my cheeks and my hands fisted tightly while the rest of the interview faded. I closed my eyes, lowered my head and shook it before I finally burst into tears. I leaned on the counter and between clenched teeth I whispered, "_It can't be._" Then out of anger, I picked up the remote, shut off the TV and threw the remote towards the TV but luckily it hit the sofa instead. Slumping to the floor, I sat leaning on the kitchen's bar-counter with my hands on my face, sobbing uncontrollably into them.

I remember I cried until sundown that day, repeating what he'd said in my head, that he had someone special. It hurt me to think that he'd found someone else when I could've had him for myself. I know it sounds selfish but that's how I felt, I wanted him to be with me and even though I tried to convince myself otherwise, my feelings remained the same. About a couple of weeks after, the media started calling him 'The Ultimate Bachelor' and they would link him with many different women. Although, I did hear him once deny them all but I didn't believe it and it would tear me up inside because I had no way of reassuring that it was the truth. So what I ended having to do was pull myself from the media completely. I wouldn't watch television nor listen to the radio. I'd also asked the gentleman in my local newsstand to remove the front page and the business section of my newspaper so there wouldn't be a chance of finding anything talking about him. Thankfully, he did for every time I got my paper they would be gone.

But it seemed that fate had other plans in store for me and was going to go through with them no matter how much I tried to avoid it. I would say about 2 months after I'd pulled myself from the media, I assured myself that there was no way I was going to be reminded of Sesshomaru only if I thought of him myself, which by then I didn't or tried not to, at least. But fate has a funny way of ruining people's plans and replacing them with unexpected events, which in my case it caught me entirely by surprise…

One late afternoon, I was relaxing out on the balcony, looking at the view of the sunset shining over the city, drinking tea. The view was absolutely magnificent and the weather was really nice too; the sky was clear and there was a cool breeze blowing. Sitting out on the balcony had become somewhat of a hobby to me; I would love to watch either the sunrise or sunset depending on what time I was available.

I sat there thinking of nothing in particular really, when I was startled to hear the doorbell ring.

Turning towards the door, "That's odd."

I stood up from the chair and walked inside, the doorbell ringing again as I walked in. When I entered the kitchen, I looked up at the clock and it said that it was about 7:30pm, 'Weird, who could it be at this hour? Ayame is busy around this time and no one else comes by to visit, maybe it's Lola.'

I was two steps away from the door when the doorbell rang for the third time. Raising an eyebrow I called out, "I'm coming, I'm coming, hold on." Reaching out to the doorknob, I turned it and opened, "What's the ru….. shhh?" My eyes widened and my jaw dropped when I saw the person in front of me. I immediately recognized who it was even though their back was facing me. I had to literally hold onto the door because my knees suddenly felt weak and I had to swallow before I was able to whisper since all of a sudden, I'd lost my voice, "_It's you."_

The person turned around and a pair of amber eyes lock with mine, "Hello Rin."

I was left speechless and frozen still where I was standing. I couldn't believe it, at one point I thought my mind was playing games on me but it felt too real for it to be true. But I HAD to find the strength within me to straighten up and regain the control I'd developed throughout these past months.

So I cleared my throat and pushed the shock aside, "What are you doing here? How did you find me?"

He took a step closer towards me, "I remembered you mentioned that you lived at Hillside Estates before you left so I came looking for you. We need to talk."

Shaking my head, I started to shut the door; "We have nothing to talk about."

He extended his arm out and stopped me from shutting it, "Rin wait, at least just listen to me." He stood in front and lowered his face close to mine; our eyes still locked, "_Please."_

"Is everything all right here?" Lola's voice broke our link and we both turned towards her. She was walking towards us keeping her eyes locked on Sesshomaru.

He straightened up and I fully reopened the door taking a step out to the hall. Then, we looked towards each other again and I looked back towards Lola, nodding while she looked towards me, "Yes, Lola. Everything's fine, thank you."

She looked at Sesshomaru and then back at me, "Are you sure?"

I nodded and curled my lips up to a smile, trying to lower her concern, "Yes, it's ok."

"Alright then. I'll be on my way." She turned around and walked away but kept glancing over her shoulder still keeping an eye on Sesshomaru.

I know that that would've been my chance to get rid of him. I could've lied to Lola, telling her that it wasn't ok and let her escort him out of the building but something inside me told me to stick to the truth and at least give him what he asked for, a chance to speak.

Once Lola disappeared, he turned towards me, "Who's she?"

My smile faded and I turned to walk back inside, "That's Lola, one of the security guards for this building." Stopping by the door, I turned towards him once again and nudged my head towards the inside, "Come in."

He remained still, "Are you sure?"

"Otherwise you can tell me here and hope Lola doesn't come back."

He looked towards the hall again then walked inside. I let him enter first then closed the door behind me. Switching the lights on, I turned towards him, seeing him looking around the place. He looked different, very different but in a good way of course. I could tell that he'd become more built than the last time I saw him, making my heart beat faster. Believe me, he looked VERY handsome but I had to stick to my ground and find out what his real reason for showing up was. "So what is it, what did you need to tell me?" keeping my face as stern as possible.

He turned towards me and looked at me for a while before he spoke; "I've been searching for you like crazy. This place isn't as easy to find as I thought it would be. How have you been all these months?"

I walked over to the kitchen and sat on a stool, sternly, "Well, you're search is over, you found me." I turned towards the balcony to look outside, the sun had already set and it was beginning to get dark. Not looking at him, "I've been doing well actually, living alone isn't as bad as I thought it would be."

I heard him take a step closer, "You've been living here by yourself?" I just nodded, still not looking at him. "Sounds rather lonely don't you think?"

I turned back towards him, sounding frustrated, "Look Sesshomaru, just cut to the chase will you? Tell me what you wanted to say."

His eyes slightly widened before he turned and ran his hand through his hair. I heard him whisper "_All right,_" before he unexpectedly walked right up to me. Placing his arms on each side and leaning on the counter behind me, bringing his face merely inches from mine and looking straight into my eyes, "Rin, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since the day you left. I felt like I was going to go crazy if I didn't find you soon. Lately, I've needed you more than you can imagine. Because of your advice and support, I was able to accomplish what I have now." He lowered his head, "Look, when I first came here my main goal was to open Tenseiga. I felt that if I'd accomplish that, nothing else would've mattered because I'd have what I always wanted." He lifted his head to look back at me, "I was sure that my life would be complete once I had my business running but now that I have Tenseiga, I feel like something's still missing."

My eyes widened when he suddenly came up to me and out of instinct I placed my hands on his chest trying to push him back, with no success. I felt that once he got near me, my breaths started to get a lot shorter leaving me nearly breathless as he spoke and the fact that his scent immediately hit my nose didn't make it any easier either. But when I finally found the strength, I pushed him back and stepped off the stool. I turned and walked away, keeping my back toward him."I didn't think you even remembered about of me with all the other girls you've been dating."

"WHAT?" He walked up to me and grabbed hold of my arm, turning me towards him then he lowered his hands down to my elbows, "Rin, those were all rumors. I never dated any of those women. You know how the media is, they always misinterpret things."

I pulled away from him and nodded, "Uh huh, then what about that 'special someone' YOU claimed to have?"

He walked up closer and slid his hands up my arms holding onto my left shoulder, holding my chin in his right hand. He lowered his face, with his voice seductively low; "I was talking about you."

I reached up, peeled his hand off and took a step back; "_I don't believe you._"

He shook his head, looking at me with a questioning gesture, "Wha… what happened to you? You've changed, why?"

I felt anger suddenly rise when he asked that question. As if he didn't know why I changed, he was ONE of the reasons why I did and he knew it.

I raised an eyebrow and my hands slowly fisted, raising my voice, "WHY? You still have to ask WHY? Sesshomaru, think about it. You know I've had a shitty life and you still have the damn nerve to ask me why I've changed."

He shook his head and raised his voice, "But that doesn't mean you have to lock out everyone else from your life." Suddenly he started walking towards me again but that time, I kept walking back until I ran into the wall. He placed his arms on each side just above my shoulders, leaning against them while I placed my hands on his chest again, pushing him back. But even with my resistance, he still kept on leaning towards me, lowering his face to mine. His voice was deep and stern, sending chills throughout my entire body, "Look, ok. Fine, then just answer me this; do you still love me? I know you loved me then but after all this time, do you still?" He kept his eyes locked on mine, begging for me to answer.

On the other hand, I remained silent just looking deep into his eyes. I saw worry and fear reflect through them at some point, I guess because I wasn't responding. But I didn't have to think about the answer to it because I knew I still loved him. I've always have, even though I tried, he was just a hard habit to break. I wanted to scream to the heavens that I loved him but I guess my pride got the best of me and forced me to remain silent.

He leaned on his left arm and pointed towards the door, almost desperately, "Rin, I'm warning you. If you don't answer me, I'll walk through that door right now and return to Japan. You'll never hear from me ever again, is that what you want?"

I swear I heard his voice almost break as he was speaking. My eyes slightly widened, tilting my head to one side, "But what about the things you have here?"

His eyes widened as he yelled, "FUCK what I have here, I'll leave it all behind."

My eyes fully widened, shocked, "You would actually leave everything behind, even Tenseiga?"

Nodding, "Yes, I would."

At that moment, I felt the blood rush to my feet. I swear I almost felt dizzy, thinking that with just one word - just ONE - I could lose him forever. He would actually give up ALL he worked so hard for just because I wouldn't answer his question. I was left speechless and even if I tried; I wouldn't be able to speak. I just continued to look at him.

He closed his eyes and lowered his head, shaking it slightly. Then opened them and lifted his head up, that's when I noticed that his eyes had gotten watery, almost like he was going to cry. Nodding, "Very well then." He straightened up and looked down at me once more before he turned to walk towards the door.

Just the thought of seeing him walk through the door, knowing I was going to lose him, almost drove me insane. I'd lost everyone else important in my life; I didn't want to lose him as well. I would definitely lose my mind and the rest of my sanity if I did. I tried to say something but no matter how much I tried, I couldn't speak. My voice had betrayed me, of all the chances it had, it chose to do it now and it almost brought me to tears.

Whispering lightly, _"Sess"_ I closed my eyes and shook my head. Then I tried to clear my throat, managing to get a bit louder, _"**NO**"_, but it still wasn't loud enough. I kept trying until I was finally able to say something louder,

"Wait."

I know he heard me because that's when I saw him stop and turned around. The look he had made the tears that had pooled in eyes to fall. It was as if he'd just lost everything and his entire world had fallen apart, a feeling I knew so well and it was easy for me to recognize it. But I walked up to him, grabbed a hold of his hand and shook my head as if to say no.

He reached up and wiped the tears away with his thumb as he whispered, "_Open your heart to me, Rin."_

I opened my mouth to speak but my voice still wasn't working. So what I did instead, was I took a step closer to him, not releasing the link we had with our eyes. Then I released his hand and raised mine up to cup his cheek, caressing it before I slid it behind and wrapped it around his neck. Finally, I pulled him down and covered his lips with mine.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Neither do I own Aston - Martin or an Aston - Martin, oh how I wish I did.

'' Thought expressions

"_Italic_" Whisper expressions

I believe I caught him off guard when I pulled him down for the kiss, for he didn't move at all until I pulled away. Since my voice wasn't working, I had no other way of telling him how much I wanted him to stay and how much I still loved him as well.

He stood there, glancing at me and looking slightly shocked before I noticed that the glow he'd been missing from his eyes suddenly returned. That's when a grin began to slowly grow, changing into a smile that nearly took my breath away when he unexpectedly reached down and pulled me in, wrapping his arms around tightly. I silently gasped and was left slightly shocked but when I felt him nuzzle into my hair, I relaxed and closed my eyes, feeling his nose lightly stroke my neck and he inhaled deeply. I wrapped my arms around his waist, buried my head in his shoulder and inhaled. I never realized how much I missed having his scent around until I had him near me again.

He slid his face upwards and whispered into my ear, _"I love you Rin Imamura."_

I felt chills run through my entire body that moment, hearing the words I so longed to hear from him again. I opened my eyes and lifted my head to face him as I released him and backed up slightly, moving my hands to rest flat on his chest. He loosened his arms and pulled back slightly, not letting go completely and turned his head to face me. I opened my mouth and tried to speak, "_I…_" But my voice still wasn't completely recovered until I took a deep breath, swallowed hard and tried again, looking right into his eyes, "**_I love you too._**"

Suddenly, a huge smile appeared on his lips. The same smile that had left me breathless when I first saw him, the smile that led me to fall in love with him and the smile I could never forget. He reached up and cupped my cheek in his right hand, caressing it with his thumb, "Could you…"

My lips slowly curled up to a smile as I reached up and held onto his hand, locking my eyes with his, "I love you Sesshomaru Kitazawa." My voice had finally returned for I managed to speak without any hesitation. At that moment, I felt an enormous load come off my back. After so long, after trying so hard to hide or forget it, I was finally able to say it and I felt relieved that I didn't have to hide my feelings any longer.

His smile never faded as I shifted my attention from his eyes to his lips, noticing that they were slowly coming towards mine. I immediately lifted my arms and wrapped them around his neck, closing my eyes and lifting my head enough to feel his lips press on mine.

I'd almost forgotten how AMAZING his lips felt. Ever since I first saw him, they had been extremely tempting because they looked to be very soft. My theory was right though because I got to feel them once and his kiss was something truly unforgettable.

The kiss started out innocent with small simple kisses on the lips. Although, they kept deepening and filling up with our pent up emotions as we continued. Suddenly, I felt him wrap his left arm around my waist and pulled me closer. Then he slid his hand from my cheek, wrapping it around my neck. When I felt him pull and press me close, I lightly gasped and a slight moan escaped from my throat at the feeling of his body so close to mine. I felt his tongue brush my lips, tracing them lightly and begging for them to part. I slid my hands down to his back and then up to the back of his head, running my fingers through his silver locks.

I absolutely loved his hair - hell - I loved every single thing about him, from the top of his head to the tips of his toes.

I felt him shudder and sigh at the movement of my hand and that's when I granted him what he always wanted from me, to open my heart to him. I parted my lips as I wrapped my hand around his neck and pulled him down, opening my heart and soul to him like I've never done before, not even to Hojo. Suddenly, he fisted into my hair and deepened the kiss, filling it with so much love and desire that it made my body nearly go limp. I swear if it wasn't for him holding me, I would've fallen because I felt my knees give before he tightened his grip on me.

So many memories and emotions ran through me as I opened myself completely to Sesshomaru. I got flashbacks of the most painful moments I've had throughout my life from the time when my parents died all the way to when I nearly lost the man I love. I'm not sure exactly why I was remembering all of a sudden. But as they appeared, my eyes started to fill up with tears until they began to roll down my cheeks. I remember that at first, just the slight thought of them would cause me much pain but as they kept going by, they weren't hurting as much as they used to.

At the beginning though, when they were first coming up, I couldn't handle it and wanted to break the link we had. I didn't want him to see or feel what I've gone through so I broke the kiss and tried to pull away but he didn't let me.

Instead he hung on and I heard him whisper, "_Don't close yourself."_

I opened my eyes and looked into his, shaking my head slightly,_"But…"_

"_Let me see, let me feel what you've felt._" Lowering his head and capturing my lips to kiss me just like before.

So I gave into the kiss and let him explore the deepest realm of my memories. Although, they felt different somehow, I wasn't exactly sure why. But I figured that he had something to do with it because it felt, not like he was taking the pain away but instead was easing it by sharing it with me. Allowing the awful feelings to flow through him just as they did to me. I'm guessing the bond that had grown between us when we lived together never disappeared and ended being much stronger than I thought. It had grown to something so strong, that with the one kiss, he was able to ease nearly a lifetime of pain.

I guess it was becoming too much for him to handle because I felt him start to tremble and a sound escaped him, sounding almost like a sob but nonetheless he hung on until the very end. When it was finally over, we pulled away and looked at each other. I smiled at him before I noticed that he had tears rolling down his cheeks so I reached up and cupped his face with my hands, wiping them away with my thumbs. Smiling, "_Thank you."_

He smiled in return and placed his hands over mine. Then he pulled me in for another embrace, holding me tightly. He lowered his head and rested his chin on my shoulder, speaking close to my ear, "How did you do it?_"_

Wrapping my arms around him, "Do what?"

Shaking his head slightly, "Live… live with keeping all of that to yourself?"

I lowered my head and rested my cheek on his shoulder. Shaking my head slightly; "I've had to. I had no other choice. Remember what I said before, I had no one to listen to me."

He released me and looked towards me. He had a serious expression on his face but with love and care mixed in it, "But you don't have to anymore because you have me to listen." Then it began to melt and a smile slowly grew, "I'll always be here for you. Whenever you need me, I'll be there."

That's when I pulled him in and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. I was at the brink of tears and my voice nearly wanted to break, "Thank you, Sess. You can't imagine just how grateful I am for everything you've done for me, absolutely everything." I held him close, almost like clinging onto him for dear life. I just couldn't get enough, I wanted to hold him close to me and never let go. Never feel him walk away from me like he did just moments ago, knowing that he wouldn't come back and I was going to lose him forever.

I felt him lightly squeeze my upper body before he whispered, "_You're welcome, Ice Princess._" I backed away and looked at him, smiling. He smiled, "I'm here to rescue you from your ice prison, my princess."

Lightly giggling, "Why would I want a knight in shining armor when I have my Demon Lord to rescue me."

He chuckled and leaned forward to place a kiss on my forehead then raised his hands up to mine, unlocking them from his neck. Holding onto my hands and smiling, "Oh, I almost forgot. I need to run down to the car and get something, I'll be right back."

Tilting my head slightly to one side, surprised, "You have a car?"

He chuckled at my comment, "Of course I do. Actually I just bought it about 2 months ago."

Smiling, "Oh really, what is it? What color did you get it?"

He nods, "mm… hmm, I've always wanted a black car so I bought a black Aston-Martin."

My eyes widened and my mouth immediately hung open as he openly laughed at my reaction, "REALLY? An Aston-Martin, I love those cars. I've always dreamed of having one."

"Oh really, well you can have mine if you want." Winking his eye.

My smile immediately faded as I shook my head, "NO, no thanks. I honestly don't picture myself driving such an expensive car. You'll see me driving like an old lady trying not to scratch or damage it."

He laughed and shook his head slightly, "Don't be silly, Rin. It's really not that bad once you start driving it. Plus you drive a Mercedes, that's an expensive car."

Still shaking my head, "No I'm ok but thanks though. I know it is but not as expensive as an Aston-Martin. Honestly, I've never been into living in luxury; it's just not me. To tell you the truth, the only time I've ever been on a limo was that time I went out with Ayame, remember?"

He looked at me with a confused expression, tilting his head to one side, "When?"

"The day when I came home with Hojo's letter."

He became serious and nodded slightly, "Ah yes, I remember," but then shook his head a bit and a smile appeared, "But anyway, let's not think about that now. I'm going to the car, I'll be right back ok?" bringing my hand up to his lips.

Nodding, "Ok"

He placed a kiss on my knuckles before he released both of my hands, turned around and walked out the door. When he stepped out, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It all felt like it wasn't really happening more like I was dreaming. But if it really was a dream, I wished that I would never wake up to find myself alone again. I would've preferred to never wake than to wake up and realize it was just a dream.

I paced around the kitchen; still feeling slightly shocked of the day's events. Shaking my head, 'I can't believe this is happening. I just hope this isn't a dream otherwise I'd have to find what's giving it to me and kill it.' I walked over to the fridge and opened it, grabbing a bottle of water. But just as I was going to shut the door, I heard Sesshomaru come back in. As I was closing the fridge door, "Wow, that was fast," turning towards him. My eyes immediately widened and my mouth hung open again, for like the millionth time that day, when I saw what he was carrying. I placed the bottle on the counter and stepped out of the kitchen, walking right up to him.

He had a HUGE smile when I walked up to him. Looking straight into my eyes, "I brought these for you. I wasn't exactly sure what color you liked the best so I bought one of every color." Handing the bouquet of red roses to me but still had many more in his hands.

I stood shocked and speechless when he handed the flowers to me. I mean I never had anyone do that for me before so I didn't know how to react. He left me completely dumbfounded when he came in with all of the flowers in his hands. All I did was look at the flowers and then back at him, smiling and shaking my head slightly, "You know Sesshomaru, you never cease to amaze me or in this case, surprise me. I love them; they're absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much." I reached over, wrapped my free arm around his neck and placed a long kiss on his lips.

Then I released him and took a step back. Curling his lips up to a smile, "I'm glad you liked them. Where do you want me to set them?"

"Oh over on the counter but here, let me help you," taking some of the rose bouquets from his hands. We walked over to the kitchen counter and set the flowers down, I picked up a bouquet and looked at it, "They really are beautiful, it must have cost you a fortune to buy so many. You really shouldn't have." Turning up to look at him.

He walked up next to me, wrapped his left arm around my shoulders and placed a kiss on my right temple, "Don't worry about it, you deserve only the best. Come, we have a lot to catch up on." Then he released me, held onto my hand and pulled me to walk with him towards the living room.

I grabbed my water bottle as he started to pull me and walked with him over to the sofa. He sat down first and brought me down to sit next to him. I placed the bottle on the coffee table and sat right next to him but didn't make a move to sit closer. I was looking outside to the view of the night sky when he suddenly pulled my hand towards him, signaling me to move closer, "Get closer, you don't have to be afraid of getting near me anymore. It's all right now."

I turned towards him and felt my cheeks heat up, looking down at the sofa, "Oh sorry, I'm just not used to it."

He laughed and lowered his head to look into my eyes, "Why do you blush?"

I felt my cheeks heat up even more and giggled, shaking my head slightly, "It's not funny. I don't know I just can't help it."

He continued to laugh; teasing, "It's ok, you look cute when you blush."

I started to laugh and lightly hit his chest with my hand, "Oh be quiet! Don't look at me," bringing my hands up to cover my face.

Chuckling, "Come here silly," holding onto my shoulders and pulling me towards him. He shifted and leaned back on the corner of the sofa, allowing me to turn over and lean back on his chest. I rested my head on his shoulder and he rested his chin on mine. Then he wrapped his arms around my waist, setting them on my stomach. I reached down and placed my hands over his.

He looked towards me and caressed my hand with his thumb, "Now, that's much better don't you think?"

I looked over to him and smiled, "Yes, it is." My heart was thumping hard when he pulled me in but I just closed my eyes and relaxed, savoring the feeling of finally being able to be wrapped in his arms.

We remained silent for a couple of minutes but he broke the silence when I felt him take a deep breath. Then he slightly tightened his arms and rubbed his cheek against mine; "I've longed for this moment for so long. Always wanting to hold you like this but never could because I was afraid you wouldn't return my feelings and push me away."

I opened my eyes, lowered my head to look at the floor, "I DID push you away."

He reached up and held onto my chin, lifting my head up to meet his, "But you had a reason to and at the moment, I just didn't understand. I was so caught up in the fact that you felt the same for me even when you tried to deny it and ignored everything else. I mean, I never knew exactly how you felt because you always tried to avoid me and stayed away. All the times when I tried talking to you, you always found an excuse to get up and leave. The only clues I had were the many times I caught you looking at me, thinking I didn't notice." Caressing my chin, "But I did, every single time, because I just couldn't keep my eyes off you. The way you looked at me, the sparkle in your eyes was what confirmed my suspicions. Towards the end, I wanted nothing more than to be able to put my feelings into play and hope that in return, you would put yours as well."

Looking deep into his eyes, "Sess…"

He began to run his finger up my cheekbone and back down to my chin, locking his eyes with mine and shaking his head slightly, "I was selfish because all I cared about was what I wanted and never even considered your or even Kagome's feelings. My foolishness ended up hurting you both. My mistake caused you and Kagome to break apart and I ended losing you because of it. Also, I was an idiot for letting you leave in the first place. But even after all of this time, I still feel horrible about it but I couldn't deny my heart any longer and had to bring you back into my life. No matter what."

My eyes slightly widened and my mouth opened, shaking my head slightly, "I… I always blamed myself for that. Thinking that because of me… that I'd ruined all of our lives because I fell in love again." I lowered my head and looked away from him, "But I would've rather let you stay with Kagome and have you around me, instead of revealing my feelings for you because of her." Then I looked back towards him.

Shaking his head, "No, this isn't just your fault. Don't even think that, we're all to blame for what happened. But things like these happen, I mean we fell in love, who was going to be able to stop us from doing it? No one, not even Kagome would've been able to." Nodding, "I kind of figured that when you denied me the first time. But I should've expected it from you and know that you would've stayed quiet rather than expressing yourself. You would've preferred to live in torment seeing me with Kagome just because you didn't want to hurt her again. That's also why I decided that I had to do something because I knew you wouldn't have."

He was right, I wouldn't have done anything. All I ever wanted was for Kagome to finally be happy with someone and not have me stand in the way of her happiness. Even if it cost losing mine in exchange. I didn't care, I guess I wanted to somehow make up for all the other times I stood in the way of her finally being happy.

I lowered my head and turned to look down at the floor. Then, I leaned back again and rested my head on his shoulder, taking a deep breath. He slid his head down, placing his cheek over mine, "But even after all that happened, here we are. Finally being able to be together with no one to stand in our way."

Nodding with my lips curled up to a smile, "It almost seems unreal doesn't it?"

He nodded slightly, rubbing our cheeks together, "Yes, it does but I'm absolutely positive that it's not a dream. This is us now and it's going to be like this for a very long time."

As I took a deep breath, a sigh escaped my lips; "I hope so."

He backed away and placed a kiss on my cheek, "I promise you, it will," resting his chin on my shoulder again. Then he reached down and curled his fingers in between mine.

Lifting my head up a bit, I looked at him and smiled. He smiled in return and placed another kiss on my right temple before I leaned my head back again and looked outside.

I felt safe being in his arms, a feeling that I wasn't able to feel in a long time. I guess because I knew that he would protect me from anything just like he did many times before, especially against Koga and during the confrontation with Kagome. For once, my life actually felt nearly complete now that I had Sesshomaru with me but the only thing that was missing was Kagome's love since I had Sesshomaru's. Well in reality, I've always had his love but wasn't able to accept it until now. I know I'd promised myself to live in a world where neither of them was going to be involved, but it was merely impossible because there was always something to remind me of them. We were all linked to each other and no matter whom remained; the memory of the other would always come back. I mean, Kagome and I were linked because we're sisters but then she linked me to Sesshomaru and she linked him to me. Really if it wasn't for her, I probably would've never met Sesshomaru and who knows how my life would've been if he never showed up. Probably an absolute disaster but it's something I don't like to think about, I just thank the heavens for sending me my guardian angel with the most beautiful amber eyes.

Suddenly, I began to replay the entire day's events in my head and all of a sudden, I started giggling to myself.

He looked down at me, looking confused, "What's so funny?"

I looked up at him, "I just remembered something, you cursed didn't you?"

He raised an eyebrow and shook his head, "No I didn't, what are you talking about?"

Nodding and laughing, "Yes, you did. Now I remember you said 'FUCK'"

He lifted his head up to think then his eyes widened a bit and looked back down at me, "Ok well maybe I did ONCE, is that what's so amusing to you?"

Laughing, "Yes because I've never heard you curse before."

He chuckled and leaned in to kiss my cheek, "Well it will be the first and most likely the last time you hear me. I know I've heard you MANY times. You were beginning to sound like a sailor."

I stopped laughing and raised an eyebrow, "HEY, that's not true. I don't say them often, only when I'm angry."

He snickered at my comment, "Uh huh. Let's change the subject shall we? Now tell me, what did you do after you left the house?"

I took in a deep breath and began to give him a recap of the previous months. I told him about the time I went to Ayame's house, everything I did while I was there and when I came to live on my own. It wasn't much to tell anyway since I really didn't do much. I mostly just kept to myself and stayed home, the only times I went out were when Ayame INSISTED that I get out of the house and go out with her or she would send her car to pick me up and take me to visit her at her home. I even told him about the many "adventures" I've had with Lola caring for me during the entire time I was alone. Although, there were some details that I'd thought it was best for him not to know, in example, the many times I thought I saw Koga around where I lived or saw a car similar to his. I knew that if I told him he would worry and who knows what he would do.

He listened attentively to everything I had to say, letting his brain process every single word that came out of my mouth and for that I loved him even more. After I was finished, he began to tell me what happened after the day that I'd left the house. Apparently during the first weeks, Kagome wouldn't talk to him. She wouldn't even direct a look towards him. She would constantly go out and come back home until really late, sometimes so drunk that she couldn't even walk on her own anymore. Usually those were the only times when she'd actually "talk" to him, reprimanding him for what happened and cursing me for making her life so miserable. One day, he approached her and tried to talk her out of drinking so much but she wouldn't listen. I remember Sango mentioning that she'd become somewhat of an alcoholic and everyone was trying to convince her to stop. Knowing Kagome though, I knew that she wasn't going to listen to anyone and was going to stop until she couldn't handle it anymore. Of course it ended exactly how I expected, I guess she'd gotten really sick of a hangover one time that it sent her to the hospital. That was when she decided to cut down on the alcohol. Sesshomaru was always by her side through the entire time she was sick and because of that; she started talking to him again. After she'd gotten better, Sesshomaru tried to convince her to at least talk to me again but she would always refuse. Sometimes he wouldn't even finish his sentence when she would cut him off and ultimately decline. He did mention though that things between them weren't the same as before, each would do their own thing; him with trying to open Tenseiga and Kagome going out with Sango and becoming more involved with our fathers' business but they still lived under the same roof.

Once Sesshomaru was able to launch the opening of Tenseiga, he left the house and found a place of his own, leaving Kagome by herself. It seemed that she'd gotten so used to having him around that she got angry with him when he told her that he was finally moving out. I think it was because she was afraid of living on her own. I mean, she always had me to keep her company but that time it wasn't going to be the same. I wasn't going to be there because SHE was the one that kicked me out of my own home. He found himself a nice studio apartment in the city near where he worked. He visited Kagome a couple of times just to check on her and many of those times she wasn't there. She'd always leave a note saying that she'd gone to spend the night at Sango's place because she couldn't handle being alone.

If she only knew how it REALLY was to live alone and not have anyone to turn to, to be honest she really never was alone. I mean she has Sango and her other friends but I only had Ayame. At one point though, I felt like I was becoming a burden to her and stopped bothering her with my issues. If Kagome was in my shoes, she would've gone mad with the desperation of needing human contact.

Although, Sesshomaru mentioned that there were times when his business nearly crumbled even before it was fully stabilized, mostly because of bad decisions. Those were the moments when he needed me the most; to counsel him and offer my support like I did many times in the past. After the critical period had passed, he'd gotten to know more people and gained connections. That's when he decided that he was going to search for me because he needed me by his side. Apparently, like he'd mentioned before, Hillside Estates was really difficult to find because hardly anyone knew of it.

It was true because Hillside Estates was somewhat secluded on the edge of the city in an area that is partially hidden by a small forest. The first days I noticed that the mail didn't run there, the occupants had P.O. boxes or had their mail sent somewhere else. I thought it was strange at first but after living there for a while I understood why, truly that was what made it so peaceful living there, that there was hardly any disturbances.

His search continued for about 8 months and never got any close. He was beginning to suppose that I'd left the U.S. and was just about to give up before he'd gotten a lead by a friend of his. His friend mentioned of a girl that he'd met at a party once. Supposedly, he'd gone to pick her up at her place once when they were going to go out on a date. He said that she lived pretty far away in a place that was almost completely secluded but wasn't exactly sure of the name. According to Sesshomaru, something about the description of the place caught his attention and a feeling began to run through him, as though his heart was trying to tell him to find it. Luckily, his friend still remembered where it was and gave him directions to find it.

Unfortunately as time kept going by, he began to get busier and busier with work, leaving him hardly any time to do other things. Until one day while in a meeting, he was so distraught with the desperation of needing to know where I was and if I was all right, that he just stepped out in the middle of it and drove off to find the place his friend was talking about. When he arrived to it, his heart nearly sank to the floor when he found that it wasn't Hillside Estates. But nonetheless, he didn't give up because he got a feeling that somehow he was very close. Although just as he was going to turn and go back to the city, he noticed a road entering a small forest and it seemed to head towards some other buildings on a hill across from where he was. Since at that point he was willing to go anywhere to find me, he began to drive through the forest and followed the road until he arrived to the buildings. He felt his heart almost stop when he noticed that they were apartment complexes and hoped that he'd finally found the place he was searching for. As he entered the parking lot, something immediately caught his attention; it was a slate sign with Hillside Estates carved into it. He'd finally found it after many attempts and continuous searching; he was finally there. His only problem was going to be finding out in which building I lived in since there were so many. That same day he began to ask around if anyone knew where I lived in, no one even recognized my name. That was because I never interacted with any of my neighbors. Throughout the entire day he asked around, with no luck.

He returned home but wasn't going to give up until he found me now that he was so close. The next day, a feeling ran through him telling him that he was finally going to find me and went to buy the flowers. He returned and asked around again but different people that time and still no luck. Just as he was getting tired of the same answer from everyone and it was beginning to get late; he got a flashback of the day he found me in my room with Hojo's letter clutched in my hand. He remembered that Hojo mentioned he was leaving his place for me to live in when I needed somewhere to go. That was when he stopped the last person he asked, luckily he wasn't far away and asked where Hojo's apartment was. The person immediately recognized Hojo's name and guided him to the building where the apartment was located. Sesshomaru browsed through the small directory in the entrance hall of the building and found Hojo's name listed with the apartment number and the floor it was in. Without thinking twice, he literally flew up the stairs arriving to the fourth floor and searched for the apartment number. Finding it, his heart nearly stopped with the thought that after all of this time, he was finally going to see me again. Then he rang the doorbell, when he didn't get a response the first time he rang it again. At that point, he wasn't going to stop until someone answered the door and rang the doorbell a third time. When he heard my screams come from the inside, he nearly choked and had to turn around to catch his breath. That was when I answered the door and he clearly heard my voice. His breath nearly got caught up in his throat when he turned around to see me standing in front of him once again.

Thus bringing us back to the present, where after all that happened, we were finally together. Sitting in my sofa, cuddled and talking until we both fell asleep not letting go of each other throughout the entire night.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

'' Thought expressions

"_Italic_" Whisper expressions

Falling asleep in Sesshomaru's arms felt as if I was in heaven. Honestly, if that's how it felt to be in heaven, I NEVER ever wanted to leave. That night we patched things up between us and because of it, our relationship flourished.

During the first 3 months, we dated. We went out together and did what every normal couple in love would do, well tried, and had some really good times in the process. But many of those times, the paparazzi chased us around. It seemed that every time something had to do with the GREAT Sesshomaru Kitazawa, which by the way he HATED me calling him that, the media always had to be there. For being a simple businessman, he was really popular amongst all types of media. So naturally, we would be the subjects to many magazine and newspaper articles. I read one of the headlines once, as I was grocery shopping and HAD to stop to read what it said. I remember it quoted; "Youngest daughter of the late Daisuke Imamura has been seen romancing with newfound businessman Sesshomaru Kitazawa. Is this relationship more than what it seems?" It was posted on a tabloid magazine and it said something about them stipulating that our relationship was more of a business arrangement or fling because Sesshomaru needed the "push" from my fathers' business to get his up. It obviously was a lie coming from a tabloid but either way, other well-known sources posted similar articles. But they were all LIES because by then, Sesshomaru's business was fully stabilized and running on it's own. He never needed any kind of support from my fathers' business even when he started to build it. Sesshomaru and I made an agreement beforehand though of not paying attention to anything the media mentioned that we knew wasn't true and continued living our lives.

Now I'm pretty sure that when Kagome found out about us, either by the media or by someone, she must've been FURIOUS. I could've imagined her reaction to it all; it must've not been pretty. Sango mentioned that when Kagome found out, she was in an absolute shock. Then, she got angry and wouldn't talk to anyone; all she wanted was to be alone. Until one day, Sango got tired of it all and began to scold her, motioning her to move on and forget about what happened between us since it was all in the past. Also, telling her to GROW UP and stop holding on to old grudges on things that weren't worth the time and effort. In the end, they ended up having a huge argument but Kagome lost the battle. According to Sango, she tried to make a deal with Kagome urging her to stop such childlike foolishness and as we can say, forgive and forget. Although Kagome, as stubborn as she's always been, agreed on forgetting and moving on but refused to forgive. She claimed that I had inflicted too much pain and was not worthy of her forgiveness.

When Sango was replaying what happened, she hesitated in telling me what they'd arranged in their agreement. She kept trying to twist the words somehow, I guess thinking of a way to make it sound less harsh. Until I was beginning to get irritated at her going in circles and insisted that she just tell me what Kagome said. When she finally blurted it out, I was hurt but it didn't surprise me to get such a response from Kagome. Nonetheless, I didn't let my hopes down of someday being able to see each other as sisters and not as emissaries.

As for Sesshomaru and I, we lived life to its fullest. He took me to places I've never been and showed me things I'd never seen. I met all of his friends and made lots of new ones myself. I even got to accompany him on many occasions to his business parties. According to him, he liked showing off to his partners AND to the other men at the party that I was with him. Believe me, heads would turn both male and female, every time we would walk into any such event. He would always get 'hungry' looks from the single women, especially from what I could tell were the gold diggers. Now THAT was what always made me burn up with jealousy but I didn't blame them for staring, he was handsome and even more when he was in his formal wear. Although, he was always able to sense my discomfort and ignored them, giving his complete attention to me. Although, he wasn't the one getting all the attention, I would get stared down by a lot of men and he knew it as well. So at the beginning when he first introduced me, if he suspected a guy was flirting with me in the slightest way, the look he would shoot at them would be enough to make them stop. It was funny that with just one look, he could manipulate someone, well, he could be pretty scary sometimes. Afterwards, no guy would ever approach me throughout the entire evening, even if I was standing alone. Usually it only was for something important and then, they would walk away.

But I fully understood them for being so cautious around anything that involved Sesshomaru. If you were ever to meet him for the first time in a business meeting, he would probably seem like the biggest ass you've met in your entire life. His facial features changed completely, stoic and emotionless at times. The only emotion he seemed to show and very often, was anger. He took his business seriously and anything not meeting his standards would make him go over the edge. We could probably say that his temper, when it came to business, was as if it was hanging from a thread and any mistake would make him explode especially when deals went bad. He was also very serious and spoke in a firm, authoritative tone of voice, which was pretty scary and intimidating sometimes. All that was different with me though, it was completely opposite actually. He was an absolute sweetheart when it came to me. The many times I went to see him at his office, his face would go through an enormous change. You could literally see his features softening immediately when he sensed that I walked through the door, even if he was looking another way. Now it may seem that everything between us was always perfect, but that's not true. Oh believe me, we had our share of arguments and would always end up mad at each other. But they didn't last very long, before we knew it either he would come back to me or I would go back to him. Sometimes we would even cross paths with each other when we were on the way to see one another. We just couldn't stay away from each other, our love was too strong and meager quarrels were not going to be the reason for us to separate.

I finally knew how it felt to have a life again and be happy living in it. My life was finally working out for the best, in most aspects, and at one point, it felt that absolutely nothing was going to be able to stop it. But just as things couldn't get any better in my life, or so I thought, I was surprised to see that there was still something that could stand in the way of my complete happiness…

About 2 months later, my day started normal as always. I'd gotten up early to go shopping and had to pick up my mail from the post office. I needed a new outfit because Sesshomaru wanted to have lunch together and I wanted to wear something special. I spent all morning going from boutique to boutique and never had the chance to stop by and pick up my mail. At about noon, I headed back to my place so I could start getting ready before Sess arrived. I wanted to surprise him with the new outfit.

Arriving to the apartments, I turned into the parking lot and headed towards my garage. I parked inside and shut down the car. Leaving it, I walked towards the back seat and got the garment bag that had my outfit in it, a couple of little bags that were there and shut the door. As I stepped out the garage, I started to close the door and waited outside to make sure it did close. As I was waiting though, I began to get a weird feeling running through me and out of nowhere I turned towards the right, noticing that the same car I'd seen so many times before was there. It was the one that looked exactly like Kogas' and since I didn't see anyone inside the car, I ignored it and walked towards the building. Once inside, I took the elevator up to the fourth floor and stood still even though the doors were open. It was really quiet, more than usual, so I peeked out and looked around to see if anyone was there. When I saw no one, I stepped out of the elevator and headed in the direction of my place. Finally arriving to the last hallway, I turned into it but just as I was going to approach my door, I heard it. The voice that made the blood rush to my feet,

"Well, there you are. I was beginning to think you were trying to hide from me."

At that instant, I stood straight and everything that I had in my hands slipped and fell to the floor. I slowly looked over my shoulder and my eyes widened when they locked with a pair of ice blue eyes, "_Koga,"_ turning completely around to face him.I couldn't believe that after all that time, we would meet again and he wasn't exactly the one I wanted to see again.

He took a step closer, his lips curled up in a smirk, "Hey Rin. It's been a long time."

I took a step back, fear threatening to take over but I held it back and tried to keep my face as stern as possible, "What are you doing here? How did you find me?"

He shook his head slightly and took another step closer, "Aren't you happy to see me? I went through great lengths trying to find you. That hurts, Rin," putting his hand over his heart.

I took another step back, running into the wall behind me and swallowed hard. Raising an eyebrow, "You're not offended, so don't pretend to be. What do you want? Did I not make it clear enough for you that I didn't want to see you again?"

He stood in front of me and caressed my cheek with his gloved finger, locking his eyes with mine, "I came back for you."

I flinched away from his hand and stood up straight in front of him, my hands fisting at my sides as I yelled, "I'm not a damn object you can just pick up and take, you know. Plus, I don't want anything having to do with you. I never have and never will. I've moved on, now it's YOUR turn to do it. So, LEAVE ME ALONE, KOGA!"

But just as I was going to turn to walk away, he reached and grabbed hold of my neck, applying force until he roughly slammed me against the wall behind me. Upon impact, I gasped and grabbed onto his gloved hand with both of mine, trying to loosen his hold but failed miserably. He moved closer, pinning me against the wall with his body and I was able to see that his eyes burned with rage as he yelled, "DON'T FUCKING WALK AWAY FROM ME LIKE THAT! EVER!" Applying pressure to my neck as he spoke. My eyes widened and I felt my breathing becoming erratic because of his hand closing around my neck.

Closing my eyes, "Koga… Let… me… go."

Applying more pressure to my neck, "NEVER, I know you've 'moved' on. I've seen you with that son-of-a-bitch Sesshomaru. I've seen your pathetic little 'dates' with him. I've especially seen the FUCKING way he looks at you, looking like a complete idiot. Just the thought of HIM touching you makes my blood boil. But I don't blame him; the bastard has good taste. Although, that's not going to last very long. Now, did you honestly think I was going to give you up so easily?"

I opened my eyes and looked at him, "You've been stalking me? You are a fucking psycho Koga. You disgust me."

He tightened his grip again and slammed my head against the wall, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I closed my eyes and a cry escaped my lips as he brought his towards my cheek, kissing me violently. I felt his tongue touch my cheek and his teeth slightly scraped the skin there. I kept twisting my head trying to avoid his kisses until I heard him growl and used his other hand to grab onto my face and turned it to face him. Then he tightened his grip of my neck, making it even harder to breathe. I opened my eyes and looked at him, "I warned you Rin. If you're not going to be with me, you're not going to be with anyone else. I won't allow it. Especially with that bastard Sesshomaru, now tell me, have you fucked him?"

Gasping for air, I turned away from him and closed my eyes again. The tears that had been stinging my eyes began to fall and I tightened my grip on his hand, digging my fingernails into his skin under the gloves. But because of the pressure, I couldn't get my voice to work since I was already extremely short of breath. His eyes widened and he slightly released his grip on my neck but tightened the one of my face, turning it to face him, "ANSWER ME YOU FUCKING BITCH, HAVE YOU FUCKED HIM?"

Taking an erratic breath, I looked straight into his eyes and yelled, "THAT'S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!"

His eyes widened again and he pushed himself onto me, forcing his knee in between my legs and tightening his hand around my neck again, "LOOK WENCH, IT IS MY FUCKING BUSINESS. IF YOU…" Suddenly, the elevator bell rang and interrupted him. He turned in that direction and released my face but still held onto my neck. Then he turned towards me, lowering his face close to mine, his voice low, "This is NOT over yet, Rin. Just remember what I said." He completely released me and took some steps back. Immediately as the pressure was removed, I gasped and brought one hand up to my neck using the other one to wipe my cheek with the sleeve of my jacket. Then he gestured pointing his fingers towards his eyes and then turning them towards me, signifying that he was going to keep an eye on me.

"Fuck you!" I hissed before he turned around and ran, disappearing into the dark hall on the other side of the building.

After he was gone, I leaned back on the wall, lifted my head up and closed my eyes, trying to catch my breath. Tears were rolling down my cheeks the entire time as I fought to gain control of my emotions. I felt chills throughout my entire body and I was cold even though I was wearing my jean jacket. A moment later, I calmed down a bit and turned around, kneeling down to pick up the things that I'd dropped on the floor. Suddenly, I felt a presence behind me again and took in a sharp breath. My eyes immediately widened and I stood up, fear flowing freely through me because I was afraid to turn around and see Koga standing behind me again. But I turned nonetheless and released the breath that I never knew I was holding when I saw that it was Sesshomaru standing behind me.

His smile immediately faded as he took a step closer, "What the f… Rin, what's wrong? Why are you so pale?" His eyes were suddenly filled with worry and I couldn't help lock mine with his. He reached up and cupped my cheek in his hand, wiping the tears that were still falling. I closed my eyes the moment his hand touched my face, his touch felt warm against my skin. His voice low, "You're so cold, here." He moved and took off his coat, slipping it across my back. I kept my eyes closed, savoring the warmth his body was giving off as he brought the coat around me, tucking me securely in it. Then, he held onto my chin and lifted my head up. I opened my eyes and caught him examining me, I guess to see if I had anything abnormal. That's when he saw what was on my neck, the markings Kogas' tight grip left. His eyes immediately widened and I almost saw his amber eyes turn red with rage as he raised his voice, "Rin, what the hell is this? Who did this to you?"

I jumped at the sudden change of his voice and my eyes filled up with tears again. I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn't. I was still in shock and the river of tears that started to fall said it loud and clear. Suddenly, I felt myself get dizzy so I walked up and leaned onto him, resting my palms and head on his chest for support. I closed my eyes and relaxed to the sound of his heartbeat and breathed in deeply, inhaling his soothing and comforting scent. Then I felt him wrap his arms around my shoulders and lowered his head to whisper in my ear, _"It's all right, love. I'm here now; nothing's going to happen to you. But I need you to tell me who it was."_

I lifted my head from his chest and looked at him. He smiled as he reached to wipe the tears away with his thumb; "It was Koga."

His smile faded and eyes widened as he raised his voice again, "WHAT? How did that bastard know you were here?"

I rested my head back on his chest, looking towards the wall, "He's been stalking me since you and Kagome kicked him out of the house, remember? That's how he found out that I live here. He knows about us Sess and threatened me again. Saying that if I wasn't going to be with him…"

He curled his fingers around my chin and lifted my head up to meet his gaze. Finishing the sentence for me, our eyes locked, "… he's not going to let you be with another. Yes, I remember." He then started to run his fingers along my cheek as he spoke, his voice was soft but yet firm at the same time, "That asshole doesn't know who he's messing with, how dare he think of hurting you. But believe me I will make sure, personally if I have to, that he will not go unpunished." He then turned up to look behind me. I could tell that he was getting angry again because I felt him tense up. Raising his voice again, "Where the hell is the security here? They're supposed to know who comes in and out. Why aren't they here?"

Shaking my head, "Sess, it's ok. Calm down."

He looked towards me again, his eyes wide, "Calm down? How could I calm down? A lunatic just attempted to hurt you and you want me to calm down? We need to contact the authorities."

"It's not going to do much good, Sesshomaru. You know that."

He lowered his tone of voice, "I know but we still need to report this to the police. They need to have it on record."

Nodding, "But he was wearing gloves when he attacked me so there's no way of proving it was really him, he left no fingerprints… Wait, he kissed my cheek maybe there might be traces even though I wiped it after he left."

He lowered my head to place a kiss on my forehead, "Maybe. Come; let's get you inside. I'm sure you must be tired. Then we can call the authorities." He moved away and picked up all the items that fell on the floor. Once he got everything, he stood and wrapped an arm around my shoulder, walking me inside my place.

Once inside, Sesshomaru called the police and they came promptly. They recorded my testimony, photographed the markings on my neck and took a sample from my cheek. Sesshomaru never left my side throughout the entire evening. As for the building security, it seems that they were busy taking care of a disturbance happening at the same time that Koga came by. Koga's not stupid, I'm sure he hired who ever it was to cause a scene and distract security so he won't be caught. About a week later, I received a call from the detective confirming that the DNA sample they took matched Koga's exactly. He also mentioned that since there were no official fingerprints from him on my neck, the sample wasn't going to be enough to prove that it was really he who attacked me. But they were going to keep a close watch on him just in case he tried something again. I knew from the beginning that reporting him to the authorities would be of no use. Koga's father ran his business under shady practices and I'm pretty sure he had connections with the police in order to cover up his illegal transactions. Thus giving Koga a carte blanche, allowing him to get away with anything he wanted.

Ever since then, Sesshomaru started spending MUCH more time with me. He would hardly ever leave me alone, not that I minded though. I liked having him around and keeping me company. That was at first though, there were times that instead of returning back to his place, he would end up spending the night in the spare bedroom I had. Now it started, as just occasionally, but then it became much more frequent. He always used the excuse that he liked my place better because it was more peaceful than his was and it would help him get more work done. But I knew the truth, he was afraid that Koga would come back if he noticed that Sesshomaru wasn't around. So eventually, he ended up moving in since he already had most of his things set up in the room. Now I don't want you to get the wrong idea about us living together, nothing ever happened between us. He was always a true gentleman and would never go beyond set borders. I actually liked having him around; the place didn't seem as dreary as it used to. Also it's not as if I didn't know him well, we lived together once but under much different conditions and it felt exactly the same as back then, only this time it was just we two.

Everyone offered their support especially after the incident with Koga, except for Kagome, of course. It seemed that Koga had lost contact with all of his friends after the incident and disappeared since most of them disagreed on what he was trying to do. A month later, my 23rd birthday was approaching and Ayame wanted to make a big celebration for it, even when I refused. Eventually she and Sesshomaru convinced me and we set up the date for the party. They decided that it was going to be held at her home since she had the huge ballroom hall in her house. Ayame invited everyone; all of my friends, some of hers and Sesshomaru invited some of his friends and partners.

When the day finally arrived, everything had already been taken care of. I honestly hated parties, too many people and too much noise. But I couldn't let Ayame or Sesshomaru down because they'd put so much time in setting everything up. I spent the entire morning at Ayames' house, waiting for Ayame and Sesshomaru to give the final approval on the decorations and stuff. At around noon, we had lunch together out in the gardens I loved so much. Then at about 3pm, after Ayame and Sesshomaru finished chatting, we left back home to rest before the party. Honestly, they'd become close. They would talk about everything but mostly business and could go on for HOURS.

When we arrived home, I was tired and crashed onto the sofa as he walked into the kitchen. I placed my hand over my forehead, closed my eyes and sighed; "You two tired me out."

He called out from the kitchen, "Who did?"

"You and Ayame."

He laughed, "Why did we?"

I opened one eye and found him hovering over me, looking down at me and smiling. Then I closed it again and giggled, shaking my head, "Oh my goodness, you two just go on and on for way too long. There's just no way of stopping you."

Chuckling, "Well, it wouldn't seem so long if you joined in the conversation, you know?"

Smiling, I opened my eyes and reached up to hold his face in my hands. Then I lifted myself up enough to pull him in and place a kiss on his lips. Looking into his eyes, "Well, talking about inflation and stock market investments isn't really my thing."

He laughed and moved in to kiss me again, "That's not all we talk about." Then he started placing light kisses on my lips.

As he continued to kiss me, I began to slowly lie down on the sofa, bringing him down with me. As I lowered myself down, I felt him begin to crawl over the sofa. So I moved my way over to place light kisses on his left cheek, giggling, "No but it's always something related to it."

He chuckled and fully climbed over the sofa, landing on top of me. He placed his legs on each side, straddling my lower body. He slid his hands under my arms and placed them flat on the sofa for support as he lowered his head to capture my lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down, responding passionately to his kiss and melting into him. He ended the kiss by placing sweet kisses on the sides of my mouth. When I opened my eyes again, I found him looking at me with loving eyes, smiling, "Liar."

I chuckled, as I placed another kiss on his lips, "Never."

Then a yawn escaped me and he laughed, "It looks like someone needs a nap."

Laughing and nodding, "I really do otherwise I won't be able to handle staying up late." He nodded and started to move to climb off me but when I didn't release him, he stopped and turned to face me again. My lips curled up into a smile; "You should take one too."

He smiled, "I think I will." When I felt him move down, I parted my legs allowing him to settle in between them and he rested his head on the valley underneath my breasts. I wrapped my arms around him, closed my eyes and relaxed to the sound of his breathing.

Sleep was beginning to take over but was interrupted when I heard his voice, "Rin?"

"Hmmm?" My eyes still closed.

"Nothing, just wanted to see if you were asleep yet."

I snickered as I shook my head slightly, "Silly," turning my head over to fall asleep. The last thing I heard was his low chuckle and felt him shift to make himself comfortable before I completely fell asleep.

Later that evening at about 5pm, I awoke to find him still asleep on top of me. He looked so adorable and was sleeping so soundly that I really didn't want to wake him but I had to so we could get ready for the party.

Since it wasn't going to be a formal party and it was about late-spring, early summer I knew it wasn't going to get too cold later. So I decided to wear a khaki colored twill skirt that reached about 2 and a half inches above my knees, a fitted brown silk spaghetti strapped top that showed just enough of my cleavage and a twill blazer jacket over it, the same shade as the skirt. Finishing off the outfit were my tan colored high-heeled leather boots that reached up to about my knees. I put my hair up into a French twist and kept it in place with a pair of tan colored chopsticks. I applied a little bit of makeup, like always trying to keep the look natural, and put on some light pink lip-gloss. I sprayed on some perfume before I walked out to the living room finding Sesshomaru already there waiting for me.

OH MY GOD! He looked absolutely HOT! My eyes widened and mouth hung open as I caught sight of him while he was turning to face me with a BIG smile on his face. He was wearing charcoal colored slacks with light blue pinstripes, a light turquoise button shirt with blue and white stripes coming down and a black leather jacket over it. He walked up to me and placed his hands on my waist, "Wow, you look absolutely beautiful."

Smiling, I lifted my arms and wrapped them around his neck, looking into his eyes, "Thank you. You look very handsome yourself." His scent immediately hitting my nose, he smelled so damn GOOD. Well, he always did.

"Happy Birthday, sweetheart." He leaned in and kissed my cheek and then wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in for a hug.

Giggling, "Thank you."

He pulled back and turned towards me, "I have a present for you. Let me get it, wait right here." I nodded and released him as he walked away and entered his room. Seconds later, he came back out with a small box in his hand and walked up to me. Handing it to me, "This is for you."

I took the box from him and looked down, opening it slowly. My eyes widened and I gasped at the contents. He reached in and pulled out a thin silver link bracelet with a pink heart charm hanging from it. The heart had a smaller heart in the center made up of small diamonds. Looking up at him, "Oh my God, Sess. I can't believe you bought it. Thank you so much."

As he opened up the bracelet, I walked to place the box on the counter and returned to him. He then wrapped it around my right hand and secured it in place. As he was securing the bracelet, I covered my mouth and tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to pool in my eyes. With a wide grin, "There. It looks much better on you than on the display."

I looked at the bracelet, looked at it closely and admired its beauty. It was special but it was not as special as he was. So I reached up and wrapped my arms around him, holding him tightly; "I just can't say it enough, thank you."

He wrapped his arms around and I could hear the smile still present in his voice, "You're welcome. I wanted to give you something special and remembered that you really liked it when you saw it, so I figured that it would be the perfect present for you."

"But I already have the perfect present, Sess…" Turning to kiss his neck and whisper in his left ear, "_You, my love_."

He chuckled and lowered his head, pressing light kisses all along my neck, "Hmmm… You smell wonderful."

I lowered and moved my head to the side allowing him more access to my neck. My skin crawling at the feeling of his hot breath tickling my skin and his lips sliding up and down. I raised my hand up to the back of his neck and slid my head up to whisper huskily in his ear, "_So do you._"

He faintly growled as he kissed his way up to my cheekbone. Suddenly, the air around us seemed dense, making our breathing quicken. Also, it started to feel as if the temperature in the room rapidly began to rise. When he reached my lips, I turned towards him and pulled him in, kissing him with a sudden need that was building inside me as he responded passionately, tasting and caressing every corner of my mouth. He then pulled me closer to him and I felt his hands caressing my arms and back, making my body shudder underneath his touch. His hands working in unison with the rhythm of his kiss, making me want him, no, NEED him even more. He tried to say something but was forced to speak in between kisses; "If we… keep this… up… we're never… going… to leave."

"_Mmmm…_" was the only sound that came from me. The thought actually seemed very tempting at the time and suddenly I just didn't care about anything else. All I knew I wanted was him but then I remembered there was a lot of people counting on us to be there, especially Ayame. So I gave him one final kiss on his lips before I backed away, my arms still locked around his neck and looked at him, trying to regain my breath. His eyes were soft and dazed and I could see a hint of lust glinting in them. He seemed to be pretty breathless as well. Smiling, "I love you, Sesshomaru."

A smile grew on his face as he pulled my head down to place a kiss on my forehead, "I love you too." He released me and I lifted my head up to look at him, "Now we must go before everyone starts to think something happened." I nodded and we both turned to pick up our things from the kitchen counter. As we're walking out the door, "Oh, I almost forgot to mention. Ayame asked Sango to take Kagome to the party as well. She's going to try to set up a way for you two to have a talk."

As he was shutting and locking the door behind him, "Oh".

He turned over and smiled, "What do you think?" Then he offered his arm and I wrapped mine around his as we began to walk towards the elevator.

Looking forward, "She's not going to want to talk to me. I'm sure of it."

"How can you be so sure?" Looking at me.

Arriving to the elevator, I pressed the button and we waited. Turning to him, "Because I know she's still mad at me."

When the elevator arrived, we stepped in. As he was pressing the 1st floor button, "You never know, she might've changed her mind."

Shaking my head, "I highly doubt it. Knowing Kagome, she holds on to grudges for a long time."

Arriving to our destination, we walked out and headed towards the main door. "Come on Rin, be optimistic for once. It may work out better than you expect," as he opened the door for me.

I stepped out and walked towards his car, which wasn't too far away, "Well all I have to say is that, if I do get the chance to talk to her and she still refuses to listen, I'm just going to have to speak my mind openly. I don't care if she gets hurt or offended by anything I say, I'm tired of this from her." Reaching the car, he opened the door for me and shut it once I was settled and buckled in.

He walked around the car and entered through the drivers' seat, smiling, "Well, let's just hope everything works out for the best tonight." Turning on the car and buckling himself in.

I nodded and smiled, "I sure hope so." Finally, he shifted gears and started to head towards the exit, making our way to the party. Neither of us knowing what to expect from anybody but we were definitely anxious to find out what was to come.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

'' Thought expressions

"_Italic_" Whisper expressions

** Warning **this chapter contains a Lime. It includes implied sexual content and may not be suitable for minors. Thank you very much.

When we arrived at the mansion, the windows were rattling a bit. I guess because of the music inside and it became obvious that the party had already started without us. A knot suddenly built up in my throat and for some reason, I started feeling somewhat nervous. I wasn't sure why but I held it back and tried to convince myself that there was nothing to be worried about. But the more I thought of it, the more nervous I got. When we arrived to the front of the mansion, the lump present in my throat suddenly became hard to swallow. Instantly, the valets opened the doors for us and we stepped out of the car. I walked up to the porch and waited for Sesshomaru. He immediately handed the keys to the young man and walked over to where I was standing.

Looking at him with pleading eyes, "Is it too late to change my mind?"

Raising an eyebrow, he shook his head, "It's much too late now. Now come on, everyone's waiting for us." Taking my hand and wrapping my arm around his.

As we were walking towards the door, I stuck my tongue out at him and he smiled, giving my hand a light squeeze. Before we even arrived to the door, it opened up and a gentleman greeted us in. "Good Evening Mr. Kitazawa, Ms. Imamura. Everyone's been expecting your arrival. Please come in." Stepping into the house, the gentleman closed the door behind us and we entered the entrance hall. "Please follow me." He guided us into the living room and stopped, "Wait here for a moment while I announce your arrival. If you'll excuse me." He bowed slightly and turned, walking in the direction of the ballroom.

I looked around and noticed that they'd even decorated the living room. Then I turned to look at Sesshomaru, raising an eyebrow, "Now, don't you think that this is just way too much?"

When I noticed that he'd already put his stoic mask on, I couldn't hold back and snickered. He looked over only with his eyes and shook his head slightly, "No, it's not enough." I felt my cheeks heat up and looked up at him, smiling. He curled his lips up to a smile and looked down at my hand then back at me, "Why are you shaking?"

I felt my cheeks heat up even more, "I'm nervous."

He turned his head slightly towards me, "Why would you be?"

Shaking my head, "I don't know. I mean I don't know half of the people in there, why shouldn't I be?"

He looked down, closed his eyes, shook his head, and chuckled all at the same time. Then he fully turned towards me; "Don't let it get to you. Just worry about the half that you know and don't worry about the other half."

I looked forward, noticing that the gentleman was coming back, "It's easier said than done."

As he reentered the room, "The guests are anxiously waiting for you. Please follow me."

I turned to look at Sesshomaru and he smiled, lifting my hand up to his lips, "Ready?" Placing a kiss on the back of my hand.

Smiling, "As ready as I'll ever be."

So we started making our way towards the great hall. When we arrived, I took a deep breath before we made our way inside. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" was called out from everyone the moment we stepped into the ballroom and was followed by an enormous applause from all the guests. I was left speechless at the sudden greeting from everyone. I never expected for it to be so big and the hall was decorated beautifully with my favorite colors: cream and dark maroon. As we were walking in, people I never even knew kept congratulating me so not wanting to be rude, I thanked them for being there and walked on. Sess lead me through the dance floor until we reached the table where the group was seated, all except Kagome and Sango.

The first person to congratulate me was Miroku. He reached out and wrapped his arms around me, "Happy Birthday, Rin. So how old are you now?"

I hugged him in return, "Thanks Miroku. I'm 23 years old." But when I felt his hand start to lower from my back to my rear, I pulled back and raised an eyebrow, "Miroku, behave yourself. Remember, hands to yourself." Pulling his hands off me.

He put a surprised expression on his face and snickered, "I don't have the slightest idea of what you're talking about. I always behave."

Nodding, "Uh huh." Internally, I hoped that Sesshomaru didn't see that otherwise all hell would've broken loose. Then I took a step back, giving me a safe distance from him AND his hand, and started looking around. Raising my voice loud enough to be heard through the music playing, "Where's Sango?" Turning towards him.

"She's with Kagome."

My eyes widened a bit; "Kagome's here? Wow, how did Sango do it?"

Shaking his head, "It wasn't easy but in the end, Sango always has her way no matter what. Just ask me if she doesn't." Both of us started laughing.

Then Kohaku came up to me and wrapped his arms around, "Happy Birthday Rin."

Hugging him, "Thanks Kohaku." As I released him, I noticed the young woman sitting right next to him. He stepped aside as the young woman stood and Kohaku wrapped his arm around her shoulders, "Rin, this is my girlfriend, Kanna."

She turned towards me with her lips curved up in a smile and extended her hand, "Nice to meet you Rin. Happy Birthday." Her voice was as soft as a whisper. Luckily the music had been stopped for a bit otherwise I wouldn't been able to hear her.

Shaking her hand and smiling, "Thank you Kanna. Nice to meet you too."

She was a sweet girl, real quiet but sweet. She wasn't very tall, reached to about Kohaku's shoulders and was very petite. Although there was one feature that immediately caught my attention, to others she hardly showed any emotion but when it came to Kohaku, there wasn't an emotion she wouldn't. It just reminded me so much of my Sesshomaru. Kohaku seemed to really like this girl too and I was happy for him. But there was one thing that picked at my curiosity and I just HAD to ask.

Pulling Kohaku to the side, "_Does Kagome know about her?_"

Shaking his head, "_No, she will tonight though. That's why I brought her._"

Nodding, "_Ah, ok. Well, I'm happy for you Kohaku. She seems like a really sweet girl._"

He turned towards Kanna and looked at her with loving eyes, "_Thanks, she really is._" Then he walked away and took his seat next to her.

I giggled as I made my way back, not removing my sight from the loving couple and watched as Kohaku placed a kiss on Kanna's left temple. Immediately, my smiled widened at the sight of Kanna's face, it was as if she placed her entire world in his hands and when I looked over to Kohaku, he had the same look as well.

Smiling, 'That's definitely true love.' As I walked towards where Sesshomaru was sitting.

As I was taking my seat, the lights dimmed and upbeat music started to play again. He was turned over, talking to Miroku when I reached over and grabbed onto his hand, giving it a light squeeze. He turned towards me and smiled, leaning in to speak into my right ear, "It's not so bad now, is it?"

I shook my head and lifted it to speak into his ear, "No, it really isn't."

Leaning in again, "I'm glad you liked it." He placed a kiss on my right temple. I turned to look at him and smiled, looking into his eyes that reflected the bright lights, looking almost as if they were glowing. But just as I was going to turn away from him, I noticed Ayame walking towards us. When she arrived, I stood up, reached over and wrapped my arms tightly around her.

She wrapped her arms tightly around me and spoke into my ear, "I'm so glad you made it. Happy Birthday my dear, so what do you think about the party now?"

I released her and backed away, smiling, "Thank you so much. I love it; it looked so much different this afternoon. I can't believe it's the same house."

Giggling, "That's because of the lighting. It's what sets the mood." Then she turned her attention to Sesshomaru as he stood to greet her, placing a kiss on her cheek. She signaled and he lowered himself so she could speak into his ear as she pointed towards me; "I'm going to steal her away from you for a while. I promise to bring her back."

He started to laugh and nodded, turning towards her, "All right but as long as I get her back. Otherwise, I know who to hunt down." Ayame started to laugh. I, on the other hand, raised an eyebrow and curled my lips up to a smirk as he smiled and looked at me with loving eyes.

Suddenly, Ayame started to pull me away towards the dance floor so we could walk across to the other side. "Come, I want you to meet some friends of mine," as I tried to catch up to her.

Finally walking next to her, "Oh ok." I turned towards her, "By the way, have you seen Sango and Kagome anywhere? When I got here they weren't at the table."

Shaking her head, "No, I saw them when they first arrived. Kagome didn't look too happy about something but I don't know where they could've gone."

So I turned to look towards the door, "Oh."

Changing the subject, "That's such a cute bracelet. Where did you get it? I love it."

I looked over and down at the bracelet then back at her, smiling, "Oh, thanks. Actually, it's Sesshomaru's birthday present. He gave it to me before we came here."

Smiling, "Really? It's very pretty." She turned and smiled to a group of people that stood ahead of us, "Rita, how nice to see you!" Then she walked over to hug the older woman, I just kept walking until I caught up to her.

I spent most of the party with Ayame and her friends. Many of them had gotten to know my parents when they were alive and it was interesting to hear the memories they had about them. Although at one point, I got the sudden urge to return to the table, wanting to return to my Sesshomaru. But when I looked towards it, he wasn't there. I kept looking around until I found him standing with a group of his friends and partners, talking. Sadly pushing that thought aside, I turned and continued talking to the group. What I hadn't noticed though was that Kagome and Sango had returned to the table during the time I was away. When I glanced at the table again, I noticed that they were there. So I excused myself from the group and started to make my way back. I guess Kagome must've seen me heading their way because she stood up and walked away, heading back into the house. Sango stood telling her something but then turned my way with a sad smile on her face.

When I walked up to her, she wrapped her arms around me and spoke into my ear, "Hey Rin. Happy Birthday! How are you?"

I held her tightly and pulled back, "Thanks Sango. I'm doing well. But... umm… why did Kagome leave? Was it because I was walking towards here?"

She placed her hand on head and slightly shook is as she turned towards the door, "I don't know with her anymore. She's just so stubborn sometimes, it's hard getting anything into that thick skull of hers."

Lowering my head a bit, "Well, I'm glad to see something hasn't changed."

She lowered herself to look at my eyes, "Are you going to talk to her or try at least?"

I looked at her and nodded, "Yeah, I think it's time we settled this."

Nodding, "Ok. Well, I would say that right now is the best time to do it. Most likely she went to hide herself in the study again. I'm sure you'll find her there. Good Luck, Rin." Then she reached and wrapped her arms around me again.

I held her tightly one more time, "Thank you so much Sango for everything you've done for Kagome and I. Honestly I don't know how to ever repay you. I don't think there even is a way but I will." I pulled back and placed a kiss on her cheek.

She had the same sad smile on her face again; "You're welcome Rin. Look, don't worry, we're friends and that's what friends do for each other. You don't have to repay me for anything. Now go! Go talk to Kagome and see if you can knock some sense into her cause, hell, I couldn't."

Giggling, "I will, I just need to let Sesshomaru know where I am just in case. Thanks again." So I turned around and walked away in the direction I'd last seen him standing.

When I found him, he was still talking to his friends and one of them must've told him that I was walking towards him. He turned to me and smiled but it faded, I guess when he noticed the sad expression on my face. I walked up to him and pulled him down to whisper in his ear, "_I'm going to talk to Kagome. Sango said she might be in the study so I'm going to catch her there. Could you let Ayame know that we'll be in there just in case if she comes looking for me?_"

He nodded and turned towards me, "_I will, do you want me to come with you?_" He reached down and held my hands in his.

Shaking my head, "_No, I need to talk to her alone. I'll be all right. Just wish me luck._"

So he placed a kiss on my cheek, "_Good luck._" I quirked my lips up to a smile and turned to walk towards the house.

Luckily, the hall doors had been made soundproof for when I closed them behind me; the sound of the party disappeared, leaving absolute silence. I walked in the direction of the study, gathering up all the courage I had. I never thought I'd be nervous to talk to my own sister. I mean she's my SISTER for Pete's sake, it wasn't supposed to be that way but circumstances had lead it to become like that.

When I reached the study doors, I hesitated and placed my ear to the door, hoping to hear something from the inside. When I heard nothing, I took a deep breath, turned the doorknob and pushed the door in. Peeking in, "Kagome?" I turned towards the right she wasn't there. But when I looked to the left, I saw her standing by the window, looking out with her back facing me. She must've been really into her thoughts that she never noticed I'd opened the door until I entered and called her name again, closing the door behind me.

She immediately stiffened at the sound of my voice and I saw through her reflection that her eyes widened for a moment but then shifted back to normal. Looking out, "What do you want?" Her voice was full of scorn adding more to the chilling feeling that suddenly came into the room. I kept walking towards her, trying to get close but I stopped when she turned her head over and hissed, "Don't come any closer." Then she turned back to look out the window and crossed her arms.

My eyes widened at the sudden reaction and lowered my head, trying to hide the tears that were threatening to pool in my eyes, "I just wanted to talk to you."

Snapping back, "There's nothing to talk about. So just leave me alone."

I lifted my head up to look at her, "What do you mean there's nothing? That's not true Kagome and you know that. We have something we need to settle between us and I'm not leaving until we do."

She shrugged her shoulders, "Humph… why bother? You got what you wanted from me, now I see that you two are living together. Well, go back to your little 'boyfriend' and do what ever it is you do with him and just leave me the hell ALONE."

Now THAT was what sparked up something inside me, I felt a combination of anger at her words and frustration at her stubbornness. Although, I tried to hold it back for sake of the conversation but I just couldn't, she had crossed the line. 'Oh no. She did NOT just go there.' I fisted my hands at my sides as I raised my voice, "I bother because you're my sister and we DON'T sleep together if that's what you're trying to say. So we do live together and so what? What are you going to do about it, huh? Can't you just be happy for me for once? Is that so hard for you to do? Just what the HELL is your problem, Kagome?"

That was when I saw her eyes widen again and she turned completely towards me, looking at me with hateful eyes. She started taking steps towards me and was practically screaming, as she fisted her hands at her sides, "MY PROBLEM? What is MY PROBLEM? YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT MY PROBLEM IS, RIN?" Pointing towards me, " 'YOU' ARE MY PROBLEM. YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN AND TO THIS DAY YOU STILL ARE."

My eyes widened as I took a step back, trying to keep some distance between us, shaking my head slightly, "WHAT? What did I ever do for you to hate me so much?"

She took another step closer, "YOU STILL HAVE THE FUCKING NERVE TO ASK WHAT." Pointing at me, "BECAUSE OF YOU, I'VE BEEN MISERABLE. BECAUSE OF YOU, I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO BE HAPPY AND BECAUSE OF YOU, I LOST THE ONE I HAD EVER TRULY LOVED."

My eyes widened as the memory came back to me; "_Yuki." _But I pushed it away and frowned angrily. That was when Kagome had TRULY crossed the line. I just couldn't hold back anymore and did exactly as I'd told Sesshomaru before; I began to speak my mind openly. I raised my voice and began to talk to her in the same tone that she was using towards me, full of scorn, "Kagome that was never my fault. I never did anything to take him away from you. Maybe if you would've listen to HIM more often instead of always ranting about YOU, he would've never left. That's why he fell in love with me because I did what YOU never would and I'm not making this up, he told me himself as did the others. You were just too stubborn and selfish and by the looks of it, you obviously still ARE. You're exactly like Koga. Have you ever realized that the world doesn't revolve just around YOU! People change Kagome and it's about damn time you did too."

She remained speechless and frozen still at my cruel words but they were the truth. The truth that thanks to the help from Sesshomaru,I was finally able to figure out and accept. But I still wasn't quite done yet. She stood there looking at me and I noticed that tears started to pool in her eyes, it hurt me to have to do that but she'd left me no other choice. I lowered my voice but kept it stern, "Now, you know why Yuki and all the others chose me instead of you. You were always too full of yourself and pushed them away. I know that's why you left Kohaku too because you knew very well that he would end up falling for me. When you broke up, I knew immediately why you ended it and it was not as you'd claimed that he was too 'nice' for you." Shaking my head, "Now it's too late, you've lost him as well." Pointing towards the wall, "Have you seen his girlfriend, Kagome? Have you seen the way she looks at him? She gives herself entirely to him as he does to her. It's the same thing with Sesshomaru and I. A relationship is not just one way Kagome, you have to put in as much as you want to receive and sometimes even more and not expect anything in return." Pointing towards her, "But perhaps you can't understand that, you're too stubborn. You've always thought just about yourself right, well that's all that's left now, just you until you change. I've had to carry the blame for this all my life but enough is enough. I've suffered tremendously because of it and now I've had it. I've asked for your forgiveness before even when I'm not supposed to but I'll ask for it again. Kagome, could you please forgive me?"

By the time I was finished, she had tears running down her cheeks. I honestly thought that I'd knocked some sense into her and made her reason. I thought that she was finally going to forgive me and let bygones be bygones but I was very wrong…

Shaking her head, "I DON'T FUCKING BELIEVE A WORD YOU JUST SAID. They're all lies just to get to me. Well, You know what, FUCK YOU! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE OR TALK TO YOU EVER AGAIN." Then she turned around to face the window.

I felt so much anger emerge that moment that I full out screamed as I fisted my hands at my sides, feeling my fingernails almost dig into my palms of how angry I was, "FINE. YOU WANT US TO LOOK AT EACH OTHER AS STRANGERS? FINE WITH ME. JUST REMEMBER THIS, I TRIED TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT WITH YOU BUT YOU REFUSED. IT WAS YOU WHO CHOSE THIS, NOT ME. SO DON'T COME BACK TO ME LATER, BLAMING ME THAT I WAS THE ONE WHO PUSHED YOU AWAY BECAUSE BY THEN, I'M THE ONE THAT'S NOT GOING TO LISTEN. FROM NOW ON WE'RE NOTHING ANYMORE, SO… UNTIL NEVER." I turned around and burst out the door, slamming it shut behind me.

I was literally fuming as I walked back towards the living room. Honestly, I've never been so angry in all my life as I was then. My face felt burning hot and I felt tears pooling in my eyes but I held them back since at that moment, I'd decided that Kagome was not worth my tears anymore. When I turned into the living room, I saw that Ayame and Sesshomaru were there, I guess they'd been waiting to see what happened. As I walked in, they both turned towards me but before they even had a chance to speak, I walked up to Sesshomaru and hissed, "I need to get out of here. Take me home." I grabbed my purse from his hand and turned around to walk towards the door.

Immediately, he stopped me by holding onto my arm, "Rin, wait. Come back, what happened?" Pulling me towards him.

I turned towards him, bluntly, "I don't want to talk about it. Could you just please take me home?"

He frowned at my tone of voice and released my arm, his voice stern, "As you wish."

I turned around and walked towards the door but before I stepped out, I stopped and looked over at Ayame. She had such a sad look on her face and it made me feel awful. With my voice low, "I'm sorry." She never said anything just smiled before I finally stepped out of the house. Immediately when I stepped out, the valet fetched Sesshomaru's car and brought it around. But Sesshomaru was taking forever to come out so I stepped into the car and buckled myself in, waiting for him to come out. A few moments later, he came out and walked straight to the drivers seat and stepped inside. I said nothing to him, not even turned to look at him. He buckled himself in and drove off, silently. Throughout the way back home, we said nothing to each other. Instead, I rested my head on the window and cried, silent hurtful tears running down my cheeks the entire way.

When we arrived home, I didn't even wait for him to shut off the car when I unbuckled myself and stepped out of the car, walking towards the building. I heard him mumble something before the car door slammed shut and his alarm beeped. By the time he caught up to me, I was standing waiting for the elevator to arrive. He stood next to me and I didn't direct a word or a look towards him, sniffles were the only sounds coming from me. He tried to say something but the elevator bell cut him off and I walked inside immediately when the doors opened. Same thing happened when we arrived to the 4th floor but I walked out of the elevator and headed towards the door, leaving him behind. When he caught up to me again, he already had the key in his hand and opened the door, allowing me to walk in first.

But just when I was going to head towards my room, he got a hold of my arm and turned me towards him, looking straight into my eyes, "Rin, enough with the silent treatment. What happened?" as he held onto my biceps. I was caught entirely by surprise when he turned me around like that. My eyes widened as I looked at him with tears still falling down my cheeks. But nonetheless, I said nothing to him and turned away to look out the balcony door. He released my left arm and held my chin, turning me to face him. "By the look of your reaction, it didn't go so well. But what happened in there to have made you so angry?" Wiping the tears with his thumb.

I let out a frustrated sigh and loosened myself from his grasp, walking towards the sofa. I took off my jacket and threw it forcefully towards the recliner, trying to relieve some tension as I turned over and fell onto the sofa, lying on my back. I placed my hand over my eyes and sighed, "What DIDN'T happen in there is the actual question." By then, the tears had ceased to fall.

I heard him remove his jacket and his footsteps were coming closer until he walked around and sat next to me, lifting my legs up and placing them on his lap. I peeked through my hand and saw him looking at me, "I'm listening." Then I felt him start to massage my calves through the boots.

I shook my head and let out a frustrated groan as I removed my hand and looked at him, "Just like I told you, she refused to listen to me." Then I lifted my head up to see him unzipping my boots.

He slipped them off and placed them on the floor. Nodding, "Uh huh, what else?" as he started to massage my feet.

I lowered my head back on the sofa, closed my eyes and sighed, trying to relax, savored the firm, soothing movements his hands were doing on my feet. "Well, since she refused to listen, I did just as I'd told you, I spoke my mind openly. I told her the truth of why the others dumped her. But now that I think about it, I don't think anyone, other than Sango, has ever talked to her that way. That's why she was left shocked after I was done." Suddenly, he stopped the massage and I lifted my head up to look at him.

He turned towards me, "What did she say?"

Shaking my head, "She didn't believe a word I said." I sighed and turned over to my left side, placing my hands under my cheek. Looking out the balcony, "She's just like mom when she was alive, stubborn and impossible to deal with sometimes. Since I couldn't convince her, it didn't change anything. Now at her choice, we remain as nothing but strangers to each other." I closed my eyes and tears began to fall again.

Softly, "Rin." When I felt him shift, I turned over and opened my eyes, finding him on top of me. His arms on each of my sides, supporting him as his eyes locked with mine. Shaking his head and his voice low, "Please don't cry, you know I can't stand to see you cry. I… I can't help feeling somewhat responsible for this and I know I shouldn't but… I just can't help it. You know I would give anything, anything in the world, just to see you happy. I would do whatever it takes to see you smile again." Lowering his head a bit, "Even… even if I have to…"

My eyes widened and I whispered, "_No,_" before I pulled him down and silenced him with my lips. I stopped him from ever finishing his sentence, I knew where he was heading to and it was something I didn't like to hear. I wouldn't be able to take it if he left. When he pulled back, I wrapped my arms around his neck, not wanting to let go. Suddenly, everything else meant nothing to me anymore, the fact that Koga was still on the loose didn't matter, and the fact that Kagome never wanted to see me again didn't either, absolutely nothing just him. He'd become my life and if he left, it would be as if a part of me left with him as well. All I wanted was to know, to be absolutely sure that he wasn't leaving, not now, not ever. I shook my head, "_Please don't leave,_" as tears continued to fall.

He shook his head and curled his lips up to a smile, "_Never,_" as he leaned in and kissed the tears away. Then he lifted his head and looked at me, "_I wouldn't be able to even if I had to._" He leaned in again and fully captured my lips with his. Immediately, I pulled him in and responded to his kiss, giving myself entirely to him as I felt him do the same. I let him know through the intensity of my kiss how much I wanted him to stay and how much I loved him. Ending the kiss, we pulled back and looked at each other, both of us short of breath. His eyes mirrored exactly what I felt inside, deeply in love but with a new feeling mixed in it as well. It was more of a need that nothing or no one but he and I could ever satisfy. Suddenly, he leaned in and captured my lips once more in a fiery kiss that made my body go limp at the intensity of it.

I tightened my arms around his neck as I felt his left hand start to caress my shoulder and arm. He placed his knee in between my legs and parted them, positioning himself in between them before he lowered himself completely on top of me. His weight securing me underneath him as I lifted my knee up, feeling him grab hold of it and press himself onto me as he caressed his way up my thigh. A moan escaped me at the feeling of his growth pressing onto my most intimate spot even through the many layers of clothing. His mouth devouring every sound that came out of me as he steadily continued his actions. Then, he moved to place kisses on the sides of my mouth and kissed his way down to my neck, nipping at the sensitive skin there. At that moment, I slid my hand into his hair and because of the immense sensation running through me, I found myself slightly pulling it as he continued kissing and nipping at my neck. His hand found its way up and slipped underneath my top, caressing my sides and stomach making the muscles there contract at his delicate touch. As I felt him trace his lips down from my neck, I gasped and arched up to him, my body wanting and asking for more. He lifted himself in conjunction with my body, leaving him on his knees and placed his hand on my back, supporting me as I continued to arch up to his lips. He lightly kissed his way down from my collarbone and continued until he arrived to the valley in-between my breasts. I lifted my head up and found him looking at me, his eyes dazed and reflecting the same want, the same need that I felt towards him and noticed the slight traces of sweat glistening on his face. By then our breathing had become erratic, making our chests rise and fall at almost the same rhythm.

I lifted myself up and pulled him in for another kiss, tracing my tongue around the inside of his sensuous lips and teeth then moved back, catching his lower lip and sucking on it as a groan escaped him. He whispered huskily onto my lips, "_Rin."_

The sound of his voice and tickle of his breath made my skin crawl, making my body shiver in delight. I moved my head to the side as he started to kiss his way down my cheek again, whispering in his ear; "_Sess,_" I made it sound like a hiss and lowered my head when he reached my neck. I felt him shiver as I slid my hand back up to his hair and lifted my head again, whispering into his ear, "_Make love to me, Sess."_

He stopped and lifted his head, turning to look at me with his lust filled eyes looking slightly confused, "Huh?"

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him in, embracing him as I whispered in his ear again, "_Make love to me."_

I heard him moan in response to my request and felt him slide his lips from my shoulder up to my neck and stopped right under my ear, whispering onto my skin, "_I will but not here."_ He raised his hands up to my ribcage and slightly pushed back. I hung onto him until he reached up and covered my hands with his, unlocking them from his neck and turned to look at me, shaking his head, "_Not here,"_ as he held my hands in his.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

'' Thought expressions

"_Italic_" Whisper expressions

** Warning: **This chapter is censored so the lemon was deleted. If you are interested in reading the complete chapter go to mediaminer org under DragonGrl. Thank you very much.

Ending of last chapter…

I lifted myself up and pulled him in for another kiss, tracing my tongue around the inside of his sensuous lips and teeth then moved back, catching his lower lip and sucking on it as a groan escaped him. He whispered huskily onto my lips, "_Rin."_

The sound of his voice and tickle of his breath made my skin crawl, making my body shiver in delight. I moved my head to the side as he started to kiss his way down my cheek again, whispering in his ear; "_Sess,_" I made it sound like a hiss and lowered my head when he reached my neck. I felt him shiver as I slid my hand back up to his hair and lifted my head again, whispering into his ear, "_Make love to me, Sess."_

He stopped and lifted his head, turning to look at me with his lust filled eyes looking slightly confused, "Huh?"

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him in, embracing him as I whispered in his ear again, "_Make love to me."_

I heard him moan in response to my request and felt him slide his lips from my shoulder up to my neck and stopped right under my ear, whispering onto my skin, "_I will but not here."_ He raised his hands up to my ribcage and slightly pushed back. I hung onto him until he reached up and covered my hands with his, unlocking them from his neck and turned to look at me, shaking his head, "_Not here,"_ as he held my hands in his.

Edited for fanfiction net 

Our eyes never unlocked even as he stepped off the sofa, standing next to me. He bent down and captured my lips once more as I wrapped my arms around his neck again. Suddenly, he slipped one hand to my back and the other under my knees to lift me off the sofa. I gasped and tightened my arms around his neck. I pulled back from his lips and looked at him, my voice as low as a whisper, "Where are you taking me?"

He smiled, "Your place or mine?"

Chuckling, I leaned in and started to stroke his neck lightly with the tip of my nose, "It doesn't matter to me." A light groan came from him as he turned and kissed me again.

"_Mmmm…_" was all that came from me before he started walking towards his bedroom.

The rest is at mediaminer... 

A few seconds later, he lowered his head and started placing feathery kisses on my shoulder and moved them up to my neck. All of a sudden, I felt a sharp pain at my neck and flinched away, "HEY." I sat up and looked at him with my hand at my neck, finding him with a mischievous look on his face. Looking at him with a brow raised, "What was that for?" I lightly rubbed my neck and pulled it back to look at my hand trying to see if there was any blood. Luckily, there wasn't.

He chuckled, "It's a mark."

I tilted my head to one side, smirking, "A mark? A mark for what?"

He laughed, "It's my claim to you. Well, a temporary one until it fades away."

Raising a brow, "Oh really? Sounds a bit possessive don't you think?" He chuckled. Snickering, "Well, it's only fair that we both lay claim don't you agree?"

He tilted his head to one side with his lips curled into a smile, "And -how- exactly do you plan to do that?"

"Like this…" So I pushed him back onto the headboard and placed a kiss on his right breast. When I knew he wouldn't expect it, I bit him - HARD- leaving a red purplish bite mark there. Immediately, I felt him raise his hands to my shoulders and pushed me back.

Pushing me away, "Rin, that f… it hurts…" I laughed at hearing him catching his words then backed away enough to face him again.

I started to laugh, cooing, "Awww… I'm sorry, here let me kiss it better."

He shook his head, "Uh ugh… no way. I don't trust you anymore." I started to laugh again when suddenly a yawn escaped me. Chuckling, "I guess I tired you out."

Closing my mouth, "Oh I'm sorry. What did you say?" looking back at him.

He started to laugh and lifted his hand to caress my cheek, "You need to rest, love. It's been a long day."

I smiled, "Not just for me but for both of us."

He nodded and smiled, "Yes, for both of us."

I wrapped my arms around his neck again and leaned in, resting my cheek on his shoulder as I sighed, "If we could only stay like this forever," as I was still "sitting" on his lap.

He wrapped his arms around me, "Don't worry, we have the rest of our lives for many more nights like this." I nudged my head into his shoulder as he lightly rubbed his cheek on my forehead. We remained silent for a moment, just enjoying the feeling of being together in body, mind and spirit. Suddenly, I yawned again and he chuckled, "You're falling asleep on me." I pulled back to face him as he smiled, "Come, let's get some sleep, we'll feel much better in the morning," as he tapped his finger on the tip of my nose.

I nodded and curled my lips up to a smile, "All right." I moved back and lifted myself slowly off him, moving to one side and lying down fully on the bed and looking up at him.

He slid down, turned and rested on his right arm as he pulled the sheets over our already cooling bodies. As he pulled me closer towards him, I wrapped my arm around and rested my forehead on his chest while he brushed hair off my face and secured it behind my ear. He lowered his head and rested his chin on the top of my head; "_It really has been an amazing night, hasn't it?_"

Nodding, "Yes, it has. Just like you said, it turned out all right in the end even if things didn't go as I hoped they would."

He placed a kiss on the top of my head, "Well, we don't always get what we want. Life just happens to work that way. It's what makes it worth waking up every morning, not knowing what will happen."

I looked up at him, "But I guess we made it, didn't we?"

He looked down at me and smiled, "Yes, I guess we did." He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on my lips. After the kiss, I rested my forehead back on his chest. We lay there silently, enjoying the feeling of holding each other again. When suddenly, I heard him yawn.

Giggling, I looked up at him, "I think it's more like 'I' tired 'you' out." He chuckled and placed a kiss on my forehead, remaining silent. But even as I tried to fight it back, there was still something that kept picking at my brain, something I knew I shouldn't care about but just HAD to know.

As I was running my fingers up his left arm and feeling his breathing start to steady, I stopped and looked at the mark I'd left on his chest, "Sess…"

But before I even started my question he answered it for me, "No."

I looked up at him, "No what? You didn't even let me finish my question."

He looked at me and shook his head, "I don't have to hear it because I already know what you're going to ask and my answer to it is 'no'."

I raised an eyebrow, "What was I going to ask? Hmm?"

"If Kagome and I became intimate. That was it wasn't it?" I remained silent and just looked at him, slightly shocked. He'd somehow read my mind that moment but I figured that he'd learned how to predict my actions. He softened his voice and shook his head, "Rin, you shouldn't linger in the past. Think about the future… your future… our future and let the past rest in the past. The past was what kept you where you were before, do you want to return back there?"

I lowered my head and shook it, "No."

"I thought so. Just forget about it and get some sleep, love." He kissed the top of my head and rested his head back on the pillow.

I remained there, wrapped in his arms, quiet and motionless as I thought about the real world as it came back to me. Afterwards, I tried to put whatever thought came into mind to the back of my head and kept it there until I finally fell asleep in his arms.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

'' Thought expressions

"_Italic_" Whisper expressions

I knew exactly what Sesshomaru was talking about and he made perfect sense. At the beginning though, he wouldn't have no matter how hard he tried. By then, I just didn't want to go back to where I was. I didn't want to go back to being the quiet, lonely and emotionally distressed girl that kept everything to her self because she was afraid to get hurt. The girl that pushed the entire world aside to live as an outcast and because she did, she knew life as no other way. But not anymore, that Rin was gone. Yet the change was hard, especially in the conditions I had to go through for it to happen. It was just difficult having to put so much behind, so many things that had a great impact in my life and molded me to who I was, to the person I'd become. But I managed to stand tall through it all and during the way, I found the strong arms to help keep me there, supporting me whenever I felt like I was going to fall. Yet even after all that happened, after all the emotional turmoil I'd gone through, I still had a feeling that it just wasn't completely over. In some way, my newfound strength was going to be tested further but I didn't know exactly to what extent. To be honest, that's what scared me to death because I wasn't sure how much pressure I would be able to take until I would finally just, give up.

Our relationship afterwards became MUCH stronger since we'd taken the next step. It became more complex and much more serious, so much that we'd become inseparable. It reached to a point where everyone began saying that we were going to spend the rest of our days together. Honestly to me, nothing could make me any happier than spending eternity with Sesshomaru. But my instincts kept alerting us that it wasn't going to be that way until we removed the obstacle that remained. The same obstacle that had become invisible to everyone else but Sesshomaru and I were well aware of its existence. The obstacle of knowing Koga was still on the loose and was more than willing to do whatever it took to break us apart.

About Kagome, I didn't worry about it anymore. She'd chosen to take the path that left me out of her life, then so be it. Yes, it hurt having to see my own sister as a stranger, especially the many times we would all get together at Ayame's house for special occasions. But I was able to live my life without her before and I was able to do it again. Ever since then though, I started doing something I avoided because of fear, visiting my parents' graves. I somehow felt like I'd let them down by allowing Kagome to stay away from me. But every time I stood in front of their graves, I could almost hear their voices whisper to me, "_Rin, it's okay. She'll be fine. It will all be okay._" I could even feel their warmth embrace me through the wind just like they'd done so many times when they were alive. Those moments were what helped ease one of the worries that clouded my mind.

Now my main worry was Koga. After the last encounter with him in the hallway, he disappeared for about 2 months. I even stopped seeing his car in the parking lot and figured that he'd given up. Yet something told me not let my guard down. Our routine remained the same though. When Sesshomaru had to be at work, I would be with Ayame at her home. I guess it helped him breathe easier because her house was heavily guarded. So there was a very slim chance of Koga actually showing up there. Then every evening, we would both return home and spend the rest of the day together.

About 2 months later, I'm guessing that was when Koga decided to make his return. It had started out with seeing his car in the parking lot like before. We both kept an eye out but nothing ever happened. We assumed that maybe it wasn't even his, it just happened to look like it. About 2 weeks later, that's when he started leaving small notes at my door. At first, they would be there only when I would be the one to pick them up, which wasn't very often. The content of the notes didn't change very much, just as always they were only threats. We did report the notes to the police. The only problem was that the bastard had always typed them, leaving no way to prove that he was behind them. Eventually, the notes became more frequent, reaching to a point that it really didn't matter who would pick them up. Sesshomaru would burn up with rage every time. Eventually out of desperation, we decided to leave my apartment, hoping he wouldn't follow.

So for a couple of days, I went to live with Sesshomaru at his studio apartment but it didn't make a difference. It didn't take long for the notes to start arriving. At that point, there really was no where we could go because Koga would always show up. Honestly by then, I was afraid. I was scared because I'd seen how far he was willing to go with his little "game." We went back to my apartment and had the security from the building increased. Lola was well aware of what was happening and kept someone always on watch, walking through the building at all times.

Eventually, the notes stopped. I guess it had become hard for Koga to deliver them because of the heavy security. So for the next couple of weeks, it remained calm and I felt like I was able to finally breathe easy again. Until that one day, when he definitely crossed the line…

It was a quiet evening; Sesshomaru and I were sitting out on the balcony looking up at the stars. It had become our little hobby to stargaze. Sometimes we would even stay out all night just to look at the sunrise at dawn. Earlier that day, I kept getting a premonition that something bad was going to happen but I wasn't sure what it was going to be. I told Sesshomaru about it and he assured me that nothing was going to happen as long as he was around and I left it at that. So we sat outside, talking and trying to find the constellations in the sky. We were having a blast until suddenly, my cell phone started to ring. We both sat up and looked at each other. It was about midnight and no one would ever call me that late.

Shocked, "Should I pick it up?" I looked at him and then inside.

"Yes, it could probably be an emergency. You never know."

"All right." So I stood and stepped into the living room. I'd left my phone on the coffee table. I picked it up and looked at my caller ID.

Peeking in from the outside, "Who is it?"

Shaking my head, "I don't know, it's a private number."

He nudged his head, "Pick it up and find out who it is."

Nodding, I opened my phone and answered it:

"Hello

Well, it took you long enough to answer the damn phone. Too busy fucking your bastard of a boyfriend?"

At that moment, I felt the blood rush down to my feet and my body became ice cold. I swear I felt when I'd lost all color and suddenly felt the need to sit down because my body could not hold itself up anymore. I couldn't understand it, everything changed from my cell phone to the house phone, everything and yet he still managed to get a hold of me.

So I lifted the phone back to my ear:

"How did you get my number? What the fuck do you want?

Now, now that's not the way you speak to people on the phone is it? About your number, it wasn't very hard to get. All I had to do was pull a few strings, even though you FUCKING changed it all.

Koga, why can't you just leave me alone?"

Immediately, Sesshomaru stood up and walked inside when he heard the caller's name. Interrupting me, "Rin, give me the phone," as he tried to take it away from me.

But Koga yelled from the other side, "DON'T OR YOU'LL BE SORRY. I swear I'll do something if you do, don't think I'm not watching you two. I have you clear in my sight." Immediately, we both turned and looked outside trying to see if we could find where he was but had no luck. So Sesshomaru stood and walked towards the balcony, still looking out.

I stood and started walking behind him, yelling into the phone and looking out as well, "What do you want? What do you plan to get from doing all this?

_He chuckled_, What I want is you, to have you all to myself. That's what I plan on getting once I get rid of dog boy over there.

_My eyes widened,_ WHAT? You're a fucking psycho, Koga. Get some help." Then I clicked my cell phone off.

Sesshomaru looked towards me, "What did he say?"

I stood still and looked at him, worried, "He's still pent up on getting me. He… he threatened to kill you, Sess. I'm scared. I… I don't…" as I felt my eyes begin to water at the thought.

He walked up to me and shook his head, his voice low, "No, it's ok love. He's only saying that to scare you. It's going to be ok." He cupped my cheek in his hand and wiped a lone tear that fell with his thumb when suddenly; my cell phone rang again.

We both looked down at the phone and I looked back at him, "I'm pretty sure it's him, I'll pick it up."

I was just about to answer it when he stopped me by holding onto my wrist as he shook his head, "No, let me do it. Let me talk to that bastard and see if he has the balls to threaten me personally."

Shaking my head, "No, you heard what he said before. He'll do something and I bet you anything that he's probably armed somewhere."

He narrowed his eyes, "I doubt he will." He took the phone away and answered it, yelling into the phone, "Listen you son of a bitch, what the hell do you think you're trying to do? Who the hell do you think you are? Rin is with me and I will never leave her so she could be in the hands of a bastard like you. If you want her, you'll have to get through me first. DO YOU HEAR ME?" Then he looked at the phone and put it back on his ear, "HELLO?" Then he looked towards me as he clicked off the phone, "He fucking hung up, the damn coward."

I looked at him, silently hoping nothing would happen as he yelled into the phone. But when I noticed him click off the phone, I began to wonder what happened, "Did he say something?"

He shook his head and handed me back the phone, "No, I didn't give him the chance to speak." Although the moment he turned to look out the window again, the house phone rang.

My eyes widened as I shook my head, "It can't be." So I walked towards the desk and picked up the cordless phone off the base.

He walked and stood next to me as he kept looking out the balcony, "I guess you should pick it up since he doesn't talk to me."

Nodding, "Ok" I clicked the phone on, "Hello"

"WHAT DID I FUCKING TELL YOU? I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HIS SORRY ASS. Did you think I was kidding when I said that I have you both clear in my sight?"

Suddenly, I felt goose bumps all over my body and stepped closer to Sesshomaru. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders as I yelled into the phone, "Koga, get this into your brain. I don't want anything to do with you and never will. I love Sesshomaru and nothing you do will ever change that. Something's got to make you stop and leave me the fuck alone. Find yourself someone that will care for you because I'm not going to waste my time on you."

"I DON'T WANT ANYONE ELSE! WHAT I WANT IS YOU RIN AND IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU, I'M NOT GOING TO LET THAT ASSHOLE HAVE YOU EITHER. I'D RATHER SEE YOU DEAD THAN WITH HIM. BUT SINCE YOU STILL REFUSE, I'LL JUST HAVE TO PUT YOU BOTH OUT OF YOUR MISERY."

He had threatened me; I couldn't believe it and it only made my blood heat up in rage. It was enough with having him threaten Sess but he threatened me as well, so I looked and yelled into it, "WHAT? Now you're threatening to kill me?"

All of sudden Sesshomaru shouted, "RIN, LOOK OUT!" Then the should of glass shattering filled the room as he stepped in front of me, knocking us both on the floor. It all happened so quickly that I really didn't have time to react. He landed on top of me, shielding me from the debris. I heard a loud grunt come from him but didn't pay much attention as I was still in shock. A few seconds later, once it seemed to be clear, he moved away from me and kneeled as I sat up.

That's when I looked over to him and found him clutching onto his right arm, which was covered in blood. His face showed obvious signs of great pain. Immediately I gasped and kneeled in front of him, concerned, "OH MY GOD, Sesshomaru. What happened?"

He shut his eyes as a shot of pain ran through his arm and grunted, speaking through clenched teeth, "One of the bullets… hit my arm… gah."

I felt tears start to sting my eyes at the sight of him. He seemed to be in much pain and it tore me apart to think that it was because of me that he'd gotten hurt. I reached and cupped his cheek, lifting his head to look into his eyes. It was hard holding back the tears and my voice threatened to break but I held it back, in an effort to support him, "Just hold on, my brave prince. I'll call for help. Just hang on, ok." He looked at me, his eyes nearly clear from the pain and nodded. I reached for the phone and heard a beeping noise, obviously Koga had hung up after he'd shot at us. But I didn't care, the life of my love was in danger and all that mattered was to get him better so I called for help.

Once I was done, I dropped the phone on the floor and returned to him. I held his head in my hands and lifted it towards me again, looking at him, "It's ok, help is on the way. Just… please hang on Sess. I'm right here with you, I'm not going to leave your side," as I placed a kiss on his damp forehead. By then, he was sweating profusely. All he did was nod and placed his head on my shoulder while I started applying pressure to his arm, trying in vain to stop the bleeding.

About 5 minutes later, Sesshomaru wasn't looking too well by then. He'd lost too much blood and his skin was beginning to turn pale. I honestly thought he was going to die on me. I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks as I tried to stop the bleeding, yet seeing it there, seeing that the more I tried to stop it the less it did was what worsened it. It was his life source and it was slipping through my fingers. I wasn't able to do anything to stop it, I was helpless. The only thought running though my head that moment was that I was going to lose him and it kept tearing at my heart, I didn't want to, he meant to much to me but as I'd said before, I was helpless like I'd always been. That time though, he wouldn't be able to lend me a hand like he always did because that time, it was he who needed the help and I couldn't give it to him. A few moments later, both the police and paramedics arrived. The police immediately started to interrogate me on what happened but I refused to answer, all I wanted was to get Sesshomaru to the hospital as soon as possible. Even as the paramedics rushed him to the nearest hospital, I never left his side. While in the ambulance with him, I keep looking at him, seeing him look paler than ever and silently hoped, prayed that he would be ok. I didn't hesitate and left the police in the apartment to take whatever evidence they needed. The detective though kept insisting that I stay but I didn't listen, I left anyway. Immediately when we arrived to the hospital, he was taken in and I was forced to wait in the lobby. I sat in the lobby looking a frightful mess with my hands and part of my clothing covered in Sesshomaru's blood. The few people in there just stared at me but I didn't care. I sat in one of the chairs and I just couldn't hold it in anymore; I bent down and started to cry into my hands, not caring that the blood was staining my face. I began to cry painful sobs, hearing them almost echo through the hallway of how loud they'd become. The sight and scent of his blood making it worse, reminding me that it was because of me that he was in this situation. All because of me, everything had been because of me.

My thoughts were suddenly broken by a sweet voice, "Miss, are you all right?"

I looked up to see it was one of the young nurses. She wore the traditional nurse outfit and I noticed her name badge, Eri. But since nothing mattered to me anymore, I turned away from her and sniffled as I shook my head, coldly, "No, I'm not." I started to wipe my eyes with the back of my hand.

"Oh." Then she changed the subject, her voice cheery, "If you'll come with me, I'll help you clean up." I turned and looked at her again. Her smile and cheery face reminding me of the Rin I used to be before my parents died. The Rin that hardly anyone got to know and the same Rin that died the day I received the news of my parents passing. So in memory of that Rin, I didn't argue with her and stood up. So I let her lead me towards the restrooms, as I said nothing to her just sniffled. She stepped aside to allowed me to walk in first, "Ok, here we are."

I walked up towards the sinks but the moment I turned and looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes widened and I gasped. My eyes filled up with tears again at the sight of my face smeared with blood. I couldn't hold it and leaned on the sink in front of me as I lowered my head to cry once again. The tears fell into the sink as I felt my body nearly go limp and slumped my shoulders.

Eri walked up next to me, speaking into my ear, "It's all right, miss. Do you want me to call someone for you? Perhaps a family member?"

I looked towards her and nodded, in between sobs, "Yes… Ayame… Ishikawa…" My voice as low as a whisper, "_Please,_" as I turned over before another sob escaped me.

"Ok but what's your name?"

I lowered my head and shut my eyes, speaking through clenched teeth, "R… Rin," spitting it out as if it was venom. Just the sound of it made me fill up with rage, rage because it had to belong to me. I was the one that was the cause of so many misfortunes to the people I loved the most. I felt so much hate towards myself, a feeling that I never felt towards anyone, not even Koga. Although at the time, I didn't even hesitate to feel it towards myself.

"It's going to be ok, Rin. Just stay here while I make the phone call, ok?" as she rubbed my back. But her comforting words made no difference; a river of tears still flowed freely down my blood stained cheeks.

When Eri stepped out, I lifted my head up again and looked at myself in the mirror. I noticed the streaks my tears left on my cheeks as they cut through the blood that already stood there. The stench of dried blood making me sick to my stomach but nonetheless, I made no effort to wipe it off. I left it there to stand as my curse and punishment for endangering the life of my angel. I lifted my arms and banged my fists hard on the mirror in front of me, sobbing heavily. The impact shattering it into small pieces and I heard them clink as they fell on the floor. I pulled back and looked down at my hands, finding them covered in cuts. But instead of tending to my wounds, I turned over and locked myself in the large stall, sitting on the floor and staring towards the door. The anger towards myself increasing as time passed.

20 minutes later, I had calmed down a bit. I wasn't sobbing anymore but still had tears trickling down my cheeks. Fortunately during the entire time I was alone, no one entered the restroom and noticed the broken mirror until someone finally came in.

"Rin?" It was Eri but I never answered, just continued staring at the door. I heard footsteps walk towards the inside and gasps followed.

Sounding shocked, "Oh my God, what happened here? Rin, dear, where are you?" My eyes widened at the sound of the second voice. Immediately I stood, not answering and opened the door, finding Ayame standing by the second stall with a duffel bag in her hands. When she turned towards me, her eyes widened and I could see them filling up with tears at the sight of me. She gasped as she walked up to me, "God Rin, what happened to you?" I noticed her eyes lock at the bloodstains on my clothing.

I shook my head, my voice low, "It's not mine." Then looked down at my hands and back at her.

She shook her head slightly as she dropped the bag on the floor. Then she wrapped arms tightly around me, regardless of the condition I was in and whispered in my ear, "_Oh Rin._" Her voice nearly breaking, "Eri told me what happened. Rin, don't worry about Sesshomaru. He'll make it through this but you have to be strong. Not just for him but for yourself too." She pulled back and looked at me, reaching up to wipe the tears as more started to fall. Shaking her head, "I don't think he'd want you to get sick because of him."

That's when I burst into tears again, shaking my head, "No, but it was because of me that he got hurt." I started kneeling down to the floor for my body had lost all its strength again. I lifted my hands up to my face and covered my eyes, speaking in between sobs, "It's all… my fault… he did it… trying to… protect… me and it… nearly killed him."

Ayame kneeled down next to me as I felt her rubbing my back in an effort to comfort me. She pressed her cheek against my forehead and I felt her shake her head slightly, "No, it's not. You shouldn't blame yourself. Be strong, Rin. It'll all be ok, you'll see." She placed a kiss on my forehead, "Now come on, we've got to get you out of those clothes and clean you up, ok?" I removed my hands from my face and held back any more sobs. I just looked at her answering her with only a nod.

Then Eri spoke, "If you'd like, I could find you an empty room so you can use the shower."

Ayame turned towards her, nodding, "That would be great, Eri. Thanks." Then she looked back at me, "Let's go dear." She stood up and bent down, holding onto my arms as I started to stand. Once I was up, Eri started to lead us towards an empty room. Once inside, she walked into the bathroom as I sat on the bed and Ayame put the duffel bag next to me. "I brought you some clothes so you can change. I wasn't sure what to bring you so I just threw whatever I could find. You can choose what you like."

I shook my head, my voice as low as a whisper, "It doesn't matter but thank you." Then as Eri stepped out, I looked towards her.

She walked up to us, "Ok, it's all ready. I left some accessories by the sink; you'll find a wash cloth, soap and a towel. I'm sorry but that's all I could get."

Ayame walked up to her and held her hand, "No, it's ok. I really appreciate this Eri. Thank you so much."

Eri smiled, "You're welcome. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work." She turned and walked out, closing the door behind her.

Ayame walked up to me, "Ok Rin, well first you've got to wash up. Go, I'll be right here waiting for you." She handed me the bag and lightly pushed me to get off the bed. I stood and walked inside the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror again before I walked into the shower. Once I was done, I walked out and dried myself, reaching into the bag and pulling out some clothes. I ended up wearing a pair of gym pants with a T-shirt. I walked back up to the mirror and looked at myself again. It was completely different to what I'd seen before, so I reached up and touched my cheeks, not believing what I was seeing. It seemed like a hallucination to me, my face was clean but yet on the inside, I felt just like how I looked before I entered the shower, stained and filthy. I started running my fingers through my hair since I didn't have a brush when Ayame knocked, "Rin, are you all right in there?"

Still "brushing" my hair, I called out loud enough for her to hear, "Yes, I'm ok." Once I was done, I turned over and picked up the bloodied clothing from the floor. I looked at them for a bit before I dumped them in the trash. Then I reached into the bag and found a pair of slippers, replacing the pair of shoes I was wearing inside the bag. Finally, I opened the door and stepped out, finding Ayame sitting on the chair next to the bed.

Immediately when I stepped out, she stood and walked towards me, "How do you feel?"

I looked at her, my face showing no emotion, "Awful, just like before."

Her face saddened and she whispered my name before Eri knocked and stepped in. We both turned towards her, "I'm sorry to interrupt but the doctor wants to speak to you. It's about the patient."

Immediately we looked at each other and Ayame turned, grabbing her things from the bed before we walked out. The doctor was waiting for us by the lobby. When we walked up to him, he turned and looked at me. I mean, who wouldn't, I looked awful. My eyes were extremely red and puffy and I had minor cuts all over myself from the mirror that I'd broken. He reached out and shook both our hands, looking at Ayame; "I'm Dr. Munns, I did the surgery on Mr. Kitazawa." Then his sight switched to me, tilting his head a bit, "Were you the one that came in with him?" I nodded but said nothing to him. He stepped up to me and placed his hand on my forehead, "How do you feel? How come your hands are covered in cuts?" He took my right hand and started examining it.

Frowning, "Fine… glass," was all I said before I pulled my hand away. So I changed the subject, my face still looking cold, "How is he? Will he be ok?"

He stepped back and I noticed him slightly fidgeting the clipboard in his hands, "Well unfortunately, the bullet deeply penetrated his arm and nicked an artery but it didn't hit any bone. We were able to take it out but it damaged quite a bit of muscle and he lost a lot of blood. He's in his room now. We're giving him blood and have him under strong antibiotics but now it pretty much depends on him."

My eyes filled with tears again at his words. I lowered my head and closed my eyes, feeling my hands begin to tighten around the handle of the bag. Suddenly Ayame asked, "Will he still have use of his arm?" I immediately looked up at Dr. Munns, waiting for the answer.

He shook his head slightly, "It's hard to say because of the severe tissue damage."

At that moment, I felt my body go limp. Tears started to fall as I looked towards the doctor, "Dr. Munns, could I see him?"

"Well he's asleep right now, he's still under the anesthesia."

I shook my head as I kept insisting; "I don't care." Then I lowered it, "I just… I… need to see him." Then I looked back up at him, as tears continued to roll down my cheeks, "_Please._"

He looked at me for a second before he nodded, whispering, "_All right. Follow me._" He turned around and led us to where Sesshomaru's room was. When we arrived, he stepped aside and pointed towards the door, "Here it is." My body suddenly felt cold even though I had Ayame's coat on. I walked in first with Ayame and Dr. Munns following behind me. When Sesshomaru came into view, my eyes widened and I gasped. The sight of seeing him lying there motionless with tubes all over his arms and in his nose was enough to cause more tears to fall. I walked and stood next to him, looking down at him. His skin almost the color of his hair and his lips an odd shade of purple. Also I noticed that his chest barely rose and fell from his breathing. I said nothing to him just silently cried as I placed my hand over his, feeling it cold under mine.

So I closed my eyes as a silent river of tears began to fall before Dr. Munns spoke, "We'll leave you two alone, I must speak with Mrs. Ishikawa outside for a moment."

I opened them and looked towards him, nodding, "_Thank you._" He led Ayame out and I could tell that she was crying as well. Once I heard the door close, I pulled up a chair and sat right next to Sesshomaru. I leaned forward and grabbed onto his left hand with both of mine, pressing it on my forehead. I lowered my head, closed my eyes and shook it slightly, my voice threatening to break, "Sesshomaru, I'm really sorry about this. I… I…" A sob suddenly escaped me, "I never wanted you to get hurt, especially because of me. All I've ever brought you is hardship and yet, you still stay by my side. But…" I stopped for a second, trying to regain some control. Once I was little calmer, I lifted my head and reached out to touch his forehead, caressing it with my thumb as I shook my head, "But that's all going to change my love because I can't… I can't stay beside you knowing that your life will be in danger. I…" I felt myself losing control as a sob threatened to escape again, "I can't and won't allow your death fall on my conscience." Finally, I lost control and sobbed. I just couldn't take the thought of him losing his life for me. I lowered my head and lightly sobbed as I tried to hold them back but tears kept rolling down my cheeks.

I looked back at him and slightly shook my head; "I'm willing to do anything for you, Sess. I don't care if it means having to leave but just as long as I know you're well, it's all that matters." I brought my hand back to hold his and looked down again, resting my forehead on them as my tears fell onto the floor. I slightly shook my head and sighed, "I guess I was just meant to be alone…" I lifted my head to look back at him, "I'd rather be alone than risk losing you like I lost my parents and Hojo." I just kept looking at him, taking in his image before I brought his cold hand to rest on my lips. Then I kept looking forward, "I'm not sure if you're listening to me right now but… If you are, rest assured that I'm not going to leave until you're well. Once I'm sure that you're ok, that's when I will. I still don't know where I'm going to go but… it's going to be far away where no one could find me. Maybe this way, I can give my loved ones a chance to live happily because all I've ever brought them is suffering. All I want is for everyone to continue their lives as if I never existed, especially you." I looked back towards him, tears still rolling down my cheeks, "I want you to continue your life, find someone that will actually make you happy and not like I have. Even though we won't be together, you'll always be in my heart as my guardian angel," as I placed a kiss on his hand.

Suddenly, Dr. Munns and Ayame stepped in again. I looked at her as she walked towards the foot of the bed and looked down at Sesshomaru, tears running down her cheeks. Then she looked towards me, "Rin, we have to go. It's late and you need to rest."

I turned towards Sesshomaru again and lowered my head, placing his hand on my forehead again. I closed my eyes and remained silent, saying a silent prayer before I lifted my head and placed another kiss on his hand before putting it down on the bed. I stood and leaned over him, lowering down to kiss his forehead, whispering, "_I love you,_" before I pulled back. Standing up, I turned towards Ayame and nodded, signaling to her that I was ready.

We started making our way towards the door and when I was walking by Dr. Munns, he stopped me, "Rin." I turned towards him, not saying anything. He nudged his head towards Sesshomaru, "He will get better and I'll do everything I can to make sure of it. Don't worry, we'll take good care of him."

I looked at him and curled my lips up to a smile, nodding, "Thank you," before I turned and stepped out of the room. We made our way out of the hospital silently, not saying a word to each other.

When we stepped in the car, Ayame turned towards me, "Are you all right Rin?"

I looked towards her and nodded, "Yes." Then looked down at my hands.

"I'll have to take you home with me. You can't go back to your apartment yet. Is that all right with you?"

I looked down at the floor and started at it as I shook head, "It doesn't matter to me."

I heard her sigh before she signaled the driver to take off. It was about 5am when we left the hospital and I was tired, exhausted actually. During the drive to her house, we didn't speak to each other since I had no words. I just leaned my head on the window and looked out, thinking of what I had said to Sesshomaru. I was left with no other choice and I couldn't let that night's events repeat themselves again. If he would've died that night, I swear I would've lost it. I'd go insane almost to the point where death would be the only way to relieve the immense pain that I would've been going through. I'm sure I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. But he wasn't dead, thank goodness and I just had to find a way to protect him, just like he'd protected me so many times before. It was about time I repaid him for all he's done for me and leaving was the only way I could.

When we arrived to Ayame's house, we stepped out and walked in. She stopped right by the staircase and turned towards me, "Rin, if you need anything just let me know ok?" All I did was nod and looked up to the second floor. She reached up and cupped my cheek in her hand as I turned to look at her, "You should go to bed. You look exhausted. Go on and have a good rest." Then she walked up and kissed my cheek.

I whispered, "_Good night,_" as I turned and started making my way up the stairs to my room. The room I spent my time in when I was previously living there with her. Walking in, I dropped the bag on a chair as I climbed onto the bed. Lying down on my stomach, I turned to face the window. I noticed that it was beginning to lighten as the sun started to rise. Although, my eyes started to water again as more tears started to fall. I'd remembered that Sesshomaru and I had planned to stay up that night to watch the sunrise together. But now, the sun was rising and I was there alone with my place an absolute mess and Sesshomaru in the hospital. Then I lifted myself up and leaned on my elbows, raising my hands up. I looked at my hands, clearly seeing the small gashes I had all over them. I lightly ran my fingers over them, trying to see if they were real and felt the pain come from the cuts only proving that I really wasn't dreaming, it all really happened. It wasn't a nightmare where I could just wake up to see everything ok again, to be able to see Sesshomaru smiling down at me as I awoke. Suddenly, I couldn't hold my tears back anymore and started to cry. So I lowered my head and grasped tightly onto the pillow, disregarding the immense pain coming from my hands and started sobbing uncontrollably.

I cried well into the early morning, replaying all that happened in my head. But I couldn't sleep, for every time I would close my eyes; I would see Sesshomaru lying in the hospital bed, making me cry even harder. I cried until I absolutely depleted myself of any energy I had left, exhaustion finally forcing me to fall asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

'' Thought expressions

"_Italic_" Whisper expressions

I fell into a deep slumber that night. I was so deeply asleep that I slept through the following two days. Absolutely nothing awoke me, not hunger, nothing. That's how drained I was from that dreaded night when my world nearly fell apart. The previous events haunting my dreams, giving me nightmares the entire time but even then, my body wasn't able to wake.

The sunlight began to peek through the windows, as the sun started to slowly rise. I was lying on my stomach facing the window, still sleeping. Suddenly a ray of sunlight peeked through the curtains and hit my face, waking me from my slumber. I tried to open my eyes and closed them again the moment the light reached them. The glare nearly blinded me. I lifted my head up and groaned, immediately lowering it again. It felt as if someone was hitting it with a sledgehammer. I lifted my arms and stood, moving over to sit on the edge of the bed. When I finally opened my eyes, I looked down at my hands, finding them bandaged. I lifted them up to look at them, 'What the…'

I heard the door open and looked towards it seeing Ayame walk in. Her eyes widened and I heard her gasp at the sight of me awake. She walked up to me, looking shocked and kneeled in front of me. She placed her hand on my knee and curled her lips up to a smile, "Rin, I'm so glad you're awake."

I looked at her and said nothing, just observed her. She looked tired and her eyes showed much concern. My face showing no emotion, "How long have I been asleep?"

She lifted her hand and cupped my cheek, as I noticed that her smile faded, "For two days."

Immediately, my eyes widened, sounding shocked, "What? How could that be?"

She nodded and lowered her hand to place it over mine, "You drained yourself to the last drop of energy and exhausted your body. You haven't woken up since then. For nothing, you haven't even eaten anything in the past two days."

I shook my and placed my hand over it, "No wonder I'm still tired. I feel as if I haven't slept for days." I lowered my hand down and looked at it, my stoic demeanor returning.

Ayame stood and sat next to me while taking my hand as she looked down at it. I just looked at her as she spoke, "I bandaged them for you." She began to run her fingers lightly over the bandages; "They were pretty badly wounded. They looked very painful." She shook her head, "I'm not sure how you withstood the pain." She turned towards me and smiled, "But I'm glad the wounds didn't get infected."

I lifted my other hand and looked at it, as I shook my head, "I don't know either. I guess it wasn't enough to overcome the pain I already felt." Then I turned towards her, "How is he?"

She looked forward and I heard her very light sigh, "Well, he's… he's still in intensive care. He hasn't woken up yet but it seems to me that he's getting better. The color is starting to return to him." Her gaze froze at the door.

I turned to look at the door, "When did you see him?"

"Yesterday."

"Oh."

We remained silent for a couple of minutes until Ayame spoke again; "Do you want to see him?"

We turned towards each other and I slightly shook my head, "No." Then I lowered it and started looking down at my hands again, shaking my head, "I don't think I'm ready yet," looking back at her.

She placed her hand on my forearm and squeezed it gently. Her lips curled to a smile, "It's ok, honey. Don't worry, he'll understand plus you need to take care of your health first."

I looked away from her, sighing, "I suppose."

Suddenly she changed the subject, trying to sound more optimistic, "Well, you must be hungry. Let's go have breakfast together. Then you can lay back down again to regain the rest of your energy." Then she stood and walked up to stand in front of me.

I looked up at her and saw that the concerned look was still present in her green eyes. Even when she tried to hide it, I was still able to tell that it was there. I just didn't want to see her sad anymore, especially about me. So I nodded and whispered, "_All right._" I noticed the smile that grew as the concern slowly started to fade. So I walked up to her and we both headed out the door.

We had our breakfast but I wasn't hungry. The little food I ate was to ease the worry in Ayame's eyes. It was the least I could do for putting her through all of that. After that, I headed back towards the room and fell asleep again. The nightmares constantly returning but the fatigue was more than enough to knock me out completely.

I don't think I could've handled seeing Sesshomaru that day especially if he still was in the same condition I'd last seen him. I definitely wouldn't have been able to take it. My strength hadn't recovered yet from that immense blow. Ayame went to see him every day and kept closely in touch with Dr. Munns. According to her, Sesshomaru was getting better very quickly. About a week later, he awoke and the first thing he did was asked about me. She let him know I was ok and living with her, easing his worry about my well being. Although, I'm not sure if she told him the condition I was in. I was glad he'd finally woken up but every time she would offer to take me to see him, claiming that he wanted to see me, I refused. Even when I knew that he had finally come to, I still didn't want to go. I don't know why, I guess I was afraid.

During the times I was in Ayame's home alone, all I would do was sit inside my room and look out the balcony, observing the view of the mountains from there. I never realized that during those moments, the Rin I tried so hard to get rid of was coming back. The Rin I was before Sesshomaru entered my life. The same Rin that lived her life alone and knew it as no other way, but that time she had a reason to. If not, the one that brought her back to life would share the same fate as her parents and her former love.

I'd say about two weeks after he'd woken up; I finally gathered the necessary courage to see him again. After breakfast, Ayame and I headed towards the hospital. I was extremely nervous, so much that my hands were literally shaking.

Ayame immediately noticed my nervousness and placed her hand over mine, smiling, "It's going to be ok, Rin. There's no need to be nervous."

I shook my head, "I can't help it," as I looked down at my still bandaged hands. The wounds were not completely healed yet. She giggled before she pulled her hand away and looked out the window.

When we arrived at the hospital, my heart nearly stopped. I hesitated many times but Ayame kept moving me along as we headed towards Sesshomaru's room. By then, he wasn't in intensive care anymore. They'd transferred him into one of the regular rooms. When I was outside his door, I stopped and stood still right in front of it. My heart started thumping fast, almost to where it could make a hole in my chest. I turned to look at her and she smiled, as she nudged her head towards the door, "_Go ahead, I'll wait for you in the lobby,_" and walked away from me.

I looked back towards the door and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, 'Ok Rin, calm down. There's nothing to be nervous about.'

When suddenly a sweet voice interrupted my thoughts, "Rin?" I opened my eyes and turned to find Eri standing next to me with a big smile on her face.

Looking slightly surprised, "Eri."

She smiled, sounding cheery as always, "Hi, how are you feeling?"

I nodded, as my face became emotionless again, "Much better, thank you." I looked away and lowered my head, "Eri, I'm sorry about the mirror. I just…" I shook it before I looked back up at her, "Just let me know how much and I'll pay for the damage."

"No, don't worry. I took care of that." Giggling, "It's ok, it was a horrible mirror anyway."

I chuckled, something I hadn't done in days. My lips curled into a slight smile, "Thanks, Eri… for everything."

Smiling, "You're welcome." She got a page on the intercom and looked away. Then she looked towards me, "Oh, I've got to go. Take care, Rin."

I nodded with a slight smile, "Thanks. You too Eri." She turned and walked away from me. But when I looked back towards the door, my nervousness returned. Eri's appearance helped distract me a bit but now that I was facing the door again, my nerves started up. I closed my eyes and took one last deep breath before I reached out for the doorknob. I turned it slowly, trying not to make much noise and opened the door. Once inside, I stood still. I guess waiting to hear something but when nothing came, I assumed that he was asleep. So I started walking further in and gasped when he finally came into view. He was sitting up and reading a book. My eyes instantly filled with tears at the sight of him. He did look better; his skin was back to his tone, all of the tubes were gone except for one and his right arm was in an arm brace. He just, well, he looked… alive.

He lowered the book in his hand and looked up at me, shocked that soon faded. Smiling, "Rin…"

I walked up to his left side, our eyes never leaving each other. His eyes had gotten back the glow I loved so much. They showed every emotion from sorrow to happiness as I walked up to him. I sat in the chair next to him; not saying anything as a tear started to roll down my cheek. Immediately, he reached up with his left hand and cupped my cheek, wiping the tear with his thumb. At the moment his hand touched my cheek, I closed my eyes, feeling the same hand that had been ice cold now felt warm. I nudged my cheek into his hand and opened my eyes, more tears falling down my cheeks. Smiling, "Sess, I'm so glad you're ok."

His smile widened but just as I was going to reach up to hold his hand in mine, it faded. He pulled his hand from my cheek to my hand and held onto it. He looked at it then at me, sounding shocked, "What happened to your hands?"

I looked at him, "Oh, they got injured when I broke a mirror with them." Then I shook my head, "But it doesn't matter, all that matters is that you're ok."

He shot me an angry glare, sounding upset, "What do you mean it doesn't matter? It matters to me." My eyes widened but I didn't say a word just looked down at the bed. He spoke again, sternly, "So what Ayame told me was true. You did this to punish yourself didn't you?" I closed my eyes and a river of tears started to fall as I lowered my head down completely. He released my hand and reached down, holding onto my chin as he lifted my head up to meet his gaze. He looked straight into my eyes, "Why did you do it Rin? Why are you blaming yourself for something you didn't do?"

I pulled away and looked aside as a small sob escaped me. Then I turned towards him with my voice slightly raised, "Because I AM to blame for you getting hurt. He did it trying to get to ME." I just couldn't hold it in anymore and started to cry. I lowered my head and sobbed into my hands as I shook my head, "If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be in this situation. It's because of me that you've…"

"That's enough," interrupting me before I could finish. I looked up, finding him still looking angry. He lifted his hand and wiped the tears away with his fingers, his face softening as he did. He looked straight into my eyes, "Listen to me Rin, you had nothing to do with this. It's not your fault that the asshole became obsessed with you. You were just being yourself and he realized how special you truly are. He's out of his mind and all this is part of his insanity."

I reached up and held his hand in both of mine as I looked at him, "I know all that but… but he's going to come back and when he does, he… he won't stop until he finally kills you." By the end of the sentence, I started to cry again. I lowered my head and brought my lips close to his hand, shaking it slightly as I sobbed, "and I can't see that happen." I tightened my grip on his hand, " I… I don't want to be the reason why you lose your life Sesshomaru! I can't lose you like I've lost the others in my life. It would be much too painful for me to live with and I… I wouldn't be able to take it." I lowered my head and rested my forehead on his hand, sobbing onto it.

He moved his hand and held onto my chin, lifting my head to meet his gaze, sadness overtaking his expression as he looked at me. He knew I was right and it hurt him to admit it as well. He nudged his head up as he lowered his hand down to my elbow and pulled it, signaling to come up to him. "_Come here, love._" I stood and sat on the edge of the bed, reaching out to wrap my arms around his neck and pressed myself closer. Yet I was careful not to hurt his arm. Then I buried my face in his shoulder and continued to cry as I felt him rest his chin on my shoulder and wrap his left arm around me. Then in-between sobs, I whispered in his ear, "_What have I… ever done to… deserve all this?_"

I felt him sliding his hand up and down my back as he lowered his head to speak into my ear, "You've done nothing wrong, Rin. Don't worry it'll be all right, sweetheart. We'll find a way to make it work, you'll see." But he sounded as if he had his own doubts. Then he sighed as he lightly rubbed his cheek on mine, "Just please… don't cry. I hate it when you do." I knew there was only one way for it to work and it was for us to split up. Although, it tore me apart just to think of it but we both were at a dead end.

I continued to cry until I had no more tears left. I hung onto him for dear life as he kept cooing in my ear trying to calm me down. About half an hour later, he scooted over and allowed me to settle next to him. I rested my head on the pillow, snuggling close to him and closing my eyes, savoring the feeling of having him next to me again and inhaling his soothing scent. He kept caressing my face and stroking my head until I lightly dozed off but I was still well aware of what was happening around me. I heard the door open and kept my eyes closed. That's when I heard Ayame walk in.

Cheerfully, "Ahh so there she is. I've been looking everywhere for her."

Sesshomaru answered with his voice low; "She's been here with me. She fell asleep," as I felt him stroking my head as he spoke.

Ayame walked up closer and lowered her voice, "Did she tell you what happened?"

"She did and started to cry. I hate seeing her cry, Ayame. She's already cried enough. It tears me apart every time she does."

Then I felt Ayame's hand on my arm, stroking it lightly, "Poor thing, she's had a tough life. First the loss of her parents and then everything else started to pile up on her. So young and has to go through so much, I'm surprised she's been able to remain sane."

"I know. She's strong though. She's been able to make it through everything."

"With your help, of course."

He lightly chuckled, "I don't know how much help I've been. I promised to protect her but… her life is too complex and I realized that there are things that I won't be able to… Since I first met her, it's all I wanted to do. The very first day we met in person, her soul reached out to me, crying for help and I couldn't turn away from that calling. Ever since then, I made a solemn promise to do what ever I could to help her. Now I feel as if I've betrayed her, all I wanted was to make her happy but I think I've made it worse," as I felt him nuzzle into my hair.

I wanted to cry hearing those words come from him, I never knew how he really thought about everything and he was wrong, so very wrong. I wanted to tell him that, I wanted to wake up and tell him that he was wrong but instead I held back and remained still. Ayame then replied, "No, Sesshomaru. That's not true, you do make her happy. You've been able to give her back what no one else could, her life. She loves you dearly for it. You can tell by her eyes, in the way I've seen her look at you." I felt very relieved for Ayame answered in the same way I would've. It had all started as just a strong attraction. But with every thing he kept doing for me, every struggle that he stood by me made that attraction started becoming love and it kept increasing, deepening until I could no longer live without him.

He placed a kiss on my forehead, "I love her too, more than anything else in this world. She's been able to capture my heart in a way that no one else could and never will. My promise still stands. I won't let anything stand in the way of her happiness even if it's the last thing I do. She deserves that and much more."

Then there was a knock at the door, Ayame asked, "Who could that be?"

"I'm not sure."

"I'll go check. I'll be right back."

"All right." Then I heard Ayame stand and walk away. I heard her speak with someone very briefly before she stepped out.

I felt Sesshomaru lightly stroke my face with his nose as he started placing small feathery kisses all over, "_Rin._" Then moved over to kiss my left cheek, "_Wake up, sweetie._" That was when I finally opened my eyes and found him hovering over me. Our eyes immediately locked with each other. He was leaning on his left elbow and looked down at me, smiling, "Welcome back, sleeping beauty." I curled my lips up to a smile but said nothing in return; I just looked deeply into his eyes. They revealed that what he'd just said was true and because of that, my love for him grew much stronger. I lifted my bandaged hand, seeing him nudging into my palm and closing his eyes at my touch. I lifted my other hand and held his head, stroking his cheeks with my thumbs. He opened his eyes and looked at me. His eyes filled with an intense love that I just couldn't resist and lifted myself up enough to cover his lips with mine. I felt him gasp but immediately gave into the kiss, returning it with as much passion as he received. I felt him struggle trying to pull me closer but couldn't because his right arm couldn't move and his left arm was busy keeping him up. So I sat up completely, bringing him up with me and not breaking the kiss, allowing his left arm the freedom to move. Immediately, he wrapped it around me and pulled me as close as possible without hurting his other arm that was in between us, as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

Finally, we broke the kiss and pulled back, looking at each other. Smiling, "I love you, my demon lord."

He chuckled, "And I love you, my ice princess." Then he leaned in and placed another kiss on my lips before we heard the door open and turned towards Ayame when she stepped in.

Smiling, "Well, I see you're awake now."

I curled my lips up to a smile, "Yeah, I just woke up." My arms still snaked around Sesshomaru's neck.

She chuckled, "Well, dear. I have to leave. Marcus just came to tell me that I got a phone call from the VP and I'm needed back at the office. Do you want to come with me or stay here and I'll pick you up on my way back? Your choice."

I turned towards Sesshomaru and he smiled, "Go, it's ok. I know how much you hate hospitals and I don't want to keep you here."

My smile faded, "I'll be back tomorrow."

He nodded, "All right." Then leaned in and placed a kiss on my cheek as he reached up and unlocked my arms from his neck, holding onto my hand and smiling, "Go, I'll be ok. I'll see you again tomorrow." He lifted my hand to place a kiss on it.

I stood and walked over to Ayame who walked up to him and gave him a kiss on his cheek. So we started heading out and just as I was walking, I turned and waved at him, slightly frowning at the fact that I had to leave and after I saw him wave back I left, walking behind Ayame.

We stepped out of the room and just as we started making our way towards the exit, she turned towards me and smiled, "So is everything ok now?"

I turned towards her and smiled in return, "I think so."

Her smile widened, "I'm glad."

I looked forward. My face losing all traces of emotion. I knew that it wasn't ok, I just couldn't tell her that. The time had come for me to start preparing for my departure from their lives.

I went back to see him the next day. I went every day until the day when they finally let him return home. But before that, I gave my statement to the detective. I had to tell him everything from the beginning though since it was a new detective. It seems that the previous one was involved in the shady practices with Koga's business. The new detective assured me that he would definitely look into my case and asked me to let him know if Koga tried anything else. Although, I wasn't going to let that happen. I wasn't going to give Koga another chance, because there was too much at stake. I couldn't put Sesshomaru's life in jeopardy any longer.

As for my place, Ayame was a big help when it came to cleaning it up and repairing the damage inside my loft. Once we were done, the place looked as if nothing had ever happened. But the memory of it was still there though, floating freely around in the air.

Once Sesshomaru returned home, I secretly started to put my plan into action. I started withdrawing small amounts of money from my bank account, saving it in a place where I knew he wouldn't find it. Then one day, I happened to find the fake ID my friend had given me in high school. The ID had a different name and claimed I was 22. The picture was old but it was still usable since I really didn't change that much. I didn't think I was going to need it but added it to my secret stash just in case. I slowly continued until I had what I was going to need for my departure.

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru continued to slowly heal. His arm was still in a brace and he also had physical therapy sessions three times a week. Of course I was always there with him, as a form of encouragement. About a month later, I finally talked to his father. He'd called him to check on how he was doing and insisted on talking to me since I was there. He was a very nice man, a true gentleman; I could see where Sesshomaru got it from. Also by the sound of his voice, I could just imagine how attractive he was. His voice was mesmerizing but not as much as Sesshomaru's, at least in my point of view. As for Sesshomaru and I, we remained as close as we'd always been maybe even closer.

When his birthday came up, Ayame and I decided to celebrate it. We figured that he wouldn't be able to stand a big celebration since he was still in some pain. So we ended up having the small party in Ayame's garden. The party started early, at 2pm. Around 5, Sess and I had to leave because the pain was becoming unbearable. I assumed that the others continued to party after we left. It would always tear me apart inside every time I would see him in pain.

So when we arrived home, he headed towards the sofa and sat down, leaning his head back with his eyes closed. He sighed, "Thank God we're home. I didn't know how much more I could take."

I walked into the kitchen and opened the cupboard for his painkiller. I got one and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before I walked up to him. I opened the bottle then bent down to place it in his left hand; "I brought you, your pill."

He opened his eyes and looked around then shook his head; "I don't see it." I reached and placed my hands under his chin, pulling his head back to look at me. Immediately he smiled, "Oh, there it is."

I'd placed it in between my lips and bent down over his head, my lips curled up into a smile and stopped right above his lips. Once I felt him take it, I moved back and let him swallow it and take a drink of water.

Once he was done, he looked up at me and chuckled, "I usually hate taking medicine but if I could take them all that way, I might reconsider," and started to laugh.

I looked down at him and giggled, "I'm sure you would but I don't think it's going to happen."

He pouted, "Well, it was just a thought." Then he nudged his head to the side, "Come on, take a seat."

I continued to look at him and smiled, "Hold on, there's something I've always wanted to do."

His amber orbs looked curious, "What is it?"

I placed my hands under his chin again, "Lean your head back again and close your eyes."

He raised an eyebrow, "Close my eyes? For what?"

Giggling, "Come on, just do it."

He smiled, "All right," before he finally leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

"Don't peek." He shook his head and that's when I bent down far enough to cover his lips with mine. I kissed him tenderly as I felt his breath tickling my neck when he purred at the gesture. Finally, I pulled back and whispered, "_Happy Birthday_" onto his lips. I looked down at him and smiled.

He opened his eyes and looked up at me, smiling, "Wow, that was… amazing. Thank you."

Giggling, "I saw that in a movie once and always wanted to do it," then I started to laugh.

He started to laugh, "Get over here silly." He reached up and pulled my arm to the side to guide me around the sofa.

I walked around to lie down and rested my head on his lap. I looked up at him as he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. Then I looked over at his right arm; "Does it still hurt?"

He nodded, "Well, it does but not as much as it used to."

Sadly, "Oh."

I parted my lips to say something but he stopped me by placing his fingers over them. He shook his head, "Don't. You don't have to." I guess he knew I was going to apologize by the expression on my face but I just remained silent. Just thinking in my head that maybe someday, I will have to. I turned over and looked out the balcony, noticing that the sun was starting to set. We remained there talking, feeling him stroking my head as we were looking out at the sunset until we both finally fell asleep on the sofa.

For the next 3 months, everything seemed to be at peace. Koga made no reappearance and didn't show any intention to either. Sesshomaru finally had the brace taken off and was starting to slowly use his arm again. Once that happened, I knew that my time with him had finally come to an end. My meticulous planning was finally going to be put into effect.

I didn't know where I was going to go but all I knew was that it had to be somewhere far away. I didn't like keeping things from Sesshomaru but I did it in hopes that someday he'll understand that I was doing it in order to protect him. A couple of days later, I'd finally bought the plane ticket that was going to take me to Australia and from there I would decide where to go. Usually buying a plane ticket wasn't painful but that time; it was the hardest thing I've ever done. Finally 3 days after, the day had finally come…

That day, I tried to be as normal as possible when being around anyone especially Sesshomaru. I spent the entire morning with Ayame as always. But when it came time to leave, I almost couldn't hold it in and when I kissed her goodbye, a tear fell but I quickly turned and left. I hoped that I would be able to do the same when it came to Sesshomaru. The next person was Sango. I called her just to see how everything was going. She said that Kagome had returned to normal but it just wasn't the same as when we were together. I bit my lip, I'm sure she probably thought I was saying some odd things. I just had to tell her to take care of herself and Kagome. That I was never going to forget either of them and thanked her for everything she did for me. Once that was done, the only person left now was the hardest, my Sesshomaru.

We spent the entire evening together. We went out to dinner and took a walk on the beach. Throughout the entire time, he noticed that I was a bit uneasy and always kept asking me if I was ok. I would just smile and nod until I finally told him that I just wasn't feeling very well. I was adding another to the already large pile of lies I'd told him. So finally we went home and spent the rest of the night out on the balcony. We looked up at the stars like we'd always done but that night, the stars didn't seem as bright as they used to. Finally at about 2am, we both left to our rooms to sleep. Although I couldn't sleep, I spent most of the time tossing around and looking at the clock. So I just got up and sat on the chair by my desk. I looked down at the empty piece of paper in front of me. I was debating whether I should write something on it until I finally reached out and started writing a letter to Sesshomaru. Once I was done, I put it inside an envelope and sealed it, writing his name on the front. I placed it down on my desk and stood, heading towards my closet to pull the things I was going to need to take with me.

As I started to pack the necessary things, I kept going over the letter in my head, thinking back to what I'd written…

_Sesshomaru,_

_By the time you read this letter most likely I'll be on my way to my new life. The life I must live away from everyone I love, including you. _

My eyes started to fill with tears as I shuffled around and pulled out the box I had hidden in the closet.

_Please don't be angry with me, my love. I have my reasons for doing this and you know them all too well. I'm sure you probably don't understand why I'm leaving but like you said so yourself, there are things that you won't be able to protect me from and problems that only I alone will be able to solve._

I opened the box and started to pull out the things I had in there; the money, ID's and happened to come upon a picture of us two when we were at a fair. The tears that were pooled in my eyes started to fall and landed onto the picture, blurring my vision until I could only see his face through the tears.

_The night when you were shot, I felt my entire world fall apart. Especially when the thought of losing you came into mind, it tore me up inside. That's why I did what I did, Sess. I was angry with myself for having put you in such a situation in the first place._

When the memory came back to me, a sob escaped me but I continued what I was doing and started putting the items, including the picture into a small bag.

_All I've ever brought everyone is misfortune and worry. Kagome being the first, then it was passed onto you and now I've involved Ayame and Sango as well. I just can't live with that on my shoulders anymore. Sometimes I think that it should've been better if I never opened myself to anyone and just remained alone. Maybe that way I wouldn't have become a burden to anyone and no one else would've been hurt. But it didn't happen, I learned to live and love again and because of that, it put my loved ones in danger. So now I must give it all up for their safety. I want everyone to continue their lives without me, especially you._

I pulled out a small duffel bag from the closet and filled it with everything I needed to take. But even as I did, the tears stinging my eyes had become unstoppable and began to flow freely down my cheeks.

_For those reasons, I must leave. Please try to understand that I'm doing this for you, to keep you away from danger. Sesshomaru, my life is much too complicated and I must take care of my problems alone. Just like I told you at the hospital when I went to see you, I don't want to be the reason why you lose your life. I'd definitely go insane if it ever happened._

I closed the bag after I finished putting the clothes and items into it then I slumped over it. I leaned on my arms as I lightly sobbed over it. Then I turned towards the right, looking at the nightstand next to my bed. I walked over to sit next to it and picked up the picture, bringing it down to my lap while looking at it. It was the picture we'd taken at one of his parties. It was the one when I'd caught him off guard and kissed his cheek making him blush when the picture was taken. I lightly chuckled and smiled at the memory of it but it faded when I closed my eyes and more tears began to fall as I tightened my grip of the frame.

_I'm just sorry it all had to end this way. I don't do this because I want to Sess but because I have to. This is the hardest thing I've ever done but I'm left with no other choice. Never forget that I love you Sesshomaru, more than anything in this world. Absolutely no one will be able to take your place; I'll never be able to love another like I've loved you and you'll always be in my heart. All the love that we've shared will never be erased and will remain embedded forever in my memories. Thank you for all of the wonderful memories you've given me. You're the best thing that ever happened to me and I thank the heavens for bringing you into my life. I love you dearly and for that reason, I must say goodbye._

_Forever yours,_

_Rin Imamura_

At the end, I started to sob uncontrollably as I clutched the picture tightly over my heart, feeling it break inside of me. After a couple of minutes, I controlled myself trying not to wake Sesshomaru. So I looked at the picture one last time and placed it back on the nightstand, heading towards the closet to change into the clothes I was going to leave in.

I walked towards the bed and looked over at the clock, it was 5:15am and my plane was going to leave at 8am. So I picked up my cell phone and called for a cab. Then I shut if off and placed it back on the nightstand with my purse because I wasn't going to take them with me. I left everything behind. The only things I took with me were my ID and passport. Once I was done dressing, I put on my long trench coat, grabbed the duffel bag and slipped the small bag over my shoulder. As I headed out the door, I grabbed the letter on my desk. I entered the hallway and just at the sight of Sesshomaru's door, tears started to pool in my eyes again. I put everything down and walked up to his door, reaching out to touch it. I imagined him sleeping soundly inside. The tears started falling freely, as I lifted the letter in my other hand and brought it up to my lips, kissing it before I kneeled and slid it underneath his door. Then I grabbed my things and locked the door from the inside. As I was walking away, I started to lightly sob again, the tears never ceasing even as I stepped out of the building. Luckily when I stepped outside, the cab was already waiting for me. Immediately, I stepped into the taxi and left. But just as the car started to leave the parking lot, I almost burst into tears but held back, not wanting to cry in front of the driver. So instead, I turned and looked back, seeing the building fade as the taxi drove off. On the way towards the airport, it started to rain. A light sprinkle at first but it eventually started to pour. Although to me, the rainfall felt as if Mother Nature felt my pain and cried for me since I couldn't. It hurt too much to think of anything, so I tried to block everything out as I made my way to the airport.


	15. Chapter 15

The moment that everyone's been waiting for... AN UPDATE!

Yes, I know it's been over a year that i've updated and I apologize for that. I just haven't had the time I used to so I could sit and work on my stories. As most of you have noticed that I've updated my other chapters and my other story too. Like I mentioned in the beginning, I went over each and everyone of the chapters and fixed them, I just didn't like the way they were written. Now they make a bit more sense and I did add a few things to some of them that make them sound better but the story is still the same. It's up to you, my dear fans, if you want to read them over again for a refresher but you don't have to if you don't want to.

Well, what can I say about this new chappie...

Rin seems like she's made her decision and actually puts her plan into play. Although, there are things that happen that change those plans and lucky for her they did. But I won't say what they are cause I'll ruin the story Also, I KNOW and have a feeling that Rin is going to be hated after this chapter but it is the decisions that we make what predict what's going to happen in the future Hint Hint

Please don't forget to leave me a review k

Well, i'm sure most of you are eager to move on to the chapter so I'll stop rambling and go on with the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Inuyasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

'' Thought expressions

"_Italic_" Whisper expressions

It was about 6:15am when I finally arrived to the airport, it was pouring by then. Once the driver unloaded my bags, I paid him and made my way towards the inside. Stepping in, I started heading towards the ticket desk so I could check in. Luckily, the duffel bag was not too big and I was allowed to carry it on the plane with me, avoiding the hassle of having to check it in as well. Once everything was in order, the only thing left for me to do was wait for the flight to depart. So I decided to walk over to sit at the café and kill some time. Honestly, I felt horrible inside and during the entire time I was sitting there, I kept debating whether it was right or not, even when I had already convinced myself it was the only way and went through the effort to make it happen. I spoke to no one and just sat there staring at the outside, seeing the planes leave and come in. There were times when tears fell from my eyes, the people around me there just stared at me because I was able to feel their gazes but I ignored them. I paid no attention to them and kept concentrating on the internal battle that was going on inside my head.

When the boarding announcement was made, it was time for me to leave. To tell you the truth though, I was so into my thoughts that I didn't hear the announcement on the intercom the first time. When I broke out of my reverie, I looked around and noticed that they were making the last boarding announcement for the flight. So I stood, paid my tab and began to walk towards the stairs, heading in the direction of the gate. Although, when I reached down to the floor where all the gates were, I stopped and stared at the one I had to step through. I couldn't move as a strong feeling of regret washed through me. It was so strong that it made me close my eyes and shake my head, 'Damn it, I can't do this,' and turned around to walk away but never took a step forward. Instead, I stood straight and looked at the wall for a moment before I shook my head again, 'Fuck, I have to do this! It's the only way.' So I turned towards the gate again but when I did, the stewardesses were gone and the boarding had ended. I had missed my flight.

I slumped my shoulders. "_Shit, this is great._" Then I walked over and sat on the chairs in the lobby. As I sat there, the battle in my mind intensified.

'Whom am I kidding? I won't be able to do this, I don't have the guts.'

'_You have to, remember that it's the only way. It's the only choice you have or do you want Sesshomaru to be killed?_'

'NO! Absolutely not, I'd do anything, give anything just to keep him safe.'

'_Just think about it, if Koga knows you're not with him anymore, he'll leave him alone. You're the only one who can save him from Koga's insanity._'

_-I closed my eyes and lowered my head, tears running down my cheeks- _'I know but… it's hard to leave him when he's become everything to me. He's the only reason why I put up with everything. If it wasn't for him, I would've gone insane or who knows, I might've even killed myself a long time ago.'

'_That's precisely why you have to do it. Koga knows he's special to you and he'll aim for him trying to get you._'

_-I opened my eyes and looked at the floor- _'You're right and I'm not going to let Koga hurt Sesshomaru or involve me in his sick games. I'm going to leave but only because Sesshomaru deserves to live and be happy. That's why… I'm going to do it.'

The entire time I debated, tears never stopped running down my cheeks. When I'd finally made the decision, I stood and made my way toward the ticket desk. As I waited in line, an idea suddenly came up. Once it was my turn, I walked up to the young lady,

She smiled, "Good Morning, miss. How may I help you?

My face showing hardly any emotion,"Good Morning, I need a plane ticket please."

"Sure, what's your destination?"

I remained silent for a bit because I couldn't think of anywhere else to go. I couldn't go to Australia because I knew Sess would track me down and go there to try and find me. So I just decided to go to the first place that came into mind.

"For New York City."

"Oh, all right. May I see your ID to input your information please?"

"All right," I turned and reached into my bag but just as I was going to pull out my ID and passport, I caught a glimpse of the other "ID" I had in the bag and another idea came into my mind. It occurred to me that I could use that ID to buy that ticket and mislead everyone. I would mislead them in making them think that Rin Imamura went off to Australia when in reality, she went to New York but as Hitomi Matsumoto. That way, if they tried to track me down, they wouldn't be able to find me. So I pulled out the other ID and handed it to the young lady. Luckily, I didn't need a passport since it wasn't an international flight. Once she was done, she handed me the paperwork and I had to look over it and sign. But I had to change my signature, make it look completely different to what I usually signed and in the different name. Finally, I paid for the ticket with cash and she checked in my bags as carry-ons. Once everything was done, I stepped out to the gates again. By then it was about 8:45am and my new flight was leaving in about 20 minutes. So I sat in a chair near the gate and waited until I could board.

Those were the longest 20 minutes I've ever had to wait for in my entire life. When the first announcement was made, I stood and walked up to the young lady by the gate and handed her my ticket. As she checked it, a weird feeling started to run through me and for some reason; I turned towards the entrance. There was nothing or no one I recognized there but it suddenly hit me, 'This is it.' I almost wanted to cry as I turned towards the young lady again. She handed me my ticket and allowed me to step through. So I started to walk in, my heart breaking with every step I took but just as I was about to turn to walk into the plane, I heard my name being called and stopped. So I turned and peeked towards the lobby, my eyes widened and that's when I almost couldn't hold it anymore.

"RIN! Where are you! RIN?" He'd stopped to look around and ran a hand through his hair. He looked worried and had a look of utter despair on his face. When he didn't see me, he started to walk away.

Obviously, he didn't see me peeking out because there were more people coming in towards the plane as he stood outside. I honestly wanted to run out to him, run into his arms and tell him that I was sorry and hope that everything would be all right again. But I couldn't because I knew it wasn't going to be ok. So instead, I turned using every bit of my strength and whispered, "_Goodbye, Sesshomaru_," before I walked into the plane. My heart finally shattering into pieces in my chest. I tried to hold back the tears that were already starting to fall but failed miserably. Once I'd found my seat, I leaned back and closed my eyes, seeing the look on Sesshomaru's face before he walked away. It was enough for a light sob to escape me as more tears started to fall. Luckily, it didn't take too long for everyone to board otherwise I would've changed my mind and stepped out. A few minutes later, the plane finally took off, taking me to where I had to live my new life. The new life I had to live alone. Although as the plane left, I closed the small curtain because I wouldn't have been able to stand seeing the airport disappear just like everyone else was too.

During the flight, there was a point when I just couldn't hold it anymore. I had to hide in the restroom to cry painful sobs into my hands as I sat on the toilet, mourning the fact that I'd given up my only chance for happiness. I grieved because I still felt responsible for what happened to Sesshomaru. Also, I left everything and everyone behind because I was nothing but a curse for all those around me. I had always been and always would be, but it left me wondering as to why it had to be me. What had I ever done in this or another life to have to endure so much? Was it a punishment? If it was, then what penance must I pay for it all to end? I never understood and couldn't figure out the answer but it angered me. It all had started after my parents' deaths. I was also angry with everyone for sticking by me. I was angry with God for taking my parents and Hojo away and especially at myself for ever having the idea that I could someday live life as a normal person.

The flight lasted for about 6 hours, two of those I spent crying in the restroom and the other four were spent sleeping since I'd drained myself of any energy I had left. I awoke about 20 minutes before the plane was going to land. Once it did and I was allowed to step out, I started making my way towards the lobby. The air was filled with joy and happiness from the other passengers that were reuniting with their loved ones. As I kept walking though, their happiness felt as if it cut around me and left me surrounded only in the cold air filled with hopelessness and pain. Couples were locked in tight embraces and passionate kisses, making me turn away from them. I couldn't endure to even look at them. It just hurt too much to even think about anything relating to love for it always pointed back to what I left behind.

Once I reached the lobby, I stood still and looked at my surroundings. That's when I finally realizing that I had no where to go so I went over to sit in a chair. I was exhausted; my body hardly had any strength left, my eyes burned because of the crying and my head was pounding. So I leaned back on the chair and closed my eyes, hoping that it somehow would relieve some of the symptoms. When suddenly I heard a female voice call my name,

"Rin? Rin Imamura, is that you?"

I recognized that voice even though it wasn't the same as when I'd last heard it. My eyes widened and I lowered my head to see a young lady of about 24 standing in front of me. Her blue eyes looking at me curiously. At first, I didn't quite recognize her, she reminded me of someone I knew back when I was in elementary school but that was a long time ago.

So I stood and kept looking at her until she smiled, "Do you remember me?"

My face showed hardly any emotion as I kept looking at her, trying to figure out who she was until I asked, "Y… Yuka?"

Her smile widened and she nodded, "Yep. Oh my God, I can't believe it's you!" Then she wrapped her arms around and embraced me; "It's been such a long time."

I, on the other hand, was left shocked and speechless. I stood still, just looking over at her and not returning her embrace until it finally hit me, I was reuniting with the best friend that I haven't seen in 16 years. So I slowly wrapped my arms around her and nodded, "Yeah, it has."

Then she pulled back and we released each other. Smiling, "How are you?"

I slightly shook my head, my voice fairly stern for my face had lost all traces of emotion, "Not very well."

Her smile faded and was replaced with a concerned look, "Oh, is everything all right? You don't look well."

Slightly nodding, "Yes, it will be I hope. I'll be ok. How are you?"

Her lips curled up into a smile; "I'm doing fine, just had to pick something up from the concierge desk."

"Oh."

Then she pointed towards the door, "Actually, I was going to grab something to eat. Do you want to come with me? We have a LOT of catching up to do, so we can grab a bite and chat. What do you think?"

At the beginning, I wanted to reject her invitation but then I remembered that I was a stranger to the city. I wouldn't know my way around so I decided to join her, plus, I hadn't had anything to eat in HOURS. I was sure that some food would help relieve the intense fatigue I was feeling.

I nodded, "All right."

Her smile widened, "Cool but here, let me help you with your bag." Then she reached out and took the duffel bag from my hands.

I curled my lips up to a smile, "Thanks."

She nudged her head towards the door, "Come on, let's go." So I followed her out of the airport and walked with her as she led me towards the parking lot to her truck.

My eyes widened at the sight of her truck. It was an old classic truck. The paint was rusted, I'm guessing it's color used to be red but it had faded almost to a light shade of pink and the shine was gone. The chrome was rusted as well, the bumpers were crooked, well, it just looked like it's been used for quite some time. The interior of the truck was pretty beat up as well; the seats were patched up in some places, the carpet was gone and it had an antique stereo attached to the dashboard but even though it was beat up, it was very comfortable to ride in. But to be honest, my shock was not of disgust at seeing her truck but of envy. I envied Yuka for having that truck, I guess because I'd always been accustomed to having nice things when in reality I never needed them to be. As long as they were in working condition, I was happy.

So she drove us to a small deli that was towards the edge of the city near the highway. It was a cute little place and it seemed not too busy so we went inside and sat down. Immediately, the waitress walked up to us and we ordered our food as we began to catch up.

She started shaking her drink with the straw, "So Rin, you still live in California right?"

"Yes, well I did."

"Oh. In the same house?"

"Yes and no. Although, there were times when I felt like moving out because it brought back too many memories of my parents."

Her smile faded and she lowered her voice, "Oh yeah, I heard what happened to them. I'm sorry, Rin."

I looked away from her and sighed, "It's ok, I've learned to put it behind me." Although, I felt like bursting into tears again, especially since I was still very sensitive but I held back. I think Yuka noticed it and tried to change the subject.

Sounding cheery again, "So what brings you to New York?"

I lifted my head and looked at her, frankly, "I'm escaping from someone."

Looking confused, "What? Escaping? From who?"

"From some psycho chasing me around."

Shocked, "Oh no, but how do you know he won't find you here? I'm sure he'll track you down from the plane ticket."

I lowered and shook my head, "He's not going to find me, neither of them will."

"How do you know?"

I looked back up at her, "Because I bought the ticket under a different name."

"Oh but who's the other person you're escaping from?"

I looked at her, slightly confused, "What other person?"

"You just said that 'neither of them will' so I assume it's not just one person that you're running away from."

I shook my head, snapping back at her, "I'm not running away. I left because I had no other choice." I sighed and leaned back on the booth, "But I guess I should tell you everything from the beginning for you to better understand."

She nodded, "Yeah I think that's a good idea."

So I began to tell her everything, giving her a recap of everything that happened after I last saw her, all the way to the present. It took all afternoon for me to finish retelling her my life story. It was about 8pm when I finally finished. Once I was done, I was in tears but strangely it felt good telling her all of this. It felt good letting out what was held inside of me, like Sesshomaru had taught me to do, thus making him even harder to forget.

I placed my elbows on the table and leaned my head on my hands, looking down towards the table, "That's it. My life has just been a living hell. There are times when it calms but something always has to happen to make it bad again. It can never just be at peace and I hate it."

Lightly, "Wow, I don't even know what to say. It's just awful for you to have to go through all that." I lifted my head up and looked towards her but said nothing. Then her eyes filled with concern, "Rin, you look exhausted."

I nodded and ran my hand over my eyes, "I am. Although, I don't think I'll be able to fall asleep." Then I looked back at her.

"Where are you staying at?"

I shook my head; "I don't have anywhere to go. I figured I'd stay at a hotel until I find a place to stay."

She shook her head, "Nonsense, you can stay with me. I live alone at my parents house and there's plenty of room for you there."

"I don't want to trouble you."

She giggled, "You won't. Don't worry plus it's much nicer than being here in the city AND I'm not taking 'no' for an answer."

I just gave up. I was so exhausted by then that I didn't even have the energy to argue with her. So I nodded, "All right, Yuka. I'll stay with you, thanks."

She started walking out of the booth, "Now come on, let's go home."

Home, the word seemed strange to me. For I've never really had one since I got kicked out of what I had believed to be my home. Then the other place I'd made my home; I was forced to leave, leaving me with no where to go. So I never had a real place to call my home.

So I stood and we paid the tab but just as we were about to head towards the door, I heard someone watching the news on the television. Then a creepy feeling ran through me, making me stop and turn towards the television.

Confused, "What is it Rin?"

I ignored Yuka and kept walking towards the T.V until I was close enough to hear what was being said,

"_Breaking news: Flight 107 of Koala Airlines heading towards Australia has had a tragic accident. It is being stipulated that engine failure was what caused the plane to lose altitude and crash into the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The Australian coast guard has confirmed that of the 180 passengers aboard, none have been found. Declaring this accident having no survivors. Air Traffic Control…_"

I felt my blood rush to my feet when the news kicked into my head. Suddenly, I began to get dizzy. My head started spinning so much that I almost fell over. Luckily I caught myself on a nearby stool and sat on it otherwise I would've fallen to the floor.

Yuka was talking to the waitress behind me when she saw me fall onto the stool and walked up to me. Startled and concerned, "Rin, be careful! What happened? What's wrong? Are you ok?"

I looked at her and almost couldn't speak, pointing towards the TV, "The plane… flight… I…"

Worried, "What is it Rin?"

I cleared my throat and was finally able to speak. My eyes widened as I looked up at her, "I… I was supposed to be on that flight… That was… that was the one I told you I missed because I couldn't make up my mind."

She gasped and so did the other people that heard what I said. I couldn't believe it, I couldn't speak and I couldn't think nor even breathe at the time. Just thinking that, that one instant when I hesitated saved me from being in the accident. I was in absolute shock just looking up at Yuka and with no words able to come out of my mouth.

Shocked, "Oh my god."

Then I heard the waitress speak, "It's a miracle."

Yuka placed her hand on my shoulder and leaned down a bit to face me, "What are you going to do, Rin?"

Then the waitress stepped next to me and offered, "We have a phone. You can use so you can call your family and let them know you're ok."

I didn't answer either of them, just lowered my head down to look at the floor. I tried to imagine everyone's reactions to the news. I was pretty sure Sess had already let everyone know of my leaving and I wondered what their reaction to that was. Were they concerned? Was Kagome even a bit worried of what happened to me even though she didn't want to see me again? I assumed they'd already seen the news; how did they react then? I wasn't sure but in my mind, I figured that in a way, my prayer had been answered by making them believe I was dead, but who would grieve? I knew Sesshomaru would, so would Ayame and Sango but what about Kagome? Would she even shed a tear for me? Somehow everything kept leading back to Kagome, making me wonder, would this be the only way for her to finally forgive me when it was already too late? I didn't know. I had so many questions running through my head. I figured that, yes, they would be sad but eventually all would forget about me and continue their lives, just like I wanted. So I decided to keep it that way, letting them think I died in that accident. I would let them grieve and go on with their lives when I, on the other hand, lived another life away from them just so they can be happy.

So I looked up at Yuka and shook my head, lightly, "No, I'm not going to call them."

Shocked, "WHAT, Why not? They must be worried sick, you need to call them."

I shook my head and looked away from her, "No, they're be better off without me. I'd only bring them more trouble."

But she kept insisting, "But Rin…"

Then I looked up at her, angrily, "NO YUKA, I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT. THAT'S IT!" I stood and stormed out of the deli. I walked around and leaned on the corner of the building, looking up at the sky. It was dark already, looking almost as dark as my heart felt that moment. Huge tears ran down my cheeks as I looked up at the plain black sky. There were no stars out that night and I knew why, I'm sure I was one of the reasons.

Suddenly, Yuka came out of the building, "Rin? Rin, where are you?"

I looked over and whispered, "_Over here._"

Then she walked up and leaned on the wall next to me, looking up as well, "There're no stars out tonight. It's going to be a cold night." I didn't answer her just lowered my head and looked at the floor. Then I heard her take a deep breath, her voice as light as a whisper, "I don't know what your intentions are. I surely can't say I know what you're going through and you know that I don't really agree with what you're going to do but… I just want to let you know that I'm here for you. Friends forever, right?"

I looked over at her and she smiled. Her smile alone was more comforting than any embrace ever could but her words added warmth, something I was already starting to miss. So I curled my lips up to a smile and slightly nodded with my voice light as hers, "Right." Then I turned towards her, "But… could we… could we leave now?"

Her smile widened and she nodded, "Yeah, let's go." I just smiled and we started walking towards her truck. Honestly by then, I felt like I was about to pass out of how tired I was. So during the drive to her house, I fell asleep since it was a fairly long drive. That and I just couldn't stay awake any longer, my body had just given up.

Yuka lived far from the city in an old country house that'd she inherited from her parents. She lived in an area where it was peaceful and quiet. She lived out in the open where there was no other sign of life for miles. Her house was beautiful, even though it was really old but I think that's what made it beautiful in the first place. It wasn't too big it just had 3 bedrooms and a bathroom, a small kitchen but the study was what left me in awe. It was big and the walls were covered with bookshelves filled with books up to the roof. The fireplace in the middle made it cozy and I could see why she loved that room so much. I fell in love with it myself.

So eventually, I began catching up on what happened to her after we'd last seen each other. She'd left school because her dad had gotten a job somewhere else and was forced to relocate. Once there, she went to a new school and just as she was about to settle in, they had to move again. She was never in a place enough time to actually make friends or go places. She never really had a place to call home, just like me. Her studies were being affected greatly, even though she was home schooled; it was still hard for her because she was always a bit behind.

That kept going until she was about 18 when her father became ill and had to stop working. He was the only income provider and was not able to work anymore so it became hard for them to support themselves. They lost their house, their car and everything they owned except for the countryside home that they had inherited from her grandparents. So eventually, they were forced to move in there. She said that the place was a bit beat up since there was no one to maintain it. Her grandparent's had passed away a long time before they moved in. So they dedicated themselves in rebuilding the place. They cleaned out the farmhouse and used most of their savings to buy animals to keep in the farm. About school, she had a neighbor that would come to tutor her, as a way to repay her grandparents for all they'd done for her when they were alive. She really couldn't go to school because she had to help care for her dad and the farm, that was the only option she had. Although, she said that raising the farm was what helped her dad with the illness a bit but about a year later, he passed away. Her mom followed about two years later, leaving her to live on her own when she was 21. She's been on her own since then, living in the farmhouse with her animals to keep her company. She admitted to having a tough life but I will say that it still wasn't as tough as mine.

I stayed living with Yuka and got to know her as well I used to again. She led a simple life and I envied her for that. She had no TV. She had a radio but really didn't use it much. So she really wasn't up to date with the media. Her days would always start early, VERY EARLY and most of it was spent caring for her animals and the vegetable garden she had. Once the sun would set, she would go inside and curl up in front of the fireplace with a good book until it came time to sleep. Most of her days were the same, it was funny, she hardly ever went to the city. She really didn't need to since she had most of what she needed there in the farm but there would be instances when she would.

The only times she did were when she would need something that she couldn't find near by but it wasn't very often. Now she did have to work a bit though, to get some money to pay bills or buy things that she needed. So she would help out at a local school. It was not a lot but it was enough to keep her going and she loved to be with the kids. I went to the school with her a couple of times and the kids were just adorable, some got pretty attached to me too. They always asked for me when I wouldn't go, they were just too cute. I had a lot of fun and truly enjoyed the peace living out in the country offered.

It didn't start out so peaceful at the beginning though. The first weeks, I became extremely depressed and would literally have to cry myself to sleep. I just couldn't close my eyes and fall asleep. Images of everything and everyone would pop into my mind and wouldn't leave me in peace. Eventually, I began to calm down and started to get used to living without anyone except for Yuka. But there were some times when Yuka would remind me so much of Sesshomaru, adding more reasons for me to become depressed. She would say things that reminded me of him, especially, when she would try to convince me to open up. I became the Rin I used to be. The cold, lonely Rin who didn't open herself up to avoid being hurt again. But as the months passed by, I started to slowly open myself up but not completely like I'd done before.

I ended up living with her for a period of about 8 months without being detected. Well, I didn't really go anywhere where I could be. Honestly, I didn't know how I even did it but luckily, my plan worked out. Until about the eight-month, when I started to REALLY feel homesick. I mean, I always was but by that point it was unbearable. All I could think by then was of Sesshomaru for I missed him terribly. I missed having him close to me and being wrapped in his arms. I missed having his warmth and soothing scent around me. I missed the times we would stargaze out in the balcony. In those cases, I would sit out on the backyard and look up at the sky, hoping that he would be out looking up as well. I missed Ayame a lot too, all the lunches we had so we could "gossip." I missed Sango and the silly things she would come up with. I missed everyone, even Kagome but probably figured that she didn't even think about me anymore. So towards the end, I just couldn't handle it anymore and decided to come out of the shadows and go back. But I didn't really know how to tell Yuka that I was leaving. I just felt bad about leaving her alone again. Until I just had to tell her that my plans had changed…

I was out on the backyard, lying on the grass looking up at the stars and moon. It was nearly full and shining brightly, faintly lighting the meadows around the farm. Suddenly, I heard the back screen door open but didn't move to look over. Then I heard footsteps on the grass walking towards me when Yuka finally spoke, "What are you doing out here?" as she stopped to stand by me.

I looked over at her and smiled, "I'm looking up at the sky, want to join me?"

She smiled and nodded, "Ok." She kneeled and lay on the grass next to me. We remained silent, just looking up at the stars. When minutes later she spoke again, "What do you think about?"

My arms were over my head and I was resting it on my hands when I turned slightly towards her, "When?"

She looked over towards me, "When you're out here. I mean, I know you like to stargaze but you always seem so deep in your thoughts when you do. Like you're always thinking about something, what is it?"

I turned back towards the sky and sighed, "Well, there are a lot of things I think about but mostly just remembering."

Curious, "About Sesshomaru, right?" Somehow she knew and guessed correctly, I'm guessing it was easy to tell by my tone of voice. I just wasn't sure how people were always able to decipher me so easily.

I slightly shook my head, "Not all the time but mostly it is."

She turned towards me and leaned on one side, resting her head on her hand as she looked at me, "You miss him don't you?"

I sat up and brought my knees up to my chest, leaning my head on them, nodding with my eyes closed, "Tremendously." Then I slightly shook my head, "I just can't even begin to explain how much I do."

"I thought you wanted to forget him?"

I looked over to her, "That's what I'd planned but I guess it only made me need him much more. Being away from him made me realize that I just can't do it alone. I always need someone to be by my side for me to survive."

She smiled, "You really love him don't you?"

I smiled and nodded, "With all my heart and soul. He's everything to me." Then I turned up to the moon and pointed towards it, "I can always depend on him just like the moon depends on the sun to shine it's brightest." Then I lowered my arm and looked down at her again, "That's why I want to go back."

I could tell she was shocked by the expression on her face. Slightly shocked, "Really? But… how are you going to do it? I mean, he thinks you're dead. You can't just walk up to him and say 'Oh, I'm not dead. I never was just wanted to let you think I was but here I am.' And then expect him to let you jump into his arms."

I looked away from her and nodded, "I know, I know. I've thought of that but… I guess I'll just have to make up something until the day when I can tell him the truth."

"But what do you plan to say?"

I shook my head, "I don't know. I guess… I guess I could just tell him that I managed to escape or something." Then looked back towards her.

She shook her head, her eyebrow slightly raised, "He's not going to believe that, Rin. You're just going to have to tell him the truth."

I looked away again, slumped down my shoulder and sighed, "I guess so but I just hope that everyone can understand why I did it and not hate me for it."

She reached and placed her hand on my arm, "Don't worry Rin. They'll believe you, I mean it's not like you did it because you wanted to hurt them intentionally. You just had no other choice that's all. I'm sure they'll understand."

Smiling, "Thanks, Yuka."

She smiled in return, "So when do you plan to leave?"

I fully turned towards her, "As soon as possible, if it's all right with you. I mean, I just feel bad about leaving you here by yourself."

She giggled, "Don't worry about me. I'll be ok, you need to go back to your family and let them know you're ok."

I reached over and tightly wrapped my arms around her, "Thank You Yuka. Thank You for everything you've done for me. I really appreciate it."

She wrapped her arms around me and shook her head; "No problem Rin. I'll always be here for you when ever you need me. That's what friends are for, right?"

I released her and pulled back to look at her, nodding, "Right, friends forever."

She smiled and nodded, "Friends forever." Still smiling, "We'll go buy your ticket first thing tomorrow morning so you can leave tomorrow night."

Nodding, "All right."

She nudged her head towards the door, "Now let's go inside then. It's going to be a long day tomorrow and we both need a good nights sleep." Then she stood and looked down at me.

I smiled and stood, walking next to her back into the house. I felt nervous and a bit anxious, my heart fluttered in my chest because I was going to be able to see everyone again. I just couldn't wait, only hoping for the best when that moment finally came.


	16. Chapter 16

BOO!!!

I'm still alive and kicking. Well, I could never say this enough, sorry for the delay but life sucks right now. Especially more now because i'm being dragged to a vacation that I REALLY don't want to go to. So now i'll be gone for another month So please have patience with me

Well, here's another update, let's say an early Thankgiving present. It gives us another reason to give thanks just kidding. Not much to say about it but it's the aftermath of the decisions we make in life.

Although, this chapter is pre-beta'd, I just went over it before I posted it up so I might repost later but it will only be for gramatical changes. So no biggy about that.

Hope you enjoy this chapter and please don't forget to leave me a review k?

Enjoy...

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

'' Thought expressions

"_Italic_" Whisper expressions

The next day, I bought my ticket and flew back to California. I returned to where it all started and hoped that everyone there would still be the same. Throughout the entire flight, my heart raced within my chest for I was extremely nervous. I just didn't know what to expect, I mean it had been almost a year that I was gone and a lot of things could've happened in such a long time. I just didn't know and wasn't able to prepare myself for what would happen.

Once I arrived to the airport, I felt completely out of place. Everything seemed strange to me since I'd gotten so used to living in New York. I arrived at about 8pm because I had to take the later flight; it was the only one available. I looked around the airport a bit, just reminisced about my last visit there before I started walking towards the exit. I walked out and grabbed a taxi, heading to the first place I could remember, Ayame's house.

Her place was pretty far away from the airport and it took about an hour and fifteen-minute drive to get there. By the time I arrived, it was already dark and it had started to pour. The problem was that since her house was gated, there was no way for the taxi to drive me all the way up to the front door. So I had to step out of the taxi outside the gate, leaving me with no choice but to walk to the front of the house. It was a pretty long distance from there and I had to find a way to step inside first. Then I remembered of a small door hidden to the side and it was hardly ever locked because of its location. So I walked over to it and luckily, that day it wasn't. I stepped in and started walking towards the direction of the house. By the time I arrived to the front door, I was completely soaked.

As I was walking, I was able to see the lights on and noticed that her car was parked outside, meaning she was home. Once I reached the house, I walked up to the door and lowered my suitcase. I closed my eyes for a brief moment and took a deep breath as I whispered, "_Here goes everything,_" before I reached out to the doorbell. Although when I was about to push the button, I hesitated and looked at it, my heart beating at a thousand times per minute. Then I just finally reached out and rang the doorbell. When the maid answered the door, I took in a sharp breath. I'm assuming she didn't recognize me because she just kept looking at me until she asked, "May I help you?" I don't think she was able to either because I did have the hood of my sweater on far enough to cover the top part of my face.

I nodded, nervously, "Yes actually, is Mrs. Ishikawa home?"

She nodded, "Yes she is. May I ask who's inquiring so I could announce you?"

My heartbeat increased as my lips curled up into a smile, "Could you let her know that Rin is here to see her."

Immediately, her eyes widened and I heard her lightly gasp. Then she nodded, "All right, I'll announce you, wait here for a moment please." She was in such a shock that she left the door open as she started walking towards the living room.

Suddenly, I heard Ayame scream, "WHAT?

Then the maid responded, nervously, "Yes, madam. She said her name is Rin, she's waiting by the door."

Ayame continued with her voice loud enough for it to echo through the halls. She sounded like she was getting angry, "What kind of sick joke is this?"

"No, madam. I'm not making this up; there's someone at door claiming to be Rin. I wouldn't make anything up like that."

I saw the maid step back towards the entrance to the living room, looking a bit afraid. Ayame was a little scary when she was angry; I don't blame her for being afraid.

Then I heard Ayame yell at the girl, "Do you think it's funny to joke around with the memory of the deceased?"

At that point, I could tell Ayame was getting a bit aggressive so I decided to step in and stop her from doing anything rash. So I walked in and called out, "NO, SHE'S NOT MAKING IT UP," before I walked to stand next to the girl.

I don't think Ayame saw my face that was still covered with the hood and pointed towards me, furious, "You, what the hell is the meaning of this? What are you doing in my house? Get out before I call security to get you out of here."

I shook my head and lowered it; "There's no need to do that, Ayame."

Then she yelled, "How dare you call me by my name… don't… you…"

That's when I started to pull back the hood. My hair was completely soaked and it slipped out of the sweater to hang at my sides, it was much longer now; down almost to my waist. I was dripping water everywhere for all of my clothing was wet. Once the hood fell back, that's when I lifted my head and looked straight at her.

Her green eyes immediately widened and she gasped. She shook her head, nearly whispering, "No, it can't be. You're… You're dead… You died in that accident…"

I took a step closer to her and slightly shook my head, still looking straight at her, "No, I'm right here, Ayame. Look…" I walked up her and took her hand, lifting it up to my cheek. I continued to look at her, "See, I'm real. I'm not dead."

Her eyes filled with tears as she began to trace her fingers around my face. I could tell by the look on her face that she still was disbelieving. I kept looking at her, seeing her eyes fill with tears until they started to roll down her cheeks. My eyes filled with tears at the sight of hers and couldn't hold them back from falling, I didn't want to either. She ran her fingers slowly down my cheeks and stopped when she reached my chin. That's when she started to sob as she wrapped her arms around and pulled me in for a tight embrace. She cried into my ear, "OH MY GOD, I can't believe you're really here. My darling Rin, I'm so glad you're all right. I missed you terribly. I always had a feeling that you were ok but since everything pointed that you were dead, I just gave up. I already lost Hojo and losing you too nearly made me go insane."

I started to cry myself as I wrapped my arms tightly around her. I held her close, I held her with all the love that I always had for her even throughout the time I was gone. Then I turned and nudged my head in her shoulder, sobbing, "I'm so sorry, Ayame. I didn't mean to hurt you so much. Please forgive me, I love you so much and I missed you a lot." We held each other as we cried into our shoulders, relief washing through both our bodies, relief at being able to see and hold one another other once again.

I felt her shake her head as she started to pull back. I released her and we looked at each other again, she'd stopped crying by then but still had tears running down her cheeks. She shook her head and her lips curled into a smile, "No dear, you don't have to apologize. All that matters now is that you're ok." Then she reached up and moved my bangs that were sticking to my forehead, "I love you too Rin." She leaned in and kissed my forehead. Then she lowered and pulled me in for another embrace, "I'm so glad you're alive, Rin." She let go and smiled, reaching up to my head, "You're soaked to the bone, dear. Now why don't you go take a bath before you get sick and I'll call the others to let them know you're here." She chuckled, "Although, I don't know if they'll believe me but I'll figure a way to bring them all here."

I nodded and smiled, "All right but…" Then I looked around, "I think I left my suitcase by the door."

She turned towards the girl, which had tears in her eyes as well. I'm sure she stayed to witness our emotional reunion and got affected as well. Ayame then asked, "Could you bring Rin's suitcase from outside?" The girl nodded and was just about to walk away before I stopped her.

"Wait, I'll get it." Then we both turned towards Ayame, wiping a tear from my cheek; "Then I'll head upstairs to clean up."

She smiled, "All right, dear. Go and I'll wait for you down here."

I nodded, "Ok, I'll be right back." I turned and walked towards the door to pick up my suitcase and headed upstairs to find my room since I'd forgotten where it was. When I finally found it, I walked in and put my stuff on the bed then walked over to take a shower. It felt really good being the fact that I was freezing cold because of the rainwater. The shower felt so good too since I'd gotten used to Yuka's bathtub where we had to heat up the water from the stove. Modern plumbing was so much easier and better, MUCH better. Finally about half an hour later, I was ready and dressed in my sweatpants, T-shirt and slippers. I quickly ran a brush through my hair and grabbed a towel to use on my still damp hair before I finally stepped out of the room. I kept drying it as I walked down the hall and stairs. I was so into what I was doing that I didn't notice the different voices coming from the living room. I was turned to the side giving my hair one last pat as I stepped in and when I turned, my eyes widened at the sight of the group of people there just staring at me. Their faces nearly changing colors of the shock at the sight of me standing there. Most of the gang was there except Sesshomaru and Kagome. Sango and Miroku were there, so was Kohaku and Kanna; all of them still dressed in their pajamas.

I was left in shock as well; I didn't expect them to be there so soon. My mouth slightly opened at the sight of them in front of me and I didn't realize that I'd dropped the towel. I didn't know what to do; all I did was slightly smile and whisper, "_Hi._"

Sango was the first one to stand and she walked up to me, looking as if she'd seen a ghost. Looking at me, "Rin, is… that you?"

I slightly nodded and smiled, "Yeah, it's me Sango."

She whispered, "_I can't believe you're alive,_" before she walked up to me and wrapped her arms around me.

I wrapped my arms around her and nodded, "I missed you."

When she pulled back, she had tears running down her cheeks. Smiling, "I missed you too."

I smiled at her and then looked at everyone else, "I missed all you guys." Then I walked up and hugged everyone else. When we were finally done, I sat on the sofa next to Ayame and looked towards everyone, "How's Kagome? Is she doing well?"

Ayame then answered, smiling, "She's doing fine." Then looked at the clock, "Actually, she should be here by now."

I looked at her, shocked, "She's coming here?"

She nodded, "Yes, I just called her and she said she was on her way."

I looked away from her, "Oh." I felt extremely nervous; I didn't know what to expect from her. Being Kagome, it was hard to predict what might happen.

Suddenly I was torn away from my thoughts when Miroku asked, "So what really happened to you Rin? We could've sworn you were part of the passenger list on the plane that crashed. You're supposed to be dead but obviously you're not. How is that possible?"

I turned towards him and everyone else was obviously very curious to what really happened. Looking down, "Well I…"

Suddenly, a loud thump coming from the hallway interrupted me and we all turned towards that direction. Then Kagome's voice followed, screaming, "WHERE IS SHE?"

Immediately, I stood and took a step towards the doorway when she suddenly walked in. Her eyes widened and a look of shock swept her face at the sight of me but then it straightened and she walked up to me.

We just kept looking at each other and I was just about to say something when she suddenly lifted her hand and slapped me right across my left cheek, making me bend towards the right side. She yelled angrily, "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?"

Tears immediately pooled in my eyes as I placed my hand on my cheek and slowly turned towards her, "_Kagome, I'm sorry._"

She had her hands at her hips and looked at me with rage filled eyes. Then she spoke again, her voice lowering and softening with every word she said, "Where were you?" Her eyes started to fill with tears and I could tell that her voice was starting to break, "Damn it Rin, I was…" That's when she started to cry, "I was… really worried about you."

I couldn't hold back anymore and started to cry again. I walked up to her and wrapped my arms tightly around her, feeling her do the same. I closed my eyes and turned to speak into her ear, "I'm so sorry Kagome. I never meant to cause you all those problems. I never wanted to hurt you, if I could take it all back I would. I'm really very sorry."

She pulled back and looked at me, lightly sobbing and slightly shaking her head, "No Rin, I'm the one that should be sorry. I never should've mistrusted you; I should've listened to you all those times you warned me. You were always right but I never listened. I sincerely regret everything I said to you. I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me even though I might not deserve it."

Tears wouldn't stop running down my cheeks the entire time, especially during Kagome's confession. I know I probably shouldn't have forgiven her but I just couldn't stay mad at her. I mean she's my sister and the only link I had to my parents. I love her, always have even during the many times she hurt and insulted me. My love for her just didn't fade and no matter how much time passed, it never would.

I pulled her in for another embrace, tightly holding onto to her as I slightly shook my head, "It's ok, Kagome. I'm not angry with you, I can never be. You're my sister; we've been through a lot together and that matters more to me than anything else. I love you, slim."

She tightened her embrace and spoke in my ear, "I love you too Icy." Then she let go and turned to face me as she wiped some tears away, trying to sound annoyed, "and how many times have I told you NOT to call me that!" I could tell she couldn't hold back the laughter.

I released her and giggled, "Obviously not enough times." Then I started to laugh but that's when I noticed someone standing nearby. I stopped laughing and looked over at the young man standing there. I didn't say anything to him just looked at him. His facial features were very familiar to me especially the silver hair and the amber eyes that kept looking back at me. He looked a lot like Sesshomaru but there were something's that differed, assuring me that it wasn't him. Although this guy had his hair fairly long, it reached to about his shoulders and his bangs were long too, almost covering his eyes.

That's when Kagome finally introduced me to the stranger standing in front of me. She walked over to his side and wrapped her arm around his, "Rin, I want you to meet my boyfriend, Inuyasha." Then she turned to him and pointed towards me with her hand, smiling, "Inuyasha, this is my sister Rin."

He looked down at Kagome then smiled and turned towards me. He stretched his hand out to me, "Nice to meet you Rin."

I looked down at his hand and hesitated before I finally shook it, "You too…" I kept looking at him curiously, "You… you look so much like Sesshomaru… the hair and especially your eyes…"

He smiled, "Oh that's because he's my brother."

I was shocked; my eyes slightly widened and mouth opened. So that was Sesshomaru's missing sibling he mentioned once. Shocked, "Wow, you two look almost identical."

He nodded, "I know, it comes from our father but it does get annoying sometimes. People confuse me for his iciness and it gets on my nerves. That's why I keep my hair long. " Then he pointed towards his head.

I started to laugh and shook my head when Miroku interrupted and we turned towards him, "Well, that was quite a reunion there. It felt as if I was watching a live soap opera," and everybody started to laugh.

Sango started to laugh and lightly pushed him, "Miroku, stop it."

He shrugged his shoulders, chuckling; "Well it did, what am I supposed to do?"

I started walking back to the sofa and took my seat next to Ayame as Kagome and Inuyasha sat down as well. Then I looked over at him, giggling; "Well I'm pretty sure you'd be the one to recognize soap opera material when you see it." All of us started to laugh as he his cheeks turned red.

Then he changed the subject, "Ok, well enough about me. You were about to tell us what happened remember?"

I stopped laughing and nodded, "Yeah, you're right." I lowered my head a bit and looked down at the floor. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath before I started retelling them everything that happened. I started with what really happened during the incident with Koga and what made me make the decision I did. Then I told them everything from when I left to the airport all the way to the day before when I'd decided to come back. I told them all about what I did throughout the entire 8 months I was gone too, especially about living in the country.

Then Kohaku chuckled, "New York huh? It explains the accent."

I looked up at him, slightly shocked, "What accent?"

He laughed, "Your accent. It's not much but it's obvious to us that we know you."

Kagome interrupted, "That's right. That's what I noticed different about you, your accent. No wonder something seemed different."

Then Inuyasha asked, "So you lived in a farm all this time?"

I nodded, "Yeah."

Miroku chuckled and Sango then asked, "How is it living in a farm?" Obviously they were curious. They were always used to living in huge houses surrounded by cars and the city environment so living out in the country seemed odd to them.

I slightly shook my head, "Actually, it's not that bad. I loved it; it was peaceful and quiet. I'm sure Sesshomaru would love living out there." Suddenly, I felt everyone start to tense at the sound of his name.

I didn't want to mention Sesshomaru too soon. I mean yeah, I wanted to see him, wanted to know if he was well but I felt that if I mentioned him too soon, they would all think that he was the only reason I came back. It wasn't, I came back for everyone but I thought that the time had come to finally mention him.

I looked at everyone as I asked, "So how is Sesshomaru?" Then I looked over at Ayame, "Why isn't he here?" She looked away from me and slightly lowered her head before she turned to look at everyone. I followed her gaze and noticed everyone just looking at each other with no one answering my question. Confused, "Well, what is it?"

Still no one answered, they just kept looking at each other before Ayame finally broke the silence, "Rin dear, there's something we need to tell you."

Her tone of voice scared me. I began to think the worst like if something happened to him. I wasn't sure but I was definitely concerned and wanted to find out, worried, "Ayame, what is it? Why are you all looking at each other like that? Did something happen to him? Please don't tell me Koga came back."

Kagome shook her head, "No, he's ok. It's just that…"

I looked at her, "What is it Kagome?"

Then Miroku finally spoke, saying something I would've never expected to hear when it came to Sesshomaru. Sternly, "Rin, Sesshomaru is getting married tomorrow. That's why he isn't here right now."

Immediately, my blood rushed down to my feet. My eyes widened and filled with tears as it kicked in. My body became immobile from the shock as I looked at Miroku. I shook my head slightly, whispering as my voice started to break, "_No, it can't be. Tell me it's not true._"

He slightly nodded, "It's the truth."

Tears started to scroll down my cheeks for my heart just burst into pieces that instant. I couldn't believe it and I didn't have any words to describe how I felt. I mean, I had wanted him to continue his life and he did as I'd asked. But to be honest, I was hurt even though it was what I'd wanted him to do. It had been my decision to leave and because I did, I lost him. That's when I started to cry, just thinking that I'd lost him for good. Everything we'd built together was gone but it was my fault for it disappearing in the first place. I leaned down and cried painful sobs onto my hands as the awful truth kept kicking in.

I felt Ayame place her hand on my back and began to run it around in circles trying to calm me, whispering, "_It's going to be ok Rin._"

But nonetheless I kept crying until it finally hit me, 'You chose this, now you must live up to the consequences of your actions. Deal with it.' I had chosen this and crying wasn't going to change anything, nothing was. That's when I held back my sobs and tried to stop the tears.

Suddenly, Kanna spoke, "Rin, it's ok. It's still not too late, you can do something about it."

Then Sango, "Kanna's right Rin. You can still stop this wedding. You can…"

That's when I stopped her and shook my head, looking down at the floor, "NO, I'm not going to stop it."

I heard them all gasp and Kagome said, "But Rin…"

I continued to shake my head and lifted it to look at them, "I'm not doing it. It was my choice to leave and he's free to do as he pleases. I'm not going to stop him from…"

Suddenly, Inuyasha cut me off, "…making the biggest mistake of his life." I looked at him, looking slightly shocked. Then I just couldn't hold it anymore. I was extremely sensitive and the fact that he looked so much like Sesshomaru made it even worse. So I stood and turned to walk out the living room as I said, "I'm going upstairs, good night."

All I heard was Kagome call my name before I quickly ran up the stairs and towards my room. Once I was inside, that's when I started sobbing uncontrollably. I walked over to the bed and rested on my stomach, clutching a pillow as I cried my pain away. Every memory, every picture running through my mind making me cry even harder for I'd lost the one person I loved more than anything in the world. I continued to cry throughout the entire night until I exhausted myself and finally fell asleep. Tears continued to fall even as I dreamt about the one I'd lost because I wanted them to survive in this world.

I was completely heartbroken when I heard the news about Sesshomaru getting married. I just couldn't picture him getting married with someone else but me, he was my one and only. Now he'd become someone else's one and only but what hurt the most was that he'd found his new love so quickly and decided to get married when we'd planned to wait. But all that didn't matter anymore; he wasn't mine anymore and I wasn't in a place to have a say in it either. It was his life and he was more than capable of making decisions for himself and if that was one of them, then for the love I still had for him, I'd accept it just as long as it was for him to be happy. All I could do was to wish him well with his new love and hope that she would give him what I never did, the family he always wanted.

The next morning I awoke before the sun even rose, I was sitting on the floor and clutched a pillow to my chest. Tears never ceased to fall and they were what kept waking me throughout the night when I'd tried to sleep. The sun finally started to rise announcing the arrival of the new day and it hurt to think of what the new day brought. I was looking blankly at the floor when suddenly; the sunlight came through the window and hit my face. The glare made me close my eyes and I turned to the side. So I stood and closed the curtain, leaving me surrounded in darkness as I sat back on the floor and leaned back on the bed. Honestly, nothing mattered to me and all I wanted was to be alone in the dark, thinking as it kept shattering all the hopes and dreams I ever had. All of a sudden, I heard someone knock at the door. I never answered, just continued to stare at the floor. About a few seconds later, I heard the door open.

Then I heard Ayame's voice, "Rin?"

I didn't move an inch from where I sat and just answered, "Leave me alone."

I heard her take a step towards the inside as she asked, "Are you all right?"

Since she wouldn't do as I asked, I began to get irritated but I didn't want to be rude to her so I just closed my eyes and slightly turned my head towards her, "Could you please just… leave me be?"

I heard her sigh and step away, closing the door behind her. When I figured she'd walked away, I burst into tears again. I started to grieve and cursed my life for existing. I also cursed the day when Sesshomaru entered my life and the moment he swept me off my feet. I continued to cry until I had no more tears left. A few hours later, I lifted my head from the pillow and looked at the clock, never realizing it was already about 11am. Then I heard someone open the door without knocking. I nudged my head to the side a bit but still wasn't able to see whom it was, I didn't say anything either, just looked back to stare at the floor. That's when I heard Ayame again but her tone this time was firm, a tone she never used towards me. Sternly, "Rin, I need to speak to you whether you want to or not. I'll be waiting for you in the living room. Now if you decide not to show up, I WILL send someone to take you down there," then she turned and closed the door.

I was shocked to hear her use that tone of voice with me; she'd never had in the entire time I'd known her. She talked to me as if I was a mere child but to be honest, now that I think about it, I really was acting like one. So about 5 minutes after she left, I finally stood. My body stiff and aching from sitting on the floor for so long and the fact that I was curled up didn't help either. So I walked towards the restroom and stepped in, looking at myself in the mirror. My eyes were RED and extremely puffy, my skin a shade lighter than normal with an awkward blush on my cheeks. I looked horrible so I closed my eyes, turned on the water and splashed some on my face. It felt cool against my skin and it washed away all the traces of tears from my cheeks. Once I was done, I grabbed a towel and patted my face dry. Then I turned and walked out of the restroom and out of the room. I kept walking slowly in the direction of the staircase and the living room. Although, it felt that with every step I took, my heart began to freeze as well as my face for it lost every trace of emotion. By the time I arrived to the living room, I was the cold and emotionless Rin I used to be. When I stepped inside, Inuyasha, Kagome and Ayame were there. As I walked in, I spoke to no one just walked over and sat on empty recliner that was across from them and looked at them. Their faces showing much concern and Kagome was the first to speak, "Rin, are you all right?"

I turned towards her and nodded, my voice fairly stern, "Yes." I saw her almost cringe at the tone of my voice and just remained silent.

Then Inuyasha asked, his voice sounding almost as stern as mine, "Did you think about what you're going to do?"

I turned over to him and gave him a dirty look, tilting my head slightly to the side, "Are you mocking me?"

Suddenly, Ayame called out, angry, "RIN, stop acting like this! This is not you, act like the young lady you are."

Then I turned my head away from Inuyasha and looked down at the coffee table, shaking my head, "My mind has been made up, I'm not going to stop it."

That's when Inuyasha stood and took a step towards me, sounding irritated, "That's it! I've had enough of this." He stood in front of me, looking straight at me as he yelled, "Rin, have your little pity party but on your own. I'm not going to join you in feeling sorry for yourself. No one is going to force you to do anything but just in case you change your mind, here." He pulled out a large white envelope from his coat pocket and placed it on the table before he turned to walk out of the living room.

My eyes widened and locked onto the envelope he'd placed on the table but then Kagome stood and I looked towards her, all she did was slightly shake her head before she stepped out of the living room. I looked away at Ayame and she looked to be a little frustrated as well. She stood and pointed her finger towards the envelope, "That's where we'll be if you change your mind."

I shook my head and looked straight at her, "I'm not going to be there either."

"Suit yourself," was all she said before she walked out of the living room, leaving me alone.

I sat back on the chair and crossed my arms as I huffed. I felt angry, mostly at why couldn't they just accept the fact that I'd let him go? Their constant pushing wasn't going to make me change my mind; absolutely nothing was going to anymore. I stayed behind as everyone most likely left to Sesshomaru's reception. Although as I sat in my room alone, I kept staring at the envelope Inuyasha had left behind debating whether I should go or not. I kept thinking if I was going to be able to stand seeing Sess with someone else but at about 6pm, I finally made my decision and stood to walk towards the restroom.

I took a shower and dressed up, wearing the dress he always loved just for old time's sake. Once I was done, I called for a cab and 10 minutes later; I was on my way over to the Midnight Gardens vineyard. It seemed as if they'd reserved the entire place just for this "special" event because security was asking to see the invitation otherwise you weren't allowed to go in. Now don't get me wrong, it was a very beautiful place. The gardens were amazing and the lakes looked spectacular especially under the moonlight. Once I was allowed into the vineyard, there was a short distance that had to be walked in order to reach the actual reception. By that time though, most of the guests were already there, I was the only walking towards the party. I kept walking through the gardens since they'd decided to have it outdoors under the stars. Honestly, I felt jealous, jealous at why it wasn't - MY - wedding with Sesshomaru not someone else's. I kept on walking, following the trail of lighted candles until a large lighted tent came into sight. My eyes widened at the sight of it, it was huge and thin enough to see everyone and everything that was inside. When I was about 40 feet away from the door, I stopped and stared, not able to find the strength to actually walk inside. I just didn't have the guts to; so instead, I turned and walked into a small forest that was almost surrounding the tent, hiding myself from everyone. I started making my way around the tent, looking in at everyone when suddenly, I saw him. There stood Sesshomaru talking to some people and his wife was standing next to him. Silent tears began to fall as I stopped and looked at him; all of them laughing at a comment someone made. I think he must've felt my stare and turned in my direction. I took a step back, making sure to hide myself in the trees so he wouldn't be able to see me standing there. Suddenly, he turned and walked away from the group, leaving his wife with the people he was talking to.

I sighed and lowered my head, relieved that he didn't see me. I kept starting at the ground for a few moments when I heard something snap near me and I looked to the side, calling out, "Who's there?"

No one answered and I kept hearing footsteps getting closer to me. When all of a sudden, I caught of glimpse of silver glow through the darkness and my breath got caught in my throat. My heart was beating so hard it could make a hole through my chest. Then a shadow appeared and said, "I thought you said you weren't coming."

Immediately, I recognized the voice and snapped out of my shock, "Inu… Inuyasha?"

Finally he came out of the shadows and I was able to see him clearly, nodding, "Yep, it's me. So, what happened?"

I looked back towards the tent and noticed that Sesshomaru had returned to where he was standing. I leaned back on a tree and kept looking at him, "I changed my mind." Then I glanced over at Inuyasha, "How did you know I was here?"

Inuyasha walked up and leaned on the tree right next to me. Then he turned to look inside as well, "I saw you lurking in the shadows. So are you going to step inside at least? I'm sure Sesshomaru will want to see you and who knows?" He nudged his head towards the tent, "Maybe he'll dump her to be with you and he should."

I shook my head and looked down, "No… I lost him the moment I left. I wanted a chance to live in peace and I got it, now it's his turn." Then I lifted my head up, "Plus… he looks happy. I don't want to ruin it."

He shook his head; "He's not. This isn't what he wanted."

My eyes widened and I looked towards Inuyasha, curious, "What do you mean 'it's not what he wanted?'"

He shook his head and looked at me, "This is an arranged marriage Rin. Sesshomaru being the oldest is required to marry someone chosen by my father. It's part of our family tradition."

I was shocked and didn't know what to say. I just looked back at Sess and wondered, slightly shaking my head, "Why didn't he ever tell me that? Why did he make plans to marry me when he was already betrothed?"

"Because Sesshomaru spoke to father and they came to an arrangement. If father approved of his chosen one then he'd allow Sess to marry who he wanted, if not, they'd stick to the tradition."

I slightly nodded, "Oh… so that explains why your dad was always so anxious to meet me."

He nodded, "Yeah, he wanted to get to know you. To see if you had all he wanted for Sesshomaru and to finally meet the girl who was able to steal my brother's once cold heart." I looked back at Inuyasha and his lips curled into a smile, "You changed him you know and my father immediately noticed it. Hell, everyone did and for that he was more than glad to let you marry Sess."

My eyes wanted to fill with tears but I held them back and looked down, nodding, "I know I did, he kept telling me all the time. What I didn't know was that I'd gained your father's permission to marry him."

"Well, you never gave him the chance."

I looked back up at him, shocked and curious, "What are you talking about?"

He nodded, "He was planning to tell you the last day you two went out but he decided to postpone it since he said that you weren't feeling well that evening. Then that's when you left and…"

I looked away from Inuyasha and finished the sentence for him, "… died in the accident." I looked back towards Sesshomaru; he was dancing with who I'm guessing was his stepmother. I kept trying to hold back the tears that were starting to fall, "But now he thinks I'm dead."

"Yeah, that's why he was forced to marry under the tradition." I lowered my head and closed my eyes, tears flowing freely down my cheeks but I remained silent. I started sobbing silently as Inuyasha placed a hand on my back, running it lightly towards my shoulder as he spoke with his voice as light as a whisper, "Hey don't cry. It's ok, you can still do something about it."

I slightly shook my head as I kept sobbing, my voice low, "No Inuyasha, I can't. It's too late now. It may be an arranged marriage but it's still legitimate. I don't want to be the reason why a marriage gets broken up even though it's a loveless relationship. I don't want something like that on my conscience."

Suddenly, Inuyasha reached out and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, bringing me in to rest my head on his shoulder. Then he turned towards me, "It's ok but you still need to let him know that you're all right."

I shook my head; "He'd be better off thinking that I'm dead."

He lowered his head and shook it, "That's not fair for him though. Something like that can't be kept a secret for long and he deserves to know the truth don't you think?" All I did was nod as I kept sobbing. Then he pulled back and looked at me, handing me his handkerchief, "If you want, I can tell him so you won't have to but I'm sure he'll want to see you to prove it."

I took it from him and started wiping some tears from my eyes, "I don't know but I need to leave, I don't think I can be here any longer."

"Don't worry, we'll think of something." Then he stood in front of me; "Do you want me to take you back home?"

I looked at him, "If you don't mind."

He shook his head, his lips curled into a smile, "Not at all. I just need to let Kagome know where I'm going. I'll be right back ok?"

I nodded, "All right, Thanks Inuyasha."

He just smiled before he turned and I saw him walk into the tent. I couldn't believe all he'd just confessed to me. Now I felt really bad and more at fault even though I already blamed myself in the first place but this made it even worse. A few moments later, he walked back out and drove me back to Ayame's house. He really wasn't a bad guy although he does give the impression like he is one. Inuyasha returned back to the party after dropping me off and I remained alone in the house, cursing myself for leaving and missing the one chance I would've had to live the life I always wanted, the one with Sesshomaru. But now it was too late and all I had left was to accept it, learn from the biggest mistake of my life and hope I could move on.


	17. Chapter 17

Hello everyone

Happy new year to all and I hope everyone had a good time. Well, since it's a new I thought it would be nice to start off with a little update he he

Well, I can never say it enough, sorry for the delayed updates. But now I have something new to blame, Kingdom Hearts both I and II LOL

Not much I could say about the chapter or I'll ruin it for you The aftermath and unexpected meetings, it's all I'm gonna say he he

Well, onto the story and PLEASE don't forget to leave me a review k? They just help to push me to update more often

Enjoy..

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

'' Thought expressions

"_Italic_" Whisper expressions

Honestly, I felt my world collapse the night when Sesshomaru got married. It was as if my life had lost all meaning and there was nothing left to fill the void present in my heart. My conscience whispered "_You did the right thing,_" and repeated it over and over again until it kicked in but at the moment, it was just very hard to believe. I had to let him go I had to release him like he'd done to me when I ended up living alone. At that moment, I knew how he felt when I left and it hurt more to think that I made him go through it. Yet it felt that I was always the one left alone. It had been that way almost to the point where it was just unfair. I ALWAYS had to give up my most precious treasures in order for others to survive. I began to think that I was just meant to be that way since I had to give up what's mine for others, even when it was the -one- thing that kept my world in one piece. But to be honest, I was left with no other choice but to move on and erase that part of my life I needed to leave it to float around in my head as a memory and nothing else, painfully hoping that someday it would fade away.

As for Sesshomaru, he never knew I'd been at his wedding. I don't think he was even aware that I was alive. That night as I cried myself to sleep, he was with his wife… making… doing things that I just couldn't bare to think about yet those thoughts were all I was able to. I managed to survive even though I became depressed but that was just the beginning; I was able to make it through the night yet I still had the rest of my life to go which scared me to death.

I don't think the newlyweds left on their honeymoon the next day. I remember Inuyasha saying something about Sesshomaru having some business issues he had to take care of before he was able to leave. That was when I made my final decision, I was going to stay but only until Sesshomaru returned from his honeymoon. Then I was going to return to New York and find a place of my own there. But if I was going to leave, I was going to need the things I'd left behind at the loft, IF they were still there. Although, I just couldn't go and claim my things myself, I didn't want Sesshomaru to see me yet, I just wasn't ready. Also, his wife was going to be there since they were living in the loft until they found a house. I couldn't believe he'd taken her to live at MY loft but I wasn't angry nor resentful towards him, just saddened at how easily SHE had taken my place even though it wasn't by choice. Luckily Kagome came up with an idea and borrowed Inuyasha's truck so we could load my things.

We started heading towards the loft from Ayame's house after she'd stopped by to pick me up. I sat back and looked out the window, like I'd always done as Kagome was driving. I shook my head and closed my eyes, "Kagome, this isn't going to work."

"Yes it will Rin, just trust me."

I turned towards her; "All right but what if she asks who I am?"

She shrugged her shoulders; "I don't know. We'll just make up something, that you're my friend or whatever."

I shook my head again and quirked an eyebrow, "She's not going to believe that, we look too much alike."

She smiled and chuckled, "Oh come on Rin, be optimistic for once. It might turn out better than you think." My eyes widened as a flashback came to me.

It was a flashback of the night when Sesshomaru had said the same thing to me, "_Come on Rin, be optimistic for once. It may work out better than you expect._"

My eyes were starting to fill with tears so I quickly turned away from Kagome, hoping she didn't notice. I hid my face from her by looking out the window and tried to inconspicuously wipe my eyes with my sleeve.

Worried, "Hey are you ok?"

I was able to quickly wipe my tears away and nodded, shifting to look out the window. Lightly, "Yeah, I'm ok."

"Good," was all she said before she turned her attention back to the road.

I remained silent for a while and tried to regain control of my emotions again. Once I was able to calm down, I took a deep breath. I kept my arm up and covered half of my face with my sleeve. I kept looking out and asked, serious, "What about if he's there?" She remained silent. When I didn't hear an answer from her, I turned towards her and shook my head; "I can't let him see me when SHE'S there."

She kept looking forward and sighed, "Well, if he's there then… I guess we'll just have to do it some other time when he's not."

I leaned back on the seat and sighed myself, "I just hope he isn't, I don't want anything to happen."

"I don't either but it'll be ok. You'll see." When I glanced at her, she was smiling. My lips curled up into a smile as we kept on heading towards the loft.

About 10 minutes later, we entered the forest that headed towards the buildings. When the apartments came into view, my eyes began to fill with tears again. I closed them and they slowly began to roll down my cheeks as Kagome parked. I guess she noticed it and placed her hand on my arm, squeezing it gently. I opened my eyes and turned towards her, finding her with a serious look on her face as she slightly nodded, "Control, Rin. You've got to have absolute control otherwise you won't be able to make it through this." I reached up and wiped my eyes with my sleeves again and remained silent as I responded with only a nod. She smiled and pulled her hand way. She reached and opened her door, "All right, now come on. Let's get this over with." She opened the door and turned to step out. I stepped out of the truck as well and walked over to where she stood. She nudged her head towards the building, "Let's go."

I began to follow her as I looked around; I didn't see Sesshomaru's car anywhere and silently thanked the heavens for it. Then I turned towards Kagome as we approached the entrance door to the building, "I don't see his car anywhere, I don't think he's home."

As she opened the door for me, "Good, then it makes it easier but we must hurry. We have to finish before he comes back."

I stepped in and walked towards the elevator, Kagome followed beside me as I pressed the up button. "I just hope we can, he may show up at any moment."

As the elevator door opened, Kagome chuckled, "I hope so cause with the amount of crap that you have, I don't know." She couldn't hold back and started to laugh.

As we stepped in, I playfully pushed her as I raised my eyebrow, "Liar, you have more useless crap than I do." Then I pushed the fourth floor button.

She chuckled, "HEY, it's not useless crap. Don't you know that the unnecessary are our major necessities?"

I just rolled my eyes as the elevator doors opened, "Whatever Kagome." We stepped out and finally made our way towards the door. When we stood in front of it, my hands suddenly became ICE COLD for my blood drained to my feet. Kagome knocked as I stood behind her, my nerves building up with every second as we waited for an answer. A few seconds later, someone finally answered and I moved to hide behind Kagome. A young woman answered the door. She looked to be about Kagome's age but somehow her features made her look older yet she was still very attractive. Her black hair was picked up in a lazy bun held together by a clip, it looked to be pretty long as well. Some strands hung from the sides to accent her face; she had very strong features and didn't seem to be a very friendly person either. Her dark eyes looked at us questioningly but somehow her gaze stopped at me.

Kagome smiled, "Good Afternoon, Kagura. Am I interrupting you?"

My eyes widened and silently gasped, 'Oh my God, this is Sesshomaru's wife.'

She looked at Kagome, her tone of voice sounding conceded, "Good Afternoon, Kagome, is it?"

I could tell Kagome didn't like her tone of voice but made the effort of holding back from slapping her and acted friendly. She nodded, "Yes. I just hope I'm not interrupting anything important you might be doing but I need to ask you for a big favor."

She shook her head slightly, "Nothing important. What is it?"

"I came by to pick up my sister's things, I'm going to need them."

Her eyes slightly widened and slightly shook her head again, "I don't know. Sesshomaru keeps them locked inside one of the rooms." She turned to look inside, "Actually, he never lets anyone go inside that room." She turned back towards Kagome and I, "You might want to talk to him first, I don't want him to have a fit about it."

I couldn't believe what I heard; he kept my room off limits. I couldn't understand why he just didn't get rid of them. By the look on Kagura's face though, it looked like she was glad to get rid of the stuff, I'm sure they were in her way.

Kagome kept insisting, "Come on, Kagura. Look, if he has any questions tell him to call me. I'm sure he won't mind me picking up the things, plus they did belong to MY sister so I have full right to take them with me."

She remained quiet for a second and nodded, "Very well but are you going to carry them all by yourself?" Then she turned her gaze towards me.

Kagome shook her head and quickly pointed towards me, "Oh no. That's why I brought my friend to help me. We'll be right back, we just need to get some boxes from the car ok?"

She nodded, "All right."

Kagome turned towards me and grabbed hold of my arm as she began to walk towards the elevator, lightly, "Come on."

I followed her and when we stepped out of the building, I looked towards her, "Wow, that woman's presence -alone- gives off bad vibes."

Kagome snickered, "Yeah and that's cause you haven't seen her angry yet. Now THAT can get ugly."

I looked towards the building as we approached the truck, 'I can't believe Sess was forced to marry such a bitch. I just hope she treats him well or she'll have to take it up with me…'

That's when Kagome interrupted my thoughts by poking me with one of the empty boxes. "Here, take this. Come on, stop daydreaming we don't have much time," as she handed me more boxes. Once we had all of them, we went back to the loft. When we entered it, I froze. Everything looked so different; nothing was how I had it before. The place looked horrible with tacky and tasteless decorations. I'm sure it was all HER doing. When we reached my bedroom, we encountered a problem. It seemed like Sesshomaru was the only one that had access to the key for the room, so Kagome pulled out something from her pocket and picked the lock.

My eyes widened as she stood and smiled, 'I'm going to have to ask her where she learned that from later.' Once the door was open, we went in and started to pack EVERYTHING. It took us about 45 minutes to get everything up and loaded onto the truck and luckily, Sesshomaru hadn't showed up by then. Although, Kagura kept walking in as we were trying to pack, nosing and poking around the stuff. Luckily, we'd gotten rid of the pictures first otherwise she would've discovered our secret. Once everything was done, the room looked empty as if no one ever lived there before. Before we left, I took one last look at it, just reminisced before we finally left. As for my things, they were kept in Ayame's storage area until I was ready to use them. Although that night, I cried myself to sleep again. I kept thinking back to the time when Sess and I lived in the loft together. I know I shouldn't have felt that way but I hated Kagura, despised her for taking away my one and only.

Sesshomaru arrived about 10 minutes after we left because he called Kagome, enraged. Apparently, he thought that Kagura had gotten rid of the things. I assumed it wasn't the first time she'd mentioned about getting rid of them. But once Kagome assured him that she'd was the one that took them and picked the lock, he calmed down. I mean he really had no other choice, she was right. She did have full right to my things, IF I were dead which he still thought I was. Ever since that moment though, I started to get a strange feeling that somehow his marriage was going to start to turn on end especially once he knew that I was alive.

It seemed that Sesshomaru finally had his things in order and was going to leave on his honeymoon in two days. The day before he was leaving though, he came over to Ayame's house around the afternoon. As for me, I was forced to hide because he'd brought Kagura with him. I couldn't let him see me with her there, I'm sure she would recognize me and would spoil all of my plans. Even though it wasn't right, I wanted to feel him in my arms again even if it was for the last time. So I'm guessing Inuyasha and Ayame planned something and asked him to come back later that day but on his own. I'm not sure what excuse they used but it seemed that it had to be a clever one because SHE wouldn't let him go anywhere alone. Although I was never aware of their plan, I spent the entire day locked in my room, not coming out for anything until that evening…

I was sitting on my chair as I looked out from the inside of the room, as the sun set over the horizon. It had already disappeared and the stars were starting to appear on the dark portion of the sky, silent tears rolled down my cheeks as I faded away into my own world. But as I was "zoning", someone knocked at the door and startled me.

I turned and wiped my cheek, regaining my composure again as I called out, "Who is it?"

Suddenly, the door opened and the maid stepped inside, "Sorry to bother you Miss Rin but Madam wants to speak to you. She said to wait for her in the study and she'll meet you there."

I curled my lips up to a smile and nodded, "All right, thank you."

She slightly bowed and closed the door behind her. As for me, I turned to look out again and noticed that the moon had come into sight, seeing it nearly full. It was shining brightly against the dark sky as I finally stood and headed towards the door. I walked out and started making my way to the study, trying to calm myself and not have any signs that I was crying. I didn't want Ayame to see me cry anymore, it only made me feel worse. When I arrived to it, I heard her voice come from the inside and for some reason, I forgot to knock. I guess I just assumed that she was talking to the maid. So I reached out and opened the door, stepping in as I said, "You wanted to… see…" I couldn't even finish my sentence because my eyes widened and jaw dropped as my blood drained to my feet. I started to feel dizzy at the sight in front of me and stood perfectly still, my body going in absolute shock.

He quickly stood and turned towards me. There he stood in front of me again, his eyes almost as wide as mine and I could tell that he was in an intense shock as well. Our eyes locked and now that he was close, I was able to take his features in more clearly; he was a lot leaner and his face showed signs of fatigue, which tore at my heart. Also his eyes looked different, very different. They had lost their glow, their beautiful luster was gone but his gaze remained deep yet empty at the same time. His mouth opened as if he was trying to say something but nothing came out, he was speechless. I noticed him looking at me, taking my image in and processing it carefully, not believing that what was in front of him was true. Finally after many attempts he managed to say something, "R… Rin?"

Oh how I'd missed the sound of his voice. I missed it so much that it made my body shiver at the mere sound of it. I closed my mouth and tried to swallow, my throat had suddenly become dry and it made it difficult to. I kept looking at him, my emotions wrecking havoc throughout my body as I was able to force out a whisper, "_Sess…_" because it had become hard to talk. But I felt myself beginning to lose control; I didn't want to cry, yet I had tears running down my cheeks. He remained silent and took a step closer, our eyes still locked and that's when I noticed that his eyes were sparkling. I looked closer and realized that their sparkle was because they'd filled with tears. By then, I just couldn't hold it anymore; I slightly lowered my head and closed my eyes as light sobs started to escape.

I felt my body weaken for it lost all of its strength that moment and my legs were not able to hold me up anymore. I swear I thought I was going to fall to the floor. Honestly, I had so many feelings; so many emotions running through me that it was overwhelming my body and I felt like I was going to pass out. Just when my knees were starting to give out, he came up to me and wrapped his arms around, pulling me close to him. When I felt him near me, I couldn't hold back anymore and hid in the crook of his shoulder as I started sobbing uncontrollably. I wrapped my arms around his neck and clutched tightly onto his shirt as he turned to speak into my ear, his voice breaking, "Rin… my darling Rin… I can't believe you're alive. I…"

My body started to tremble and he tightened his grip, trying to steady me. I couldn't even speak for the sobs just wouldn't let me. I shook my head, lightly, "I'm sorry… I didn't tell you… I couldn't…" before I was choked by another sob.

He rested his chin on my shoulder and I felt him burying his face in my hair, as he started to cry. Lightly sobbing, "Why Rin? I promised to protect you didn't I? I would've given anything for you. Why did you have to leave?"

I nodded as I tightly shut my eyes, still sobbing, "I know, I know but… I couldn't stay. You already know why but please…" I whispered, "_Please don't be angry with me,_" as another sob interrupted me. I kept tightly clutching onto him; I just didn't want to let him go. He felt like heaven in my arms and I would've given everything to stay there. At that moment, nothing mattered to me, absolutely nothing. Just the fact that he was near me, that I was able to feel his warmth and have his soothing scent around me once again. Honestly, I regretted ever leaving him in the first place. I just couldn't understand why, he was everything I wanted he had everything I needed. He was the perfect one and I pushed him away, I had to give him up but it was for that same reason that I had to let him go. I couldn't keep him; I couldn't let his kind heart get hurt again even though I had broken it. As I said before, I didn't want to be the reason why the world would lose someone as perfect as him. Yes he meant the world to me, he was my sanity and my strength but I'd rather go insane than have him killed to preserve it. I was just not worthy of receiving that much from him, I was never worthy of him to begin with but fate brought him to me. Fate gave him back and in a twisted way reminded me of my unworthiness of him by nearly taking him away from me again. I couldn't let that happen and the only way it wouldn't, would be for me to walk away.

He shook his head, still sobbing, "No Rin, I could never be angry at you. I'm just angry at why things had to happen this way." I wasn't able to speak anymore, the sobs kept choking me to the point where I just couldn't say anything. I could tell he felt the same way because I felt his tears fall onto my shoulder. As for Ayame, the moment Sess wrapped his arms around me, she sneaked out of the study and left us alone. We kept tightly clinging to each other, crying our hearts out to one another until we just couldn't anymore. Once we were able to calm down again, we moved back to look at each other, seeing pain reflected in each other's eyes. It hurt me to see into his, knowing that I was the one that had put the pain there.

We pulled each other in again and tightened our arms around one another. We remained silent just holding onto each other, not able to let go of one another anymore. I felt him tighten his arms, then he turned to speak into my ear and broke the silence, "I'm so glad you're alive Rin… you don't know just how much I've missed you… It's been hell not having you with me, not knowing what happened to you. My life meaning nothing because you weren't here with me… How I've wished, wanted to get to hold you again and never let go."

I closed my eyes; "I missed you so much Sess. I was never able to stop thinking about you. You were always on my mind, that's why I decided to come back."

I felt his arms loosen their grip and he slightly pulled away from me, confused, "Come back, what do you mean? So… you weren't in the accident?" I looked into his eyes and just shook my head, then turned to look away from him. He reached up and held onto my chin, quickly turning my head to meet his gaze. I could feel him tense up and his eyes had changed to clearly show that he was beginning to get angry. He looked into my eyes, "Then what happened to you Rin? Why did you disappear and not tell us you were alive?"

As I looked into his eyes again, I felt even worse. No one deserved to be lied to especially in the way I did. "I…" I pulled my chin away from his hand and turned around to face the window, "I was never on that plane, Sess. I went somewhere else. Although, I WAS supposed to be on it but… I missed it because…" I closed my eyes and images of that day flashed, thinking back to the moment that saved my life.

I felt him walk up and stood behind me, "You missed it because…"

I continued to look out the window, hating myself for having lied to him for so long. I lowered my head and sighed, "I missed it because I was having seconds thoughts about leaving you. I couldn't make myself get on that plane Sess. Especially since I knew that it meant that I was going to leave you forever… and that precise moment saved me from ever getting on it. When I finally convinced myself to leave, the flight had already left. I guess no matter how, you always manage to save me."

He remained silent for a second and I was able to feel that he held back from going off on me. I heard him sigh in frustration and turned to walk away from me. I turned around and saw him pacing around, running his hands through his hair as he tried to calm himself down. I knew he was furious at me and he had every right to be. But the thought of it just broke my heart and it made my eyes fill up with tears again until they started to roll down my cheeks. He stopped his pacing and looked at me, his eyes burning into me. He'd never looked at me that way before and I just couldn't bear to look at him anymore. I looked away from him, "Then where did you go, how was it that your name was on the passengers' list of that plane? I checked -every- airline that left around the same time and you only showed up on that one."

I kept staring at the desk as I answered, "I left to New York and stayed with a friend of mine. She has a house over in the countryside, that's where I was the entire time I was gone. As for the list, I had already checked in that's why it showed up but I never got the chance to check out. I was never on the plane to begin with. So I decided to take another flight but I decided to use a different name. I took the flight under Hitomi Matsumoto."

Shocked, "What? How could it…? I remember seeing that name in the list but… how, why?"

I looked back at him; "I had a fake ID with me that a friend from high school had given me. It has my picture on it but it's under the other name. That's how I was able to buy the ticket under Hitomi." I lowered my head again as tears continued to roll down my cheeks, "As to why, I did it was because I wanted to make sure no one would find me. I've always been a burden to everyone Sess. My entire life has always been like that and I was tired of it. I wanted to be away from everyone in hopes that they will be happy because I would no longer be around."

That's when I heard him nearly growl and walked up to me, reaching out to grab onto my arms. He tightened his grip as I lifted my head to look at him, his eyes full of rage. His once amber eyes looked almost a shade of red and his grip on my arms was starting to sting but nonetheless, I didn't flinch but it only made more tears start to fall. I full out deserved any anger he shot towards me and I was willing to take it no matter in what way he did it. Angry, "You wanted everyone to be happy? You thought that pretending to be dead would make everything go back to how it used to? Well, it DIDN'T Rin. No one was happy. How do you think Ayame felt when she heard the news? She was torn apart, what about everyone else? I WASN'T happy. You think I would want you dead Rin! Everyone mourned for you, they cried for you..." I closed my eyes, I just couldn't bear to look him anymore. My soul was breaking apart at his anger, yet I deserved it. All of a sudden, he violently shook me, calling out, "Damn it, look at me Rin. At least have the guts to face me when I'm talking to you."

I couldn't hold back the tears anymore as more kept rolling down my cheeks at his words, at his rage towards me and I tried to scream but I couldn't. My voice was breaking again and it came out as a cry, "I'm sorry… I can't. I hate seeing you angry like this with me and I can't stand it. But… I deserve all of it. I'm nothing but a coward, I admit it and because of it, I'm not worthy of you, of any of you. I only hurt everyone, that's all I've ever done Sess. My life is worth nothing and sometimes I wish that I was in the car accident with my parents. That way, I wouldn't have hurt as many people as I already did…" I opened my eyes and looked up at him, seeing his eyes still filled with rage, "Do what you want to me, I don't care what it is. Curse me, call me whatever, hit me, I don't care, take out your anger at me just please… don't be angry anymore. I don't like it when you are."

He continued to look at me and shook his head, his tone hard and icy, "You know I would never hit a woman much less you." That's when his tone fired up again, "And damn it Rin, what makes you think that you're unworthy? NOTHING, absolutely -nothing- makes you unworthy. Is the negative the only thing you can think about? Haven't you ever thought that perhaps the reason why you WEREN'T in the accident is because of the good you've done to others? You're not a fucking curse Rin even if you consider yourself to be one. A curse doesn't change lives, it ruins them and you've never done that to anyone. Stop calling yourself that because you're not a damn curse. You're a human being, a person of flesh and blood." He sighed and lowered his head, as he lowered his tone of voice, "You know I hate when you think that about yourself and I just can't tell you enough times that you're not a curse but a gift to us all. But you run from it, you run from the truth. That was what hurt most of all, thinking that you left this world with that state of mind. It hurt to think that you would jeopardize your own chance for eternity. Yet if it was up to me, I wanted you here with me. I honestly thought I'd lost you forever. How do you think I felt? Thinking that the one thing that ever meant anything in my life was gone."

By then he'd loosened the grip on my arms and it hurt more that when he was clutching onto it. I disregarded the pain and lowered my head; "I'm sorry Sess. I just couldn't come back and put everyone in danger. I'm very sorry and I understand if you or everyone hates me. I deserve everything that comes to me because I lied to you, to everyone."

"No, Rin. I could never hate you. No one hates you, everyone worries about your well being, that's all."

I closed my eyes as more tears kept falling. He was right, no one did and I couldn't understand why they didn't hate me or feel some resentment towards me. Even though I had a legitimate reason, I was sure the feeling was still there. But no, no one demonstrated it towards me and it hurt to think that I had caused all these people, my family, pain.

He sighed, "If only I would've…"

That's when I realized that the time had come, it was time for me to let him go for good. Although, I just couldn't do it but my mind kept telling me; "_It is time. You have to let him go."_

"_NO! I can't._"

"_You have to, it's too late now. Let him go…"_

It hurt to admit it but it was right, I had to let him go. So I shook my head, "You wouldn't have been able to do anything, Sess. These things happen for a reason."

His eyes widened and looked at me, "What reason would there be to tear us apart? Mainly, WHY?"

I didn't know how to answer or what else to say to him. I really didn't know the answer to it myself but I had to make it convincing. I had to make him see that it really was the only way but how was I going to convince him of doing something when I, myself didn't believe it either. It just made the entire situation much worse. As I was looking at him, I noticed that his eyes had filled with more pain. Yet he always stood by me, even when he nearly lost his life for me, he never left my side. He would always refuse to leave the many times I kicked him out. He would always wait patiently outside in the hall, sitting on the floor until I would finally open the door and let him back in. I just didn't want him to be there with me anymore, not because I didn't love him, that just could never be, but because I didn't want him to be hurt again. Although, my kicking him out caused more pain than the wound in his arm had caused. Yet no matter what, he was always there to help me stand every time I would fall. He truly didn't deserve it; he didn't deserve to go through the torture that he went through with me. The hell he had to go through to take me out of the one I was in. He deserved much more, a life without pain, a life that wasn't surrounded by death, a life with nothing but happiness because that was all he brought me, pure heavenly happiness. Yet, fate beamed me as unworthy to keep him. I was not worth to have all the happiness that came with having him; I was not worth to live a normal life. I just never deserved to live the life I always wanted, the life where I could just be happy next to Sesshomaru.

I kept looking at him and slightly shook my head, lightly, "Maybe it just wasn't meant to be," as I tried to hold back a sob.

His eyes widened and he pulled me in for another embrace, he shook his head, "Don't be ridiculous Rin. My love for you is never ending, you know that."

I rested my chin on his shoulder, "So is mine but it's too late now, much too late."

"What do you mean?"

I pulled back slightly to face him again and reached behind to grab hold of his left hand, bringing it in front of me. I never released his hand as I looked up at him, signaling to him to look at it by lifting it a little, "You're married remember?"

He looked down at his hand, at his gold wedding band and I could tell that it was when reality finally hit him, he was already married. Then he looked back up at me, curious, "Wait a minute, how did you know I was married?"

I kept looking into his eyes, "Inuyasha told me. I found about it the night before you got married, which was when I came back."

His eyes widened, "WHAT?" They flashed red again and he released me. He snapped, angry, "Why didn't you tell me then that you were back? Why did you wait until now? If I should've known I would've never married Kagura. I never wanted to marry her, I love you and you are the one I want to marry. I don't give a shit about her; I would've canceled the wedding that instant."

I shook my head and looked into his eyes, "I couldn't stop you, Sess. I lost you the moment I left and I thought it was what you wanted. I found out about the arranged marriage the night of your party, when I was outside looking in."

Shocked, "You were at the wedding?"

I nodded, "I didn't plan on going but towards the end, I ended showing up there. But I couldn't go inside; I didn't have enough strength to see you with someone else. So I stayed outside, hiding in the trees and looking at you enjoy your reception as I silently cried because it wasn't me."

He ran a hand through his hair again as he hissed, "Rin, you are such an -idiot-. I can't believe you kept this a secret."

I lowered my head, "I know but it was already too late, I couldn't do anything. Either way Sess, it's still too late. There's nothing that can be done."

He suddenly walked up to me and grabbed onto my arms with a tight grip again. I looked at him as he yelled, "Why do you always do this Rin? Why do you give up so much for others, why? Why can't you ever just give yourself something you want something YOUR heart wants? You can't keep doing this Rin, you just can't…"

I lowered my head as a tiny sob escaped me, "I'm sorry… I know… I can't…"

Angrily, "Stop denying yourself of your life Rin. You as much as everyone else deserve to live it. You can't keep pushing yourself away from it; it'll only make it worse." He lowered his head and sighed as he shook his head, "How long do you plan to live like this Rin? You're hurting yourself, killing your beautiful spirit because you don't realize how special you truly are. Why do you think my father approved of you? Because you're one of a kind, you're selfless to the point where it is just unfair for you and you'd do anything to help others. That's the reason why I fell in love with you, you stayed caring despite everything that happened to you. That is why I wanted to help you, to give you the life you deserve because you deserved that and more but now..."

He suddenly stopped and I felt his gaze upon me. He loosened his grip on my arms and I lifted my head to look at him. His eyes had softened, I guess that's when he'd realized that it really was too late, even if it wasn't what either of us wanted. In a way, he'd broken his promises to me, one where he swore that we would be together forever. The other where he was going to marry me and we were going to move on to raise the family we always dreamed of. Although, I didn't blame him, it wasn't his fault that he did. It was just circumstances that made them impossible to keep. I looked into his eyes; "You see what I mean now? Our love may still exist but it can never be, not anymore. Even though it's arranged, it's still real. Please try to understand that I don't want to be labeled as a home breaker because I'm not."

He lowered his head again and sighed as he hissed, "_Damn it all to hell._" He knew I was telling the truth but I could tell that he was ready to throw everything to the wind but just couldn't. He wasn't a man of breaking any commitments he was involved in especially not when his family was involved.

I lifted my hand and cupped his cheek, lifting his head up to look at me as I caressed the side of his face, "Say goodbye to me now Sess because I won't be here when you come back."

He looked at me as he nudged his cheek into my palm. Then he lifted his hand to cover mine, "Why do you have to leave again? Can't you just stay with your family? They need you here."

I shook my head, sadly, "No, because all of it won't be here with me. I'll always be missing the biggest fragment of my heart. You, Sess and I won't be able to handle seeing you with… your wife."

He closed his eyes and winced as in pain when I said that. I know it hurt but it was the truth. He looked back at me, "Where will you go?"

"Away from here… to live my life without you and start over."

He lifted his hand to the back of my head and pressed his forehead against mine. I closed my eyes as I felt his warm breath tickle my face. Then he whispered, "_I'm very sorry about this Rin. You know if I could take it all back now I would._"

I nudged my head and looked up at him. Although I was just about to say something when he suddenly lowered his head and pulled me, leaning in to cover my lips with his. I was absolutely taken by surprise, so much that I stood still with my arms at my sides and my eyes widened as he wrapped his arms around me again. I guess when he didn't feel me respond to him, he slightly backed away only to lean in again and deepen the kiss as I continued to stand still. The instant I felt his lips again, my eyes started filling up with tears but I tried holding them back as much as I could. When I closed my eyes, I felt them start to trickle down my cheeks, my hands tightly clutched at my sides until I felt my fingernails dig into my palms and they started to slightly shake. My body started to slightly tremble and I felt him tighten his embrace. He held me like he'd done so many times in the past, where I felt like nothing could ever go wrong. But that time, the embrace was wrong in itself. Yet my body and soul yearned for it, needed to feel it even if it was for one last time. So I slowly lifted my arms, reaching up to him but my mind yelled,

'_NO! DON'T DO IT. DON'T GIVE IN. THIS CAN'T HAPPEN!'_

Yet my heart cried at the same time, '_YOU LOVE HIM, YOU'VE ALWAYS HAVE AND HE LOVES YOU TOO. DON'T LET HIM GO!'_

I always loved him but I was never one to follow my heart; instinct and reason were what overpowered me, putting me where I was before. That time though, I just didn't care what reason had to say. All I knew was that I needed him near me and there was no reason that could've made me change my mind. So I reached up and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him in as I gave myself into his kiss. I used the kiss to tell him how much I loved and needed him because words weren't going to be enough, showing him was the only way I had.

He tightened his arms around me as I felt tears trickling down my cheeks. At that point, I wasn't able to tell if they were his or mine. I reached up and wrapped my hand around his neck and pulled him in. Many emotions flowed through me as I thought back to when he'd found me after I disappeared the first time. I thought back to the kiss that allowed him to feel everything I'd gone through and that kiss felt exactly the same. But that time, it was both of us; our souls exchanged our feelings to each other. My emotions of when he'd been shot flowed through him, making him start to tremble. His feelings of when he found out that I left drifted through me, making more tears start to fall. His turmoil of when he found out that I had died in the accident ran through me, making me tremble and my turmoil of finding out that he was getting married flowed through him and made his tears start to fall again.

We both had our good share of emotions but none were as strong as the last, the ones when we both finally realized that we'd lost each other. To be honest, I just couldn't hold on anymore, it was becoming too much for me and I had to break away. I pulled back and wrapped my arms around him, resting my chin on his shoulder. I shook my head, "I'm sorry, I can't… take anymore."

He leaned in and rested his chin on my shoulder, whispering, "_It's ok my angel. You know I'll do anything to keep you happy._"

I closed my eyes and just couldn't take anymore of the torture; it wasn't making me happy. I couldn't even endure the kiss; I couldn't ease his pain like he'd done to me so many times. I couldn't do anything for him and it tore at my heart. I hated the fact that I needed him so much and wasn't able to give him enough in return. So I had to leave, I had to get out of there otherwise I was not going to be able to let him go. So I loosened my arms around him and pulled back to face him again. I looked up at him and saw a lone tear roll down his cheek. I lifted my hand up to his cheek and wiped it away with my thumb as I looked into his eyes, lightly, "Be happy Sess, live the life you always dreamed of. Have the family you always wanted even though it won't be me giving it to you." I shook my head, "Don't worry about me, I will make it through this even if it won't be with you. My life will never be the same without you but I'll survive thanks to you." I felt him loosen his arms around me and slid his hands down to my waist. His face filled up with despair as he realized that it was time for us to part. He remained silent, his eyes begging me not to go but I couldn't grant him that wish, it was just impossible. I lifted my other hand and held his face in my hands, pulling him and pressing our foreheads together as I whispered, "_Please…_" He closed his eyes and that's when I lowered his head down to place a kiss on his forehead, whispering, "_Goodbye, Sesshomaru._" Before I slipped out his grasp and walked away from him, not giving him a chance to speak. I didn't turn to look at him and kept biting my lower lip so I wouldn't start to cry again.

My heart shattered into pieces that moment, having to step away from the one thing that ever gave my life any meaning. I felt my soul split in two when I left my other half behind inside the study. But I'd gotten what I wanted, although, it really wasn't what I wanted anymore, for Sesshomaru to finally be happy with someone else.

When I stepped out of the study, Ayame was sitting on a chair that was nearby, waiting to find out what happened. Once she noticed I'd walked out, she stood and I heard her take a step towards me, worried, "What happened?"

I never even looked at her just stopped and stood still, looking straight ahead. I remained silent for a couple of seconds before I was finally able to answer her, "It's done." But by the end, I just couldn't hold on any longer and I felt sobs threatening to escape again. I never even gave her a chance to respond when I started running towards my room, sobbing uncontrollably. I quickly ran up the stairs, the sobs nearly choking me as I finally entered my room and slammed the door shut behind me. Leaning onto it, I started slowly sliding down until I sat on the floor. I pulled my knees up to my chest and clutched tightly onto them as I cried violently into my arms.

I didn't get any sleep that night either; I spent most of the night trying to cry my pain away but it was of no use. The wound was much too deep and it hurt to think about it but yet I couldn't stop, for there was nothing else on my mind. The look in his eyes tore at my heart and made me cry even harder. Eventually, my body just gave up on me and I ended up passing out on the floor because of my violent sobbing. The world became nothing but black until I was able to regain consciousness again.


	18. Chapter 18

It's been sooo long! Sorry I just lost inspiration for a while and wasn't able to write but I'm back again Not much more to say...

Although, here's the new chapter. We meet a new character I won't say how or who or I'll spoil it As for Rin, don't worry. She'll be maturing pretty soon, somtimes we need scary awakenings to realize that we've never really matured. Well I'll stop babbling and on to the story...

Enjoy...

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

'' Thought expressions

"_Italic_" Whisper expressions

As I cried, all I was able to see was the look on Sesshomaru's face before I walked away from him, leaving him forever. I kept picturing his cheerful face filled with sorrow which fueled my painful crying to more violent, choking sobs, but what made it worse was knowing that regret filled his heart. All I could remember is seeing his beautiful face appear in front of me and I reached out to it before everything went dark. My mind floated away to a world where I was away from everything and everyone and I felt myself bask in the feeling of tranquility. At that moment, I truly felt at peace. Although, it was sad to think that being at the brink of death was the only way to enjoy it and not in life. Yet what saddened me the most was the fact that I had to pay penance for something that I didn't know. I didn't want to suffer anymore, my spirit, as strong as it may seem was beginning to break and who knows what would happen if that day ever arrived. Honestly, I hoped and prayed that it would never come and that I would be able to continue my life without him.

About an hour after I passed out, Ayame came in to check on me and found me lying on the floor motionless. I guess Sesshomaru had left by then. She freaked and quickly took me to the hospital. I was taken in and the doctors began to run tests on me. Luckily, nothing serious happened, I had completely exhausted my body. It couldn't handle the stress anymore but even as I laid there in a deep sleep, Ayame said that tears never stopped rolling down my cheeks during my sleep. I slept for an entire day until everything started coming back to me and the darkness slowly began to fade away. When I finally woke up, everyone was there except for Sesshomaru. They began to tell me what happened, how they were worried and I thanked the heavens when they said that Sesshomaru didn't know I was in the hospital. I didn't want to become a burden to him any longer; he had his own life to worry about. I wasn't allowed to leave the hospital that day because the doctor wanted to run more tests on me, just to make sure I was ok. Also I needed more rest so my body would regain its strength again. So after 2 days, I was finally released and went back to Ayame's house.

As for Sesshomaru, he left on his honeymoon the next day but I could imagine the vacation he was going to have. Ayame told me that she'd found him completely heartbroken when she entered the study after I'd left. She said that he quickly stood from where he was sitting and faced the door, thinking that I might've come back. Yet she saw the heartbreak clear in his eyes when he realized that it wasn't me. That's when he told her what happened and started to cry. He cried in Ayame's arms, something he never did in front of anyone, not even me. That was the first day I ever saw him cry, all the other times, he was always trying to console me but never cried. That's why it took Ayame so long to find me because she was busy consoling him. Eventually he calmed and left to live his now unhappy life because he couldn't be with me. According to Ayame, that wasn't the first time she'd seen him cry. After my "death", he began to -really-trust her and started to show his real emotions to her. The day when they'd heard the news of the accident and when they were sure I'd been a part of it, she said that he was inconsolable. He spoke to no one and spent the entire time cursing Koga for ever existing and cursing God for taking me away from him. When the shock passed, he calmed but went through a dramatic change in a very short time. His personality changed completely; he started keeping to himself a lot, he wasn't as expressive as he used to and indulged himself in as much work as possible, trying to stay away from the real world. Nothing mattered to him anymore and that's why he agreed to go on with his family's tradition by agreeing to marry Kagura at his father decision. At first he hated Kagura, despised her but as time passed and plans were being made, he got used to her but didn't love her. He never could, his heart belonged to me no matter where I was and he would give it to no one until the day we would eventually meet again.

As Ayame was telling me, I felt like I was going to cry but I just couldn't anymore. My body wouldn't allow me to; I had no more tears left. Yet every night as I slept, they silently rolled down my cheeks as I dreamed of what I couldn't have. As days passed, it started to calm and my body and soul began to heal up again. I started to try and live my life again by going out with Kagome and Sango, chatting with Ayame or hanging around with the gang. My heart slowly healed from the deep wound it had. It was funny though, at first the couples would try to avoid doing couple things in front of me, I guess they were afraid that I would go into another crying outbreak. I slowly started getting used to it and asked them not to change how they acted because of me. I mean yes it did hurt but I just had to get over it and very slowly started to although it was very hard.

Sesshomaru was scheduled to return in about a month and that's when I was going to leave. I don't think I could've handled seeing him again any time soon, my strength was far from being recovered. About a week before he was going to come back, I called Yuka and told her everything that happened. She obviously felt sorry for me but I just didn't want anyone's pity anymore. I asked her to look around and find me a place to live over there, even though she offered to keep me with her at her house. I didn't want to become a burden to her so I refused. After many attempts, I finally convinced her and she found me a really nice apartment near downtown New York. Once everything was set up for my new place, I had all my things shipped to the new apartment and a day before Sesshomaru was going to arrive, I decided to leave. Everyone tried to convince me to stay but I just couldn't, I wasn't ready yet. I needed time, time to heal and staying there was not going to help. But to ease their worries or at least trying to, I left them with ALL of my information; my new address, cell phone number, house number and even Yuka's house number just in case they wanted to get in contact with me, they could.

So I left California and went to live to New York. Living in the city was amazing but not as much as living out in the countryside where I did before. Yuka and I still remained close, either I would visit her or she would visit me. We would hang out together and go out to places, just trying to have fun and keep myself busy. I would constantly keep in contact with everyone, especially with Ayame and Kagome. It was funny though, I always had to call Kagome at exactly the time we'd arranged otherwise she would have a fit. She would start yelling at me on the phone, scolding me for not calling her on time. I, on the other hand, would just laugh on the other side of the phone but I understood her for being worried. I was EXTREMELY far away from her and she wanted to avoid what happened the first time to happen again. She always wanted me to keep her up to date on what I would do, which was hardly anything. I really wouldn't do much anyway, just the few times I would go out with Yuka but it never was anything special. I would just sit in my loft, looking over the view of the city from the window, read or stargaze. I was never able to stop, there was always that little spark of hope in my heart that wished he was looking up at the sky at the same time I was, making him feel closer than ever. I had those feelings often and those slight moments were the ones that helped me to keep going, showing that he never forgot about me.

I remained that way for about 3 months, alone and mostly locked in my place but then I just began to get tired. I started getting bored more often and didn't want to just be at home anymore so I decided to find myself a job to distract me. I figured it was about time that I put my master's degree to good use, so I went job hunting near by and actually found a job pretty quickly. I think it was because of my father's legacy in the world of business but I could've been wrong. It was funny to think that I got a job in the building that I would always admire from my place, the view of the city from where I lived was just breathtaking. Obviously, I was very well known there because of my involvement with Sesshomaru too but I don't think that was the reason I got hired, at least back then. I didn't get a grand position and didn't want one either so I became the assistant to the trade department's manager at Kagewaki Industries. I met a lot of new people there and made some new friends as well. Jakotsu, Bankotsu, Shippo and I became really close. They worked in the same floor as I did and they were just hilarious.

Jakotsu and Bankotsu were very sweet and VERY good-looking. They'd been working there for about two years and helped a lot when it came to getting to know the place. They were in charge of answering the phones of our department well they were the operators. Although, the day I found out that they were a couple, I seriously could not believe that they were gay. What a loss to us women but I guess they were too good to be true to begin with. Even though, they were very nice and I was happy that they were together. Jakotsu on the other hand, he pissed me off many times, flirting with whatever had a dick between its legs and stepped in front of him. Poor Bankotsu, I would feel so sorry for him because Jak would even do it in front of him. I don't know how Ban did it but I guess he learned to deal with it and his love for Jak kept him at his side. Jakotsu was also very talkative; he would hardly ever shut up. Yet, it was funny hearing him ramble sometimes. Bankotsu was completely the opposite though, he was fairly quiet but it was very easy to start a conversation with him. I guess that's why they were so good together because they complemented each other.

Shippo was about my age and a very intelligent guy. He was also very sweet, shy, funny and loved to please others, oh and he is a very cute redhead too. He always blushed when I told him that. He had been working there for about a year; he had to make sure all the paperwork was ready for Naraku to look at it. Shippo was a VERY hard worker and very dedicated to his job as well. He always dreamed of owning his own business but lacked the financial backing to open one. He had some really good ideas too but working for Naraku and trying to become competition at the same was definitely NOT a good mix. So he planned on working there until he saved enough to start his investment and quit. He had been single ever since he started working there, the hours just sucked -especially- for him since everything HAD to be perfect. Naraku was just picky and an ass like that. So he spent most of his time working and didn't have the time to date. He would make a girl very happy someday and lucky she would be to have someone like him.

My life started to change ever since I met Jak, Ban and Shippo. We would go out together, hang out or they would just come over and keep me company. We'd have a blast and Yuka would join us on occasions too. I swear Shippo had a crush on Yuka because he would always ask if she was going with us but when we would ask him about it, he'd deny it, blushing of course. So we just let him be, we didn't want to force anything to happen and make it a disaster. I told them my life's story one day, since we'd decided to share our stories with each other and I left them at the brink of tears when I was done. Except for Jak, he just full out cried because he was very sensitive, well when he wanted to be. Although, I just couldn't cry anymore and I wasn't sure why. When I was re-telling them, my heart felt as if it twisted and my chest would tighten at times but no tears would ever come out. It did hurt having to remember everything again since I'd tried to forget that part of my life, yet the support they gave me helped lighten the pain. After some time, they convinced me to date again since they'd been bugging me for quite sometime. They supported their advice by using the saying 'that the best way to get over the last one is with the next one'. Although I refused at first, I just couldn't imagine myself with anyone but Sesshomaru. Until I finally realized that they were right so I went ahead and gave it a shot but mostly I did it to get them off my back. So I did go out on a number of dates with different people but they never worked out. None of them had what I wanted, none of them compared in the least to Sesshomaru and in the end, none of them were he. Eventually, I just gave up and decided to let fate and time take its course even if it meant staying alone for the rest of my days.

So for the next 3 months, my life was good. I had my job, which was a bit hectic but it kept me busy, good friends to talk to and a wonderful city to enjoy. I even got to meet Naraku in person; most of his employees didn't know how he looked like. For some reason, I got to work him very often. My boss would ask me to take him papers or Naraku would personally ask for me. I didn't really mind but it just seemed weird and I didn't let it bother me. I'm sure I've mentioned before that Naraku was an extreme perfectionist. Anything turned into him HAD to be perfect otherwise he wouldn't even look at it. He was an ass to all of his employees and yes that did include me. Although his looks said completely the opposite, he was VERY good looking. He honestly did NOT look his age, which I would say he was probably in his mid 40's. Time was VERY good to him, yet he did seem familiar in a way, as if I've seen him somewhere before but I was never able to pinpoint where exactly. His black hair, light skin and intense dark eyes were mesmerizing. His face had an innocent look to it but when he was angry, his eyes shot daggers. He had the most deadly look to him that I didn't blame everyone for being afraid of him.

I especially fell sorry for his assistant, Onigumo. Now he REALLY got to witness Naraku's full rage since it was always thrown at him. Poor thing had to withstand the abuse Naraku would throw at him but yet he was always there. He had been working with him ever since Naraku started his business. Yet he was a very nice guy.

Although towards the end, I started to notice a change in Naraku's behavior towards me. He started acting nicer and always insisted that I be the one to deliver his paperwork. In some occasions, he would complement me on my looks or the way I was dressed. Keep in mind since it was a professional company, I was always dressed in suits. But I had all my suits custom made to accentuate my figure yet keep the look professional. So I guess they served their purpose but unfortunately, it was with the WRONG person…

I was having my breakfast and reading the newspaper before it was time to head to work. I did see Sesshomaru in the paper occasionally and my heart would flutter every time but as time went on, I learned to just glance and read on since it was all I could do. I had just finished my meal and sat back on the chair, sipping my coffee and reading an article on the front page as my cell phone started to ring. Since my purse was next to me, I reached out and pulled my phone, opening it to answer.

"Hello,"

"Hey there stranger, how come you haven't called?"

"Kagome, hey how are you? Sorry I've just been really busy at work."

She teased, "Excuses excuses. Come on, if we're not good enough for you anymore just tell me right now."

I started to laugh, "Whatever Slim, you know that's not true."

Angry, "DAMN IT RIN, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT!"

I just couldn't hold back and started laughing harder, "All right, all right, I'll stop."

"Good, so how you've been? I haven't talked to you in a while."

I giggled, "It hasn't been that long Kagome. I talked to you what, like a week ago?"

"Yeah but a lot of things can happen in a week. How's your job going so far?"

I just smiled and shook my head; "I'm doing well. I've been pretty busy lately trying to finish up some reports that my boss gave me to do but otherwise it's ok."

"Well that's good. So is Naraku still being an ass to you?"

"He's an ass to everyone but lately, he's been… nicer… well, to me at least, for some reason."

Worried, "I don't know Rin but you've got to be careful, I don't trust him."

I giggled, "I know, I will don't worry. Now enough about me… how's everyone doing?"

"Good. Actually, Kohaku and Kanna are living together now."

Surprised, "Really, wow that's great. It's about time those two moved on, they're so cute together too."

"Yeah, I'm sure we'll be getting news that they're going to get married soon."

"I hope so. How's Sango and Miroku?"

"Still together as always, just working a lot though. They want to save up money for their trip. Did Ayame tell you about that?"

"Yeah she did when I talked to her yesterday. I'm glad those two are getting along well. How about you and Inuyasha?"

"We're ok, although we don't get to see each other often. I'm always at the office and he's working so we get to see each other at night but only for a little while. I guess you could say that in a way it's helping our relationship."

At that moment, I got flashbacks of when Sess and I were like them, which pulled at my still healing heart. Although, I remained silent and I never realized that Kagome had stopped talking. I guess when I didn't respond to her, she must've thought that the call had gotten disconnected.

"Hello, Rin… are you still there?"

"_Yeah_…"

Worried, "Hey, are you ok?"

Sadly, "… How is he?"

She sighed; sadly, "Do you really want me to answer?"

I stared blankly out the window as I slightly shook my head, "I… I don't know…"

She sighed again, "I'm not going to lie to you Rin but right now, it's not going very well for him."

Lightly, "Oh… is it because of her?"

"Part of it and I don't need to tell you what the other part is, you know it very well."

I sighed and closed my eyes, "Yeah, I know… I just hate that it's not going well for him."

"I know but something's just can't be helped. Don't worry though, he'll be ok. We're still here for him; we won't let anything happen to him, that I promise you."

I curled my lips to a smile, "Thanks Kagome."

Sounding more optimistic, "No prob. Oh, Inuyasha says Hi by the way."

I giggled, "Tell him I said Hi."

Yet I was able to hear her conversation in the background, _"She says hi. WHAT? I'm not going to tell her that, believe me she doesn't want to know"._

"_Then I'll tell her, here let me talk to her."_

"_NOOOO, Inuyasha STOP! Scuffling LET GO OF THE PHONE!"_

Meanwhile, I started to laugh at hearing their argument. Who knows what they were talking about but hearing them argue was very funny.

"_DAMN IT, IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD IF SHE FINDS OUT. She'll find out sooner or later. DAMN YOU JUST LET GO!"_

"_NOT IF YOU DON'T TELL HER… ahhh more scuffling sounds "_

Inuyasha, "Hello… Rin, you still there?"

Laughing, "Yes… How… could I pass up an opportunity to hear you two yelling at each other again?"

Sarcastically, "I'm glad we amuse you… anyway, did she tell you what we did the other day?"

Curious, "No, she didn't. What was it?"

"We were kicking back in the living room watching movies when Ms. High and Mighty over here challenged me…"

I giggled, "Oh really, what was the challenge?"

He chuckled, "A burping contest."

I was taking a sip of my coffee when I heard what he said and literally, spit it out laughing. Shocked, "A what? Kagome, do a burping contest… Oh, that's just hilarious."

He laughed, "Yeah and the sad part is… she beat me too."

"_INUYASHA, YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS. GET OVER HERE…" _I could tell they were running around by then because of the sound of the wind.

"Oh shit, now she's chasing me around the yard. She's pissed off now here… I'm going to give her back to you…"

Still laughing, "Ok…"

"_HERE'S THE DAMN PHONE, STOP THROWING SHIT AT ME…"_

Kagome, panting, "He's lying… don't believe him, he's just saying that to get to me."

"A burping contest huh? How sophisticated of you Kagome, I didn't know you had it in you." Then I started to laugh again.

Angry, "I DIDN'T DO IT DAMN IT… THAT'S GROSS AND I'M NOT LIKE THAT"

"_LIAR…"_

_"SHUT UP, INUYASHA!"_

_"_Well, I'd love to hear more about it but I've got to go now. I've got to head to work now."

"All right, but I DIDN'T do it."

I giggled, "All right, you didn't. I'll talk to you later ok…"

"Ok, take care bye."

"Bye." Then I clicked my phone off.

I looked up at the clock, "Shit, I barely have enough time to get to work." Quickly I stood, grabbed my purse and headed to work.

I barely made it on time, thankfully there wasn't much traffic through the route I took to work. So I headed up to the 32nd floor and started to work. I didn't get to see anyone until after lunchtime when we got together at Shippo's cubicle to have a little chat.

Jakotsu asked, "Rin, where you've been? I haven't seen you at all morning."

I giggled, "What you should be doing Jak, working." Ban and Shippo started to laugh as Jak stuck his tongue out at me. "Actually, I've been running around everywhere over to payroll, accounting, to Naraku's office. You know, the usual."

Shippo chuckled, "Why go to the gym when you can get your workout here AND get paid for it."

Laughing, "That's true."

Ban then asked, "But one thing is for certain, HOW can you stand working with Naraku in person? I mean, I don't even know him and he gives me the chills." Jak raised an eyebrow as Ban turned to look at him, raising his hands defensively, "not in a good way."

I giggled, "Yeah, Jak he's not a horn dog like you…" That time he just fully flipped me off and I started to laugh, "He's actually not that bad…"

Shippo's eyes widened, shocked, "Not THAT bad, he's horrible. I can't stand him even for the 5-second calls he gives me. Most of the time it's telling me how bad my work is."

I looked at him, "Well not to me… I don't know but whom I REALLY feel sorry for is Onigumo. He takes all that crap that Naraku throws at him, I swear he really goes off on him. Poor guy but yet he still stays, I just don't know how he does it."

Jak added, "Well I think he likes him, that's why takes all his shit."

Ban, "Jak, you can't say that. That might not be true, he's probably just very dedicated to his job."

Jak, "Bullshit, no matter how dedicated I am to my job, I wouldn't let my boss yet at me how Naraku does to Onigumo."

Suddenly Onigumo interrupted, lightly; "Did I just hear someone say my name?"

We all turned shocked towards the older man. He was well in his early 40's but still fairly handsome. Smiling, I reached out and wrapped my arm around his and pulled him in to the little 'meeting', "Yeah, we were just talking about how can you withstand to work with Naraku? I mean, I work with him but not as must as you and he ALWAYS manages to get on my last nerve."

Onigumo smiled and chuckled, "Well, I've known Naraku for a long time. We went to school together when we were younger and I've learned to look past the abuse. He's really a nice guy when he wants to…" I swear you could see little hearts and stars flying around his head, as he was talking. We all just gave him a weird look as he pulled himself from me and turned to walk away, "Well, I've got to get back to work…"

We turned and looked at each other, nodding and saying at the same time, "Yep, he likes him."

Suddenly, my boss yelled, "IMAMURA…"

I rolled my eyes, "Shit now what? Well, let me go see what he wants. I'll be right back." Then I turned to walk towards my boss's office.

Jak nodded, "All right Rin." Ban just nodded.

Shippo, "Ok."

As I was walking into his office, "Yes Mr. Taka…" He glanced up and gave me an annoyed look, "I mean, Hakudoshi. Sorry, you called for me?" My boss, Hakudoshi hated people calling him by his last name. So he insisted that they call him by his given name. He wasn't so bad but he did have an attitude problem sometimes, although his I could handle. No wonder why people said that he and Naraku could be related.

He looked up and nodded, "Yes, Naraku just called and asked for you. He wants you to go up to his office right away."

Curious, "Did he say why or for what?"

He shook his head, "No, he just said that he wanted to see you. I don't know what he wants."

"Hmmm… I wonder. I guess I better go find out."

He nodded, "Yes, I think it'd be wise not to make him wait, you know how he gets when he waits for too long."

I shook my head, "Oh don't remind me." Opening the door, I heard Hakudoshi chuckle before I walked out of the office to find the gang still standing by Shippo's desk.

Ban asked, "What happened?"

I slightly shook my head, "No, nothing. He just told me that Naraku called and asked for me. He wants to see me in his office."

Jak, "Do you know for what?"

I shook my head, lightly, "I don't know. Hakudoshi doesn't know why either, Naraku didn't tell him anything." Somehow though, I started getting a bad feeling about that sudden meeting of his.

Shippo interrupted my thoughts, "What's wrong Rin?"

"I don't know but I'm getting a bad feeling about this."

Jak started to rub my arm; "It's going to be ok, just go and then tell us what happened."

I nodded, "All right," then turned and walked towards the elevator. As I was going to press the button to the top floor, I noticed that my hands were shaking a bit. 'Shit why the hell am I shaking? Control Rin, Control.' Finally I pushed the button and the elevator opened up to take me up to his office. When the doors opened, there was no one. Usually, Onigumo was working at the front desk but he was no where in sight. It seemed weird that he wasn't there but I just stepped in anyway and walked up to the desk.

I pressed the page button on the phone and Naraku immediately answered, "What is it Onigumo?"

I cleared my throat, nervously, "Actually… It's Ms. Imamura… You wanted to see me?"

His tone of voice suddenly changed, "Ah yes, come into my office."

"All right." I walked over and took a deep breath before I turned the knob and opened the door, stepping in. He was sitting on his chair, not removing his gaze from me as I walked up to his desk. The look in his eyes made me feel uncomfortable but I remained silent until I asked, "Yes, sir. What can I do for you?"

He curled his lips up to a smile and chuckled, something I had NEVER seen him do before which made the atmosphere feel even weirder. He turned and looked out his office window, "What can you do for me… hmmm… you've already done enough."

His tone of voice gave me the creeps, "Sir?"

Looking out, "You've been working here for how long?"

'I don't know what that has to do with anything.' "For about 3 months."

"And how do you like the position you have?"

"I have no problem with it, I like it."

I heard him chuckle again, "Good." Then he turned towards me, his eyes bearing at me, "How would you like an office with a view like this?" as he pointed towards the window.

I walked over and looked out the window. WOW if the view from my house was amazing, that was absolutely INCREDIBLE. I gasped, "Oh my goodness, that's beautiful."

Then he walked right behind me and whispered in my ear, "Isn't it?" before he walked over and sat on his desk. The feel of his breath on my neck gave me the chills of disgust. He sat there staring at me, examining my entire body from head to toe. When I felt his gaze upon me, I looked towards him, giving him a questionable look. He chuckled again, "You look…" as he stared at my legs longer than needed, "… absolutely enticing." Then I noticed him licking his lips.

I didn't know what to say, I just raised my eyebrow and looked at him as he stood and walked towards me, "What if I told you that there is a way for you to get a promotion?" I didn't answer him, just stood still and followed him with my gaze as he spoke and stood behind me, speaking into my ear, "You know, you have a lot of -potential-" as he placed his hands on my waist and pulled me back against him.

THAT's when everything went bad. I turned and slapped him, angry, "What the… What kind of girl do you think I am? I'm NOT the type that sleeps around to get to the top. I'd rather stay where I am thank you." Then I turned and walked in the direction of the door. Suddenly, he stopped me and wrapped his arm my waist, pulling me towards him again. I screamed, "LET GO OF ME…" as I tried to pry his arm off.

He growled, "No but you do sleep with the ones that are already at the top, Kitazawa for example."

I was fuming by then, "WHAT? My personal life is none of your business," as I continued to try and loosen myself from his grasp.

He growled again and spoke into my ear, "Feisty aren't you? I see why you drove Sesshomaru crazy."

By then, I was digging my nails into his arm, trying to pry myself but he only kept tightening his hold on me, yelling, "DAMN YOU NARAKU, LET GO OF ME. YOU MAKE ME SICK."

Then he groaned, "Bitch, you know you're only turning me on more with your wriggling." He pulled me against him again and that's when I felt his bulge poke my lower back, a gasp of shock and fear escaping me as I stood still from the shock. Suddenly, he chuckled and I felt him lower his right hand down from my waist to my thigh. Unfortunately, that day I'd decided to wear a skirt and he started to slowly hike it up.

My eyes closed as I felt him running his hand on my thigh, tears welling up in my eyes as I prayed, 'God PLEASE don't let this happen, please stop this.' I felt absolutely helpless because I wasn't able to pry his arm off me, I just hoped that something would make him stop.

"Hmmm… you feel so good. You know Sesshomaru has good taste in women, I give you that. He's not as stupid as I thought him to be. Unfortunately, he got to you first but now, it's my turn to see with what you enchanted him."

Tears started to scroll down my cheeks and my hands started to tremble as I felt him move his hand further up and back. Then he reached in and I felt him cup my right buttock in his hand. When I felt his hand squeeze at my behind, my eyes widened as my mind shouted, 'GET OUT OF THERE, DO SOMETHING NOW!!!' I just didn't know what to do but at the moment, whatever it took to get him off me was enough. So I quickly lifted and bent my left arm while he was distracted and hit him -HARD- on his stomach with my elbow. It pushed all the air out of him and it made him finally release me. When I felt him let go, I walked as far away as possible as he clutched his arm to his stomach.

He painfully groaned and when he noticed me walking away from him he yelled, "Bitch, where the hell do you think you're going?" as he leaned on his desk, still trying to regain his breath.

I'd walked to the door by then and held onto the knob, in case he tried to walk up to me again. That way I could just walk out and away from him. When I heard him yell, I stopped and turned towards him, opening the door and hearing Onigumo ask, "Is everything all right?"

I turned towards Onigumo and back to Naraku, who stood up and looked at me with hateful eyes, not moving from where he stood. Angry, "No it's not ok. You know Naraku, you're one sick BASTARD and I refuse to work for a man that thinks degrading women is right."

I'm guessing because Onigumo was standing by the door Naraku didn't run up to me again and who knows what he would've done. All he did was stand where he was and continued to look at me, "If you leave now, I WILL make sure NO ONE hires you anywhere else in this city. Is that what you want?"

I raised an eyebrow, "Oh really? And what reason will you give them? Because I refused to be your personal whore and hurt your pride?" I slightly shook my head and scoffed, "Naraku, if I were you, I'd just keep my mouth shut. You'd only cause you and your business more harm, it is a FEDERAL offense you know?"

He knew I was right and that was the SECOND wound to his pride, I was able to tell because I noticed him fisting his hands at his sides. He yelled angrily, "You… get the fuck out of my office and clean out your desk IMMEDIATELY."

I shook my head, sternly; "You don't have to fire me Naraku because I QUIT." Then I turned and walked out of his office, slamming the door behind me. I felt horrible and my body was trembling from my efforts to hold back the tears that had already emerged.

As I started walking towards the elevator, Onigumo followed next to me, lightly, "What happened?"

I reached the elevator and pushed the down button. I lowered my head as I waited, sadly, "He… he tried… to take advantage of me."

He sighed, sadly, "You too?"

My eyes widened and I looked up at him, shocked, "What do you mean 'you too'? He's done this before?"

He nodded and looked away, lowering his head in shame, "Yes, Naraku has a reputation for sleeping with his female employees, using them and then letting them go. I guess he tried to do that to you…" Then he looked up at me, "… but … it looks like you were one of the smart ones."

I was shocked, I couldn't believe that bastard got away with it. It just sickened me, even more to think that he wanted to sleep with me when he's slept with who knows HOW MANY other women. I just looked away from him and shook my head, "I can't believe he gets away with this."

"Money and power can let anyone get away with many things and he has that. It's just a shame that he uses it for evil instead of good. But don't worry Rin, you'll be all right, I can tell. You're a strong young woman and someone like Naraku won't be enough to bring you down."

I looked towards him and found him with a warm smile. I curled my lips up to a smile, "Thank you Onigumo." Suddenly, the elevator doors opened and I stepped in, turning to face the doors.

When they were closing, he said, "Take care Rin," before they fully closed. As I was going back down to the floor where I work, I almost lost it. I was almost going to cry but I held back, I didn't want to make a scene. When I reached the 32nd floor, my body started feeling cold. I walked out of the elevator and wrapped my arms around, trying to warm myself up.

I unconsciously made my way back to Shippo's cubicle and when he caught sight of me, his eyes widened and he stood, shocked, "What the… Rin, what happened? Why are you pale?"

I had my head down, looking at the floor when I lifted it and looked at him, seeing his face full of worry. Although the moment I did, I couldn't hold back the tears anymore and they started to scroll down my cheeks, "He… I…"

He came up to me and walked me over to his chair, lightly, "Hey, it's ok. Here sit down, tell me what happened? Why did you come back like this?" He kneeled in front of me, resting his arms on my legs.

I looked at him and remained silent as I noticed Jak and Ban show up seconds later, asking the same questions. I glanced at them all, seeing all of them worried and started to cry a bit more, hating the fact that I was making them worry. I bent down and started to lightly sob into my hands, "He… tried to… take… advantage of me… but I… didn't let him."

"WHAT?" They all screamed at the same time and going off, cursing Naraku for what he tried to do.

Suddenly, I heard Hakudoshi's voice call out, "WHAT is going on here?"

I lifted my hands to look at him, seeing him take a step forwards, looking at me, lightly, "What happened to you Rin? Why are you crying?"

I remained silent, feeling Shippo's hand rub my back trying to console me when Jak answered the question for me, "She's crying because that bastard Naraku tried to take her."

He slightly glanced at him and back at me, "Is that true?"

I nodded and lowered my head, "_Yes,_" as I felt more tears start to fall.

Then Hakudoshi growled, "That bastard, when is he ever going to fucking stop?"

Ban asked, "What? So this isn't the first time he's tried to do this?"

I shook my head and answered, still not looking up, "No. Onigumo said that he's done this many times before."

Ban, angry, "What an asshole…"

Hakudoshi, "Rin, did he ask you to clear out?"

I nodded, "Yes."

Shippo, shocked, "He fired you?"

Hakudoshi responded, "He always does that, whether they fall or not, they get fired. Shippo, help clear her desk and take her home. I will take care of whatever reports you have left."

Shippo, "All right. Come on Rin, let's get you out of here."

I looked up at him and nodded, standing up to walk over and clear my things away. Once everything was packed, Shippo helped me carry them to his car and handed my car keys to Ban so they could drop it off at my place when they were off from work. Although, Shippo took me downtown to the police department to file a sexual harassment report against Naraku before he took me home. Even though he knew it wasn't going to be of much use since he's gotten away with more, it was still a good idea to keep it on record against him. So I gave my testimony and about an hour later, I was finally allowed to go home. During the drive to my place, I remained silent just stared blankly out the window. By then Shippo had heard EXACTLY what happened with Naraku and hated him even more. When we arrived to my place, he opened my door since he'd taken the house key out of my keys and let me walk in first.

He closed it behind him and walked next to me, placing his hands on my shoulders, lightly, "Go clean up and I'll bring your things up, ok?" I just turned and looked at him, nodding before I made my way to my bathroom. Honestly, I felt filthy, dirty at the thought that Naraku's hands were on me. So I undressed and went into the shower and vigorously scrubbed myself off. I started to cry again as I tried to take Naraku's scent off me but it seemed like it wouldn't, no matter how hard I tried. When I was done, I left my skin irritated and a bright red of how hard I scrubbed. I dried off and changed in whatever I had lying there, so I ended up wearing a T-shirt and sweatpants. When I got out of the shower, I walked out to the living room and found Shippo sitting on the couch, waiting for me. He remained silent as I walked over and sat next to him, leaning in to rest my head on his shoulder as he wrapped his right arm around me.

I remained silent, feeling him stroke my back lightly. I closed my eyes and Sesshomaru's face suddenly appeared in front of me, making me start to lose control again. Lightly, "Shippo, I need him here," as tears started to fall and my body started to tremble. He tightened his arm around me as I buried my face in his shoulder, not being able to hold back the sobs anymore, "I need him here with me…"

He wrapped his other arm around me and tightened them, holding me close to him as he leaned in, lightly, "I know." He started rocking our bodies lightly in an effort to calm me.

I started to sob heavily and clutched tightly to him, sobbing, "Shippo, I want him with here with me…"

He placed his cheek on my forehead and nodded, still holding onto me and rocking our bodies as he whispered, "_I know Rin… I know…_"


	19. Chapter 19

Well I'm back again. Sorry for not posting anything in a long time, I went into a huge block and haven't been able to write anything in MONTHS! Here's the next chapter for this saga and I hope that everyone likes it.

Thanks for reading!

Oh, don't forget to read & review!

Enjoy…

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

'' Thought expressions

"_Italic_" Whisper expressions

In the year that I'd left California, I didn't or couldn't cry. My body would not allow me to. Yet at that moment as I sat there wrapped up in Shippo's arms, I couldn't stop thinking about Sesshomaru, which fiercely fueled my already emerging sobs. My desire became a desperate necessity of needing him with me, to feel his arms around me, to hear his voice coo in my ear and know that he would be there the moment I would open my eyes. I eventually cried myself to sleep in Shippo's arms. I did not wake for the rest of that day; it's not that I couldn't, I just didn't want to. I didn't have the energy or desire to wake; I wanted to remain asleep forever because it seemed that asleep was the only way I would have Sesshomaru near me. Even if it wasn't physically, he was always there mentally and that was more than enough for me. But it wasn't like that; I had to wake up, wake up to the cruel reality that he wasn't there and that I was alone, like I had always been.

The next morning, once I had finally made the effort to get up, I headed out towards my living room, I didn't think that there was going to be anyone there. Although the moment I stepped into it, my eyes widened. Shippo was on the sofa and Jak and Ban were sprawled out on the floor sleeping. I didn't know what to say I thought that they would've left the moment I fell asleep but no, they stayed behind to make sure I was all right. That was what finally made me realize that I truly had been selfish. I always thought about myself, I always thought of what I wanted and never thought of what the others around me wanted for me. That was when I made my decision, I didn't want to be selfish any longer and whatever I couldn't have, well, there was a reason as to why I couldn't and I was going to leave it at that. I wasn't going to live in a dream anymore because it was only hurting me and it caused me to hurt those around me. So I decided to stop because at that point, I just wanted to live.

The guys stayed with me the entire weekend because they wanted to keep me company and honestly, I really needed it. So it was ok and we had fun in the process. Even though we didn't go out since I just wasn't in the mood for it, we had a good time just kicking back and watching movies as we binged to our hearts desire. I did call Kagome that day and I had to tell her what happened, she was furious but not at me of course, ok well a little. But it only made her start insisting on me returning back to California, emphasizing that it would be better for me because they could all keep an eye on me. I refused, I didn't want to go back yet, not because I wasn't ready, I didn't think I ever would be but because I had made my decision to just let it pass and continue my life. Besides I wasn't alone, I had my own gang to protect me.

The next Monday, they all returned to work and kept me updated as to what happened around the office. They said that nothing had changed, it was the same as before I'd left. Apparently, Naraku REALLY was good at keeping those things a secret, the bastard. It remained the same for several weeks; no one spoke of anything until Naraku decided to definitely cross the line…

I was sitting back on the sofa, watching TV when suddenly; my cell phone started to ring. I looked over to it and glanced at the caller ID, it was Shippo. I assumed that he was either on break or his lunch so I answered the phone and was shocked when I heard a furious Shippo yell into the phone, "RIN, COULD YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THIS BASTARD? HE FUCKING FIRED ME, FOR NO REASON. HE LET ME GO JUST LIKE THAT!"

My eyes widened, shocked, "WHAT? But why… what an asshole."

"I KNOW, HE IS A GOOD FOR NOTHING SON OF A BITCH."

I shook my head; "I can't believe it. He didn't tell you anything?"

"NOTHING, HE JUST CALLED ME THIS MORNING AND SAID THAT HE DIDN'T WANT ME THERE ANYMORE AND TO CLEAR OUT MY DESK. THE FUCKER EVEN GAVE ME A TIME LIMIT AS TO HOW LONG I HAD TO LEAVE THE BUILDING BEFORE HE WOULD CALL SECURITY ON ME!"

I gasped, "Wow, that's just cruel. Damn that Naraku he really doesn't have a heart. No wonder he has a shitty attitude."

"YEAH WHAT A FUCKER!"

Although, I kept staring at the floor, processing the situation carefully and that's when I realized that Naraku must've found out that Shippo was a close friend of mine. He must've fired him in an attempt to get back at me. I wouldn't doubt it knowing how dirty Naraku played his games. So I lowered my head, lightly, "Shippo, I'm really sorry."

Shippo lowered his voice, confused, "Huh? About what? You have nothing to apologize about."

I nodded, "Yes I do. I'm sure that's why he fired you. He must've found out that you hang out with me and that's why he got rid of you. That could be also why he didn't tell you anything because he didn't want to admit that it's why he was really firing you."

He growled, "Shit and I don't doubt it either. He is an asshole but… you don't have to be sorry Rin. I mean, it wasn't your fault. I prefer losing my job rather than having you be that fuckers whore. No offense…"

I shook my head, "No it's ok. Although, I feel bad about it, I mean, it was your job."

"Rin, jobs come and go. I'll be ok, I'll find another one." Then he sighed, "Shit, now I'll have to push back my plans even more."

That's when another idea came into mind, "Wait a minute Shippo, are you still interested in opening the business you wanted?"

"Yeah, of course but you know why I haven't yet. I don't have the money to back it up, hell after this it will take me longer unless I find someone that will back me up financially. I mean, the sponsor will be entitled to part of the company as well. They would have to be cause if it wasn't for them, it would never be opened."

That's when a smile appeared on my lips, he was willing. That was all I wanted to hear, "All right, then look no more. I've got someone who'll back you up."

Excited, "REALLY? Who?"

"… Me."

Shocked, "WHAT? Are you serious…? No I can't but then what about you? I can't take your money and leave you with nothing."

I giggled, "No it's ok Shippo. I can take it out of my savings. Believe me, there is MORE than enough. I'll be ok and besides, it's the least I can do to make it up to you."

He still sounded a bit indecisive, "I don't know…"

I smiled, "I insist."

He was still in doubt and asked, "Are you sure this is not going to burden you, I mean I could find someone else."

I shook my head, "Nonsense. It'll be ok Ship, it's no burden at all."

I guess since he didn't have any other objections, I heard him chuckle. "All right then. You're awesome Rin, I mean… partner."

I giggled, "Thanks, partner. Jeez I sound like a cowboy, well cowgirl."

He laughed and sounded very excited, "No thank you Rin. Seriously, I can't thank you enough."

"It's ok Shippo."

"All right, so I'm going to stop by to my lawyer so he could help me set up the paperwork to start off. Once I'm done I'll head over to your house with him so we could start setting it up ok?"

"Ok Shippo. I'll be here. I'll see you later then."

"Yeah definitely, see you then. Bye Rin."

"Bye Shippo." Then I clicked the phone off.

Later that evening, Shippo came over with his lawyer and we set everything up for the business. Jeez, it was so much paperwork that it was driving me crazy and that was just the beginning. But I went through with it, I had given Shippo my word and I was going to keep it. Although there was a bit of a problem, since the business was barely being built and knowing the fact that Naraku was going after me in every way possible, we decided to keep my ownership anonymous. Even though Naraku knew Shippo was my friend, we didn't think he'd try to do much against him as long as he thought I wasn't involved. If it he knew that I was part of it, I'm sure Naraku would not stop until our business crumbled. So we decided to keep it quiet, it was going to be hard though since my name WAS registered as co-owner of the company in the paperwork but it was anonymous by word of mouth. We just crossed our fingers and hoped that nothing would stand in the way of our new company, Abstract Industries.

For the next several months, Shippo and I were extremely busy with setting everything up. Although, Shippo would be the only one who would show up on site for meetings or such things. I would always be on the telephone with a voice changer to help keep my privacy. As for Jak and Ban, they were still working at Kagewaki Industries. I don't think Naraku cared if they were involved with me. So they were the one's that kept us up to date as to what was happening at the office. That and it was a big help to us so we could start working on getting ahead of Naraku, just in case if he tried something. Although getting ahead of Naraku was TOUGH but we made it, after 6 months of working hard, Abstract was up and running smoothly. Now I knew what Sesshomaru went through when he was trying to open Tenseiga. It was nerve wrecking and I was about to pull my hair out several times even though Abstract still wasn't as big as Tenseiga was but it was all worth it. Of course during the process, I did keep in contact with Kagome and Ayame, not as much as before since I was always busy but I did. They both still tried to convince me to go to California because they wanted to see me, yet I still refused. It wasn't because I didn't want to go, I just really couldn't. The building of Abstract took most of my time and at that point, I couldn't take a break. But I did warn them though, they COULDN'T say that I was the owner of Abstract, they knew why. I mean, they knew because I trusted them enough with that information. But if ANYONE, anyone were to find out and it reached Naraku's ears, it would be the end of Abstract. So they pretended that they didn't know and it was left at that.

Things have a strange tendency to happen unexpectedly, especially when one doesn't suspect of anything. It's funny how things can change from one moment to another and Kagome was a perfect example of that. A few weeks later, she called me out of the blue and gave me news that I was SHOCKED to hear from her…

I was at home working in what I'd set up as my home office and talking to Shippo through the webcam.

He asked, "So what do you think about the contract with Aegis?"

I shook my head, "I don't think it'll work."

Surprised, "Why not? They're a great company."

"Shippo, they'll end up canceling it in a couple of months. Have you seen their records? They don't look too well, someone looks to be a big spender and I have a feeling that in the end, it's going to cost us more. That and besides, the owner is not cute enough." Then I started to giggle.

He looked down at the paperwork and shook his head; "Hmmm… you're right. Ok well so no with Aegis then…" That's when he realized what I'd said and his eyes widened, "What the… you're basing you're decision on whether the owner is 'cute' enough?"

I giggled, "Well hey, a girl's gotta have her fun you know." Then started to laugh.

He chuckled, "Whatever Rin. That would be almost like me hiring my secretary just because of her looks."

I quirked an eyebrow, teasing, "Isn't that why you wanted to hire Yuka as your secretary?"

His eyes widened and I was able to see the blush on his cheeks, "I… NO… That wasn't it, I just… I just wanted to offer her something, I mean, so we could all be together and besides, she didn't take it anyway."

I started to laugh, "Awww Shippo, I'm just kidding with you."

He frowned, "Damn it Rin, stop that!" as I continued to laugh. When suddenly, my cell phone started to ring. I turned and looked at my caller ID, it was Kagome, VERY early to what she usually called. Then Shippo asked, "Hey, what's wrong?"

I shook my head, "No nothing it's just that, it's Kagome and she usually doesn't call me back so soon."

He smiled, "Well pick it up dork, maybe it's something important." Then someone came into the office, he talked to the person and then turned towards me, "Ok pick it up and we'll take a break with the meeting, I'll be back in a bit ok."

I smiled, "All right."

But by then, the phone had stopped ringing so I opened my phone and called her back.

Then Kagome answered, "Hello."

"Kagome, hey it's me. Sorry I didn't answer, I was in the middle of a short meeting with Shippo."

"Oh hey, no it's ok. You're just the person I wanted to talk to."

I giggled, "Wow, that makes me feel important. What is it about?"

She laughed, "Shut up Rin." She calmed, "It's about Inuyasha and I."

Worried, "Oh… is everything all right with you two?"

She giggled, "Why so worried, Rin? Everything is ok but guess what?"

I breathed out, relieved but there was something that she wasn't telling me, confused, "What? Then what happened?"

That's when she giggled, sounding extremely excited, "We're getting married!"

My jaw dropped and I turned my chair around to face the window, excited, "ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

Excited, "Yeah, he asked me yesterday. Could you believe it, I'm finally getting married. I'm so excited."

I giggled, "Oh my God, wow. That's great Kagome, congratulations. I'm happy for you two. Although, a little worried about what Inuyasha is going to get himself involved in." Then I started to laugh.

She laughed, "Shut up Rin, I'm not that bad."

I snickered, "Ha, not when you want to be. So when are you guys going to get married?"

All I heard was a raspberry before she answered, "Well, we want to get married in 3 months."

My eyes widened, "3 months? Damn, isn't that too soon? I mean it usually takes about a year to organize these things."

She giggled, "It does but apparently, Inuyasha has been setting things up since last year, he just didn't tell me. So most of it has been taken care of that's why he finally decided to ask me."

I just shook my head. The courage of the man, I mean I knew it wouldn't happen but what if Kagome had said no, all that effort he put in would be for nothing. Honestly with that, my respect for him increased. I remained quiet as Kagome continued saying something and was knocked out of my thoughts when Kagome asked, lightly, "So you are coming to the rehearsal dinner right?"

I shook my head a bit and sighed, "Well, I don't know. I'm still pretty booked with Abstract and trying to straighten out some knots. So most likely I won't be able to."

That's when I noticed something different about Kagome. Her voice sounded like it was starting to break, "Oh… then what about the wedding? Don't tell me you can't come, Rin or I'll…" Then she started to cry, sobbing, "Rin you have to be there, you're my sister. I want you to be here with me, I want to share the moment with you but… you HAVE to be there."

My eyes widened, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Kagome was NEVER an emotional person much less someone to just burst out crying like that, it just wasn't her. Cooing, "No sweetie, I'm sorry. Please don't cry Kagome. I can't make it to the dinner but I'll be there at the wedding. I promise you, I'll be there."

Still sobbing, "You better be there, I'm serious."

I nodded, "I will, I promise." But something about her actions made me suspect so I had to find out if it was I was right or not. "Hey, is Inuyasha around?"

Sniffling, "Yeah, he's right here."

"Can I talk to him for a sec? I need to ask him something."

She wasn't sobbing anymore but her voice was still shaky, "Is it about…?"

I shook my head, "No, I need to ask him something about the wedding."

"Oh ok, here he is." Off the phone, "_Rin wants to talk to you._"

Then Inuyasha answered, "Hello?"

"Inuyasha, hey how are you?"

"Rin, hey, I'm good and you?"

"I'm good, congrats on the wedding. I'm happy for both of you but I can't believe you risked all that knowing that she could've said no."

He chuckled, "Yeah, I thought about it a lot too but decided that she was worth every single bit of it and I knew that she wouldn't say no."

I giggled, "Damn I really admire your courage."

"Thanks…" Then his tone became serious, "But I know another person who has more courage than I do, who has done and would do much, much more for his woman."

My heart sank, I knew who he was talking about, Sesshomaru. But I had made my decision long before that I wasn't going to sulk about it anymore and besides, I didn't want to ruin the moment by thinking sad thoughts. So I sighed, "Inu, I don't want to talk about that…" Changing the subject, "But I wanted to ask you something about Kagome, although is she there with you?"

Lightly, "Oh yeah sorry…" Then his voice changed back to normal, "No she just stepped away to the bathroom, why what's up?"

"Has she been acting weird lately?"

"You know she has. Lately she's gotten really sentimental. I mean REALLY sentimental; any little thing will make her cry. I don't know but now I have to be careful what I say to her. If I don't, then she'll start to cry and it goes worse for me. I don't know what's going on."

That's when I curled my lips up to a smile, I was right. I turned and noticed Shippo coming back into his office and sitting on his chair so we could continue our meeting. I signaled him to give me a bit and turned to respond to Inuyasha. "Hey Inu, this is what I want you to do ok? Take her to the doctor, I think something might be wrong with her because as you said, she never acts that way and you never know, things happen right?"

He sighed, "Yeah, you're right. Don't worry, I will. I'll setup an appointment for her tomorrow so she could get checked. Thanks Rin."

I smiled, "No prob Inu but I've got to go now. I have a meeting I need to finish so I'll talk to you guys' later ok? Tell Kagome that I love her and to take it easy. She doesn't need to worry; I'll keep my promise."

"Oh ok. I'll tell her. Talk to you later."

"Bye."

"Bye." Then I clicked the phone off.

I turned to face the computer again and I was sure that a huge smile was plastered on my face. So Shippo asked, "Well, you look happy. What happened?"

I chuckled and slightly shook my head, "I got quite a surprise and more…"

He smiled, "Was it a good surprise?"

I nodded, still smiling, "Oh yeah, I think we're going to have a new addition to the family pretty soon. But let's continue with the meeting, shall we?"

He smiled, "Wow, that's great. All right."

So we finished off what we needed to take care of and once we were done, I finally told him everything about the phone call. It was great to see that everything was going well for Kagome and honestly, I was rather excited that I was probably going to be an aunt. That kid was going to get spoiled to no end by me. Although, I hate to admit it but internally, I was a bit jealous of her because she was able to move on and finally have a family of her own. As for me, it was quite the opposite. I couldn't move on, it wasn't because I didn't want to but it was fate that didn't let me. As much as I tried to move on, it always found a way to bring me back to where I was. I didn't understand why but I had a feeling that I needed to be where I was for me to finally find my true happiness. I just didn't know for how long I had to stay there and I was afraid that it would take the rest of my life for me to find out. I didn't want to wait that long; I didn't want to spend my life waiting for something that wouldn't come. But I had no other choice than to wait, wait and see what fate really had in store for me.

The next few months flew by, I guess it was because I always had something to do. Abstract was doing very well and once Shippo and I had everything set up, we brought Jak and Ban over to work with us, which they did not complain about. They were actually glad to leave Kagewaki Industries. I didn't blame them either. As for Kagome's wedding, everything was going by quickly as well. Her calls lessened for a while since she was now busy with trying to do the final preparations for her wedding. About the little addition, I was right, she was pregnant. I found about it several days after I'd told Inuyasha to take her to the doctor. I knew it, I knew Kagome very well and it was easy for me to tell there was something different about her. I was happy for her and very, VERY excited about it too. Although it was becoming a bit hard for me to catch up to her though since she wanted me to be her maid of honor, I had to be fitted for the dress. Obviously I couldn't go all the way to California just to get fitted for the dress so I had her send it over and I was able to get it fixed at a boutique over in New York. The dress was beautiful though, it was a midnight blue color and it seemed to dip low in the front and the back but it wasn't too revealing, a bit form fitting too. Well, it was an evening dress but I just adored it, I was glad Kagome had good taste in dresses because I didn't want to be caught wearing a grandmother looking dress. NO WAY, which was what I had warned her about before she chose the dress. I was glad I did or who knows what I would've gotten. So I spent the next few months fixing my things and finishing up anything I needed to get done so I wouldn't have anything left behind when I left for Kagome's wedding. Although with the news about Kagome being pregnant, I knew that things were going to get a bit hard for her so it made me start to consider returning back to California. That and honestly, I was homesick as well. I missed everyone and I would get to be close to them again. But I had not made the decision yet, not until I was sure of what I really wanted to do.

Although the day before I had to leave, I ran into someone that I truly NEVER, ever expected to run into again.

I was walking around downtown New York, picking up little things that I was going to take to everyone and buying the last things I needed to take with me. I especially went around shopping for the little one, getting things that I liked. About mid-day, I was done with my shopping and I was on my way back to the car. I was really excited about a little outfit I had found and almost couldn't wait to see it on the baby. It was adorable, so I kept walking and looked down at one of the bags when suddenly, I accidentally bumped into someone's shoulder. My eyes widened and I turned towards the other person, "Oh my goodness, I'm sorry. Are you ok?"

It was a young man about Kagome's age, a little older. He shook his head and smiled, "I'm sorry, it's my fault. I'm ok, what about you?"

I shook my head, "No it's my fault, I should've been paying attention…" That's when I noticed that his smiled had faded and he was looking at me, like REALLY looking at me. So I was curious as to why the stare and was about to ask, "What…"

When he interrupted, curious, "Rin… Rin is that you?"

My eyes widened, who was he, how did he know my name, I didn't know. He obviously knew who I was but I for sure didn't know who he was. So I asked, "You… you know me? I… I don't remember you…" He didn't say anything just looked at me, sadly. But I kept looking at him, REALLY examining him and his features. I kept looking at his face, looking at his blond hair and blue eyes trying to picture something when it hit me. My eyes widened at my realization, shocked, "Yu… Yuki?"

He smiled, sadly, "So you -do- remember me… yeah." Then he curled his lips up to a smile, "How are you?" Then he looked at me again, "Wow… you've… you've changed a lot."

I couldn't believe it, Yuki, Kagome's first love and the one that caused her to hate me back then. As much as I didn't want to, I honestly felt a bit of resentment towards him. I mean why shouldn't have I, he was the reason why Kagome and I started becoming apart. So my tone lowered a bit, "How could I forget… I'm good. Of course I have, I've grown up. It's been a long time."

His smile faded at my tone of voice and he sighed. He looked the same as back then, just a bit older of course. But his features didn't go away; he was good looking as back then but I just didn't care. I was not in the least interested in him not especially after what he did. So since I wasn't continuing his small talk, he changed the subject. Lightly, "So, how's your sister?"

I quirked an eyebrow, "Kagome you mean, she's doing great."

He sighed again, sadly, "I can tell you're still mad at me. Shit, I don't blame you either, I was an idiot."

I frowned, yeah how dare he ask that question. What, did he expect me to act nice and friendly with him and pretend nothing ever happened, not happening. I shook my head, lightly, "Yes you were… and yes I'm still a bit mad but I've learned to let it be and live on. I don't like to hold onto grudges."

"You know I'm really sorry, really I am. I don't know how I could make it up to you, to both of you."

I shook my head; "There's nothing you can do anymore, Yuki. The past is past and that's it. Besides, we've both moved on so it doesn't matter anymore."

I guess he just had no words and wanted to find something else to change the subject to. So he looked down at my bags and smiled, "So I see you've been shopping… baby shopping to be exact." Curious, "Are you…?"

I shook my head, how I wished they WERE for me. "No actually…" I curled my lips up to a smile, "They're for Kagome."

His eyes widened and I was able to tell he was shocked by the news. Shocked, "K… Kagome, she's… she's having a baby?"

I nodded, "Yeah and she's getting married tomorrow to the -father- of the baby." I just needed to emphasize that, to make him realize that if it wasn't for his stupid mistake, it could've been him. I wanted, needed to rub it in his face.

He lowered his head and shook it slightly, "Man, I… I really screwed up. I can't believe it, Kagome's going to have a family."

That's when I narrowed my eyes, "Well what Yuki, did you seriously expect her to wait for you, to stop her life after you dumped her until you came back to her. No way, Kagome is smarter than that."

He nodded, "I know but… but I fell in love with you… with both of you and I didn't… I didn't know what to do." Then he looked back at me.

I shook my head, "You weren't in love with me, you never were. You just felt attached to me because of her and because of the way I was. I know what love is and what it feels to be in love and it definitely was NOT what you were showing me. It's those same feelings of attachment that caused for me to LOSE the one I…" He looked at me and I held myself back, I didn't want to continue anymore. I was telling him too much and I didn't want to tell him anymore of Kagome's life or mine; he didn't need to know because he wasn't part of them. So I cleared my throat, looked down at my watch and then back at him, "It's getting late and I have more things I need to take care of. Take care of yourself, Yuki." Then turned to walk away.

Although as I took the first step, he stopped me, "Rin… wait." I stopped and looked at him but remained silent. He looked away, "Tell Kagome that I sincerely apologize for everything I did to her and that I wish for the best for her and her family."

I nodded, "I'll let her know. Bye Yuki." Then turned to walk away again.

He was about to yell something, "Wait, I… you…"

But I lifted my hand as I kept walking, shaking my head, "You don't need to, I already know," as I continued walking away from him. He stopped what he was going to say and I didn't want to hear it either, it mattered nothing to me anyway. So I continued to walk towards my car until I arrived to it. Then I put everything in the back seat and left to continue the rest of the errands I had to do. It took me nearly all day to finally finish getting what I needed and the time I had left, I packed and made sure I had everything ready for my flight the next morning.

So I was going back, back to where it all started. I was going to watch my sister get married and share the moment with her just like she wanted. Although there was something else, another thing that I had to be aware of. Sesshomaru was going to be there too. He was family as well, in mine and especially since the groom was his brother. So I just hoped that the time that I spent away, the effort I spent in healing the wounds in my heart would be enough because seeing him again would be the final test. The test of whether I would able to live on pretending nothing ever happened between us and be able to prove to the world that I was able to move on. I knew it was going to be hard, especially since I was going to see him again but I had to do it. I had to stick to my ground and prove not only to the others but also to myself that I was able to. I needed to make sure that I was strong enough to make it through my struggles.


End file.
